About to let go

[Patrice]

Almost a year ago I started to embrace my transgender nature and dabble in a bit of private CDing. It was something I needed to do at the time, I was beginning to rebuild my life and my self-image. I thought it was a tool that I was using to help figure out who I was. Ive since realized that I always knew who I was, I just needed to find the courage and confidence to BE myself.

Ive been wading in a mighty river, admiring its strength and clarity but always hanging on tightly to the bank out of fear and hesitation. Im not afraid anymore, I'm ready to let go and ride it out, let the currents of life carry me where I need to go. Whether this journey will end in full SRS I cant say yet, in this country thats not even a decision for me to make alone, but I know deep in my bones, with absolute certainty, that my immediate goal is full-time existence. To be who I really am without fear, embarrassment or reservation.

I know this wont be easy, but nothing truly worthwhile ever is. No matter the 'worst-case' scenarios I conjour in my mind I'm fully aware reality can be so much more harsher than I can imagine. I have (or at least think I have) considered the worst and the only thing I wont risk in this endevour is my job. Cant get by in this world without money, no matter how you try, I am however willing to risk anything and everything else. Relationships, fear, hate violence - even my own life if need be. Ive wasted most of the last 38 years living a low-impact existence, making as few ripples as possible, subsuming ALL my needs to the needs of others.

I'm putting my (high-heeled) foot down now, I will be me - no quarter asked or given.

But I'm not being stupid either :battingeyelashes:. I wont be walking out the door tomorrow in a mini-skirt and a tube-top. I'm taking an organic approach, no real hard time-lines, just one step at a time and ONLY when it feels right.

But I will get where I'm going, have no doubts.

[Mollyanne]

Hi Patrice, I just read and re-read your thread and applaud you in your coming to terms with yourself!!!!! I know you have struggled with a very personal decision and came to the conclusion as to who you are and where you want to go. Be confident that the ends justify the means and in the final analysis it will be all right!!!!! For whatever it's worth, you have friends and sisters here!!!!!! Good Luck and God speed on your journey!!!!

:love: Mollyanne

[deja true]

Patrice, dear one...

That's not a New Year's Resoultion...that's a Lifetime Resolution!

And a damn fine one, too.

Congratulations on choosing the right path for you!

respect & love,

deja

:<3:

[Kate Simmons]

If I've learned anything at all, it's to always be true to myself. If we do that, we can never really go wrong.:)

[JoAnne Wheeler]

I guess we have all thought about this at one time or the other - I know I have - in fact one of my biological brothers has already had the surgery.

It is an individual thing for each of us - do what your heart and mind tell you and never look back.

Love,

JoAnne Wheeler

[tricia_uktv]

Read my blog Patrice. I was where you are a year ago - now look at me. Confidence and attitude is the key, so go for it! and good luck. I promise its fun :)

[Tracii G]

I admire your convictions Patrice I feel the same way.

[Carole Cross]

Patrice, I came to a similar decision a few weeks ago. I know its a big decision but it's one I have to take.
I hope that your journey to reach your goal will not be too difficult and you do not suffer too many pitfalls along the way.
I know for me there are many obstacles to overcome but I hope we can both get to where we want to go.:hugs::love:

[jasmine57]

Congrats on the decision. I wish I had the courage to take the same steps. Good luck to you.

[Patrice]

Well, today is the first leg of my journey. Ive been wearing nail polish, underdressing, and earrings to work for most of the past year - its pretty safe to assume most of my co-workers know something's different at least. Today I top it all off with lipstick and a unpadded bra, which due to my weight is a rather adequate D cup. I will also be going to management to discuss my self and my intentions in an attempt to head off any potential unpleasantness. My companies dress-code is quite explicit in its wording, gender identity and its expression will be protected in compliance with any and all local laws that protect such behavior from discrimination. I live in Oregon, a state which has such laws.

Ill be making an effort to chronicle my journey in some way, either a semi-recurring travelogue here or perhaps dust-off my MySpace page and blog away, either way - a last sign of intent:

William Patrick Scott
Grants Pass, Oregon
USA

Transgendered Since I knew what gender was

[Karren H]

Yeah!!! You go girl!!!

[RikkiOfLA]

Way to go, girlfriend! I went full-time over 10 years ago, and life has been so much better!!!! In particular, I love the way I look now--long hair, earrings in my pierced ears, and makeup every single day! I am so much more comfortable.

Kudos especially on your planning! Planning makes the difference in transitioning.

Hugs,
Rikki

[Megan_Girl]

I applaud your conviction and your decision.
I know your making the best decision for you. The general populous of Grants Pass may not.... but you'll always have all of the support we can provide here.
Bravo and bon Voyage
XXX
Megan