Dear Rita and friends, I told my wife.

[Kathleen Grace]

Hi Rita,

You’ve been a big help. I read that other post, thanks again. To answer your most important question, I’m a CD for sure. I had seriously considered being TS in my late teens and did much soul searching and did seek counseling. I came to the conclusion that even though I had a very feminine interior life, I was heterosexual. I think because most of my close friends growing up were girls and that I had more friends who were girls than girlfriends in my teens added to the initial confusion of being CD vs TS.

I told my wife while we were doing virtual makeovers online that I use to cross dress before we were married. She just asked if I still did it since than and I told her that for her sake I had not but still had a strong feminine side and the desires to express my femininity on occasion.

She told me that she really loved that I had such a sensitive side but wasn’t comfortable with me dressing up. She changed the subject but gave me a big hug and kiss while doing so. I left it there for now.

I’ll post this in the forums so you can answer there if you like. The discussion might be helpful to someone else as well.

Once again, thank you for your help.

Kathleen :hugs:

[Diane Douglas]

It sounds like you have opened the door for communication. I think it is wonderful that you have done so. I would not expect your wife to like it initially, but it sounds like she may come to accept it. I wish you the very best of luck.

[Diana von Arden]

Kathleen,

That sounds like a very good start. Don't push her. You will find the right moment to continue this carefully. Good luck.

Diana

[BeckyGG]

Hi Kathleen!

Well done, that must have been hard to come out with. By what you have said it sounds like your wife might be excepting, did she not ask any questions? or have you told her that you used to crossdress before?

I found out my SO cross dressed just over a year ago, and i found it very difficult to take! however after a while the more we spoke about it, the easyer it was. Good luck i am sure things will work out fine xxxxx

[JoAnne Wheeler]

I guess that I am not as optimistic about what she said as the other girls. I think that you need to level with your GG. First of all, if you truly are a crossdresser, both you and she need to realize that this is not something that will ever go away. You may promise on a stack of Bibles that you will not ever dress up, but that is not going to happen. If you really are a crossdresser, the "urge" to dress will strike you when you least expect it.

And this "urge" is a powerful thing. If you try to resist the "urge", all kinds of bad things will come upon you, such as:

1.) guilt;
2.) anxiety;
3.) shame;
4.) irritability;
5.) depression;
6.) secrecy;
7.) lying to your spouse;
8.) suicidal thoughts; to name just a few.

Your GG may think and you may think that this will all go away never to return - WRONG !!!! It will.

Your GG will think that you have deceived her or lied to her - not good !

If I were you, I would talk about this a whole lot more, before your relationship goes any farther. This is just my opinion.

Love,
JoAnne Wheeler (who has been there and seen it happen)

[Kathleen Grace]

Thanks for the support ladies. First, let me fill you in on a few details. My wife has seen me cross dress several times.

I happen to be an actor so the first time was in the role of Lady Macbeth. I was stage manager for a production without understudies and I filled in one night when the lead became ill suddenly. The costume designer suggested me to the director because I had helped her by wearing Lady B’s costume while she made adjustments one weekend and she knew the dress fit me. Well, the director knew that I knew all the lines and that was that. I got very mixed reviews.:heehee: The other times were when I dressed for Halloween and the last time was on a dare from two of her friends after they heard the Lady Macbeth story.

My wife thought it was all in great fun, but of course this situation is different and believe me I know that.

Becky,

She asked lots of questions today and I answered honestly and fully to the best of my ability. She actually said she liked my feminine side instead of sensitive side and that she wasn’t shocked by my telling her. She admitted to thinking of me as being close like a girlfriend on more than one occasion. Usually, it was when we were sharing our feelings and occasionally when I was doing such a great job of picking out outfits for her at the mall.

She also needed me to reassure her that I was still attracted to her. I assured her with more than words. :o

JoAnne,

First, let me say I’m truly sorry for the pain you have suffered.

I have suffered from a number of things on your list, and no doubt will again.

However, I am encouraged that my wife said today that she understands that this will not go away because it is a part of who I am and that her love for me hasn’t changed. She wasn’t happy with my waiting sixteen years to tell her, but she understood that my intention was not to hurt her.

It ended with us going clothes shopping, for her, not me. But she surprised me by asking a salesperson in Sephora what skin tone I was. “ For the dark circles under his eyes.’ She said. Then she winked at me.

I know this is just the beginning. Her feelings may change but today was a good start. Let me sum up how I feel about the strength of my marriage today with a quote;


Macbeth:

If we should fail?

Lady Macbeth:

We fail?

But screw your courage to the sticking place,

And we'll not fail


Thank you all again,

Kathleen

[KarenS]

The honesty and courage displayed inthis thread is incredible. I admire all of you.

Kathleen, it seems as if you are thinking clearly about where you have been and developing a careful plan and process from which to proceed. Your courage and fortitude is a wonderful example.

We all have doubts. And, not all of our plans succeed. That is the nature of the humanity in us all. Since we are each individuals (including our SOs), then our carefully laid plans can never be comepleyely predictable and some will not be as successful as others.

None-the-less, each of you has responded with thoughtfullness and sensitivity.

I admire you all.

[Kathleen Grace]

Karen,

Thank you for your very kind words.

Kathleen

[Kathleen Grace]

I updated my makeovers.

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=97117

After seeing them my wife just told me that I looked better than she does. Either she's being very sweet or I'm in trouble. :heehee: I'll let you all know.

Don't worry, I'm taking it slow. I'll wait until she suggests a real live makeover. The first one will probably be for her!

Kathleen

[Laura Evans]

Good for you, Kathleen, I am so happy for you. It is so much better when your SO is so accepting. I finally have that in my life now and it is so much better than in my past relationships. May she continue to accept you more as she is ready.

Love, Laura:hugs:

[Kathleen Grace]

My wife and I had a wonderful heart to heart talk. She's okay with my crossdressing as long as I'm not dressed up all the time and that works fine for me. She let me try on a pair of her jeans and they fit. I'm shocked to find out that I fit in size petite jeans. :battingeyelashes: I’m very happy with the way things are progressing and I really think things are going to be more than okay. :)

Love to you all.

Kathleen