Is it us with the problem??

[Paula UK]

Hi girls

the question is something ive wondered about for a long time. Now dont get me wrong im obviously fully aware that there are lots of people out there that do not like CD's and never will. However I spent all day yesterday chatting to RG's online and exchanging emails with them.

Someone in a previous post mentioned a Dating site they were a member of so i went along and signed to it. Its brilliant. It was Paula's profile and pic, not looking for pick ups just email chat. I sent out 30 0r 40 messages randomly to UK RG members and ive literally had a couple dozen of those reply and every single one of them was fully accepting of cross dressing guys. some found it exciting, some found it interesting and others, if not most, were just totally "whats the big deal". I didnt have one snide remark, all the RG's were fabulous. I exchange IM addys with some and last night i spent a great evening chatting online to a couple of them and exchanging pics with eachother. Purely innocent but great fun, my wife joined in too.

So ill go back to my question, is it us that have the problem with ourselves as CD'ers because the female population of the UK seems quite accepting of us. Should we just lighten up and stop thinking of ourselves as unusual, different, special or even as odd because all the RG's i spoke with yesterday certainly dont seem to have a problem with us!!

Love you all

Paula x

[DanaR]

I think that a lot of the female population are curious about us. They may or may not really want a relationship, but could see us a friends. The male population on the other hand, I'd be careful with.

[ErikaLeigh]

The male population in the UK may be mostly OK with us, but a good percentage of men in the USA are not very tollerant and sometimes down right rude or result to physical violence. I for one am happy with myself and would love to be Erika more often, but the societal boundrys that are placed upon us wont allow it unless we want to become outcasts on most cases.

[Darlene Dippy]

It has often seemed to me that when you talk one on one with individuals they are often tolerant to, interested in and willing to discuss 'complex' issues. Yet a group of people will not be so tolerant. What is 'interesting' is the group may contain some of the one on one tolerant people!

It seems in a group (or a loose group, like in public) people act/react as they have been 'taught' by society. - "The fear of being rejected by the pack syndrome".

Darlene

[Nicki B]

Is it us with the problem?

Very often, yes...

[Jess_cd32]

............It seems in a group (or a loose group, like in public) people act/react as they have been 'taught' by society. - "The fear of being rejected by the pack syndrome".

Darlene

I take pride in being rejected by 'the pack' mentality and being an independant thinker and not a follower of the heard. Unfortunatly most do follow that mentality even if it goes against what they are really thinking.

I befriend people for who they are, not because the 'pack' has someone on a pedestal they think is all that. It could be people that are not accepted by the heard to the ones that are.

[Angie G]

Some man may see us as a threat to there manhood and afraid some one may think they like us And that mat label them as less then a real man.:hugs:
Angie

[Jilmac]

I believe it's men much more than women who have the problem accepting us. As Jill, I have been embraced by women but most of the desparaging looks and comments come from males. They probably have a secret wish to be in my high heels.:o

[Karren H]

Who said we were different?? and different form whom? I'm as much a guy as the next and pretty as much a girl as the girl next door... Ok I do consider myself special bacause I play ice hockey but you can't hold that aginse me!!! :)

[MJ]

we read a lot more in to this. and it's our fears that drive it.

[pamela_a]

I think a lot of the "acceptance" we receive from FABs is also based on the NIMBY principal, Not In My Back Yard for those not familiar with it.

Many think it's great a guy can be like us as long as we're not their BF/SO. They will accept us as friends or even girlfriends but not if you are in a relationship with them. Sure there are the exceptions and judging from some of the other posts there are some really great women out there (a heart felt thank you and a big hug to all of you accepting women out there).

We are "different". We don't play by societies narrow rules of dress and gender. I think many men are intimidated by us since we are able to span the "gender gap" and embrace the feminine, making them all the more suspect or protective of their "macho masculinity".

I think a fair about of the stress we experience about dressing is, however, self induced. I know the first time I went out dressed to the mall I was terrified, but I soon discovered that no one seemed to care. The fear was self imposed. I was treated nicely and respectfully by everyone with whom I interacted and that's pretty much all I expect no matter how I present myself. Granted, living in a large metropolitan area I am afforded a greater modicum of anonymity but I would think that also increases the odds of meeting someone with an "attitude" about it also.

I'm not sure exactly where I'm going with this rambling but I do believe we need to look inside ourselves first. As many others have written in different posts, the best thing we can do is to accept yourself for who you are as a person first and develop confidence. It's like the great saying about sincerity, once you learn to fake sincerity you have it made.

-Paula-

[Carin]

For the most part I have to say yes, we have much more of a problem with our own confidence than the public has with us.

Taking myself as a statistical sample of 1....
Two years ago I would not dare to show myself to my family dressed at home, or to leave my house dressed, and the idea of being out at a mall or restaurant was pure anxiety. Was the issue with me or with the public?
One year ago I would not show myself anywhere people would know me, but I had the confidence to go to a restaurant dressed.
Today, I am dressed - I mean makeup, forms, colorful nail polish, boots or shoes with heels, ... almost all of the time. At home, grocery shopping, to and from my car, with my family, with their friends, With no bad experiences. Occasionally I will 'tone it down' to save someone from having to explain.

Which has changed more in the last two years - me or the public? The public is not saying "Come on out". That is me saying I'm done with hiding under a rock.

At the grocery store today another customer pushing a grocery cart, a total stranger GG, noticed me and commented "You look very nice, Merry Christmas", and went off on her way. She wasn't saying this to everyone. Obviously she observed, put it together, and reacted in a positive way. It was wonderful.

Not everyone will be as accepting. But based on my experience, far more will be accepting than will not. I have had a few stares, but not had a negative interaction yet.

[Anna the Dub]

Should we just lighten up and stop thinking of ourselves as unusual, different, special or even as odd because all the RG's i spoke with yesterday certainly dont seem to have a problem with us!!

Thing is, though, we are unusual or different, as we are not in the mainstream of society, or at least we will be perceived as these things. Most 'regular' people would consider us as odd too.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

Its hard to realize that we are really special after years and years of being in the closet and the fear and shame that we all had to endure, and many still do.

We are very special people - think of us in that way - we can enjoy life from both sides.

Your sister,

JoAnne Wheeler

[docrobbysherry]

" We have nothing to fear, but fear itself!"?

That says it all, for me!:eek:

[~*Francine*~]

Im a live and let live typa gurl. I understand people would feel uncomfortable around me so I keep it to myself and feel blessed that I can embrace the best of both worlds in my own way. And if I ever get the courage to go out I will to a place where people like me.

[Nicki B]

Not Winnie, RS - Roosevelt, in one of his 1933 inaugural addresses..

[RobynP]

Should we just lighten up and stop thinking of ourselves as unusual, different, special or even as odd because all the RG's i spoke with yesterday certainly dont seem to have a problem with us!!

I think that many women don't have a problem with crossdressing as long as there is no romantic, intimate relationship...

Robyn P.

[Rachel B]

My tuppenth worth is that a lot of it is down to how a lot of crossdressers actually look....Who among us would look at an ordinary someone walking down the street unless they were drawing attention to themself?

Years ago there was a natural curiosity surrounding a travelling circus of what we now know as "A Freak Show". In actuality it was nothing more than people who were "different" from what society teaches us is "Normal". But yet, even today, as much as we like to think ourselves as "Well educated" we still look at people who are different as "freaks".

Natural curiosity and being one of the gang is an in-built instinct in many of us. In days of yore someone thought it wise to create stereotypes (or identifiers) to allow us to be pidgeon-holed into our role in society and we have been indoctrined ever since.

Stray from these pre-defined roles and ye will be forever cast among the denizens of le freak de non-chique.......

[Satrana]

So ill go back to my question, is it us that have the problem with ourselves as CD'ers because the female population of the UK seems quite accepting of us. Should we just lighten up and stop thinking of ourselves as unusual, different, special or even as odd because all the RG's i spoke with yesterday certainly dont seem to have a problem with us!!


Methinks having an anonymous chat over the internet is not going to reveal much about GGs reactions to CDs. The ones who talked to you were curious and wanted to hear more. The ones who did not talk to you probably thought you were ecky!

But you are right we need to stop thinking we are something unique and need special treatment. We are not that odd! If we are strange then so are all women who wear pants. Get over it folks and wear what you want so long as it does not endanger your relationships and livelihoods. And hopefully in the not too distant future even those considerations can be thrown out the window. You only live once! Just need to learn to thicken your skin in the beginning.