laura.lapinski
12-30-2008, 09:40 AM
I just woke up from a horrible dream. I dreamed I was dressed up in a blue dress, had no wig, and I was going out places with family and friends. There was a restaurant high on a hill. It was some kind of special dinner with my kids, other family and some people at work. There were other places I went too, but the bottom line is I felt so uncomfortable and embarrassed being dressed like that. Also, I felt I wanted to change back into my Levis, but for some reason, I couldn't, which just added to my uncomfortableness. Nobody said anything to me, but there was no doubt that there were side conversations going on.
I think this dream is a testament as to why I am in the closet, and have no desire to come out. It underlines the end of the CD spectrum I reside at. No big deal. It's just the way things are, and I am comfortable with that. I have analyzed things deeply for a long time, and I understand a lot at this point, but for a long time I wasn't certain. It's nice to come to some clarity. I know this post is probably not helpful to anyone, but I was browsing, and I felt I should write about it since it was so intense. Thanks for "listening."
Laura
P.S. I understand dream interpretation a little bit (read some books), and I do believe we can learn from our dreams. I don't remember ever dreaming about being dressed--good dream or bad--which is why this dream was so strange. I am not ashamed of what I do, I accept that I am who I am--whatever that is. I am in the closet for the same reasons KimberyTX stated--with an extension of that to my siblings and in laws. Yes it would be embarrassing to come out, but I have embraced and enjoyed CDing over the years in a personal way. I don't have my own stash, but in the past I've had a few things (never a whole wardrobe). There have been some other stressful things (non CD related) going on in my life this past year, but I am mostly through all of that. FWIW, I had some horrible violent dreams of being shot (and my nephew who was with me also being shot at) by some Russians back when I was 18 (must have been after watching Red Dawn) that invoked some of the same stressful feelings.
Thanks for all your replies.
Laura
I think this dream is a testament as to why I am in the closet, and have no desire to come out. It underlines the end of the CD spectrum I reside at. No big deal. It's just the way things are, and I am comfortable with that. I have analyzed things deeply for a long time, and I understand a lot at this point, but for a long time I wasn't certain. It's nice to come to some clarity. I know this post is probably not helpful to anyone, but I was browsing, and I felt I should write about it since it was so intense. Thanks for "listening."
Laura
P.S. I understand dream interpretation a little bit (read some books), and I do believe we can learn from our dreams. I don't remember ever dreaming about being dressed--good dream or bad--which is why this dream was so strange. I am not ashamed of what I do, I accept that I am who I am--whatever that is. I am in the closet for the same reasons KimberyTX stated--with an extension of that to my siblings and in laws. Yes it would be embarrassing to come out, but I have embraced and enjoyed CDing over the years in a personal way. I don't have my own stash, but in the past I've had a few things (never a whole wardrobe). There have been some other stressful things (non CD related) going on in my life this past year, but I am mostly through all of that. FWIW, I had some horrible violent dreams of being shot (and my nephew who was with me also being shot at) by some Russians back when I was 18 (must have been after watching Red Dawn) that invoked some of the same stressful feelings.
Thanks for all your replies.
Laura