Lisa Maren
06-09-2005, 07:58 PM
Hi everyone
Well, I finally did it. I walked into a JCPenney (en drab, normal male haircut) and bought a woman's outfit for the first time!
I was nervous at first and left the store to get myself more "centered" for a few minutes before I went back in -- but I would not allow myself to hurry out of the women's department. I walked slowly, not rushing, wherever I went. I had to remind myself to actually look at the clothes rather than look around the store to see who was around. lol That's a good tip to keep in mind! As soon as I started to do that I immediately felt more relaxed because I looked more like a shopper and got myself focused on the clothes rather than on how nervous I was. I picked out a camisole top that looks like two tops, dark red over orange, but the orange is just a built in bra. I also picked out a nice dark red cotton skirt, kind of crinkled, to go with it.
When I got to the cashier, there was an older woman standing there, making up her mind on a purchase and I had to stand there quietly and wait for her (ain't that just typical lol). I felt my mouth get dry and so I subtly (or not? lol) swallowed a couple of times to make sure my voice would come out right and when it was my turn I made sure that my voice came out steady and solid but too forceful or animated. The cashier was a pretty, younger girl and she was talking to a coworker (?), also a pretty, younger girl. They looked to be probably early to mid-twenties. They didn't seem the least bit phased -- it was almost like they were paying me zero attention -- so either they didn't pick up on the fact that it was for me, or they just don't give a rat's @$$. lol I don't know. My hands are shaven and ladies do notice the details, so there might be a good chance they knew, but if they did, they certainly made it a non-issue, which was just great with me.
I was nervous enough that I wanted to leave without buying anything, but I wanted more not to leave empty-handed, dammit! I'm feeling decided, now, that I don't want to try to stop crossdressing any more. If I did, I'd be killing off a core part of me and so I would just stop being me. I'll probably have moments when I feel like stopping again, but that won't last anymore. :) I am determined that I have to be able to do this because 1) I'll save tons of money on the shipping costs, 2) a lot of the stuff I bought online comes absolutely stinking of the plastic it was packaged in -- or whatever that smell is, 3) I need and want to be able to feel like I'm not ruled by fear (I'll still have my limits, sure, don't we all, but that shouldn't mean I can't be myself) and 4) I'm wearing my pretty new outfit now instead of checking the UPS tracking page every half an hour to see if it's still on time lol. Okay, I'm not that obsessive, but I do check to see when to expect it and check maybe two or three times to see if it's still on time.
Anyway, thanks for reading, if you're still here!
:) :) :)
I'm so proud of myself!
Hugs,
Lisa
Well, I finally did it. I walked into a JCPenney (en drab, normal male haircut) and bought a woman's outfit for the first time!
I was nervous at first and left the store to get myself more "centered" for a few minutes before I went back in -- but I would not allow myself to hurry out of the women's department. I walked slowly, not rushing, wherever I went. I had to remind myself to actually look at the clothes rather than look around the store to see who was around. lol That's a good tip to keep in mind! As soon as I started to do that I immediately felt more relaxed because I looked more like a shopper and got myself focused on the clothes rather than on how nervous I was. I picked out a camisole top that looks like two tops, dark red over orange, but the orange is just a built in bra. I also picked out a nice dark red cotton skirt, kind of crinkled, to go with it.
When I got to the cashier, there was an older woman standing there, making up her mind on a purchase and I had to stand there quietly and wait for her (ain't that just typical lol). I felt my mouth get dry and so I subtly (or not? lol) swallowed a couple of times to make sure my voice would come out right and when it was my turn I made sure that my voice came out steady and solid but too forceful or animated. The cashier was a pretty, younger girl and she was talking to a coworker (?), also a pretty, younger girl. They looked to be probably early to mid-twenties. They didn't seem the least bit phased -- it was almost like they were paying me zero attention -- so either they didn't pick up on the fact that it was for me, or they just don't give a rat's @$$. lol I don't know. My hands are shaven and ladies do notice the details, so there might be a good chance they knew, but if they did, they certainly made it a non-issue, which was just great with me.
I was nervous enough that I wanted to leave without buying anything, but I wanted more not to leave empty-handed, dammit! I'm feeling decided, now, that I don't want to try to stop crossdressing any more. If I did, I'd be killing off a core part of me and so I would just stop being me. I'll probably have moments when I feel like stopping again, but that won't last anymore. :) I am determined that I have to be able to do this because 1) I'll save tons of money on the shipping costs, 2) a lot of the stuff I bought online comes absolutely stinking of the plastic it was packaged in -- or whatever that smell is, 3) I need and want to be able to feel like I'm not ruled by fear (I'll still have my limits, sure, don't we all, but that shouldn't mean I can't be myself) and 4) I'm wearing my pretty new outfit now instead of checking the UPS tracking page every half an hour to see if it's still on time lol. Okay, I'm not that obsessive, but I do check to see when to expect it and check maybe two or three times to see if it's still on time.
Anyway, thanks for reading, if you're still here!
:) :) :)
I'm so proud of myself!
Hugs,
Lisa