Going out/small towns

[Julieanne]

Hi Ladies -- Many of you have posted that you go out en femme, are known to be a crossdresser, etc. One of my great fears is being found out, since it wouldn't be long before lots of people in my little slice of the world would know. This would have disastrous consequences in the conservative Midwest where I live. It's not very accepting of differences in general.

So -- for those of you whom I envy who are out, where (in general) do you live, size of town, etc., and have you had problems with becoming known? Sometimes I'd just like to lose myself en femme in a big city, but I have no idea if that's safe or not. I cannot look like much more that a guy in a dress (well, and makeup, shoes, etc. All the other fun stuff).

Hugs, Julie

[avril findlay]

Unfortunately the phrase "Small town mentality" is no misnomer. It's much easier to go out fully dressed in a large city. It's also easier to find girls who are the same as you, "Safety in numbers" is no misnomer for CDrs either.

[Karren H]

I go out enfemme in small towns.. Just not in the small town I live in! Lol. And I'm sure there are people who have seen me more than a few times there but I could care less..

[Tracii G]

My town is good sized so I don't even worry about it I just go out and have fun.

[alisoncdnj]

I do not live in a real small town. I do not go out in my town. I'm still in the closet. A girl friend once told me that if you don't want people to know about your little secret, you should not dress within 50 miles of your home. This advice has worked for me.
Also, I have to agree, there is safety in numbers and it is alot easier in a big city. Although, I have found that most people just don't care how your dressed.

Hugs,

Robin Alison

[Andine]

At my age I don't give a bugger!
My main concern was, and still is, not to ruin the nest for my fledglings!
The youngest one has just completed his colledge and graduated. That fact makes it easier on me. My campervan is VERY well known in the city of Canberra, so Andine really sticks out if she is driving it. Accordingly I swap cars with my son when Andine is going out to dinner or the movies.
Canberra is both a small town and a big city .... but if I choose carefully and don't do too much that is silly, I feel I can get away with a fair bit.
Recently I was in a restaurant having dinner with another Gurl .....

78593

We were just starting our main course, when a guy that I race against ( Mountain bikes ) came in and sat down 15 feet away, facing in my direction. He is the sort of bloke who checks out all the women, so I must have passed muster ( Read ... was ugly enough ) and he didn't make me!!

78594

Generally, I have found that there is a strong Gay contingent in this twn, but it has been a bit hard for me to find. Since then the parties have been terrific! ( which is why I havent posted here much .... No time!)

Anyhow mate ( As they say in the antipodes ) .....

Aveagratenueyairmate!

[JOJO44]

Ugly? I would be ecstatic to look as well as you do!
Love and hugs
Jo

[Samantha Kelsey]

I live just outside a small Spanish town, my nearest neighbour is about half a mile away. I do go out and always have to pass throught the town but this is always by car. I don't walk through the town though, no particular reason I just don't. Maybe I should. I do however go out in other towns/cities close by and nearly always go to friends for dinner/drinks as full blown Samantha.

[Kelsy]

Is it not bad enough that being suspected that you cd or are somewhat effeminate is reason to get the rumor mills running!? conformity is held supreme in many small towns. If I went out where I live I would soon be on the recieving end of the cold shoulder and would find it difficult to make a living. Small towns can be ruthless towards someone who is different and many seem over joyed with the opportunity to ravage some one elses life.

Even in socially progressive communities there is always a contingent of the close minded!

:sad:Kelsy

[xdress2lady]

I also live in a small town and agree with you Julieanne. It isn't a place i would go out dressed either.

But maybe you just need the frosting and not the whole cake right now. I finally went out for the first time a month ago. It was for a drive in the car instead of a walk. I did it when it was good and dark as you are pretty easily hid in a moving car at night. It was inspirational and a great first step for me. I plan to go one day to the city to go walking, shopping etc... This is what I call "practise outings" till I get things right. 3 things i would bring though - 1) change of clothes, makeup remover, etc in case you have to bail. 2) cell phone and if possible, tell someone when and where you are going. 3) read the sticky thread about safety of women at the top of page 1.


Good luck and hugs for being you!!!:hugs:


Josie

[Jenny Doolittle]

HI Julie,

I too live in the midwest, Ohio, and had the same fear. I longed to go out as Jenny though and mix with the real world, so I ventured to Columbus for shopping and lunch. The experiance is intoxicating! After retiring I have come out even more, wearing girly jeans and doing other things like plucking brows and growing nails, a touch of makeup, in and around my home town of say 40,000 peeps of which I am welll known. I guess I have lived so long under wraps I wanted to be who I am and not care so much what people think.

Anyway. I have had no negative feedback. I think some people (those that are observant) see but are nice. Just becasue I am wearing something nontraditional does not make me a bad person, and I think thats how people see me. as just a nice person, just a little different.

Good Luck.

Jenny

[JoAnne Wheeler]

Julieanne,
Iive in a relatively small town where everyone knows me professionally. I am not ready to come out or be outed. I would like to travel en femm and visit the surrounding large citied to dress en femm in public.

I APPRECIATE HOW YOU FEEL AND WHAT WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH !

Your sister,

JoAnne Wheeler

[lisalove]

The town that I used to live in has a population of 410, or so the sign says. The post master knew I dressed, I used to go out and work in my yard in a bikini. Mowing took 3 hours on a rider and another 1 1/2 hours trimming. And although I my road didn't see a lot of traffic, many a person saw me out there.
Now I live in a bigger town, in an apartment of all places. it is quite a bit harder to go out dressed. And now I have nothing to do outside so my tan lines nay be a thing of the past.

[trannie T]

I live in a town of 7,000. Occasionally I will dress at home walk to my car and drive to the city. So far as I know I have not been recognised. I have gone out dressed on halloween several times, the biggest result was being kidded about the ugly woman who had been in the bar. I am out to a couple people in town and suspect that I will either be seen out or be outed by a friend. It is of no concern to me, my friends will stand by me and still be my friends.

[Jilmac]

My small town is in the most conservative county in my state and I have been out in my community several times with mixed reactions. However I live close enough to Milwaukee to mingle in the big city crowds. I have found that many people are so wrapped up in their own lives that they hardly notice me when I'm en femme. There will always be people with closed minds and they are the ones I feel sorry for because they will never enjoy diversity.:2c:

[vikki2020]

For all the problems a large city like Chicago has,there are lots of advantages also.And, getting out dressed is definitely one of them!You are just one of the "too many people"!I've been out, and seen people that I know,and they looked right past me.If it's possible, go to the nearest large town, and get familiar with the different areas,and maybe plan a day you can go there dressed. I do that here, if I'm going to try a new location.Where will I park, what stores are around, that sort of thing.

[Rikki1]

I too live in a small town and would hate to take the chance. But hell I am getting older and except for my job I really don't care anymore. I just wanna be me. Oh, and by the way hi all, this is my 1st post as I am new here.
:2c:

[jarts55]

I live in the third largest city in the state of Kentucky. I have a hard time going anywhere without seeing someone I know. And that's day or night. There are people here who know about me, but no one has ever seen me as Julie Ann. I was talking to a friend about a store here and she said her cousin owns it. I think Evansville would be a better place to go.

[Intertwined]

I went on a little trip, from my home town in Southern California, to Laughlin Nevada:bs:. There I was, in the casino at the Avi Resort, 308 miles from my home, and who do I run into face to face? My Aunt & Uncle:o. Going to the " Big City " away from home is NO gauranty that you will not be seen. :2c:

[marny]

Not sure what a small town is but at about 159K

[ReineD]

We live in a small town in the midwest too. We go out to nearby towns. We've not run into any problems. If my SO does get read, people don't let on. College towns are better than others as folks tend to be more liberal minded.

[Julieanne]

Thank you ladies for all the feedback. It's good to know that others are struggling with the same things I am. I also appreciate all the advice. It would take a few hours but I could get to Minneapolis or Chicago.

Hugs, Julieanne

[Denise01]

Hi:
I live out in the country, in Hick Town ontario,. The closest village to me, count all the cats and dogs, total population 1,500.

The next closest city to me is half hour away, but cant go out there as went to school and worked there, so very seldom go there i dont bump into some one i know

When i go out as Denise, i go at least hour form home then even that is not a larger city.
For me to go to the city, i have a 3 hour drive each way, and after a day of shopping makes a long day

Those that live near large cities are fortunate, especialy when it comes to shopping

Denise

:) :) :) :)

[joann07]

I live in a big metropolitan area and I've been out everywhere.
I've even been around in my local neighborhood shops and restaurants and, every once in a while, I see people I recognize, but even if I was to cross paths with them they wouldn't recognize me because I blend in very well.

There was one time I was in Orlando at the IKEA store and I happened to almost cross paths with an uncle (long time family friend).
I didn't expect to see him there, but he didn't seem to see me or recognize me.
I thought that was an interesting encounter and a good test.

Hugs!

[vivianann]

I live in a small town in western Colorado and have been coming out to peaple there, and for the most part I have not had any problems so far, some of my friends did not understand in the beginning, but have accepted me no matter what, I have other friends who thought it was good that I can be free to be myself, and embraced my femme side. I have been out enfemme in my town and have not gotten any grief, but I am sure it is bound to happen. I do travel alot and I am always enfemme when on the road, I have been to many small towns all over the west and midwest, and peaple seem to be too busy to notice, the big cities are the same way also, however I do get alot of GG's wanting to talk to me, and they are very accepting of crossdressing, and they always give me positive compliments. In my opinion if you dress appropriate, small town or not, most peaple dont care, and for the very few peaple who do not like what I do, I could care less what they think, they are dumb asses anyway.

[Carly D.]

That's why I'm in the closet.. small town (pop. 400 give or take) bible reading.. god fearing.. change forbidding life style..

[Samantha43]

Small towns have their benefits. They are normally a great place to raise kids, they have good schools, almost nonexistent crime and a friendy atmosphere. The drawback is that you are noticed if you are "out of the norm". I live in a small town and love it. I just stay in the closet. I like my closet. It is a nice closet and has all kinds of cool girly clothes in it!

[Christa001]

I live in a small town as well so venturing out here is risky...dont want my family ridiculed ( small-town mentality in effect) so wont go out here...Guess one can say im stuck in the closet for now.Adjoining cities have bars/clubs so am going to one soon if all works out (dressed of course !) Will post here when it happens !

[Butterfly Bill]

Do you call 38,000 population a small town? (Lots would call it a small city.) Anyway, that's where I live, and I am out.

[Janet Bern]

I live in a small town and usually make it a rule to be dressed outside 25 miles.
The good news is that you are a woman you most likely would never be recognized especially if you blend.
Janet

[Cathytg]

I live in a small town in the middle of Arizona. Small towns here are also rather isolated by miles of desert so that it is a bit like living on an island. I am comfortable going out in Phoenix, for example, but I do not go out here. I have lived here too long and know too many people.

Sigh... I am also somewhat aware that I am making my own problems because few, if any, would recognize me as Cathy. And, really, who would beat the living daylights out of me in Wal-Mart anyway?

[linnea]

Where I live--in a small town of 35,000--I would not go out (except to drive to a much bigger town) en femme. However, I have no concern about going out in larger places. I would like to go out with other CDs and GGs, but I've been able to do that only a couple of times.

[Eva Marie]

I wager my "small town" is smaller than yours. In deference to my (supportive) wife, who chooses to maintain a high profile in the community, I keep a "low" profile. But, truly, because we give much to this community and take virtually nothing, I don't give a ratsazz what anyone may think. If certain politicians and others in the service of the public can get by with some of their antics, I feel I should be immune from criticism. Ocasionally, however, when the mood moves me, I do make conversational reference to my "red dress" or similar comment. That sets them wondering, and also sets my mind at ease over whatever precipitated my mood in the first place.

[Marjory]

I remember going for walks in New Hope PA and Lahaska PA in the late seventies at nite. Nobody cared.

[KimberlyS]

Julie, I live in a small town midwest town here. Everyone either knows you, knows of you, or knows someone that knows you. And everyone wants to know your business.

If it was just me it would not be a big deal, but I would not put my family through me being known as a CDer her. So I get out of town when I CD to some larger cities and hour or more away from wear we live. I also try to work in some femme time when I am out of town for business. Like this next week I will be in the Phoenix, AZ area. I will be getting out as much as I can work in.

It can be done.

[Jacquilynne]

Living where I live in a smaller town in the conservative south (pop. approx. 58K) is no fun either :/ I fear what may happen if i were to go all out and get out. . .

I have done some partial outings -- wearing capri cut jeans, a nice blouse(concealed mostly by a black jacket), jewelry, including large hoops and beaded ankle bracelets, and padded bra/hips and butt :o

It looked nice but conservative, my wife said :) its great to have a buffer when trying to go out on errands/shopping partially en femme. And guess what! each time, I ran into people from the two churches we've gone to! :o It seems I cannot go anywhere in secret! What a bummer!!

No one else seems to care though. . .I've bought clothing at multiple stores and even tried it on in the stores' dressing rooms -- all with NO problems, its just I wonder who I'll run into each time I do go out.

I'll still try though and be a bit more cautious :D

Jacie

[CD Susan]

The city that I am from has a population of about 35,000. This is neither a small town or a large city but I do not let it stop me from going out. I have no relatives here and only several close friends that do not know that I cd. I suppose there is a chance that I will eventually meet someone I know when I am out dressed but I am not too concerned about it. If I am recognised then I am, it will not change my life to any significant level. If I want to get really 'lost' I am only a two hour drive away from several large cities where no one knows me. It is a great feeling when you no longer care what other people might think about you.

[CDPAUL]

i nevcer have gone out dressed in my town either have only gone to bigger city about 45 min away but never leave the car still afraid of the unknown