Never being satisfied with one's feminine appearance.

[Violetgray]

I often have people tell me that I'm pretty. I appreciate this and it makes me feel good, but when I get all dressed up, I'm NEVER satisfied with my appearance. I'll get this craving to dress up, but once I do feel.. miserable isn't quite the word, but I get a bit down when I see the overall result. No matter what I do, the person in the mirror is never woman enough.

I have a friend who is now a post-op TS, and before transition very rarely crossdressed. Her S.O. told me that they went out with her as a woman once, but she did NOT have a good time. She sat at her table facing the wall, silently. Not that she was ashamed to be in public crossdressed, but she was depressed. She saw a man in the mirror, and her feminine attire just enhanced the contrast. When her S.O. told me this it made me wonder because I feel the exact same way. I've always considered myself a mtf cd, but as I get older I begin to wonder if there's something deeper. I've always defined a TS as someone who ultimately couldn't bear to live as their physical gender, someone who could not achieve true happiness unless they transitioned. I've never felt that overwhelming sense of urgency that I see in TS's on talk shows, but at the same time when I'm dressed I feel like I need..... more. I'm seriously considering moving to NYC for other reasons, but away from just about everyone I know, I'm not really sure how much time I'll spend as a man.

Thoughts? How does this sound to anyone who is not me?

[Victoria Anne]

Violet I understand not being satisfied with the end results of all the hard work put into ones appearance , I too feelthe same though I am frequently told how pretty I am.
Only you can say how a move to NY would work for you , a new start is often a new beginning in any ways , I am looking forward to our move to Fresno CA. I wish you all the best in what ever you decide.

[cindym5_04]

I can understand where you're coming from as well. No matter what I do, whenever I see pictures of me or I look in the mirror "dressed", I always see the guy me looking back. It's only on extremely rare occasion that I even see a photograph of me that I like at all.

[Tracii G]

When I look in the mirror I see a totally different person but there IS always room for improvement.
I understand where your coming from tho'.Maybe the move will spark a change and we'll get to see an even prettier Violetgray who knows?
Girl you're a knock out no doubt.

[Kelsy]

I am hardly ever happy with my female appearence becos I always see the man in the mirror!! but I have to make the best of what I've got! I find it frustrating.

Kelsy:straightface:

[tanya1976]

I often have people tell me that I'm pretty. I appreciate this and it makes me feel good, but when I get all dressed up, I'm NEVER satisfied with my appearance. I'll get this craving to dress up, but once I do feel.. miserable isn't quite the word, but I get a bit down when I see the overall result. No matter what I do, the person in the mirror is never woman enough.

I have a friend who is now a post-op TS, and before transition very rarely crossdressed. Her S.O. told me that they went out with her as a woman once, but she did NOT have a good time. She sat at her table facing the wall, silently. Not that she was ashamed to be in public crossdressed, but she was depressed. She saw a man in the mirror, and her feminine attire just enhanced the contrast. When her S.O. told me this it made me wonder because I feel the exact same way. I've always considered myself a mtf cd, but as I get older I begin to wonder if there's something deeper. I've always defined a TS as someone who ultimately couldn't bear to live as their physical gender, someone who could not achieve true happiness unless they transitioned. I've never felt that overwhelming sense of urgency that I see in TS's on talk shows, but at the same time when I'm dressed I feel like I need..... more. I'm seriously considering moving to NYC for other reasons, but away from just about everyone I know, I'm not really sure how much time I'll spend as a man.

Thoughts? How does this sound to anyone who is not me?

I just try and do the best I can with what I've got. Sometimes I feel really great, other times I just feel a bit silly. All goes with the territory I suppose. I hope your move works out. I'd LOVE to live in NYC!

[Joy Carter]

Living there is expensive, and taxes are on the rise in NYC. Move else where Violet. As far as living full time, I'd love to try the life test. But my spouse has me on the short leash.

[Kate Simmons]

I've moved beyond seeing either a man or a woman in the mirror Violet. I just see a person who is myself. It's just my choice at any given time how I want to look. The person inside never changes, only the appearance.:)

[Angie G]

I know what your saying Violet I don't come close to passing as a woman. I can honestly say you do look good as a woman and I really mean that. Maybe going to New York will help. Please keep in touch when if you go hun your one of us and we love and support you. You can OM me anytime if you need to talk hun I on at some time every day :hugs:
Angie

[Sara Jessica]

It is a liberating day when you finally see the girl in the mirror staring back at you. I'm sure this means something different to each of us but when it happens, every day thereafter is that much better...yet not any easier when it comes to coping with this whole thing. I wish you the best Violet in your introspective journey.

[Holly]

Violet, you are looking at the wrong thing... look past the mirror and into your soul. There isn't a person here, who at sometime or another, hasn't looked into a mirror and been unsatisfied with what they have seen... both male and female. Violet, is your heart happy? The most important thing I look for in the mirror is that special sparkle in the eyes... it tells me Holly is happy to be out. Sure she could stand to lose a few pounds, a few wrinkles... none of us genetically male or female will ever live up to our ideal, and we shouldn't have to. Cherish the fact that you can exist and nurture the being within. Stop trying to be perfect and take the time to enjoy being yourself.

[Karren H]

I'm always trying to better my appearence... female and male.... just kind of human nature, imho....

[JoAnne Wheeler]

Violet,

I am always trying to improve my appearance - never quite satisfied - a work in progress - like practicing law or medicine, I'm practicing dressing as a woman - will I ever be satisfied, I don't know, but I sure do like trying !

JoAnne Wheeler

[tracigirl_tv]

Violet, even though I'm sure I don't get remotely the number of "You're so pretty" compliments you do, I do understand the feeling you are describing. The IDEA of dressing is an ideal, your makeup is perfect, your clothes fit just right.....then the ACTUALITY of dressing may be not quite so ideal. Turns out you are not a ravishing model after all, imagine that *lol*

So no, the evening isn't ruined, but there is that twinge of disappointment that is there. It's like I have an image in my mind of what I COULD be, then I look in the mirror and don't see her, exactly.

Anyway, be safe on your journey Violet. *huggg*

[docrobbysherry]

I definitely CAN relate with "never looking good/fem enough"! I almost always like my looks in the mirror, but NOT in my pics. Occassionally, I will see one that I find nearly impossible to believe is me! :eek: THAT is the look I'm ALWAYS trying to achieve!

I CAN'T relate to your wanting to dress more often. I'm simply a CD. I'm not aware of a, " female side", that needs expressing.
U may be more TG/TS than u realize, or r willing to admit?????:brolleyes:

[MJ]

I often have people tell me that I'm pretty. I appreciate this and it makes me feel good, but when I get all dressed up, I'm NEVER satisfied with my appearance. I'll get this craving to dress up, but once I do feel.. miserable isn't quite the word, but I get a bit down when I see the overall result. No matter what I do, the person in the mirror is never woman enough.
Thoughts? How does this sound to anyone who is not me?

I'm never happy with my look i tend to beat myself up a lot and because i have so many friends here i find it best to say nothing..
but i try to improve but gads it's so hard ...

the weird thing is i wish i was more like many of the gorgeous members here because there way prettier than I... ( yes i know ) don't be silly mj but its true

[Pamela Julie]

I feel like you Violet. I see me in the mirror every time I look. I do look feminine, possibly like the sister I don't have. I would like to look like a woman without thinking of the guy in the mirror, but it is hard. I, like most of us here, am my own worst critic. I realize that, so I do not dwell on the fact that I can do nothing to make myself look like a super model. I just wish I could look in the mirror and see a slightly above average looking 59 year old woman; I will have to work on my mind for that to happen. I do consider myself ts, so seeing my physical self as a woman is very important to me.

Pamela:)

[Jonianne]

Passion will always push people to reach farther than where they are. Thats life. Without it we die.

Contentment is being happy with whatever progress we make, no matter how slow.

[AmandaM]

You haven't seen many pictures of me here cause I feel the same. I am never good enough. The rare times I feel happiest are when I get my crossdressed self just right and I actually start to believe I see a woman in the mirror.

[renee k]

Violet, you are looking at the wrong thing... look past the mirror and into your soul. There isn't a person here, who at sometime or another, hasn't looked into a mirror and been unsatisfied with what they have seen... both male and female. Violet, is your heart happy? The most important thing I look for in the mirror is that special sparkle in the eyes... it tells me Holly is happy to be out. Sure she could stand to lose a few pounds, a few wrinkles... none of us genetically male or female will ever live up to our ideal, and we shouldn't have to. Cherish the fact that you can exist and nurture the being within. Stop trying to be perfect and take the time to enjoy being yourself.

Hi Violet,

Holly hit the proverbial nail on the head. We are our own worst critics. When I see myself from the side I want to hide. But I take pride in that I'm happy that I can express this side of me. And that in it's self makes me feel great on the inside.

Huggs, Renee

[charlie]

Hello Violet!
As has been said before, women come in all shapes and sizes. Some look great, some look awful and some look masculine. When dressed, you get compliments, get told you look great, get told you pass. However, you know that mug of yours and you still see the male side of you. Will going to NY make any difference? Perhaps just going and getting a makeover will help. It is quite possible that you do not really even need that. Maybe you have arrived, but you just can't see it. Try to just enjoy going out as Violet and enjoy being you. Passing is some figment of our own imaginations.

[Jodi]

Always remember--when you look in the mirror, noone else sees what you see. We all have a preconceived body image that we see. Noone else sees this. When dressing femme and seeing a man in the mirror, it is like a person who has lost a lot of weight. To the eyes of the beholder, they are thin. They look into the mirror and they still see an overweight person.

When I worked at the store in the fitting room area, I would see gg's come out of the fitting room in an outfit to look at themselves in the three way mirror. Frequently, I would hear them just tear themselves apart on their overall look when I thought they looked fabulous.

So--the self criticism that is mentioned above--gg's do it all the time. Many are never satisified with their appearance.

Jodi

[Alex!]

Oh, I get what you're saying. I am never satisfied, and this forces me to try harder. I know I will never look like the female architype I fashion in my mind, but the high bar promotes excellence in attempting to reach it.

For me, however, it is an artistic thing. I am never completely satisfied with my artwork, but look forward to the day when I am. Andrea is just a painting/sculpture.

[jennifer41356]

I often have people tell me that I'm pretty. I appreciate this and it makes me feel good, but when I get all dressed up, I'm NEVER satisfied with my appearance. I'll get this craving to dress up, but once I do feel.. miserable isn't quite the word, but I get a bit down when I see the overall result. No matter what I do, the person in the mirror is never woman enough.

I have a friend who is now a post-op TS, and before transition very rarely crossdressed. Her S.O. told me that they went out with her as a woman once, but she did NOT have a good time. She sat at her table facing the wall, silently. Not that she was ashamed to be in public crossdressed, but she was depressed. She saw a man in the mirror, and her feminine attire just enhanced the contrast. When her S.O. told me this it made me wonder because I feel the exact same way. I've always considered myself a mtf cd, but as I get older I begin to wonder if there's something deeper. I've always defined a TS as someone who ultimately couldn't bear to live as their physical gender, someone who could not achieve true happiness unless they transitioned. I've never felt that overwhelming sense of urgency that I see in TS's on talk shows, but at the same time when I'm dressed I feel like I need..... more. I'm seriously considering moving to NYC for other reasons, but away from just about everyone I know, I'm not really sure how much time I'll spend as a man.

Thoughts? How does this sound to anyone who is not me?


Violet

As I have gotten older I too want to spend all my free tiem as a girl, now sometimes when i am off i dont get all dressed up because I cant afford to go shopping all the time, and If I do go shopping , I always want to buy something,

But when i dont get all dolled up, I stay home and wear womens clothes, if I do go out anywhere I wear the girl jeans and tops , so I feel a bit fem, but I feel a bit down, because I want to be out as a woman..the biggest problem for me is lack of my own hair, If I could use my own hair it would be long and I would be spending almost 100% of my time as a female:love:

[Satrana]

And if you one day reached your elevated feminine looks which you felt matched what you felt, what then? Do you think you would remain satisfied? Is there not a never ending quest for perfection which cannot be obtained. Happiness is found in being content with who you are not who you want to manufacture yourself to be. You will never be happy until you accept yourself just the way you are.

[TGMarla]

You know what Violet? I feel much that same way. I'm not just a crossdresser, but I've never felt that transition was ultimately what's right for me. I probably should have been a woman, but I'm not, and I just can't see transitioning as my future. Yet, there's still this yearning to be female, and it's deeper than just the clothing.

So yeah. I get it.

[Violetgray]

You know what Violet? I feel much that same way. I'm not just a crossdresser, but I've never felt that transition was ultimately what's right for me. I probably should have been a woman, but I'm not, and I just can't see transitioning as my future. Yet, there's still this yearning to be female, and it's deeper than just the clothing.

So yeah. I get it.

Exactly. That's just what I was getting at. Everyone wants to be attractive, but for me I can feel depressed because what I see isn't quite female enough. The difference being, I'd rather look like an unremarkable GG than a pretty tranny.

Docrobby, you may be on to something..

[ReineD]

I understand what you're saying too. It is not a question of being prettier, on the attractive scale (which, BTW you are), it is a question of no longer seeing hints of your (male) bone structure (which, IMO does not show through in your avatar).

Have you ever looked into FFS? There is at least one other CD here who has had the procedures and has posted extensively about them. I believe she spends time in guy mode, so the surgeries were not drastic but just enough to take the edges off. But, this is not for everyone.

In a different direction, I would like to give my opinion even though it was not solicited. There is a unparalleled, striking beauty associated with what you might call the tranny look. I prefer to call it the ubiquitous look. It is an exotic mix of feminine softness and allure with the more chiseled intensity of male magnetism. This look more genuinely reflects the bi-gendered soul, and I cannot imagine anything more attractive for someone who wishes her true self to shine through her eyes.

It is often not clear if depictions of angels in renaissance art are male or female. Their beauty transcends gender.
:hugs: