Wish I could GIVE IT UP!!!!!!

[Cool Stacy]

Hello, Although still new here, I have been dressing for awhile. How many of you feel that crossdressing is messing with thier lives. I am a closet dresser. I am married and have been for awhile. My wife and I are expecting our first child a BOY and I am so scared this will happen to him. We ,well I think about dressing allot. While working and many other times so I find it hard to concentrate on what I am suppose to be. And when I do get the chance to dress. I don't get stuff done around the house. I LOVE it but want to give it up. I have tried once getting rid of all I own. But the stuff is so easy to buy. Has anyone given it up and been successfull. I don't get why we were born this way. Wish I was'nt. Any how any Thanks for listening.

[carolinoakland]

Nope, no one who's ever done this has ever given it up successfully. Actually, how would we know? If they gave it up forever? No, I think that you need to integrate the two halfs, the fact that the compulsion is intruding into your work thoughts is a bad sign, your're repressing yourself and your subconcious is rebelling. The danger is that the desire to dress will over ride your better judgement out of desperation. I called it the pendulum of shame. I'd start out in the middle trying NOT to dress and be normal. and the need would grow and grow until I had to do something, sometimes put myself at risk, physically and emotionally. And then once I've submitted to the desire I would feel so ashamed at letting it get the better of me I'd swing the pendulum all the way over to the shame side. I started to worry about the whole schizophrenic nature of the two personalitys and that being ashamed about oneself not being very healty. you need to find a balance that allows for your true expression, but in a way the meets your need for safety and acceptance. Hope this helps. Carol

[Kate Simmons]

Admitting you have the feelings and accepting them is the first step. Balancing them is the next step and the final step is integrating them into your overall self. What that does is give you the latitude to always be yourself no matter how you are dressed. The final step is the hardest, believe me I know. It all takes time my friend. It took me some 49 years to accomplish it. Hopefully others can make the turn around time shorter with insight learned here on the Forum.:)

[SherriePall]

Unfortunately, I don't think that you will find anyone here who has given it up permanently. (It would be like an alcoholic purposedly going into his old favorite bar to say hello) Some have stopped for years. Some for months. Others of us for days. In my opinion, it would be difficult because I believe we were born this way. Some of us started way before puberty, some at, and some much later, but I believe the urge was there from the beginning.
I have had times when dressing was all I could think about. After telling my unapproving wife about nine years ago, I just tell her I need time for myself when it gets overwhelming. That seems to help. Have you told your wife?
As for your worries about your son, it doesn't appear you would be passing along the dressing habit.
I wish you the best as you go down this road so many of us have traveled.

[avril findlay]

I really couldn't envisage not being a crossdresser. I honestly don't know what I would do if I couldn't be Avril.
If I couldn't be myself I don't think I would want to be. I know that sounds a bit melodramatic, and I'm not a drama queen but that's how I feel.

[Carole Cross]

I don't think it is possible to give up . I tried and managed to supress it for a few years but the urge never went away, it was always at the back of my mind.

[sometimes_miss]

I'm not sure all of us were 'born this way'. I wasn't, at least; there were a lot of influences going on when I was growing up that instilled the desire to crossdress into me. But I wasn't ever able to give it up completely either, however; the longest was for a few years while dating and married, as it seems stress is instrumental to making me want to crossdress. Like you, I think about it almost all the time, unless I'm quite busy concentrating on something else. And yes, the desire to dress up interferes with getting other chores done, although for me it at least gets me to keep the house tidy when I dress, and act, as a house maid. Because of how it developed in me, I don't know whether the desire to CD is inherited. Maybe sometimes, maybe not. But I don't know how many fathers tell their sons about it, so it's probably not a widely studied topic.

[mklinden2010]

Hello, Although still new here, I have been dressing for awhile. How many of you feel that crossdressing is messing with thier lives. I am a closet dresser. I am married and have been for awhile. My wife and I are expecting our first child a BOY and I am so scared this will happen to him. We ,well I think about dressing allot. While working and many other times so I find it hard to concentrate on what I am suppose to be. And when I do get the chance to dress. I don't get stuff done around the house. I LOVE it but want to give it up. I have tried once getting rid of all I own. But the stuff is so easy to buy. Has anyone given it up and been successfull. I don't get why we were born this way. Wish I was'nt. Any how any Thanks for listening.


S,

Well, sounds like it's time for the talk.

And, it's not uncommon to feel like you are being pushed by circumstance... Fine. There's a time and place for everything.

Oh, and before I go any further, I don't see beginning and continuing with CDing all that different from playing basketball or collecting baseball cards as a kid or teenager.

We all start somewhere and tend to repeat what gave us pleasure. How many guys get busted, for example, for collecting beer bottles, beer cans, or, beer mugs long after college? That too, drives their wives to distraction.

My SOs (I'm older than you, for sure.) were all women who liked women's clothing and figured, "Well, you COULD do worse. Oh, and forget the green blouse; it's not for your skin tone! We'll go get you some shoes for your birthday - you can't wear white all year 'round."

That's how things worked out for me using the theory and thinking described below... And, this was many kids, many in-laws, many rotary club meetings ago...

My theory is that, down deep, a lot of people are just very honest people. They can keep things to themselves for a long time, but eventually their honesty just works itself to the surface.

You've got a "new deal" coming up with a child and you have honest concerns about your here-to-fore-private-and-managable business interfering with the rest of your life - and lives. The "right thing to do" is to sit down for a little talk. You know it because you feel it. Trust your feelings to clue you in on when to act and not act. That's what feelings are for - do something with them.

Might help if you just admit you started out as a young idiot and now you're just an older idiot with more on your plate - and you need to talk about it. You're not crazy. You're not gay. You're not a dishonest creep. You're just a guy who got into something that worked and/or works for him - but which looks a little strange to other people.

You are the same person you were last month and last year, just being more honest about yourself. "And," and this is a big "and," more concerned than ever that the future go well for you family.

So, good for you. Time to cross this bridge. It's not a matter of being too late or too early, it's just a matter of it being now.

Oh, and your son will be your son and who knows how he'll live his life or what will influence him.

I get such a kick out of people who are against gay marriage and adoptions. I ask, "But, didn't nearly all those gay people come from "properly married couples" What are we going to do about their kids being gay? Stone them too?"

Were your parents crossdressers? Did they "give" you the idea? Was it their fault? Probably not. From what people write here, probably not at all. And, if your kid winds up CDing, being gay, or, a Republican, you'll love him anyway, right? That's your only and best job from here on out. Focus on that.

Kids are impressionable, but, on the other hand, they are notorious for not paying any attention to their elders.

So, don't worry about what might happen - no on has any idea how things will really turn out 20, 30, 40 years from now. Deal with how your feel now and what you think you need to do about it - that's all you can do, deal with the now.

Thinking this far ahead, you'll be a great Dad.



Good for you. Good for you wife and son. Good for everybody.

Thank you for the honest email...

[Tracii G]

Why would you want to remove part of your being?.
Having two sides leads to balance.I love both sides.

[gennee]

I have been crossdressing for 3 1/2 years. I feel complete and liberated. I denied myself for several weeks and that was pure hell. When I accepted who I was I was filled with inner peace. I love crossdressing because it's a part of my life.

Gennee

[Karren H]

I agree that life would be so much simpler if it would just go away!! But it won't and so I embrace what I am and I enjoy what I'm driven to do......

[charlie]

Hello Super!
Welcome to the forum. I hope you get as much support and help here as I do. Most everyone here is in your same shoes. We have alll found out that we can't quit. Toss out stuff, in time, more arrives. I did quit for over 12 years, then the pink fog decended and I'm back at it again. I do not think we can quit or fight it. Find a suitable place to dress and go with it. Good Luck!
Charlie

[jina]

You will get good information here,.. and also you will find answers to questions you haven't even thought of yet.

I have 5 children (1 adopted). I put off my feelings for a lot of years (but they would surface in other ways). I had a paying performing music career (which is rare) through my kid's baby years. That allowed me to act out in some ways that were considered normal for my profession (and comical too).

I have had a melancholy streak all of my life (past puberty anyway). I believe it is related to being out of place in the world of gender (it's hard to quantify exactly what that means). I mention this because these feelings you have will likely find their way into your life and marriage in different ways. Be careful about that (especially misplaced anger and resentment in your marriage).

Regarding your son I understand your concern. I would say based on my parenting experience that children come to earth more or less who they are. If he did have the same problem then it was probably going to be there anyway (I think this is very unlikely though). Children always have their own individual soup of factors to wade through, different from their parents. I have had concerns many times though about my trans-ness interfering with normal and healthy development especially with teens (most people would never even know I had this though - my wife and my councilor are the only ones that know). In some ways I think it's made me a better parent... it's a mixed bag really. Getting a therapist might help you balance the conflicting feelings.

You are in a dilemma that many have had to live. Sometimes i feel that there's no real answer for it. If you could get your wife on board it might help. But that could be a whole other set of problems too. This is our challenge as a type of people the way that we are. No easy answers.

I wish you well and can be reached by private message if you would like to talk further..

Be well,.. jina

[paulaN]

There is some really smart gurls here. And you have gotten some great advice. Try to strike some kind of ballance and accept your self. I know it is hard but you must accept your self and the sooner the better.

[Cheryl T]

Success???
The only success I have had in over 40 years of buying and purging is finally admitting this is who I am. Once I did that and made the difficult decision to discuss this with my spouse I finally won. I no longer feel guilty about my femininity and the clothing that I wear. I no longer feel that I need help, as I have it in her love and acceptance of who I really am.
I can't begin to count the times I bought something that made me feel wonderful only to let the pressures of society make me feel guilty about ME and end up discarding something that any other woman would have been able to enjoy.

NO More!!
Closets are for Clothes !!
Now we shop together and find a new link that has only brought us closer. Now I purge only because something no longer fits, is out of style, or to make room for something new. Now my cast offs are donated to charity, not relegated to the landfill.

Purging doesn't work...loving yourself as you are does.

[KatGRL774]

S,

...............

Oh, and before I go any further, I don't see beginning and continuing with CDing all that different from playing basketball or collecting baseball cards as a kid or teenager.
................


Wow.. personally I strongly disagree here. I have been a CD since about age 5, and it has ALWAYS consumed my thoughts and desires even when my sensible brain wanted to turn it off. It's hard wired, and I doubt that you could understand that based on your quote about baseball cards. This is VERY different.

It's not quite the same, but I would say it's on almost the same level as hunger. It nags at you until you feed yourself.

I'm sure it's different for some, but let me say - I have purged quite a few times. I have purged items that when added up, probably totals more than $5,000!

Good luck out there...

- Kat

[susanCD123]

I just love all of you girls, and your great advice. I am a father or 2, and a grandfather, and have dressed all my life. I love who I am now, and am no longer ashamed or embarrased. I am a retired professional, and it is what it is, please feel free to private message me.
susan
:drink:

[Julieanne]

My wife and I are expecting our first child a BOY and I am so scared this will happen to him.

Much of what I would say has already been said (and probably better) by other ladies who have replied to your post. My input is don't worry about your son. My son is certainly different (a juggling unicyclist who teaches special ed) but not a crossdresser. Crossdressing isn't a virus that you have to be worried about your son catching. Just love him, nurture him, and enjoy him. He'll be one of the best things that ever happened to you.

And if, perchance, your son does become a crossdresser, who better to have as a father than you?

Hang in there.

Hugs, Julie

[MissConstrued]

Were your parents crossdressers? Did they "give" you the idea? Was it their fault? Probably not. From what people write here, probably not at all. And, if your kid winds up CDing, being gay, or, a Republican, you'll love him anyway, right?


Yikes... I should hope the kids I have someday will grow up to be libertarians. :)

[jennifer41356]

Hello, Although still new here, I have been dressing for awhile. How many of you feel that crossdressing is messing with thier lives. I am a closet dresser. I am married and have been for awhile. My wife and I are expecting our first child a BOY and I am so scared this will happen to him. We ,well I think about dressing allot. While working and many other times so I find it hard to concentrate on what I am suppose to be. And when I do get the chance to dress. I don't get stuff done around the house. I LOVE it but want to give it up. I have tried once getting rid of all I own. But the stuff is so easy to buy. Has anyone given it up and been successfull. I don't get why we were born this way. Wish I was'nt. Any how any Thanks for listening.


I wouldnt trade this for anything, I love being fem and embrace, it has made my life so wonderful, sorry it has been a burden to you

[beenherelongtime]

you should not give it up out of concern for your boy. it is not an inherited trait, i have 2 sons that are the picture of masculinity. they don't know about me although their mother does. they are now 40 and 39 and i don't know how they would react, but i have no intention of telling them. we all, i think, go through periods of feeling that its wrong but i think this is the stigma brought to us by society.

[Jenniferpl]

Some great advice from some smart girls. I for one have no plans on quitting. Tried in the past and it just made me miserable. I enjoy being a girly girl and, I have to believe, so does my wife. I am fortunate in that I have a supportive spouse. It makes my decision to be femenine easy. My heart goes out those that do not.

[Farrah]

I think at some point we've all felt this way. I feel this way sometimes even now. Lately i've been trying to accept that fact that I'm 2 people. Since I'm married to an unsuspecting wife, I can't dress as much. I long to go out and be a free spirit. I have a son as well. I really don't want him to go through what i've gone through. Its really tough. Its hard to tell your parents you want to wear your sister's clothes. However, I never did and probably never will. I've tried to quit on many occasions. However thats trying to quit being who you are. No one can do that. I'm coming to grips with this is just who I am, and I'm going to be who I am even if its just in my mind or just for a little while when everyone is out of the house.

[kymmieLorain]

I have felt the same way as you do about children and CDing. I have 3 boys. None know what I know of. my oldest may think but hasen't said anything. They do how ever know I paint may toe nails, and wear differant underwear. I do however keep my sexy lingerie under cover and also most of my fem cloths. Being that I keep in the house with my CDing I only dress when they are in bed or gone.

Kymmie

[docrobbysherry]

If you're on the CD fence, and not TS/TG, u just take the pill. :eek:

And the desire to dress will disappear!:D

( Yeah, I know. Some of u will say there's a pill available now, that does that. But, thorazine isn't what I had in mind!):eek:

[Kathleen Grace]

I’ve avoided dressing for along time for my wife’s sake, but the desire to express my inner femininity never goes away. I’m sure GGs would say there’s more to it than the clothes. Then say in the next breath that they need nice clothes and makeup to feel beautiful. I know my wife says it occasionally. So if you have strong feminine feelings there’s no way to avoid dressing forever. You will only be miserable if you don’t express your desires fully once in a while.

But the guilt is there too. I know the guilt you feel when you think. “ I should just stop. This is wrong.” But is expressing the tenderness within you wrong? Is expressing a desire for beauty in a womanly way and expressing your sensitivity and other emotions as a woman really so harmful? I’m still struggling with the question my self, but I suspect the answer is no.

As others have said; you will be a good father because you care so much. Believe it or not, the saying is true; being in touch with your feminine side can make you be a better man. When the time comes to tell your wife, if you haven’t already, (I’m about to tell mine.) be sure to do it with sensitivity, kindness and love.

All the best,

Kathleen

[Tasha McIntyre]

Has anyone given it up and been successfull. I don't get why we were born this way. Wish I was'nt.

I've never given up.......stopped for a few months here and there, but being honest with myself I can say i have never really given up.

I now firmly believe I was born this way, and have come to terms with that fact. As far as wishing i wasn't, I'm kind of in limbo there. I absolutely adore the times I can fully do myself up, and get quite emotional with myself when it's time to put Tash away. Other times I kinda feel - to quote a fellow member, it's a "curse within".

[judyk]

No can’t be done !

I started at ~ 8/9, I’m now 55.

It’s sort of like the MOB…No one gets out a live!

I have tried to quit, purged that just cost money, but you get new things !

Got married had a son, none of this helps.

You as we all will just have to make do, the best you can.

But the good news is it’s not the end. Just the start.

Hugs All

Judy Kearns

Web Mistress
Founder and 1st President
Gender Mosaic

http://www.gendermosaic.ca

[WomanAtHeart4]

"While working and many other times so I find it hard to concentrate on what I am suppose to be. And when I do get the chance to dress. I don't get stuff done around the house. I LOVE it but want to give it up. I have tried once getting rid of all I own. But the stuff is so easy to buy"

Super,
Congratulations.
I feel your concerns. I too had many of the same thoughts of cding; time spent, failed attempts at quiting, enjoying it and not wanting to quit, concern for my child, etc.
One area that I wanted to comment; the time spent on cding. Gosh - it can be incredible. Time spend on cding can consume you and your life - if you let it. One hour can turn into 8. One day off can be totally wasted on - what - cding? It was great, but I didnt get anything I needed to get done - done.
I know in my life, after many failed purges - I realized I could not quit, but rather, I had to accept and manage my cding. CDing, though an important component in my life, was not #1 or even #2. I do have to schedule some time/opportunities for cding (or else I will get off balanace) but time spent is now proportionate - I have to. I have too many things I have to accomplish in my life; family, job, profession, career, etc, and unmanaged cding time can derail any of my priorities. So, simply - it is a matter of moderation. :)
Love,
Stephanie

[Jonianne]

.......My wife and I are expecting our first child a BOY and I am so scared this will happen to him........

What if you son grows up to be gay? Would you still love and accept him as he is? We cannot control how others feel or are.


.......We ,well I think about dressing allot. While working and many other times so I find it hard to concentrate on what I am suppose to be. And when I do get the chance to dress. I don't get stuff done around the house. I LOVE it but want to give it up. I have tried once getting rid of all I own. But the stuff is so easy to buy.......

When you get to the point of finding out who you are and truly accepting your self, it is so much easier to have self-discipline. But that definatly takes work and time and sticking to priorities.


.......Has anyone given it up and been successfull.......

Yes, anyone can stop dressing. What you cannot stop is the feelings. They may subside for a while if you focus on other things in your life. But they will return because your brain is wired for it in its default state. For me, the work involved in accepting myself and living by groundrules and boundries with those I am in relationship with is so much easier than fighting completely against something is is a wonderful part of my being anyway.


If you're on the CD fence, and not TS/TG, u just take the pill. :eek:

And the desire to dress will disappear!:D

( Yeah, I know. Some of u will say there's a pill available now, that does that. But, thorazine isn't what I had in mind!):eek:

I'm not sure what you mean Doc. I was on thorazine for years as well as disiprimine and my desire for dressing was not inhibited in the least.

[deja true]

...But the guilt is there too. I know the guilt you feel when you think. “ I should just stop. This is wrong.” But is expressing the tenderness within you wrong? Is expressing a desire for beauty in a womanly way and expressing your sensitivity and other emotions as a woman really so harmful? I’m still struggling with the question my self, but I suspect the answer is no....Kathleen


Kathleen's got my thought right there...

Personally, I'd be more worried that my son was gonna fall into the wrong company and end up a pretentious, hyper-macho, self-absorbed, d*ckhead!
Your desire for the softer side of life is not a failing of any kind. It's an indication that you're a sensitive person that prolly will make a good dad. Hopefully, your wife will be able to recognize that, too, if you can find a way to share it with her.

(I don't think that the late stages of her pregnancy is the time to do that sharing, though! She's already on a hormone induced emotional rollercoaster that needs as few stresses as possible, eh!)

Your appreciation of your own over-stressed compulsion is another matter, though. And it's imperative that you deal with that so that you're not inadvertently leaking that stress into your relationship that needs to be at its smoothest and calmest just now. Reinforce your love for your wife and your enthusiasm for your impending addition. It's bonding with the family time, not self absorbed personal guilt time.

Read all these posts over again...and if you can't find a way to just shuck the personal guilt thing,get some help...

Congrats on your upcoming family expansion.

:)

[Mollyanne]

Hi, Please accept the following concept; No one asked to be a cd'er!!!! It is something that is "wired" into us!!!!! There have been some instances where cd'ing stops all together but this is usually very rare. You can go to therapy and "discover" your inner self(have money). Or just "cut back" and accept the fact that this is you, you may even consider talking to your wife about this and you should. YOUR CHILD PROBABLY WILL NOT BE A CD'ER, and even if he was would you love him less?????

Mollyanne

[Nicki B]

But the guilt is there too. I know the guilt you feel when you think. “ I should just stop. This is wrong.”

That attitude does us all so much damage, until we can defeat it?



Personally, I'd be more worried that my son was gonna ..end up ..self-absorbed,

Pray he's not trans, then... :heehee:

[Jocelyn Quivers]

I understand the desire to be able to stop dressing. I've spent a large part of my life trying everything possible to get rid of this side of me. In the end for all of the effort and attempts I made to bury my femme side, it just came back stronger and stronger, until it forced it's way out. The least painful and best thing to do is to accept and embrace this side of you. Trust me it's not going to go away.

[curse within]

Super,

It is a constant battle for me to give it up, many here (most in fact) give great advise in to just live it out. Let it in gulp you as it is does, allow it to take time from your family and your everyday life, live with no regrets, or are we?

I try to stand on both sides of the fence so to say..Toe the line in a happy medium, but there isn't any, for me anyways. What we do is un natural in soceitys eyes, no man should have a fem side or should openly show it for that matter, if we did it wouldn't surprise me that we get our own drinking foutains and are forced to ride in the back of buses.

We are doing nothing wrong , that is the point many here (most in fact) are trying to make. Crossdressing isn't a choice for many here(most in fact) it is something we were born with no different than your skin ,eye and hair color.

It is something you have to first accept yourself like growing old, you can fight it but your not gonna stop it , why? Because it is natural just as your crossdressing is. The only problem is everyone ages not everyone crossdresses, what are you to do? Control it ? Yes you can but for how long?

The only advise I can give you depends on how far you are willing to take it, if you choose to live your life as I've done ,it would be. Never let it take time from your family that is important you will regret it but at the same time fed the hunger don't allow it to take you into deep depressions lashing out to the ones you care for.. You are who you are be reasonable with it never selvish and never hide it from your wife, that is a time bomb waiting to explode.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

Sorry to be a spoilsport, but I do not think that you will ever be able to give "it" up. I tried to give "it" up at the request of my spouse. I call it the "Great Purge of 95". Two years ago, "it" started to return. And did it ever return - with a vengance - thought I was through with CDing - I wasn't. JoAnne started screaming, "I want back out!" THen the "Pink Fog" set in. Have been lost in the fog for the last year.
Bottom line, from all that I have read, and from my personal experience, "it" will never, ever go away. You may put it on the back burner, but I can assure you ---- "IT ISN'T GOING AWAY !"
Been there, done that.
Your sister,
JoAnne Wheeler

[suzy]

Well......

All the girls here have said it all! Great advise here from our family.....

I tried to suppress crossdressing for a number of years but you know what...it won out. :) You know what else? I'm glad that it did!:D

I love having both sides to me.... I am fulfilled with the perfect combination and that makes me happy!:love:

[Joanne f]

Like Sherry has said if you are on the fence then maybe you could stop if you really wanted to , but like so many others i am way over that fence to even make it realistic to even consider stopping now.there has been times when i have wanted to stop and times when i wish that i had never started but then i ask myself "what am i really doing wrong " and i cannot come up with an answer, i am the way i am it is not me who is doing anything wrong for being "me" it is the ones that are punishing me who are wrong , so i have long put that thought of ,i wish i could stop out of my head , i may try to hide it from some but stop it i won`t and can`t. and i am not being arrogant just realistic.

[krissysSecret]

I agree that life would be so much simpler if it would just go away!! But it won't and so I embrace what I am and I enjoy what I'm driven to do......

Just listen to Karren's words here. She and the other girls before her speak the truth. I have never seen anyone embrace this life like Karren Hutton has.It is what it is....You have to figure out a way to embrace it..as well as the rest of your life's activities.You will find the balance someday!
Kristine

[mklinden2010]

Wow.. personally I strongly disagree here. I have been a CD since about age 5, and it has ALWAYS consumed my thoughts and desires even when my sensible brain wanted to turn it off. It's hard wired, and I doubt that you could understand that based on your quote about baseball cards. This is VERY different.

It's not quite the same, but I would say it's on almost the same level as hunger. It nags at you until you feed yourself.

I'm sure it's different for some, but let me say - I have purged quite a few times. I have purged items that when added up, probably totals more than $5,000!

Good luck out there...

- Kat

K,

I don't know...

Having been a kid with like obsessions, baseballs cards only being an example, it seems I did "feel" I had to do those things.

The comments in this thread today, about discipline, I think really address how to live with our passions, whatever they may be.

The more you know, the more you experience - the more wise you (hopefully) become in what you do and when and where and how, etc.... And, at some point, you have to chose to continue some things, and give up others. That's just life. And, some things you can let go of and some things you can't.

CDing reminds me of the old song, "How do you keep them down on the farm once they've been to gay Paree? Nevermind the "gay" part - it's an old song. But, the point is, once you go from dull to brilliant, it's hard to be happy with dull and not to seek out a bit of brilliance here and there for the rest of your life. Some things you do not forget - and, don't want to.

Whether this is a hard-wired, or, hard-won passion, it's something that I had to accept was something I really wanted to do and really, really, didn't want to give up. That prompted me to speak up to my SOs, and family, and friends, and say, "Uh, look, here's the thing..."

The world didn't end, but my worrying about leaving something out, being seen, being "outed," did. As did my worry about, "Would they like me if they knew?"

Turns out, I just wasn't dealing with MY life situation. Once I got on that road and stayed on it, the view and the road just got better and better. No more purges, all MY things hung up in the closet and organized around the sink where they belong, and no constant feelings that I was missing something because of family duties or work. Do year-round football fans forced to miss a game, or, the Superbowl, suffer any less?

For me, the solution to all that energy wasted in hiding and worrying was to be open about my interests and activities and to then deal with whoever was left to deal with in a positive way. I may have fewer friends, but I doubt it. As people have noted above, what bugs you tends to leak out into your day-to-day life more than you might think and you may, in a case like that, actually have fewer real friends - until you are outed, and then you have none...

Baseballs "nuts" by the way, are not all normal people either.

Most are, just like CDers, but not ALL of them.

Live well and be happy.