My wife said "I've had enough"

[Karren H]

Well you know how I always tend to push things just a little bit... Soft pushes.. Tonight we were watching "Split Ends". The show where they swap hair dressers.. Love that show.. But afterwards there was a show on "Stars with and without makeup". And we started to watch.. One of the hosts was some kind of a fashion expert.. A guy westing pink and black womens clothing and a pink and black fem hat.. And wearing makeup.. Normally I'd change the channel out of respect for my wife but she seemed to be enjoying it even with the hint of crossdressing... So about 10 minutes into the show they were doing a piece on the Arquett sisters and said that they should take some ques from their brother... Alexis!!! And the start showing photos of him..... her..

Well my wife turned and looked at me and said. "I've had enough.... Change the channel". Which I did.. To the ice hockey game! Lol. And since she isn't a big fan of crossdressing or ice hockey.. She got up, grabbed a book and went off to read in the bedroom.. I'm sure glad she doesn't stam angry for more than 30 minutes... I'm bop into the bedroom after I finish this with the cat and see how she's doing...

I try to push crossdressing into the lime light from time to time but I don't really want to. push her too far....... Anyone else trying some soft pushing at home?

[uknowhoo]

Beware the thin ice, sis!

My wife's posture RE: CDing tends to change over time and we're in more of a don't ask/don't tell kinda phase these days. I'm trying not to push much of anything lately, as she's going through a tough time with it. :(

[Samantha43]

Wow, Karen, that's kind of a bad situation. My wife is totally on board with my crossdressing as long as I don't cross "the line". I need to make sure that I am the man she married 95% of the time. The other 5% is my girl time. She enjoys my girl time as long as I don't get carried away and take it too far. It's kind of an unspoken agreement that we have.

[Karren H]

LOL.... Our unspoken agreement is don't speak about it....

[Sophia de la luz]

Jeez, Karen, from the many posts of yours I've read, you seem like a terrific person. Your wife is lucky beyond measure for your wit, sense of humor and sensitivity... and probably courage and other virtues I would be guessing at.
At our home, my wife is pretty supporting. I don't really push it. If I started wearing makeup and spending a lot of time "doing myself up", it would bother her because of the odors. And, it would bother me. Our tastes are similiar. She likes seeing me dressed nicely and supported me giving up my male look.

I wish for you the very best.

[Holly]

My wife said exactly the same thing tonight... said I had enough panties... so she took some of them for herself. It's a good thing I don't mind sharing (neither does she :D).

[Sherry-Stephanie]

Hmmmmmm... funny you should bring that up this evening....

[Karen Francis]

Everybody can prioritize their lives any way they wish. If you want to keep crossdressing to 5% of the time, don't talk about it, pretend it doesn't exist because you want to stay in the relationship, you have made that choice.

Where the problem exists is if the unaccepting SO is using it as a matter of control, and you submerge the feelings and are unhappy because of it.

At 55 years old, I am not in the habit of saying "mommy may I". And my 35 year marriage is in the trashcan because of it. I made that choice. Priorities.

[marny]

If I had to give lis 95% of my underwear drawer there wouldn'?'t be anything left!

[docrobbysherry]

With your header! I thot you were going to say your wife wanted out of your marriage! :doh:

I think you're a special person, and that u care for your wife! I hope u two hang in there! :hugs: U BOTH may be very difficult to replace!:sad:

[jennCD]

As far as my wife and I, there's the tendency for me to pretty much avoid talking about any transgender-related topic unless she brings it up first and then I simply go with it until it winds down it's natural course until we're talking about food or the kids again! :)

MY wife accepts that this is me but she has no interest in making Jenn any part of her life other than the knowledge that it is part of my internal makeup. I have no desire to push the envelope to solicit a reaction simply because the reaction, when forced, would be a negative one. Oh sure, I can joke about my 'girly' side, as long as it's in good taste and not over the top or a constant thing then it'll pass without any bad mojo.... but god forbid I ever shave my legs again around her! Ho ho, will that be a bad scene once again!

:)
jenn

[Kathy Leigh]

I love you Karen but please be careful not to cross the invisible line your wife has set up. Hope you can figure out where it is.


Hugs,

Kathy Leigh

[Tasha McIntyre]

Hi Karren, would you call this soft pushing?

My wife (a typical GG) is the biggest sticky beak in the world. Whenever I buy Tash something new I make it pretty obvious that I am trying to hide it before the wife sees.

Just yesterday I was at the post Xmas sales and picked up a couple of gorgeous items. When I got home the conversation (as usual) went something like this:

Wife: Ooh, what did you get?
Me: Ah, just some clothes I saw at the shops, nothing spesh (as I fumble around with the bags, heading for the bedroom)
Wife: You needed some new clothes, give us a look.
Me: You wanna see my new clothes do you?
Wife: Yeah, come on, let's see

Out comes a dress, skirt and shirt.

Wife :brolleyes: I had to ask didn't I....walked into that one!
Me: Oh yeah, you did!. Hey want me to model them for you?:daydreaming:
Wife: (laughing) No, thats Ok dear.

[Mercedes]

I think like many of us girls, my dressing desires ebb and flow so I would say I do not do the soft push unless I think my wife may be in a more accepting mood. But there's the once a year big push when I have to bring up my dressing and ask for her to do my makeup or go shopping. Sometimes it goes okay and I get snubbed but we talk about CDing and other times it works out to be a very good time for me.

Mercedes XOXOXO

[Nicole Erin]

My wife goes thru it about once a month when she has the most problems with my dressing, usually that time of the month

[DanaR]

Karen,

When I read the header, I thought something had happened to your marriage as well. I'd be careful with the soft pushes, you might be just soft pushing her into a corner.

[Tasha McIntyre]

My wife goes thru it about once a month when she has the most problems with my dressing, usually that time of the month

Thanks for that, I haven't laughed so hard for ages :^5:

[catriona36]

My wife (a typical GG) is the biggest sticky beak in the world. Whenever I buy Tash something new I make it pretty obvious that I am trying to hide it before the wife sees.

Wife :brolleyes: I had to ask didn't I....walked into that one!
Me: Oh yeah, you did!. Hey want me to model them for you?:daydreaming:
Wife: (laughing) No, thats Ok dear.

glad she has a sense of humor and hope you get her something nice from time to time, she deserves it because you live in qld (joking), i mean cos she sounds like fun in the normal sense lol

[Mollyanne]

I too have used the "soft push" approuch but to no avail!!!! She has seen me with a feminine night shirt on and under that I have had my bra on(can't miss my full C cup breasts). She and I have had discussions about my x-dressing and she pushed me for therapy which I am into. Actually I feel kind of liberated due to it. I tried explaining this to the wife but hit a "brick wall" with the subject. She will not accept the fact that her husband has a feminine side and has embraced it, which I have and LOVE it!!!!!

Mollyanne

[deja true]

Sheesh! You tease!

I hate shocks like that at 6 A.M.!

I hope your wife takes away your hockey watching priveleges for two weeks...

:D

[Sarasometimes]

Karren I also love split ends. My situation is a "don't ask don't tell" but i often wonder if it could be a slight bit more open. Well I was watching the splitends episode wherethe guy worked dressed as a drag diva and about 10 minutes into it my wife said change the channel. I read this as "lets hold off pushing CDing for a bit, say another decade might do.
A neat side to that show is the vast difference in how the female (and male) hairdressers dress and present themselves at work. How did the hochey game end? I see the Pens beat the Devils (Fine with me I'm a rangers fan).

[S. Lisa Smith]

Very interesting. My wife is semi supporting...for example, she has purchased a bra for me (at my request). She knows I dress every Wednesday night when she goes for girls night at the neighbors, but doesn't want to see me dressed. It's a workable solution...I'm very fortunate!

[Sara Jessica]

I think those of us who are tg/cd'ers invented the line "give an inch, take a mile". We see that door cracked open a bit and it creates a nearly insatiable desire to push it open even more, or at least with those of us who exist like you do Karren (in a don't ask/don't tell/don't share world).

It sounds like my wife is just a wee bit more accepting than yours but I still crave more. I am who I am and I hate having to hide any aspect of this or walk on eggshells about it.

[TGMarla]

Whenever crossdressers come on the tube, I get a little uncomfortable when my wife is watching, too. It's hard to tell just what goes through her head. She's sympathetic to transexuals, and doesn't seem to get too put off by them, and is fascinated by the whole gender dysphoria thing. She'll make a comment about how she does not have this problem, that she's "all girl", but I know she has to be thinking about me and the whole crossdressing thing. So it's always hard to say. I sometimes will keep something on a certain channel if it's going to push that envelope a little bit. But her ice never breaks, and she never turns the conversation towards me.

[Jess_cd32]

From some of the other posts as well it looks like this is a bad time of year to discuss cd-ing with the SO for some reason, and I came so close last night to doing just that:eek: glad I didn't now:doh:

Glad to hear at least Karren that she's not leaving you.
I to agree w/ the post that she's lucky to have you from what I've seen of your personality and the type of person you are.

Get her some of these and all will be forgotten:love:

[Karren H]

Well this morning it was business as usual.. She back to her happy self.. And were going to Dave and Busters for lunch with the kids.. My wife is just amazing.. I don't know how she can get mad or pissed at things and then 30 minutes later be totally back to normal... But I'm sure glad she does!! :)

[Jenny Doolittle]

HI Karen,

Yes, I know all too well what you are talking about. It is wounderful that we have waives we have been able to be honest with about who we truley are, but unfortunate that we still are somewhat alone in the embrasement of her.

I for the last year or so have gentle nudged. To the point that both of my sons now know thta dad is a bit of a fem. (one of her biggest concerns) But, we still all love one another so maybe that gentle push was positive.

I have givin her the information about dressing, (books, this site, etc) Not sure how much she has looked. I have asked her if she would like to see Jenny. No, to that one so far, but still a little gentle push.

The best part I guess is the abiltity to be open, honest and be assured we are still in love! I hope U can say the same.

Jen

[tommi]

Karren it takes a special women to deal with this in the first place even the
wives that have a don't tell me about it attitude. Atleast you still can dress without threats hanging over you.

[unclejoann]

Two months ago I was diagnosed with a medical problem and tomorrow i go in for surgery. I have definitely pushed my crossdressing more the last couple of months (not dressing in front of her of course), and she is letting me push. I think the body shaving will remain after my recovery without much comment from her.

But I know that she is just biting her tongue and not accepting anything. She is just letting me do it because of the stress of the surgery.

I wish it were a real acceptance from her, because she doesn't have a sense of humor at all about this and it is too bad. The instructions for surgery say that I have to remove all nail polish but it is ok to shave my legs -- I thought that was funny as could be, but she had no reaction.

[unclejoann]

I am not trying to be OT, just stating that I am taking advantage of an opportunity to push the CD thing. I am an opportunist. and I do wonder why so many wives can't have a better sense of humor about this.

[kristinacd55]

LOL.... Our unspoken agreement is don't speak about it....

sort of like the old "gays in the military!" :heehee:

[JoAnne Wheeler]

Karen - I was given and inch and tried to take a mile - not good ! Unless you want a divorce real soon, back off for awhile. Been there, done that !
Love,
JoAnne Wheeler

[Violetgray]

I know that if I was a GG wife, I would be angry if I set such a boundary and my S.O. tried to exceed it. Especially if it was in a non-straightforward way, because that smells faintly of manipulation.

[victoriamwilliams1]

Mine does not understand the whole dressing thing and thats why I am in the closet to the family:)

[Nadia-Maria]

Karen, I believe you are right. The baby steps policy is very efficient. Being too shy would lead no where.

I take every opportunity to bring CDing into the conversation, mostly with humour. In a course of one year, from a "don't ask don't tell" position the progesses have been significative. For instance I have already all rights to wear a pantyhose during wintertime. At the moment I may even wear a skirt in front of her, provided I will find a good reason to do it (for instance "It's too warm keeping trousers over my pantyhose, and with a skirt it's more comfortable and not so warm ; and THIS skirt looks just like a kilt "). However I'm cautious and after one half an hour I just remove the skirt. I guess I will be able to keep the skirt for longer and longer in the near future. She gets more and more accustomed to bear me wearing a skirt.

[TerriM]

Hi Karen

I know exactly where your coming from. Im married 37yrs and my wife knows over 25. She wants no part of my cding. I hang some of my femme clothes in our common closet. I get out about 1x a month. We never talk about Terri or hardly ever. I am busy with work and family commitments most of the time. But Terri is always on my mind. What I worry about is when I finally retire, if that ever comes, how will my increased free time effect my marriage. I know I want to dress more. I love my family but I also love being Terri. I dont want to lose my wife but I know things will change in the future.

Yours Terri

[suzy]

Karren,

You scared me to death!!! You are such a positive influence on all of us here I was in a panic!!! I truly wish you all the best and I just know that this will work out to your advantage soon. You are just too kind and loving to have any relationship problems.

I enjoy a special relationship concerning my crossdressing. Like most of the girls here, we have a line and we know when we are nearing the edge. I personally choose not to do any soft pushing, or pushing of any kind.

My wife has embraced my crossdressing and is supportive but she wants the man that she married at least 50% of the time. Fortunately, I want the same thing and in fact, I find that my desire to dress is less than 50% for the most part.

So, things going very well and I have no desire or need to do any soft pushes. If I did, I am certain that my wife would feel like I was encroaching on her territory and then we'd have a boundary violation.:heehee:

I send you my :hugs: and :love:!

[Alice B]

It sounds as if we are in the same boat. It floats well, but from time to time springs a leak that we must quickly fix. I also sometimes push the limit just a little too much and things get testy, but our love is strong and things settle down. It is an interesting world we hide in. I look forward to your posts because you seem so far ahead of me in your dressing, make-up and knowledge, yet the dangers remain the same. Keep it up for all of us Karren fans.:hugs: