Sometimes it's tough being a CDer

[Lana Lang]

It can be tough being a CDer. I just talked with my GF tonight and the subject of CDing came up again (I've already admitted to her about my dressing). She asked if the frequency has increased or if any new interests have developed. Things are same as before I told her and then we changed the subject

I enjoy it but sometimes I hate it. I enjoy it because it gives me access to clothes and underwear designed for women and it feels great. On the flip side, I hate it because my GF admitted that she isn't excited about it and it can feel weird hiding my stash when she comes over or not talking about it. Sometimes I feel ashamed of it and it can be tough just trying to be me. It seems like a majority of GG's that I've read about on here are accepting of CDing but only in a "turn a blind eye and deaf ear" kind of way.

For those who have admitted their desires, have you been pleased with the response or feel like sometimes you're all alone (except for this site) or frustrated?

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

I felt a lot like that while in my second marriage. The whole don't ask don't tell sorta feeling.

It wasn't worth it.

Zarabeth

[Tracii G]

I have come out to a few lady friends and they seem to be OK with that part of me.I thought they would freak out or get all grossed out but that didn't happen.
Went on a date with one of them and she was so very cool about it.
She even caught me looking at the LBD's at the Goodwill store she asked "did you find a cute one"?

[Tasha McIntyre]

Lana, my wife was quite understanding at first, and even did a fair bit of research on the net herself for us both to read. Gradually she came to realise that she didn't like seeing her hubby all dolled up - then came the don't ask / don't tell situation so many of us are in.

Tash gets the girl time she needs, and wardrobe space, just as long as it's kept out of the wifes range of vision.


So, to answer your question, no I'm not really that happy with the response from the good wife......but not unhappy either. Could be better but could also be a whole lot worse.

[deja true]

Well, Lana...we can prolly all make plenty of GG friends who are supportive and accepting, as long as our "weirdness" isn't a part of their home life. We are, after all, a fascinating phenomenon. And as long as we're not a threat, to their future or the future of their families, we're cool.

But being married to one of us has got to be a trial for the most part. If exposure will threaten home life, income, childrens futures, then it's stress city...

We all like to see the strange and exotic animals in the zoo, but very few of us would really want an apparently unstable critter as a pet, huh?

It's a liability thing...

It's a "not in my back yard" thing...

[Karren H]

NO!! She is not a big fan of my hobby.... but she does turn the blind eye as long as I keep it out of her face.... and if you look at the posiive side of the coin... I really enjoy it that way... it's my hobby and I have all the say so as far as what to wear and where to go... I don't get any of that "Your not going to wear THAT are you?" lol

[mklinden2010]

She knows about it, but you're hiding your "stash?"

From who? And... Why?

Recently, someone was going on about life at their house and how their wife felt about this or that and someone responded:

"So, who's paying the mortgage?"

Good question.

And, it prompts some good answers...

"Oh, yes... Crossdressing... Yeah... Big problem."

Uh, except it seems completely undetectable as a problem - you actually have to tell people about it and show them pictures to get them to see it. Then they have problems figuring out what to do, really, because it's, you know, none of their business - just yours. If they want to be jerks about it, it is because they ARE jerks. That's really their problem. (Live and let live.)

"Yeah, big problem... Causes people to stagger to their cars, which they wreck on the way home. Yeah, big problem... People spend all their money on clothes and starve their children. Yeah, big problem... People start small, with underwear, and next thing you know they're selling company secrets to buy weekends at the spa." (OK, that happens, but...)

When I decided it was stupid to hide things from myself, I realized I had to stand up to me for me. And, when I took into account that I was supporting a relationship with another person, a mortgage, a car payment, and a retirement account, among other things, that I had no hope of fully enjoying, I really quit hiding things from myself and those around me: "Look, fella, this is just something that you do for you - live a little!" And, so I have. Not to be me just cheats everyone.

I just don't get this thing of hiding things in my own house. I just don't get this thing of the left hand hiding things from the right hand - much less MY wife, or, MY girlfriend. Do fishermen hide their tackle boxes, do football fans hide old ticket stubs, do porn fans hide ALL their magazines and tapes? (OK, that happens...) Thing is, why hide you from you and from those who want to be close to you - from those who are always going to be close to you? "It's me. Get used to it, hoser."

No need to march on City Hall or to email your Congressman (those paragons of virtue). I'm just pointing out that we have a lot to do with how our lives go. If we want to be "hiders" then I guess we can. But, if we would rather be a bit more open, relaxed, and comfortable in our lives, then we need to be practice being more open, more relaxed and more comfortable in our lives.

Hiding stuff?

To me it's just silly.

"Hey, I LIVE here!"

And, no, I'm not saying that those who hide things are completely wrong. I'm just saying I know, and they know, that these things, like hiding stuff, aren't really right....

Thomas Jefferson, who wrote the American Declaration of Inpendence, had slaves and didn't like the "Institution" of slavery. But, he felt he couldn't "give it up" and diminish his life style and that of his family. That's the document he wrote and that's what he did with his slaves, and he did both things for, "good" reasons... But he was still wrong not to see what was good for some people was, honestly, good for all, and to do more about it than leave it to the next generation. Too bad too. In the end it was the idea of freedom that was more important than the things that money could buy... He could have, and should have, done better for himself and everyone else.

Do better in all things, I think, and everyone is better off

[suzypier]

I am positive that my Gf would not agree with my CDing. It’s the reason why I am hiding in the closet and beside you in here, I am the only one to know about it. :sad:

[JoAnne Wheeler]

We all pay a tremendous price for trying to accept ourselves for what we are through no fault of our own - I do not think any of us woke up one day and said to the world, Hey, I think I'm going to be a crossdresser. We are crossdressers because of an internal desire/urge that is extremely powerful. The mote we try to resist, the more powerful it becomes.

We have to live in a world that rejects us, does not want to understand us, thinks that we are gay, thinks that we are sick, cannot understand why we want to do the things we do.

It is a very tough life - it is a struggle every day - yet once we come to accept who we are and that we cannot change who we are, then we can begin to live with some simblance of peace.

That's what I think.

Love from your sister,

JoAnne Wheeler

[almalove]

As a CDer it's not only sometimes tough, but sometime extreamly tough and at times very heavy to carry on, but we must go on, good luck and best wishes.


Alma

[docrobbysherry]

I'm SURE you've read all the posts here, from married CDs! It's a TOTALLY different matter hiding your CDing from a wife, rather than a girlfriend u don't live with! It must be VERY hard to live with a person and have that kind of compulsion and keep it a secret!:sad:

Also, u must decide if u r simply a fantasy/fetish CD, or TS/TG! From what I've read here, many TS/TG girls wish to express their female side on a regular, and often increasing, basis! If u try to supress a part of yourself as important as that, I think only bad things can happen!:doh:

[cindym5_04]

My wife, right before we even started dating, knew about my CDing because I told her. I felt as though "if you're going to get involved with me, there's something you should know...". It was at the time and for a long time after, something that turned her on- even the thought of if I wanted to be with a guy. In fact, we went out (while we were dating) to a Tgirl-friendly bar and I made out with 2 guys while she was there- we had to end up leaving and hurrying home!! Anyway, as time has gone on and I've had less of an urge, it's not really so much of a turn-on to her now and part of me feels a little embarrassment if I feel like dressing anyway. I'm about to clean some stuff out of my closet- seeing if it fits or not (not purging) and she said she would take a look while I'm trying stuff on, or she could leave me alone- "whichever would make (you) feel more comfortable".

[KarenS]

We all pay a tremendous price for trying to accept ourselves for what we are through no fault of our own - I do not think any of us woke up one day and said to the world, Hey, I think I'm going to be a crossdresser. We are crossdressers because of an internal desire/urge that is extremely powerful. The mote we try to resist, the more powerful it becomes.

We have to live in a world that rejects us, does not want to understand us, thinks that we are gay, thinks that we are sick, cannot understand why we want to do the things we do.

It is a very tough life - it is a struggle every day - yet once we come to accept who we are and that we cannot change who we are, then we can begin to live with some simblance of peace.


I absolutely agree.

I have not only my wife to be concerned about, but two daughters still at home as well. ... And the job.

Fear of rejection and retailiation is why I am so concerned and try to be so discrete. I admit it.

[Kelsy]

The more we try to resist, the more powerful it becomes.



That's what I think.

Love from your sister,

JoAnne Wheeler

JoAnne, Funny you should say this! That is what I used to believe but infact I am finding that the more I do it the more powerful it gets. I can't win for losin

Kelsy

[Lana Lang]

Good replies everyone. I think the general sentiment here is to accept who you are and to not hide it. When I first told her, I was the most dressed up I have been to date (clothes, makeup and shoes) and that freaked her out somewhat. At the time I was in my experimentation phase and realized that what I truly enjoyed was wearing women's clothes and underwear and not trying to present as a female. I volunteered to hide my things when she came over but since then I haven't mentioned it and also have just made assumptions that she doesn't want to see anything. However, I don't think this is entirely true because she asked once what I wearing when she came over (I took everything off just prior to her visit) and I wasn't comfortable yettelling her (after how she reacted to the initial confession).

Thinking about it honestly, I feel confident enough to say that things are improving, even if slowly at times. She is still here and still will bring it up from time to time. There are other factors that lead my jumping to conclusions or making assumptions such as not having a job or a college degree (almost there!) that lead to my frustration with things slowly progressing. However, I am learning to be thankful for her acceptance even if it's not quite exactly what I want at this point and time.