Stigma - What can we do to change it?

[BeckyAnderson]

I was wondering......since there are so many of us still buried deeply in the closet....how do you participate in public relations? Not only with non-crossdressers but in slowly building the confidence and courage of our closeted sisters to help them eventually open their closet door.

I'm a firm believer in education. It is necessary for understanding and understanding is necessary for compassion. The combination of the two are necessary to remove the veil, so to speak, and gain the support of our loved ones and acceptance by the public.

Hugs,
Becky

[docrobbysherry]

We need more CDs that r well known as people, to come out about their dressing! Maybe a few movie stars, a vice president, an Army General, etc., etc.:)

Otherwise, it's TOO EASY for regular folks to dismiss us simply as, " Oh, those gay perverts!" :Angry3:

[Nicki B]

I think events like Be-All, Fantasia, SCC, Sparkle, etc all show people that it is possible for people to just get out and be themselves, be accepted by the general public and also demonstrate to ourselves just how many of us there are.

Big change won't happen until we develop a critical mass who demand it, just as for the gay community? And for that to happen, we first need to persuade ourselves we can..

[DanaR]

I think that most groups/events encourage participants to reach out to others to help promote a better understanding of who we are.

I mentioned this in another thread, that at the Esprit Convention in Port Angeles WA.

My experience has been that most people have no understanding of us other than what they see on some television shows. When you have a chance to mingle with others outside our community, they usually get a different understanding of whom we are.


The following is a quote from a post that I made on:
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=96809



We did this over ten years ago at the Esprit Convention in Port Angeles WA, which is held every year in May. At the time when we started doing this, the convention had been in existence for over five years. Every year a lot of the local citizens would stop by, at the Red Lion cocktail lounge, to look us over

It started as an experiment and turned into something very cool. The lounge would be full and several of us, when we realized that we were being watched, would walk over to the watching table and ask if we could join them. We received nothing but positive responses and had a lot of fun. One night several of us were at a table with all GG’s, and the discussion switched over to breasts and breast forms. After a while a couple of us pulled out a form, from our bra, and handed it to one of the GG’s. So here we were talking, laughing and passing a form around the table.

Anyway over the years we made a lot of friends that would stop by every year when the convention was in town. Most of the people were just curious. I believe that this can be turned into a positive experience that could benefit our community and everyone.

[Kate Simmons]

Our own self acceptance and self confidence goes a long way towards that Becky. When others see we don't make a big deal over it and are just being ourselves, they won't ether. It therefore becomes easier and more acceptable all the way around eventually.:)

[Victoria Pink]

My hairdresser always encouraged me to go out for lunch or shopping whenever I visited her. She always had me come to the front counter to pay for my wig or hair dressing services. I always went there dressed.

She would say, "the people need to get to know you and see how nice you are".

I never had a bad experience with her or when I went out as the woman I am.

Victoria

[Phoebe Reece]

Becky, I think the most effective public relations is for more of us to get out in public and be seen. More of us should spend time in ordinary restaurants, malls, shops, ride the busses and subways, walk the streets in broad daylight, visit museums and tourist spots, and not just stay in so-called "TG friendly" places. By being out in numbers, we become more than just curiosities. By conducting ourselves as ladies out in public, people will see that we are not a threat. And simply "passing" doesn't really help our cause. I find it to be much more interesting and fun when someone expresses some curiosity about my crossdressing and I get to explain a bit about it to them. We change peoples attitudes one person at a time through each encounter.

[DanaR]

We change peoples attitudes one person at a time through each encounter.

Not only can we change one person's mind, but they will talk to their friends about us too.

[BeckyAnderson]

I agree with you Phoebe, this is the approach I have used with a tremendous amount of success. I take every opportunity I can find to engage anyone in conversation about crossdressing and the misconceptions people have about it. I rarely go to TG oriented functions because, for me, I can be much more effective with total strangers in very public places. I can't tell you how many people I have talked with over this last year (hundreds, at least) that have sat or stood there almost spellbound. Spellbound because they couldn't believe how wrong their impression was of crossdressers.

I disagree with some who say that it will take very well known people to come out or take masses of crossdressers to assemble somewhere to get the acceptance we need. I'm a firm believer that we can change things by enlightening one person at a time.

Hugs,
Becky



Becky, I think the most effective public relations is for more of us to get out in public and be seen. More of us should spend time in ordinary restaurants, malls, shops, ride the busses and subways, walk the streets in broad daylight, visit museums and tourist spots, and not just stay in so-called "TG friendly" places. By being out in numbers, we become more than just curiosities. By conducting ourselves as ladies out in public, people will see that we are not a threat. And simply "passing" doesn't really help our cause. I find it to be much more interesting and fun when someone expresses some curiosity about my crossdressing and I get to explain a bit about it to them. We change peoples attitudes one person at a time through each encounter.

[Satrana]

We will never educate the public, they don't care to understand. But we can get their acceptance by just appearing in public and acting normally. The best way is to actually organize peaceful parades and march through city centers in large numbers every year. After about a decade the public will accept that we are a legitimate part of society and will allow crossdressing in public at any time of the year. As acceptance grows more SOs will join in the parades which will in turn increase the pace of acceptance.

What would remove the stigma faster than having public SO support? but the first SOs to do so are the brave ones and the real heroes.

[DanaR]

I can't tell you how many people I have talked with over this last year (hundreds, at least) that have sat or stood there almost spellbound. Spellbound because they couldn't believe how wrong their impression was of crossdressers.

I disagree with some who say that it will take very well known people to come out or take masses of crossdressers to assemble somewhere to get the acceptance we need. I'm a firm believer that we can change things by enlightening one person at a time.

Hugs,
Becky

Becky, I agree with you. Your experiences have been very similar to mine.

[Annie D]

I agree with what Satrana said about your SO. My SO is tolerant of my crossdressing but has refused to go out with Annie. In the back of my mind I'm thinking that if she can't publicly accept me, how can I expect the general public to accept me. Yes, I go out and am accepted at the places that I frequent, but my fear of new venues keeps me away from them and my fear is fed somewhat by my SO's somewhat fear and reluctance to be out with me. Once your SO is brave enough to go out publicly, then I think that the one person who counts the most in my life is right there with me.

[Kelsy]

Becky, I think that society will accept cding! Slowly bringing all aspects of a feminized male to public conciousness brings with if familiarity and absorbtion into what is considered normal. androgenous dressing helps incorporate feminine things to the accepted male presentation. It was not that long ago that the thought of men wearing earings was unheard of or makeup painted nails etc. But somehow even that misses the whole point for me becos I would prefer to be accepted as female and that is a huge reach for the majority of people!!

Kelsy

ps _ if it sounds like I'm confused,, well isn't that what disphoria means?:D

[Toni_Lynn]

Several years ago I was involved with the local chapter of PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays), and participated as a CDer on their speaker's bureau. I was in panel discussions at two local universities.

While I highly recommend such activities, the association with PFLAG was not a positive thing, because as more T folk joined in we became ghetto-ised and separated from the rest of the organisation as we didn't 'fit-in' with the rest of the group.

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[yms]

Becky, I think the most effective public relations is for more of us to get out in public and be seen. More of us should spend time in ordinary restaurants, malls, shops, ride the busses and subways, walk the streets in broad daylight, visit museums and tourist spots, and not just stay in so-called "TG friendly" places. By being out in numbers, we become more than just curiosities. By conducting ourselves as ladies out in public, people will see that we are not a threat. And simply "passing" doesn't really help our cause. I find it to be much more interesting and fun when someone expresses some curiosity about my crossdressing and I get to explain a bit about it to them. We change peoples attitudes one person at a time through each encounter.

I have to agree with all of this. I feel it's a "think globally, act locally" effort. It's, as Phoebe describes, all the little things that start adding up in the awareness of people.

I think you have to give people the benefit of the doubt and a little credit. They've never really seen a crossdresser before, only famous movie stars pretending to be one. So you have to allow for their curiosity. But most people, I think, want to feel they can be accepting of those who are different.

Maybe some of my youthful idealism is coming back to me, but I'd like to think that we've all learned something about diversity from this last election.

Yvonne

[Emily Ann Brown]

I have try to be the poster girl for us with everyone I know.

Em

[JoAnne Wheeler]

I'm trying to build up my courage to post my picture on this wonderful website. Just joining you sisters on this website has been a big step for me. If I ever get the chance or if the situation presents itself, I am no longer afraid to explain to others who and what I really am - so that's progress.

Love,

JoAnne Wheeler

[Nicki B]

I agree with you Phoebe, this is the approach I have used with a tremendous amount of success. I take every opportunity I can find to engage anyone in conversation about crossdressing and the misconceptions people have about it. I rarely go to TG oriented functions because, for me, I can be much more effective with total strangers in very public places. I can't tell you how many people I have talked with over this last year (hundreds, at least) that have sat or stood there almost spellbound. Spellbound because they couldn't believe how wrong their impression was of crossdressers.

Your experience chimes with mine. But I do think large meetings are very important, to persuade us we can do this? From that perspective, large conventions, confined to hotels, are less effective than events where we do spread out, into a community.. It's all about visibility? :)


We will never educate the public, they don't care to understand.

Humans are naturally curious? It is perfectly possible..


What would remove the stigma faster than having public SO support? but the first SOs to do so are the brave ones and the real heroes.

I think it's a mistake to want others to do it for us - it's our job, no one else's.

[Angie G]

I'm out to the only loved one I wish to be My loving and supporting wife I feel I'm protecting my grandkids from others saying oh you have the Grandfather the wears woman clothing.I would never want that to happen to them.:hugs:
Angie

[BeckyAnderson]

It is very possible that if our SO's had a more of an understanding or some physical exposure to CD'ing that it would be so much easier for them to accept us. My wife had no exposure to CD'ing except for what she had seen on a few TV shows. And of course, this added to her distain for CD'ing. I've found that it is so much harder for our SO's to understand because of "old school" ways of thinking. We need to get out to the general public and give each person a little exposure to crossdressing. We need to change attitudes towards crossdressing one person at a time and do it within their own comfort zone. The shock factor doesn't work well when introducing someone to crossdressing.


I agree with what Satrana said about your SO. My SO is tolerant of my crossdressing but has refused to go out with Annie. In the back of my mind I'm thinking that if she can't publicly accept me, how can I expect the general public to accept me. Yes, I go out and am accepted at the places that I frequent, but my fear of new venues keeps me away from them and my fear is fed somewhat by my SO's somewhat fear and reluctance to be out with me. Once your SO is brave enough to go out publicly, then I think that the one person who counts the most in my life is right there with me.

[DanaR]

The shock factor doesn't work well when introducing someone to crossdressing.

This is just like backing someone into a corner, where they are not comfortable and would like to get out of the situation as soon as possible.

[Ronni Seymour]

Unfortunately we have many negative examples of CDing in the media, especially with our tabloid driven mentality in this country. And since those examples are more prominent in most peoples minds, and the better examples aren't, the deck is already stacked against us. The acceptance from society will probably change slowly over time as we present better examples to the world. This includes doing our best in learning how to dress and gaining confidence and respect for ourselves.
Of course, we also have to be realistic and know that many people will never change in their thinking. Lacy Leigh is trying her best to promote a more positive image. I think we can take some tips from her.:hugs:

[Nicki B]

Unfortunately we have many negative examples of CDing in the media, especially with our tabloid driven mentality in this country. And since those examples are more prominent in most peoples minds, and the better examples aren't, the deck is already stacked against us. The acceptance from society will probably change slowly over time as we present better examples to the world. This includes doing our best in learning how to dress and gaining confidence and respect for ourselves.
Of course, we also have to be realistic and know that many people will never change in their thinking.

Carol - isn't this sort of thing the way to counteract that?


I take every opportunity I can find to engage anyone in conversation about crossdressing and the misconceptions people have about it. I rarely go to TG oriented functions because, for me, I can be much more effective with total strangers in very public places. I can't tell you how many people I have talked with over this last year (hundreds, at least) that have sat or stood there almost spellbound. Spellbound because they couldn't believe how wrong their impression was of crossdressers.

[charlie]

Hello Becky!
Gay Pride I believe is what started the general society to have at least a tacit acceptance of gay people. The gay pride movement included all of the gay festivals, parades and gatherings is major cities around the country. Perhaps vast numbers of people is what is needed to be recognized as not being deviates, crazy and a threat to society. Unfortunately, most of us would have to fly to cities other then our own to go.

[amanda w]

i think we should get stared at some of the schools in major cities for acceptance of the new leaders of the country

[Melanie R]

Originally Posted by Phoebe Reece
Becky, I think the most effective public relations is for more of us to get out in public and be seen. More of us should spend time in ordinary restaurants, malls, shops, ride the busses and subways, walk the streets in broad daylight, visit museums and tourist spots, and not just stay in so-called "TG friendly" places. By being out in numbers, we become more than just curiosities. By conducting ourselves as ladies out in public, people will see that we are not a threat. And simply "passing" doesn't really help our cause. I find it to be much more interesting and fun when someone expresses some curiosity about my crossdressing and I get to explain a bit about it to them. We change peoples attitudes one person at a time through each encounter.

I agree with Phoebe completely. My experience over the past 28 years is that being out in public dressed and acting dignified does much to bring acceptance and understanding of our community. After being in public among thousands on our 36 Dignity cruises to date, over 150 presentations to groups and several documentaries on television seen by millions as well as contact on a daily basis when I am out in public, I find that acceptance and at least tolerance of transgendered persons is increasing each day. What I have a problem are those in our community who when out in public dress and act like street sex workers.

[Michelle Charles]

I think the mountain before us is a huge one. One are tied at the hip, like it or not , to the gay community. In fact many of our own support organizations and groups have affiliations with them. The media, TV and movies, have tied crossdressing to many bizarre lifestyles and choices and have rarely portrayed crossdressing in the way we know it! Thusly, anything we do will be a help but will be a slow process. Individuals like Becky, dealing one-one with people is superb and we can all at least try to do that. Many attend public functions, where crossdressing can be portrayed as a positive. Some teach in collge classrooms as to who we are. I think if each of us is active in a way that we are able, we can change this world, one person at a time! Avoid anything that might give us a bad name while dressed, keep the fantasy world at home or in places where moms, dads, boys and girls won't be presented with some warped image of the hetersexual M-F crossdresser. Sorry it took so long!
Michelle

[Phyliss]

I, personally, have taken great care when out, to always present a positive image. Act and dress in a proper and ladylike manner.

It's been said to me by different store owners that I'm always welcome, because I'm respectful and polite. They've mentioned that they have some "other" customers who are much too brash and bold.

I know that when I'm "out" I'm representing everybody. Like the old saying, "one bad apple spoils the whole bunch"

[Cari]

One of the most positive things Ive seen was actually a very simple donation to a local charity.

It happenned at a local nite out and there was a food/donation drive for the local hunger center. The bar owner and the founder of the nite out were in the local paper a few days later presenting the donation; they got a very nice positive write up. The other nice thing here was that everyone could participate and only those willing went public.

Unfortunately it seems like every negative story gets national press and positive ones dont have nearly as much impact. The average person has most likely never seen a positive story about CD or TG activities.

I think using the economic power of these types of events is overlooked. Each time a hotel, dining establishment or niteclub says we were good customers it goes a long way.

Personally I dont feel we will ever get understanding, but I think acceptance is well within our grasp.

Cari

[trannie T]

We do not make any progress if we remain in the closet. We will not gain much if there are more celebraty crossdressers. What will help us is a massive public relations campaign which begins with each one of us.
If you are venturing out of the closet, continue your progress and do not be afraid to speak with the people you encounter.
If you continue to hide do not be afraid to speak up when someone speaks against us. The very worst thing we can do is . . .nothing.

[TSchapes]

Accept yourself and see your t-ness as a positive force.

Be open and honest with your family.

Seize the opportunity to educate others about cross-dressing.

If you have an LGBT organization at work, join it.

If you have a local support group, contact it.

Be thankful that the gay community wants to help us. They have blazed the trail. They cannot do it for us, we have to take the initiative and get out there.


Read about and get ideas of how some of our members here on the board have furthered the cause. Whether it is TXKimberly and her travels, Joann07and her experience talking to college classes or those that encourage others to venture out for the first time. And ask yourself what you can do to help. Because when you help one you help yourself and others.

Changes will not happen overnight, but rest assured they will!

Love, Tracy

[BeckyAnderson]

Originally Posted by Phoebe Reece
Becky, I think the most effective public relations is for more of us to get out in public and be seen. More of us should spend time in ordinary restaurants, malls, shops, ride the busses and subways, walk the streets in broad daylight, visit museums and tourist spots, and not just stay in so-called "TG friendly" places. By being out in numbers, we become more than just curiosities. By conducting ourselves as ladies out in public, people will see that we are not a threat. And simply "passing" doesn't really help our cause. I find it to be much more interesting and fun when someone expresses some curiosity about my crossdressing and I get to explain a bit about it to them. We change peoples attitudes one person at a time through each encounter.

This is the approach I like to take. I always dress for the occasion and each time I venture out I act completely respectable and never attempt to draw attention. Simply being a "guy in a dress" draws enough attention and when someone is amiable enough to speak to me I engage them in conversation with a friendly and confident demeanor. The number of people out there who are willing to talk with me and, the best part, listen to what I am saying would surprise many.

We do need the help of other groups and positive publicity but most of all we need to personally show others that we are really regular people with loving families and relationships, regular jobs and regular needs.

I also try to encourage our sisters to venture out, but, at a pace they can handle. Monthly, at our TriEss meetings, I try to take new members and those who are afraid to venture out on their own to TG friendly places like Dress Barn, Payless Shoes. Outings like these go a long way to bolster self-confidence in those who would otherwise be afraid to go out. It gives them a chance to see that sales attendants will help them with trying on and buying their clothes and that they can mix with the general public without incident.

After our regular meetings I also take members....who wish to go....to a local diner for coffee and pie. We have been patronizing this diner for years and :) we have gained somewhat of a celebrity status there, with the staff, as well as the locals. I feel the more our sisters can get out the quicker they will begin to build the self-confidence they need to kick open the closet door.

Hugs,
Becky