there are so few of us

[julie w]

Just look at any other activity whether it be model railways or model cars
coin collectors and thousands turn up to there shows But our group
can only muster up a few hundred I went to fantasia fair in Provincetown
and there was not many of us considering there are millions of people
within driving distance the Gay community have there own hotels
in places like Mexico . and Europe but for us alas no such luck
is it that our goal is to be stealth and try to blend into society more than having
a nice tropical resort just for crossdressers ?

[LisaMichaels]

Yes It would be nice to have a place or an event for crossdressers. My wife and I would love to go to a safe gathering. There are more of us out there. Many couldn't never even join this group.
It helps me to know there is more people like me who love to crossdress. Alot of the problem is people being cruel. It is easier to make fun of what you don't understand.

[Karren H]

Ewwwww. Heat and makeup?? Couldn't you find somewhere more temporate?? Lol

[Chrissy be good]

True there may be only a few of us, but I don't hide the fact that I collect baseball cards to my wife and coworkers.

[SweetCaroline]

There are a lot more in the closet people than you think. I moderate a local Transgender social group and, on one hand, I've never had more than ten people come at once (including two or so regular GG supporters), YET, on nearly a weekly basis, sometimes more often, I had local people contact me privately and tell me they would love to come but it's too close to home and they don't want to be outted or that they haven't even been out yet, and are still very shy. Just because "only" a few hundred people show up for something such as Fantasia Fair, First Event or SCC, doesn't mean there aren't hundreds more who would love to join us, but can't or aren't ready, which is why I think it's important for those of us who are "out" to be out and be seen, and not just at organized events either.

[deja true]

Well, Julie, like Caroline says there are lots lots more of us than you'll ever see at one of the many events...

And she's right, it has a lot to do with the social stigma that's still attached to what we do.

But there's also the cost, distance, time off needed,and on and on...

We are a minority, hun, but maybe not as small as you think. It's just that we're an "outlaw" minority, forced by circumstances to mostly remain hidden.

But our participation in events like SCC or Fantasia Fair (and there are more of us every year) helps get us recognition and eventually acceptance...

:)

[Nicki B]

Both SCC in the US and Sparkle in the UK seem to be able to get a couple of thousand to attend? And that's only some of those who are willing to come out of the closet, unlike coin collectors or model car enthusiasts, who don't generally hide their activities?

[Magickman]

Maybe not so few, but camouflaged and out of sight.

[Kristen Marie]

It took me decades before I went to First Event. But as a result I go out 2-3 times a month now and love it. I have been to Fantasia Fair, but Ptown is a hike for me just to go down for a day.
It's a wonderful experience though and I always wish more girls showed up.

But hanging out socially with Caroline at Club Blu, or Dennie or Paula at the Tiffany Club, or Vikki at Forence's Fashiosn, or Jocelyn at My Changing Room monthy Tea Parties make me realize the web of girls is bigger than we think.

[trannie T]

There are a few of us who go out whenever and where ever they like. There are a few of us who only go out to structured events a few times a year. And there are a lot of us who never ever creep beyond the confines of the closet. A resort or an event would not attract those who are hopelessly mired in the closet. It would appeal to those who go out occasionally and it may get some of those who now go out frequently. At its best it would appeal to a minority of a minority population.

[rickie121x]

There would be more of us out there, and it's not our fault! If only "they" wouldn't look down and judge us. Anyone for that?

Actually, I wonder sometimes if what we do, some of us, is some sort of a rebellious behavior - of course once it is all bundled up with something sexual, then who the hell can really analyze it?

So, if "they" didn't look down on us, would we still do it?

Rickie :daydreaming:

[avril findlay]

If we were only 1% of the population that would still mean there are an awful lot of us girls out there (I'm talking about the sort of numbers politicians like!)
Plus it's very hard to tell if someone is a model railway enthusiast by the way they are dressed, whereas a guy in a dress or a skirt could be a bit of a giveaway!

[TGMarla]

Model railroad buffs are free to attend their conventions without recriminations from their wives. The great majority of crossdressers are closet items (like me!....sorta..), and don't have the liberty to attend such gatherings without serious repercussions.

[Celeste]

Well you do have the Rainbow mountain resort in Stroudsburg PA.,they have cd events scheduled in between their gay ones several time per year.I think each event last up to a week,run a search on them to get their schedule.

[txrobinm]

Until I joined this forum a few months ago, I had NO IDEA that there were CD conventions offering the relative anonymity of a strange city combined with the support of others like me, and I've been dressing for years at some level. Only now, after years of closeted don't ask don't tell leading to thoughts of suicide, have I started reaching out to others. Even then, it takes time to create the courage and manage the logisitics to go out. After all, I want to keep my job- it's only taken me 2 other professions and 15 years to find it!

Those on this forum are 1% (ok, maybe 5%) of the 1% of the population that CD's. Time, money, you get the idea.

[beenherelongtime]

sometimes it is the cost of attending these events that keep people from attending. i was always meaning to go to Ptown, but i paid support for 25 years and money was tight, i spent my money on clothes. i also had a job for years that afforded me little time off from work and i worked every weekend.

[sometimes_miss]

I think its because I have other social outlets, I don't feel any great need to go and hang out with a lot of other crossdressers. I don't want to talk about make up or clothes. If there were a possibility of meeting a woman there, then, maybe. But I'm not exactly a pretty female looking person, so that pretty much eliminates that possibility. So, why go out? There's no obvious advantage over writing about it here. And at least 'here' is safe; another hate crime reported early this morning, a lesbian woman beaten for no other reason than her sexual orientation. I'd rather not become a statistic like that if there doesn't seem to be any reason to risk it.

[melissacd]

There would be more of us out there, and it's not our fault! If only "they" wouldn't look down and judge us. Anyone for that?



It was only when I got past blaming others and instead placed the blame squarely on my shoulders that I was finally able to get out there and enjoy this. There is no "they", the real thing that keeps us in the closet is ourselves.

There are risks, however, the risk of hiding in the closet and churning internally on this is infinitely greater from my own personal experience.

Once we can really understand this, once we can own our power and dress on the outside as we feel on the inside. We must get past our fears, step out that door and be in the world - only when enough of us realize this will you start to see more gatherings of larger groups of like minded individuals.

For so long I was angry at a world that would not accept me, I was fearful of discovery, ashamed of myself, guilty all the time, I railed at a cruel "they" that kept me in this awful state of unhappiness. Once I realized that the enemy was me, things started to change. Now I am totally comfortable going out dressed, I am out my family and friends and I am contemplating coming out at work.

If we stop acting like there is something wrong with this then the world around us will start to change.

[PheonaP]

TGMarla said; Model railroad buffs are free to attend their conventions without recriminations from their wives.

Ever hear of the "Model Railroad Widows??" TeeHee. In a lot of cases wives go with these buffs to make sure they aren't buying anything they shouldn't and making sure they get value for money when they do spend.
As with "PINKFOG", some Model Railroad buffs suffer from "LINE FOG".
Been there, done that, got the T shirt etc etc......

[Intertwined]

Have you ever heard of Dignity Cruises?

I have not personally experienced one, but they sound interesting.

This is a cut & paste from the website "Dignity Cruises, in association with Absolute Best Cruises, offer members of our community the opportunity to experience the finer things in life while dressed as a beautiful woman or as a man. The cruises offer wives, partners, family members and friends an opportunity to interface with others who have shared some of their own life experiences."

This is the website: http://www.pmpub.com/

[Angie G]

I was with a large fraternal grope And could get only 10 to 15 people to meetings and some only came for Support of what they wanted then you wouldn't see them anymore. It just the way it is. I am a union member And see people want and want but don't want to do to get it.:hugs:
Angie

[JoAnne Wheeler]

Sisters, it takes courage and confidence to attend an event like Fantasis Fair. I suspect that we would all like to do that, but due to years of fear, shame, secret, and so on, we still do not have the confidence and courage to actually "get out" even though inside we really want to.

JoAnne Wheeler

[AmandaM]

Model railroaders don't have to hide.

[DameErrant]

Yes It would be nice to have a place or an event for crossdressers. My wife and I would love to go to a safe gathering. There are more of us out there. Many couldn't never even join this group.
It helps me to know there is more people like me who love to crossdress. Alot of the problem is people being cruel. It is easier to make fun of what you don't understand.

There are many events and organizations for CDers. Go to TGForum, or the Tri-Ess website, and there will be many listed. There is a very large convention at King of Prussia Mall in Penn every year. TriEss puts on cruises for CD couples.

Go to this site for an event called Beauty and the Beach; http://www.cdspub.com/batb.html Have never been so can't endorse it, but it's just one of many.

Texas has the Texas T-Party, there is one in Atlanta, and that's just off the top of my head. You can find them, they're out there.

[Nicole Erin]

I have this really crazy idea for us -
ummm maybe instead of hiding and acting shameful, get out there and be proud of wh you are.

[suzypier]

It was only when I got past blaming others and instead placed the blame squarely on my shoulders that I was finally able to get out there and enjoy this. There is no "they", the real thing that keeps us in the closet is ourselves.

There are risks, however, the risk of hiding in the closet and churning internally on this is infinitely greater from my own personal experience.

Once we can really understand this, once we can own our power and dress on the outside as we feel on the inside. We must get past our fears, step out that door and be in the world - only when enough of us realize this will you start to see more gatherings of larger groups of like minded individuals.

For so long I was angry at a world that would not accept me, I was fearful of discovery, ashamed of myself, guilty all the time, I railed at a cruel "they" that kept me in this awful state of unhappiness. Once I realized that the enemy was me, things started to change. Now I am totally comfortable going out dressed, I am out my family and friends and I am contemplating coming out at work.

If we stop acting like there is something wrong with this then the world around us will start to change.


I believe that you are 100% right. I am anxious to cross that line but yet to shy to do it. Thanks to crossdressers.com to make me realized that I am normal to be the way I am and not alone in the closet. Like I read a few time in here, I am a lesbian in a man’s body. :)

[txrobinm]

Just running some numbers in my head here, anecdotal, with lots of assumptions (and we all know what those do to us) so let's just see. I'm thinking of this because I was out and about yesterday and it was much less comfortable than being out drab, as only SA's were accepting (money involved, not a pure reaction).

There are 7700 active users here. If the vast majority of those are men, and we split as a group between rural and urban areas like the rest of the population, then about 3800 of us live in the largest 50 metropolitan areas and the other 3800 are in smaller towns and rural areas. 3800 spilt among 50 different geographical areas means 76 crossdressers per metro area willing/needing/able to get on this website. That's a minority's minority, ladies. Any thoughts?

[Maria2222]

I have this really crazy idea for us -
ummm maybe instead of hiding and acting shameful, get out there and be proud of wh you are.

It's not quite so simple when your job or your marriage may be on the line.

[Samantha B L]

I was looking through a menu of TG/TS/CD stuff on an old webtv kit in 2004. I can't even really remember what I put in the search engine to find out what I did find out. There is kind of an indoor TG/TS/CD retreat in Manchester, England. As near as I recall it's more or less inside several city buildings and judging from what I read in the menu it's really kind of elegant and Audrey Hepburn-ish. I assume it's expensive but I could be wrong. That's all I know about it and this resort or retreat may not even be in business anymore. It looked very interesting and I would love to vacation there but actually I probably can't afford it!

[Marjory]

It's not quite so simple when your job or your marriage may be on the line.

My wife absolutely hates crossdressers. I'll come out to her if I want to end the marriage

[Janet Bern]

I really believe there are more of us out there then you think. I have gone out and am over 6 ft and noone seems to notice. I wouldnt recognize a CD if
I fell over her. I have been looking and never really saw one that I could say is not a woman.
Janet

[2b.Lauren]

True there may be only a few of us, but I don't hide the fact that I collect baseball cards to my wife and coworkers.

Could not have made that point myself any better. It is very true that stigma follows us everywhere we go to the point that few of us rarely ever make the trip. I too am in my own little closet, not as deep as before but in there pretty good. Do not judge the amount of dressers in the our midst by those that show up to events and are willing to take the risk to come out there. It is difficult no matter where you are on your journey.


I was with a large fraternal grope And could get only 10 to 15 people Tell me about that grope sister! I am not sure I am ready for that, but ya made me chuckle this morning and that is a good thing!

Love ya,
Lauren

[Nicki B]

Any thoughts?

Yes. You can't presume that the majority of trans people are members of CD.com?



Is anyone else vaguely amused that this thread is running in conjunction with this one (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=94136)? :heehee:

[Sally2005]

There are very few businesses or groups that actually meet the needs of the closet crossdresser. Transexuals are supported and these groups tend to be too political for the closet CDer...in to pride and all that, the groups GLTB groups fail by association of unlike groups with different needs, and most clubs meet at public community centers and do not provide a place to change and wash up.

I think, if closet CDers were offered a 24 hr change room, private shopping and safe place to hang out you would see a larger turnout. If the price was fair and fetish aspect was down played I'd join for sure.

[tonya2]

Interesting, I am planning to simi retire in Mexico in a couple of years and always wanted to own a hotel/club/restr. on the beach somewhere. This might be something to look into. I know I wanted to go to a cd friendly hotel/motel in palm springs last month and searched the net and all I got was
gay friendly, I am not gay and that would have been uncomfortable for me. The other option was cloths optional, but that was for couples only.I wanted
a place where I could lay by the pool in a bikini and dress at night, no such thing out there. Anyway, a nice resort in Mexico or So. America could work.
There are some great beaches in No. Brazil that would be perfect. The big
question is, would anyone come from the cd comunity????? Any ideas???

Tonya

[gennee]

Julie, there are a lot of us out there. From time to time I put info about crossdressers in racks at the community center. It's gobbled up in a matter of minutes. I'm out in public quite a bit. I don't concern myself with other people's negativity nor do I feel any shame.

I hope to attend an event in 2009, hopefully with my spouse.



Gennee

[MarcieM]

I have this really crazy idea for us -
ummm maybe instead of hiding and acting shameful, get out there and be proud of who you are.
you're right. that is a crazy idea. what were you thinking?

[serinalynn]

I have this really crazy idea for us -
ummm maybe instead of hiding and acting shameful, get out there and be proud of wh you are.


Good Idea, the more people see the more crossdressing will be accepted. Then the more of us crosdessers there will be.:eek:

[Candi Apple]

I am getting more confident in my makeup skills and hope to go out soon.

[mklinden2010]

Have to agree with the earlier posts about it not being "them" but each of us.

Once I went out, I found out how harmless what I was doing really was and how little the world cares about what I/we do.

Being out is way more rewarding than being in... You meet new people, you get compliments you never expected, people make room for you in a friendly way.

People seem to really appreciate anyone who handles their own business well.

And, this, I will say again, includes those people nearest and dearest to you.

Being out with yourself, then others, is sooooo worth doing!

[helenr]

Fear of exposure with associated concerns about the 'word spreading' surely play a major role in shyness about coming out. Wives have a really hard time as women seem to need to talk with other women about stuff on their minds. It therefore is very hard for a wife to keep secret our crossdressing for fear of losing a female friend. You just can't predict how another would react. Maybe a number of them would personally know of a crossdresser-and that too is kept a secret.
I don't know how many wives actively participate in their husband's fetish (and I hope this word doesn't offend others--just my perspective--I mean,how many GGs wear pantyhose daily,etc ). I suspect many are like mine who have decided to not make a big deal out of it. I wear Silk Reflections daily and my wife knows this yet we never discuss it. Surely developing malignant skin cancer (radiation starts finally on the 29th) has softened her attitude and former intolerance--I might be like the late Richard Nixon--not be around to be kicked anymore-or words to that effect. I would love to go to one of these events, but it would be sort of as an "agendered' individual since that is what I believe I am. hugs to all, helen

[LA CINDY LOVE]

There are a few of us who go out whenever and where ever they like. There are a few of us who only go out to structured events a few times a year. And there are a lot of us who never ever creep beyond the confines of the closet. A resort or an event would not attract those who are hopelessly mired in the closet. It would appeal to those who go out occasionally and it may get some of those who now go out frequently. At its best it would appeal to a minority of a minority population.
Never will cross dressers get the respect they deserve when the majority is hiding in the closet, we are always told to blend into society so we can pass but never to stand out, the social stigma that we face.......no the social stigma that most of us will face will always keep the majority in the closet.....so I ask my self what good can a closet CD do us who go out and face that social stigma ?

Beenherelongtime you bring up a very good point and I have pick up on it, when ever there is a structured event the price for every thing goes up, when there is a gay or straight event the price is cool, but when there is a TG event the price goes up to get in and drink or park or eat or to get a hotel room.

They make us pay more because they know that they are not going to get the numbers they would if it was a gay or straight event because they know the majority is still in the closet.

Let's face it we are not told to stand out but to be stealth and blend in so that we can pass better, but at the same time we want to be accepted............how can we?


LA CINDY LOVE

[Karen Francis]

I like the 1% mentioned in a previous post. I live in Pennsylvania, 1% of the population here would be about 125,000 people. To be more specific, the metropolitan area I live in should yield about 8000 TG persons, but the most well known organization in this area gets about 20-25 people to come to our monthly meetings. Down in the Philadelphia area, there should be about 58,000 TG's, one of the organizations there maybe gets 30 people for a monthly meeting.

Either the 1% is a gross overestimate(hard to tell), or the lack of tolerance in the culture is the culprit(more likely). But lets see where we were say 25 years ago. Neither one of the organizations I mentioned above even existed, much less got 20-30 to come out.

An individual I know puts together social events for TG's, in mainstream settings, routinely notifies 300+ people by email of the events, and is lucky to get 12 to show up. Again the fear of reaction by those close to them keeps them from showing themselves, perfectly understandable.

The trend is more and more TG's will be seen in mainstream situations. The question is how fast the learning curve of the public will permit the progress, combined with how brave the TG individual is willing to expose this side of themselves to a possible hostile reaction, particularly to family and friends.

[Billie Jean]

Just running some numbers in my head here, anecdotal, with lots of assumptions (and we all know what those do to us) so let's just see. I'm thinking of this because I was out and about yesterday and it was much less comfortable than being out drab, as only SA's were accepting (money involved, not a pure reaction).

There are 7700 active users here. If the vast majority of those are men, and we split as a group between rural and urban areas like the rest of the population, then about 3800 of us live in the largest 50 metropolitan areas and the other 3800 are in smaller towns and rural areas. 3800 spilt among 50 different geographical areas means 76 crossdressers per metro area willing/needing/able to get on this website. That's a minority's minority, ladies. Any thoughts?Yes that is a rediculously low number of us as I know there are even some out here in the sticks where I live, me and more in my area. I hope to meet with some of them after the first of the year. Billie Jean