Pretty vs Handsome, or both???

[Sara Jessica]

Interesting times in tg land of late, kind of a sharing thing...

My wife is opening up from a communication standpoint and we have even devised a little plan for her to meet Sara when the stars align, hopefully soon. But in the meantime, I had an all day outing last Saturday, literally 12+ hours of girl time, after which she asked specific Q's about how things went, something she doesn't seem to do very often. So I shared, and I relayed a comment from my SD friend who got her nails done at the same salon I was at earlier in the day. She told me the girls there said I was "pretty". That of course made me feel good and I conveyed that to my wife to try to give her a better mental picture of me being out and about, that I can at least somewhat pull it off.

Then, I received an email from my make-up artist friend who did my look for the evening. She said the following: "After you left, the ladies that were sitting next to us in the make-up chairs made some very sweet compliments about you. They said how beautiful you looked and how poised you are."

So back to my wife, she asked later in the week why I am so happy to convey that I was perceived as being "pretty", yet when she compliments me or calls me "handsome", I roll my eyes. The answer for me is really quite simple, I am flattered like any other women when compliments are received, yet in guy mode, I am uncomfortable being complimented in such a way which is in direct conflict with the girl at my core. Yet I know the score, I am choosing to live life in a middle path and I am grateful that my wife still finds me attractive, as I do for her as well. I must do better in how I react to her compliments.

How do you feel about being complimented in both genders that you present? Does anyone feel conflict similar to what I am trying to describe?

[avril findlay]

I'll take any compliments.
"Refuse nothing but blows!"

[Karren H]

I agree with Avril... a compliment is a compliment....

[Babette]

I suppose like many, I much prefer to be complimented rather than cruelly criticized. However, regardless of my gender expression, I almost always blush deeply whenever someone compliments me in person. Then when they point out the fact that I blush so easily, I blush even more - like a neon sign. Arrrgh!!! That just makes me want to go hide or go scrambling off. Maybe this is a sensitivity overload.

Babette

[Angie G]

I don't get to many compliments in ether mode so when I do I suck it up hun.:hugs:
Angie

[sometimes_miss]

I know what I look like, so if the compliment seems sincere, I just thank them. If it sounds fake, I just say, 'thanks, but I know better'.

[docrobbysherry]

Sherry gets compliments, Robert didn't/doesn't!

The only time anyone called me "handsome" was, a friend of my mother back in grammer school!:doh:

[Josephine 1941]

Hi Sara, I had the same problem and it is NOT a problem. When you are a beautiful person you come across both ways. It is a what we have to put up with. My GG calls me Paoblo Peciso she even has our pictures together. Also if I don't dress as JO for any period of time she ask for her and I am into female mode for her. WE are both the same size in cloths 16 and shoes10 1/2 have a wig that is the same as her color hair and style. We enjoy going out as sister and I have the best life a C D could ask for. So don't sweat it have fun. :love:

[Jess_cd32]

I don't feel any conflict if complimented in either mode, a compliment is a compliment regardless. Their nice to give, and nice to recieve.

[Sally24]

I don't feel all that attractive as a man so I have been known to do the "eye roll" when complimented by my wife. As Sally I soak it up like a sponge when people give me compliments.

Working at being a lady but I've also got to work harder at being a gentleman!

[Sara Jessica]

I don't feel all that attractive as a man so I have been known to do the "eye roll" when complimented by my wife. As Sally I soak it up like a sponge when people give me compliments.

Working at being a lady but I've also got to work harder at being a gentleman!

Well said Sally. While I want to be loved for my mind ;), my wife apparently still likes what she sees which is a good thing :) which probably makes it that much harder for her to comprehend the woman inside me. My thread is really intended to speak to my own deeper issues with gender identity. I expect those who are comfortable in a male role to have no problem accepting compliments while presenting as such.

Based on unsolicited feedback I have received, perhaps I might be attractive as a transgendered woman. However, someday I hope I can transcend that and just be seen as an attractive woman. But as long as I dwell on the middle path, I too must work harder at being a gentleman (as much as I cringe to think of myself that way).

[Nicki B]

It's my observation that those who are attractive, manage to be so in either mode. I suspect it's often not only to do with one's features, but what's inside?

[Lisa Golightly]

Have to admit that I never really got complimented as a boy... Actually I made a rotten boy. Even in a sharp suit with cropped hair I got called Miss... Doh!

[tanya1976]

How do you feel about being complimented in both genders that you present? Does anyone feel conflict similar to what I am trying to describe?[/QUOTE]

My girlfriend asked me the same question recently and I struggled to answer. I think she knew anyway :)

[Laura_Stephens]

I can't rememebr beng called either handsome or pretty. Just not in the cards with my genetics. If I had a choice, I would love to be pretty.

[Satrana]

The answer for me is really quite simple, I am flattered like any other women when compliments are received, yet in guy mode, I am uncomfortable being complimented in such a way which is in direct conflict with the girl at my core.

You hit the nail on the head. We tend to think of ourselves as far from handsome and as males we are trained to reject compliments about our looks. End result is that we have no sense of male beauty about us. Instead we look towards our feminine self which not only looks much better than our drab look but is also freely available to receive compliments. End result is we want to be complimented as being pretty but not as being handsome.

[Kimberly Elise]

Sarah--I definitely understand about the middle path, and about being conflicted when being complimented as a male. Totally with you on those things! :)

[Jonianne]

When I was in therapy, one of the hardest things I needed to learn was to "receive and really let in positivies from others".

I still struggle with it but am much better. I love it when my wife compliments me in both male and female modes. Receiving and letting in her compliments of me in the male mode really helps me to reduce the negative effects of the pink fog and promotes the real reason I enjoy dressing - just being me.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

Call me what you want, just don't call me ugly !
JoAnne Wheeler