Work event brings a question

[CrossdressinGoth]

I work as an overnight cashier at Walmart and I had something happen last night that got me thinking. We have a customer that is transgendered, he does fairly good job passing as a lady in her 50's. The way this person acts you can tell they are unsure in public and are a little nervous with many workers and customers around. I had a lady and her daughter in my line looking, staring, and cracking jokes about this transgendered individual. I saw the nice lady walk past me and I smiled and said "You have a wonderful night." She smiled and said thank you. The two ladies in my line started to laugh and crack comments. They were next for me in line to checkout and they asked did you see that guy dressed as a woman. I told them yes I did and I think shes a very kind customer and a lovely dresser. They were shocked. I flat out told them I myself am a crossdresser and I admire her ability to stand up to closed minded people, especially in this state. I then told them their remarks about the lady offended me very much and I asked they do not do that again. Transgender persons are human beings and should be treated like loving friends and family. Needless to say the customers weren't happy with me and quickly paid and left.

What gets me wondering, what would you truly do if you saw this happen as a worker or a customer? Would you say anything? Stay quiet?

[Sara Jessica]

You are certainly brave to have said what you did, and you did the right thing of course.

Whether or not each of us would do the same thing given similar circumstances would depend on our careers and if we could afford to be outed so you should be commended for being so brave. Unfortunately, you also run the risk of this customer somehow justifying making a complaint to management who in turn could make your life heck. I sincerely hope that doesn't happen to you.

[Intertwined]

In a heart beat, and already have.

I am a bus driver, one day I saw a high school boy, normal guy cloths, but had tons of jewlry, beads, clip on earrings, get on my bus. Some of the others on the bus started giving this child a hard time, I stepped in and said, the only the only label that they had any right to use with him was " Flamboyant " and gave this child a " Bravo Zulu ".

[Jenna1561]

I certainly hope I would say something, much as you did. I have seen several unknown mtf TG's in public, but at those times there were no rude comments to speak against. I try to offer a compliment on their look, just as I wood a gg.


Jenna

[Babette]

I actually saw a similar thing happen in my small town several years ago. I was in our grocery store standing at the check out line behind a CD that passed very well. I was en drab. The cashier was obviously having a difficult time maintaining her composure. After the customer left, the cashier told me how this "crossdresser" shopped at this store on a regular basis. Then she sarcastically asked me if I could believe her nerve.

I looked her straight in the eye and said, "She looks fantastic. I only wish that I had 1/10th of her nerve."

Afterward, it was so silent that I could hear the cashier's jaw opening and hitting the floor. An imagination is a terrible thing to waste even if it is someone else's.

That was the only time I ever saw this CD. Too bad though. She looked like interesting person.

Babette

[CrossdressinGoth]

Thank you all for your kind words :) Im trying to be more proactive in GLBT support in my area, family doesn't know I dress and would be a bad thing if they found out, but I really don't care anymore as I want to just be happy being me.

Sara, I do agree with you on needing to be careful as well. I did however not use any offensive or unjust behavior at the customers to state my point. I did notify the manager later and she was happy I did what I did. Where I work we are supposed to protect the customers as well, and they feel I did an excellent job. For sure I must make sure I don't let my emotions get to the best of me and do something very stupid or unthoughtful. I do appriciate your concern and will most certainly keep your words to mind with how to handle similar situations, to ensure I don't make any mistakes or unprofessional choices :)

[Sasha Anne Meadows]

We girls need to support each other; heaven knows no one else does. Congrats on doing that dear.

[Nicki B]

I find cashiers are often positive and generous?

I think if one can be friendly and smile, it helps, but they often seem to try to give one a boost? :)

[Salene]

"Evil flurishes when good men..er... people... do nothing" :hugs:

[mackemlass]

I would echo Sara's comments but I will also say well done for stating the case firmly but politely,by the sound of things.

[Tashee]

I was in a position that I had to take one of us whom sold their life of confusion for drugs and crime in custody- I really could not say much. The officers were acting as school boys. All I could say was this is a human being, keep it up and she'll get a smart attorney and you will find yourself with a civil rights case.
I was shocked, saddened and horrified to hear exactly what the others thought of me.

[Jilmac]

People up in the Fox Valley must be more closed minded than they are in Milwaukee, but if I saw an incedent like the one you described, I know I would defend the tg person the same as you did.

[susanCD123]

I just want to shop where you work? You are the best, thank you!

[CD Susan]

You did the right thing in defending the tg persons right to dress as she wants to. The two rude and inconsiderate women needed to be told how insensitive they were and you did it admirably. I admire you for standing up for what you believe in.

[txrobinm]

I used to be in retail. I was a manager with 10 employees under me. We had a customer, a middle-aged man, begin transitioning. This garnered several negative comments from my employees, both the middle-aged, experienced folks as well as the younger, "hipper" ones. I wasn't dressing at the time, repressing it for my wife's sake. I said that whatever we may think about her decision, it takes great courage to do, and that she is just trying to be true to herself. I compared it to the homosexuals I've known (2 of my 3 bosses in that industry were gay, and I've known several through my arts connections as well) who clearly didn't choose to be that way, and told of some of their hardship stories. That pretty much ended it as far as when I was around.

In my current position I can often defend alternative lifestyles, that it doesn't matter what someone does in their bedroom, as long as we are ALL comfortable in our own skins.

[Diane Elizabeth]

I have encountered a similar thing at my work. Someone dressed came in. I didn't see the woman myself, but my co-workers that did started talking about her and making jokes. Being the "brave" soul I am I kept my mouth shut. These co-workers are supposedly educated with college degrees. Too bad colleges can't teach people to be more accepting of others. If I can find a job that pays as good as this one I would leave the job in a heartbeat than having to put up with their close minded thoughts and childish behavior.

[marny]

It's not just about standing up for each other. It is about standing up for anyone who is being ridiculed or bullied by ignorant people.

[sterling12]

Let us all hope that if faced with a similar situation we would all have the fortitude and courage to "make our stand." I really hope that if ever asked, I could state with clear conscious, "I stood up, and I was counted."

There's an old truth about "having to face the person in the mirror." Ultimately, we all will also have to answer to ourselves! So, then it becomes more than a matter of defending a Sister. It becomes a matter of your own self-worth and pride. It seems that we are going through a period when our resolve is being tested. A lot of this is important as we struggle for recognition.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Tracii G]

You did the right thing good for you.

[Kathleengurl]

There's a very brave girl where I work. I compliment her every chance I get. Tell her how very courageous I think she is. There is always a cloud of chatter that follows her. I do my best to respectfully raise the conversation to issues of import vs idle gossip. I defend her and her right to dress as she sees fit.

V/R --K

[Annie D]

To stand by and let someone be put down by another person because they don't act in a normal manner is condoning the behavior that we don't like. To a certain degree we all do it because to go along with it is easier than confronting the attitude and oftentimes it is not what a lady would do. Although I have not defended another crossdresser by proclaiming that I am one as well, I have defended a person's rights to be different.

My reply is usually along the lines that you may be surprised to find out that your best friend or your brother or your sister may be ___________, the very thing that you find revolting or make fun of. The world is full of people who may seem different from you but they are probably very nice and you should get to know them better.

Isn't it funny that most people tolerate different behavior from those who are in a position above them but ridicule those who they perceive to be lesser.

[balletchick]

CrossdressinGoth I applaud you for taking a stand and to certain extent putting your job on the line for your beliefs. Unfortunately in my line of work a customer complaint could render me jobless.

However I was in a Buffalo Wild Wings as a patron and there was a crossdresser at the bar during happy hour and on my side of the bar there were some idiots making comments then tried to include me in there mocking. I said to them "are you that insecure about your own manhood that it offends you to see a man dressed as a woman, don't be so suburban, becareful you don't get carded by the bartender because you act like your in high school from where I'm sitting" they quickly and sheepishly shut up after I said that.

[Stacye Rose]

I take it the customers who were cracking jokes at the transgendered person did not complain to a CSM or a Saleried Member of Management concerning your comments. If they had you would probably have been coached by now.

My hats of to you, not only for actively defending the transgendered individual but for having the courage to do so in the closed minded culture of dear sweet WallyWorld.

[michelle2b]

I think what you did was excellent! The ladies who were teasing the CD person needed to be shocked out of their ignorance.

I also agree with Katie's point. People will go with the flow when they see others, especially people in authority figures, tolerating, accepting and welcoming CDs.

[MJ]

What gets me wondering, what would you truly do if you saw this happen as a worker or a customer? Would you say anything? Stay quiet?

as a worker or a customer i tell as i see it. we are human beings after all. if you want respect you have to give respect... and would defend anyone rights to be who they are...

[Angie G]

Good for you hun You did the right thing and you are a good person.I only hope I would do the same. :hugs:
Angie

[beenherelongtime]

that was very kind and brave of you. i do not always read every post that answers you, but i am sure someone mentioned about jepordizing your job. it was good that you told you supervisor and it was great that they were supportive. keep up the good work.

[MELONI1]

You handled the situation perfectly. The customer who was transitioning has every right to be treated with dignity and respect. It is no different than showing respect to a person who is a minority or is disabled. I wish that there were more people with your high principles.

[CrossdressinGoth]

Thank you for everyones relpies :)

I know I did put my job on the line with making a remark to the customers like I have, but I figure its worth it. To me, I rather stand up for the GLBT community, especially for equal rights reguarding transgender, and loose my job for a just cause, then to lay down and do nothing. There is nothing wrong with any one else's choices in what to do in situations like this. As long as you do for the moment, and you feel its a time and place to say or not say anything, you are always right if you follow your heart for that particular moment in time in my opinon.

I know this may not be a good idea to some, but as of late I have lost 3 jobs over things that were stupid and not of my doing. If I were to loose my job over standing up for transgendered people or transgendered rights, to me it is worth it, because it would be a more meaningful way to loose a job then with what I have lost previous in my other jobs.

Just my thoughts. Thanks again everyone for your support and kind words, approving and dissapproving, I appriciate all of your opinons on the matter.

:hugs:

[Laura Evans]

Bravo. We all need to speak up whenever we hear this kind of talk about any one and for whatever reason. Specifically about a CD, we can speak up without revealing that we are also a CD and still make our point.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

Sister, I admire you so much ! You have inspired me. If I ever get put in a similar situation, I hope that I will have the courage to say what you did. You are truly a special sister.
Love,

JoAnne Wheeler

[EryLynn]

Kudos to you!

Those two were looking for someone else to join them in their "bashing" and you did the perfect thing.... told them to take a hike! (paraphrasing a bit).

As pointed out by Annie D and Marny:

To stand by and let someone be put down by another person because they don't act in a normal manner is condoning the behavior that we don't like.

It is about standing up for anyone who is being ridiculed or bullied by ignorant people.

Couldn't say it any better.
EryLynn