Would this be a way to get people off your ass?

[Nicole Erin]

OK some of the morons in our lives like to give us crap about CD'ing.
When they do that would a good approach to be to point out THIER shortcomings, whether they can really help them or not?

In the past I have done that to people when they give me hell about something [non-CD related] and they get really mad but never bother me about that whatever again. :heehee: They do however point out in a rude tone what a smart ass I am. [thank you thank you, bow]

We are talking about people who you just cannot talk to like civil grown ups.

Discuss this civil tactic.

[Karren H]

No one is on my ass about crossdressing... Or gives me any crap about it... Ok my wife isn't a big fan.. But I don't even want to stir up and crap with her... She's bigger than I am!! Lol

[bredalee25]

Here is my oppinion. We live is a world that just won't accept anything different. So these people are out there and always will be there's nothing that will change that. We should be the civalized ones and not stoop to there level. Treat these people as you would want to be treated enough said.ttfn

[Jenny Beth]

I don't bother talking to people who have their head up where the sun don't shine, no matter what the topic. I have better things to do with my time so why waste it?

[almalove]

I think that there are some arguments worth figting for and some people worth arguing with, remember the old saying " is this the hill you want to die on? depending on the argument and the place I think we should ract to others.



Lovinly Alma

[PamelaTX]

I have to agree with Katie B on this one. It's much more effective in the long run to respond firmly without rancor, and insist that the conversation be kept at an adult level. You may have to do it several times, but eventually it will work.

[tricia_uktv]

Its not our problem!!! But don't go spouting back.

Have fun :)

[Kate Simmons]

I'm usually a bit subtle about things like this and just tell people to get off my a$$!;):battingeyelashes::)

[Cathytg]

I gotta agree - none of us are helped when someone's dumb or fearful comments are turned back on them. All that does is to extend the anger. Just let it go or deal with it on a constructive or educational level. You have been noticed; why not use the moment?

[Nicki B]

Upping the ante just means, eventually, someone's going to get hurt. And even if you win the battle, are you sure you can win a war?

IMHO It's never a good idea to make enemies, you never know when you might need friends..

[DanaR]

Having a confrontation with someone doesn't solve anything. All it shows is that I can pee up the wall farther than you or my gun is bigger than yours or whatever argument you might want to have.

Maybe this is my girl side showing through, but I've never seen where it did any good.

I'll just try to avoid these and try to approach things from a positive viewpoint. It is easier to walk away.

[subaru_forster]

OK some of the morons in our lives like to give us crap about CD'ing.
When they do that would a good approach to be to point out THIER shortcomings, whether they can really help them or not?

In the past I have done that to people when they give me hell about something [non-CD related] and they get really mad but never bother me about that whatever again. :heehee: They do however point out in a rude tone what a smart ass I am. [thank you thank you, bow]

We are talking about people who you just cannot talk to like civil grown ups.

Discuss this civil tactic.


My first question is who are these morons, and what on earth are they doing in your life? Life is too short to surround yourself with people who don't respect you enough to allow you to be yourself.

If you are referring to strangers who gawk at you, definitely keep an adult demeanor and don't stoop. Two reasons: 1. You don't know what their shortcommings are other than they have nothing better to do. 2. You can get hurt.

I'm letting alone the damage this might do to the view on crossdressers as a whole because you probably aren't going to change their opinion of you very easily.

Now, finally having said that, in situations where that tactic might be to a positve effect (unlikely, never happened to me or anyone I know, but I can imagine such a scenario) I would change it a bit for smoother results: instead of dignifying their complaints with a response, just leave them in the cold.

[Jodi]

Two wrongs never equal a right.

Jodi

[Alex!]

I've never been harrassed or been given grief about the subject of my crossdressing. On the other hand, I have been accused of being something I'm not, like "communist" (I'm socially liberal but fiscally conservative), a "heathen" (I'm an atheist), and other colorful metaphors. I love a good debate, but not with intellectually challenged folk. So, instead of the "f**k you" I used to use in the past, I just ignore them and move on. I think this is a sign of maturity :)

Interestingly, two negatives do equal a positive, but I guess that's just in math.

[Bethany38]

Whenever someone is acting the part of an a-hole I just consider the source of the comment, and then ignore it. For the ones' whom usually make such comments on any matter are generally unarmed opponents to begin with, and I never fight an unarmed opponent.:)

[docrobbysherry]

About walking around bent over? And u get surprised when someone boots u in the rear?:doh:

[Genifer Teal]

OK some of the morons in our lives like to give us crap about CD'ing.
When they do that would a good approach to be to point out THIER shortcomings, whether they can really help them or not?


One time I was waiting on the train platform and as this woman walked by, all she said was "Adam's Apple". All I wanted to say back was "Fat *ss!", but that would have been beneath me. Why did she feel the need to point out the obvious? I didn't.

FWIW: I actually took her comment as a compliment. If she had to look that hard to be sure, I must be doing ok.

Gen

[Sally2005]

It depends on the other person. Some people 'get it' when you remind them they are not perfect, others are not that intuitive and make it in to a major personal attack. The only thought I have, is just pick the battles that are worth fighting.

[Sammy777]

Two wrongs never equal a right.

But 3 Lefts do .......... lol

Anyway, lol, As much as you would like to smack these people up side the head, you can't.

These people sound like people you somehow know, family, friends, co-workers, ect.
For friends & family, I'd say put it to them straight.
It offends you & you don't find it funny, so pick a new topic.

As far as strangers go - look at the source.
The best way to shut up a heckler is either agree with them [with a slight bit o sarcasm] or laugh it off or just ignore them.
Throwing out some comment that could be [way to easily these days] taken the wrong way can go from a passing comment to a face to face before you know what happen.
Then what, your fighting with an idiot, on there own terms.

Or as that saying somewhat goes:
Don't fight with an idiot, they will drag you down to their level then beat you with experience. lol

[lil red]

You could always try this:

78524

[Annie D]

I am not in favor of taking the confrontational approach. When someone gives you a hard time about something, they feel as though they are in a superior position or one of power. When they do this I think that they are prepared to take it to the next level. To point out their flaws is just putting you on their level, a level that you have said that you can't stand.

I think that we need to better than that. Yes, I will defend myself when I think that my safety is in jeopardy and I will defend someone who is being picked on but defend them, not become aggressive as well. We need to be above one on one confrontations because I think that it gives additional ammunition to narrow minded and bigoted people.

[Nicki B]

If you don't confront behaviour or thinking which you're uncomfortable with, it won't change - you just become complicit.

Surely the issue is how you confront it - aggression only triggers an aggressive response - sooner, or later?

[valenstein]

It depends on the level of ignorance. If somebody asks me a dumb question, but in a tone that I can discern as "enlighten me", I'll try to explain it to them. Those are the people whose perceptions might actually change. On the other end, there are people who are looking for a confrontation, and I ignore them.

The people that are most difficult to ignore are the people you know, co-workers, friends, family, acquaintances. Most of them don't know this side of me and it gets harder and harder each day to keep my trap shut. It's usually not even a comment directed at me specifically, guys messing around with each other by challenging their masculinity in some way, or making an ignorant comment about part of a community I accept.

Believe me, I have a retort for every person I know who has made those comments. They probably won't be the first thing out of my mouth if I feel the need to defend, but my girly belt comes with a verbal holster.

[Melissa A.]

One of my more stupid co-workers wrote on a sign-in sheet next to my name once-"lady in red". I'm not one to get involved with such childishness, usually, like juvenile scribbling on bathroom walls and such, but this one called for action. I wrote underneath, "nah, red's not my color". Humour is a great equaliser. It demonstrates that You aren't bothered, thus ruining their fun. It aso disarms people, and usually shows them you are more than equal to the fight they've just picked. Most of all, It says, "You may not like what I do, but you will show me respect". Don't get mad--get funny!

Hugs,

Melissa :)

[DameErrant]

One time I was waiting on the train platform and as this woman walked by, all she said was "Adam's Apple". All I wanted to say back was "Fat *ss!", but that would have been beneath me. Why did she feel the need to point out the obvious? I didn't.

FWIW: I actually took her comment as a compliment. If she had to look that hard to be sure, I must be doing ok.

Gen

Maybe you should have said, "Thank you dear, and yours is lovely too!"

But seriously, I have found the best defense is to simply pretend that you don't realize you have been insulted, but act like they just gave you the compliment of your life! It totally frustrates them that they don't get the result they expect, (either a similar response or silent "shame") and really ruins the whole experience for them, while giving them no excuse to continue to harass you!

I found this out the hard way when some really unhelpfull sales assistants used it on me. They just smiled and were very polilte, while doing absoluetly nothing else, including their jobs. Was too abashed, and too much of a Gentleman/Lady to continue complaining. Just never went back.

[Laura Evans]

You have choices as many ot the threads show. I say ignore them or if you feel you must respond do not stoop to their level respect them as human beings but I would not get into long explanations. Humor is a good way to go.

[ErikaK]

One of my more stupid co-workers wrote on a sign-in sheet next to my name once-"lady in red". I'm not one to get involved with such childishness, usually, like juvenile scribbling on bathroom walls and such, but this one called for action. I wrote underneath, "nah, red's not my color". Humour is a great equaliser. It demonstrates that You aren't bothered, thus ruining their fun. It aso disarms people, and usually shows them you are more than equal to the fight they've just picked. Most of all, It says, "You may not like what I do, but you will show me respect". Don't get mad--get funny!

Hugs,

Melissa :)

:iagree:
If at all possible make a joke out of it! At worse that's your problem I'm fine with who I am. Although the latter can in the long run cause problems. Above all walk off laughing!

[Paulacder]

Someone once told me that," When you argue with a Fool, there are two Fools arguing". Pretty much says it all.......

[Melanie R]

Several times I have said to persons who would not accept me as Melanie, "this is who I am. I was born a woman who just happens to have male plumbing. I crossdress as a man sometimes. If you can't accept who I am go on your way."

[JoAnne Wheeler]

You can catch more flys with honey than with vinegar. I would try the opposite approach. Explain to them that they really don't know what they are missing. ASk them to just try it one time and then come back and talk with you.
Love from your sister,
JoAnne Wheeler

[donnalee]

I think that there are some arguments worth figting for and some people worth arguing with, remember the old saying " is this the hill you want to die on? depending on the argument and the place I think we should ract to others.

Lovinly Alma

Perhaps you could say " Since you are so interested, would you like to come to our next transgendered event?"
This should either cause them to flee into the night, or maybe they'll show up! :daydreaming:
"One never knows- do one?" - Fats Waller :devil:

[Nicole Erin]

The other day I was going in from checking the mail, minding my own business and some "B" across the street says "Child molestor, or [something] molestor or whatever [incoherant jibberish]"

Funny how some people assume we CD's are such, I turned in the direction of the sound and blurted out "Aww F*** YOU you F'IN B****""
gyod I was in a green shirt and jeans, not like in a dress or something so not even CD'ed that day...

I think it was the nieghbors who sit out side on the porch 24/7 making the nieghborhood look like hicksville.

Thing is I was in the mood for confrontation but it never came, they just kind of shut up right away.

YOu see people, a lot of folks assume we are going to back down or run away scared so if and when we stand up it scares the hell out of people.

I am not lieing, I would pay good money to see a CD beat the holy crap out of some homophobe.

Ya know if people are just acting silly it is one thing but when they star saying really stupid crap like child molestor or literally screaming "F'in queer" out their cars, they do not deserve anything but to be treated cruelly.

I would rather educate people about CD but if they are truely hateful then there isn't much one can do.

Two wrongs don't make a right but they make you feel a whole lot better.

[Nicki B]

Two wrongs don't make a right but they make you feel a whole lot better.

In the short-term. But, in the long-term, they can just store up trouble - which may end up dumped on another trans person?

[Janie Gunn]

Yeah, thats something to consider. I've always got some way to deal with those sh#*heads. They give me reason to and I'll always fire back!

[TxKimberly]

The hypocrisy inherent in the situation you describe brought back a old (non-cross dressing) memory. I was in a pretty bad place in my life and walked in to the house after more than a few drinks. My cousin looks up at me with a joint in her hand, and in that classic "smoking-pot-can't-exhale-while-I-talk-voice", she points her joint at me and says "You have a drinking problem!" Even being drunk, I had no trouble recognizing irony and hypocrisy in that statement coming from someone who was constantly stoned.

[Janie Gunn]

MlleErin, what you've said pretty much sums it up for me too.

[DameErrant]

Yeah, thats something to consider. I've always got some way to deal with those sh#*heads. They give me reason to and I'll always fire back!


If confrontation is what they are looking for, firing back can be just the excuse they need. Embarassing them often works much better. Just blow them a kiss, thank them in front of their friends for the good time you had last night, give them a sweet little wave and a "call me" gesture, and walk away. Excuse me, sway away!

[Jilmac]

So far nobody has given me a blast of s*** about my dressing, but if it ever happened I would simply tell them that I have a pair made out of brass and that gives me the right to dress however I please.

[TSchapes]

I will be assertive. Before I was out as much as I am now, someone at work made a crack about "those transvestites". I told them in no uncertain terms, "They prefer to be called cross-dressers!" The truth shocked him and shut him up!

But, I will not pick a fight nor meet banality with banality. Besides, it's not lady like! :heehee:

-Tracy

[txrobinm]

I used to be in customer service. My manager had just stopped by, and saw the end of a typical scene- an upset customer. We were handling his situation appropriately, but he just kept mouthing off at us. Once the tirade was over, my boss just took him quietly around the corner, and I heard him ask the gentleman before they got out of earshot "now was that REALLY necessary?" in that "aw, c'mon" kind of voice. It gently reminds people that we're grown ups, and should handle ourselves accordingly. I've used it many times since.

[Jilmac]

Try thanking them for an insult as if it were a compliment, and flash a cute feminine smile. That usually catches them off guard and thay don't have a comeback. If the person is giving you heat and you can show them that it doesn't bother you, they will usually back off. Sometimes pointing out their shortcomings only pisses them off and they will turn up the heat on you.:rasp:

[Rachel Morley]

IMHO ... I don't think pointing out people's shortcomings is helpful at all as that's like agreeing that CDing is a comparable shortcoming for you.

Upping the ante is never a good thing. Just "turn the other cheek". It's not worth the effort.

[MsSamanthaErica]

I think Mark Twain has some brilliant words of wisdom on this type of thing:

"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt."

And another I just discovered that really has great meaning as well:

"Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest."

Either use humor or treat it as a compliment and disarm them, or else just move off somewhere else and let them have their laugh...for they show how foolish they are by opening their mouths.

~Samantha