Wife finds my fem username!

[KateW]

My wife has been aware for many years that I crossdress but I haven't introduced her to the idea that I have a seperate online identity for "her". I have always presented myself as my male persona (whether dressed or not) so that it was easier to accept that it was still me. A couple of days ago I logged into my Kate account on facebook to see if I had any messages. I failed to notice that the "save login details" option was ticked. Oops!

The following day I am sat on the sofa watching TV when she suddenly asked "who is kate?". I was initially confused by the question as I've never introduced the alias to her and we happen to know several people called Kate. Baffled, I asked her what she was talking about. She explained that she went to log in to Facebook and someone called Kate's log in details were already saved there. I was suddenly lost for words or explaination. For want of a better reason, I quickly told her that I created the account ages ago to play a prank on a friend, and had simply logged in to see if I had any messages. She then just said "oh, ok" and continued watching TV.

I feel kind of silly for not 'fessing up, considering that I fully dress in front of her on a semi-regular basis. But I have always felt that by maintaining my male name and characteristics it reasured her that I was still her boyfriend / husband and not about to leave for Thailand to get a sex change! Its funny that even though shes seen me in makeup and a skirt that there is still a part of me trying to act "normal". Baby steps...

On a final note, have a wonderful Christmas everyone xxxxxx

[Tracii G]

Fess up bud tell her the truth.J/K

[KateW]

For me, the road to her acceptance has been a long one. First of all I only wore tights under my trousers, then I gradually progressed to other clothes in front of her, an item at a time. Each new step was like coming out to her for the first time and breaking down another barrier of acceptance. It was some years later before grew comfortable with me wearing makeup and she still doesn't really like it.

"Kate" purely came in to existance to create a separation from my friends / family that don't know I crossdress. I don't identify myself by this name in my head and therefore never intended it to be introduced into my real life. While my wife knows I CD and is indeed tollerant of it, its important to her that Im still her man. And its important to me too.

[MJ]

with all respect the road to her acceptance will forever be a long one until you talk with her.
yes it will be difficult but you must talk to her .. you owe it to her and yourself . all the best :hugs:

[DanaR]

I would tell her the truth. You just got caught, now if you go on and she catches you again it will be a bigger lie; and harder to talk yourself out of. Where does it end.

I would rather be up front with my wife than lie to her.

YMMV

[kayesimone]

Sounds like you had a great chance to talk about it with your wife, you will know when it's time. Mine decided not to be a part when she found out. But I am much happier now that she knows and wishes me well. I hope it all works out for you.

[Holly]

Kate, I think you have made things a bit harder for yourself. PLease do not underestimate the importance of honesty with your spouse. I hope it works out for you.

[Sally2005]

Its not really any of your wifes business how you manage your accounts, but its probably good advice to not lie about it. Many people create such accounts to protect from spam, privacy etc...

My wife doesn't know about my on line ids, but she actually thought I created some before I really started seriously using any. She joked about it with me once saying she thought I have always been doing such things. I answered an online ad using a male and female email alias to test whether the seller was telling the same story or not... he wasn't. My wife just thought it was funny I bothered doing it. No problem with the female persona.

[Susan.]

My wife probably knows I have a female name and that I post here (she wouldn't know the exact link), but she really doesn't want to know. Her policy is don't ask, don't tell.

[KateW]

At the time I pretty much panicked and quickly gave an answer that I knew would end the subject, to allow myself the thinking time to work out how to properly present the situation to her in my own way.

[deja true]

But if your wife is becoming more accepting, she might be able to be even more so if she knew that you had non-judgemental and non-porn related support.

And it might even be more helpful to your cause if she knew about us and that support was available here for her, too...

Whaddya think?

Hmmm?

[KateW]

You are absolutely right in the first instance and would probably be reassured to know that when I look at girls I am usually thinking about the clothes they are wearing! She doesn't really engage me in many conversations about it though so I'm not sure that she'd be open to signing up here. :sad:

[Nadia-Maria]

Hi Kate,

Up to now, the baby steps policy has been very well working for you and you know already how to handle the things with your wife.
Hence I'm confident you will choose the best way to overcome this delicate situation.

[Sam-antha]

Tell us "Did you blush when she asked you that question ?"

[Billijo49504]

I think you'd better come clean, as soon as possible...BJ:love:

[KateW]

Tell us "Did you blush when she asked you that question ?"

The blood most definitely started to pump when she asked me. It took me completely by surprise, bearing in mind that I have been a member of these forums for almost three years!

On a separate note, it happens to be my birthday today and my wife got me the Maybelline Volum' Express mascara and Eye Liner that I asked for. :D

[Di]

The blood most definitely started to pump when she asked me. It took me completely by surprise, bearing in mind that I have been a member of these forums for almost three years!

On a separate note, it happens to be my birthday today and my wife got me the Maybelline Volum' Express mascara and Eye Liner that I asked for. :D

Normally I would say how nice and Happy bday:straightface:
But here is your mate...who sees you dressed...buys you makeup
and you lie to her face about something as simple as your girlname she found. I just cannot get this.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

I feel very fortunate to have a spouse that allows me to dress and calls me by my fem name, JoAnne, when I'm dressed. My wife has set some boundaries, which I wish were not ther, but so long as i stay within those boundaries, I can dress anytime I want and my spouse accepts me and compliments me and we talk girl talk. I guess that I am truly fortunate in many ways !

JoAnne Wheeler

[RylieCD]

My wife found out about my cd'ing on her own (not something I would recommend). But when she did she found everything, the clothes and then the search for computer usage and names. She did not like the female name that I hade picked (even before I met her) so we ended up picking a new more general name. Even though she does not care for the CDing lifestyle, she understands that this is who I am. I could not have asked for a more lovely Wife.

[Hali]

PLS and PLS tell her about the Kate name but dont say u use it for any crossdressing site til she asks but tell her that u use the Kate name once in while online for fun etc. For all the girls in this forum our spouse are our spouse meaning as much as they are making sacrifices to be with us we are also making sacrifices to be with them so they must "cut some slack" for us, chao!

[Nicole Erin]

you can tell her or whatever, women are going to complain about any little thing anyways. A woman could see you eating a snack out of a Sara Lee package and translate into "What are you seeing some woman named "Sara" and eating that cookie reminds you of her?"

My wife has a habit of saying dumb crap when she is on the rag. One of her favorites is "It is embarrasing you don't ever try to dress like a man." During this rag cycle when she does that I can hardly wait to say "Oh my gyod you are fat and it is embarrasing you don't even try to lose weight!"

Women WILL complain about the dumbest crap and see EVERYTHING as their man cheating or wanting to dress like a woman, trust me nothing one does is going to make them happy.

[suchacutie]

You either need to kill off that facebook account and anything related to Kate online, or ...

tell her you need to apologize to her...then tell her why. Tell her you are so incredibly embarrassed that you did anything that could possibly be construed as false, but that in the moment of uncertainty you did the wrong thing, and that you apologize deeply.

:2c:

tina

[LisaMichaels]

I would tell her everything. I don't keep any secrets from my wife. She knows and approves of my crossdressing. I have offered her my girl name and password on any site I go on. I keep nothing from her, that has been the secret of our great and long relationship. I wouldn't want her to lie to me so I don't lie to her.

[RylieCD]

you can tell her or whatever, women are going to complain about any little thing anyways. A woman could see you eating a snack out of a Sara Lee package and translate into "What are you seeing some woman named "Sara" and eating that cookie reminds you of her?"

My wife has a habit of saying dumb crap when she is on the rag. One of her favorites is "It is embarrasing you don't ever try to dress like a man." During this rag cycle when she does that I can hardly wait to say "Oh my gyod you are fat and it is embarrasing you don't even try to lose weight!"

Women WILL complain about the dumbest crap and see EVERYTHING as their man cheating or wanting to dress like a woman, trust me nothing one does is going to make them happy.


PLEASE.. Lets be a little more kind to our SO's and GGs. We have put many of them through hell be not telling them about who we are because we were not comfortable with who we were. How many times have we seen the GGs say that they could not stand the lies and deciet. Especially if we are not out to our SO's, just imagine what they must think when they come accross a computer account, clothes that are not theirs, a wig, or shoes not their size. Believe me iI bet they are not thinking their true love is a Crossdresser.

[DanaR]

Understanding is a two way street. If you expect for someone to understand you, you need to try and understand them. Not everyone is skinny, beautiful or whatever problem you might have with them. These can be issues that we all might have.

There are quite a few GG's and SO's on this forum. I think that we owe it to them to be a little more respectful of our SO's.

[rochelle smith]

hello everyone this only my 2nd posting ,but I just wanted to add that my wife knows about my fem name because she picked it for me. she knows all of the sites i go to, plus i use the same password for all of them. So please KATE come clean YOU might just get surprised.

xoxo ROCHELLE

[Tammy298]

My wife knows I CD, in particular undressing. At a minimum, she accepts the underdressing.

We've been using the same computer for a while since her computer broke last year while we were moving. I know she's seen the crossdressers group in the browsers history but she's never mentioned anything. I know I've even left the crossdressers group open in a browser tab. Again, she's never mentioned the group OR the logged in name.

So, does that mean she accepts the name? Your guess is as good as mine!

[JoAnne Wheeler]

My spouse found some mail addressed to JoAnne. She asked me who JoAnne was. I fessed up. My spouse now refers to me as JoAnne when I'm dressed.
So, using your fem name with your spouse does not have to be all bad.

Love,

JoAnne Wheeler