Transgender groups question

[onowic]

I'm looking for a social transgender group I can relate to, at least on some level. But I'm not the "born in the wrong body" TS type or a CDr so I don't know if either groups will accept me if I'm not "presenting". My therapist and I have talked about me learning to present, and probably having a much easier and better time of getting the social femme experience (makes me wonder what I've been missing all these years). I tried CDing at home once and it was nice and I want to get better at it but without the social part it ended up being depressing.

I've checked out Tri-Ess and the Metroplex CDer Club (I'm in north Dalals) online and they both have an interview process before I'm allowed to join. Since I don't consider myself a crossdresser at this point I can't imagine them letting me in if I can't answer an affirmative to that simple question. Also I could never go dressed until I really know what I'm doing, it's just to intimidating. But if I didn't go dressed, what kind of experience would I have as the "guy" in the room?

What should I do?

[deja true]

I'm thinking, Ono, that it might be an easier thing to meet and become acquainted with a couple of girls who could sorta mentor you first if you'd rather join a group dressed.

You'll find a lot of TX girls here. I'm sure a few will be along soon to welcome you.

Check the meeting place, too, for TX girls.

Good luck, hun. It's scary at first, but as you'll find out, a world of fun...

:)

[Jenna1561]

Hi Ono,

I've been a member of both MCDC and the Fort Worth Tri-Ess chapter, Lambda Nu Tau (LNT). But first help me understand your situation a bit. If you don't consider yourself TS or CD, what do you consider yourself?

Crossdressing encompasses a wide spectrum of activities. From occassional single item wear to near fulltime full presentation and Everything in between.

MCDC is much more of a social group in my opinion. They meet monthly, have a CD related program at the meeting, then usually go to a TG friendly club afterwards.

LNT is much more support oriented. They also hold monthly meetings and yes there is an interview process, but many start in boy mode at the interview and the first few meetings. Most members do a full presentation, clothes, makeup, jewelry, etc. But as I said, many start in boy mode. They also have a program to help improve CDing skills at each meeting. There are also a few "Friends" of LNT who are more TS than CD. LNT's Facilitator (President) is a member here. You can visit her profile at

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/member.php?u=28834

Send her a message, she'll tell you EVERYTHING you ever wanted to know about Tri-Ess.

I live in Keller, north side of Fort Worth, PM me if you'd like to chat more.


Jenna

[ReineD]

Hi Ono,

My SO belongs to a gender foundation that welcomes anyone who wishes to explore gender differences. Quoted directly from their website, this organization is "a resource group of, by, and for crossdressers, transgenderists, transsexuals, androgynous individuals, and those who care about them. The organization reaches out to all "gender questioning" adults and significant others regardless of race, religion, biological sex, marital status, or sexual orientation. By providing a nurturing atmosphere, we encourage personal growth and, self-acceptance, and provide opportunities for making new friends."

This particular group is in St. Louis. I am sure there are many more like it in the country. Try googling "gender support groups".
:hugs:

[Mean Green Irene]

I have also attended both MCDC and LNT meetings. Remember all of us has had a first time. No one will be upset if you don't dress but you would be missing a great time if you like to dress. Come and enjoy yourself.

Irene

[onowic]

Thanks for the feedback. I think you're right that some individual mentoring would be a dream come true for me but I don't want to be a needy pest. I was thinking I should make the leap and actually attend a transgender group meeting and just see if I could relate to the crowd and maybe even hit it off with some people in particular but it is an intimidating situation to walk into. I have checked into both TS and CD groups and since I still consider myself hetero male I think I'll relate to CDers more. But since I have never even met a transgender person (that I know of, anyway) I really have no idea.

Sorry, I was trying to be brief in my earlier post but here are the details that I actually cut out of my original post, it may help:

My Gender Therapist has floated the term "bi-gender", but we are still working through all my thoughts, feelings and experiences. In most things I am male but socially I tend to the femme. This hasn't been a problem since high school, since in college and work I could always hang with the girls. Literally is was "work with the guys, party with the girls".

I even had "best girl friends", the last of who eventually became my wife and mother of my children. Now that our relationship has evolved, she can't be my "BGF" on the same level anymore. Also since we have made the move from "single friends" to "married w/children friends", I find myself relegated to the garage with the husbands and guy talk. Meanwhile my wife is in the kitchen talking about girl and mom stuff and getting all the good gossip.

My therapist's simple suggestion, "make new friends", seems obvious. And I want to learn to present because I've always wanted to feel pretty and so I can finally get the full femme social experience. However it is SO intimidating to throw myself into a crowd of experts, being such a novice. And going through months of "practicing" at home to the point that I'm comfortable before I can go to a social gathering seems like such a big hill to climb on my own. My wife is tolerant and somewhat supportive but isn't interested in helping per se and doesn't want to see "her".

I never crossdressed in the past because of a mixture of time, privacy and courage. I do like women's clothes, I have been underdressing for almost two years now, and have been window shopping specifically for myself the past year. I do have a couple of skirts I wear on occasion around the house, but I don't think I'm CDer enough to claim the title.

[Melissa A.]

I've never had to be interviewed to socialise with a trans group, but as I understand it, it has nothing to do with seing if you live up to some non-existent standard. It's mostly a safety precaution, for some groups. Most dont care how you present yourself, as long as you are nice, accepting, and and not some crazy infiltrator. I wouldnt worry about where you think you may fit in, label, wise. it's really not a requirement.

Hugs,

Melissa:)

[Tootsye]

Hi Ono,
I have just read your reply to Jenna.who is a dear friend by the way, and I will be happy to meet with you anywhere and at anytime that is comfortable and convenient for you. I was amused when she told you that I would tell you all that you wanted to know about Tri Ess. I will probably tell you MORE than you want to know!
If you have been underdressing, and have a skirt that you wear around the house from time to time, you certainly qualify as a cross dresser.
Cross dressing is not a competition, nor is it a race. The whole idea is to do what you need to do. No one knows why we feel the need to cross dress. It cannot be cured, and it will grow stronger as you age.
That being said, we are all different. Humans are gregarious people. We need the company of others and that company is more satisfying if there is a commality of interests. Therefore, we need the company of other cross dressers. That is why you have felt the need to meet with a transgender group.
But, I agree, that certain personalities are more comfortable with a one on one or small group encounter.
I offer myself to meet with you. Hopefully, I can make you more comfortable with you femme side!
What you said about wanting to be in the kitchen with the girls certainly resonated with me! I gravitate towards that group as much as they will allow, and justify it by saying that I stopped hanging with just the guys when I got out of junior high school!
Anyway, I do tend to rattle on.
Let me know if I can help you in any way! I understand that you are nervous and hesitant to meet with someone you do not know, especially about such a delicate personal subject!
Hugs,
Tootsye

[Tootsye]

Hi Irene,
I didn't know you were a member here! I hope to see you at the meeting tonight!
Hugs,
Tootsye

[Tootsye]

Malissa,
You are entirely correct. The personal interview, is to help as much as possible the security and confidentiality of our members. As you know, there could be dire social and economic consequences if some of our members were "outted" to their employers!
We welcome anyone that has a legitimate interest in cross dressing. At our Christmas party last month, we had two post ops, two or three pre ops, and a female to male TS. So you can see we do not discriminate! Since our group, Tri Ess, does focus on cross dressing, we have a special class of membership for self declared TS girls as "friends of Tri Ess". The only limitation on that group is that they cannot hold an office or vote!
Hugs,
Tootsye

[onowic]

Thanks for all the help! I replied to your private message with my contact info and I'm looking forward to meeting you!

Again, thanks again everyone! These forums have been very helpful to me!