With or Without Warning?

[Molly Wells]

Personally, with my wife it is a "non acceptance, I don't want to know, I don't want to be involved, and we will not be talking about this" kind of attitude about my dressing. So, I am "in the closet" and limit my dressing to times I am assured of being alone, or on a trip.
I read here of others who's wives know, accept and support your CDing. If your SO is accepting, define for us to what level does she accept and when you desire to dress is it up to her to approve in advance, or is she OK for you to dress at any time, unannounced, does she send you to your room to get dressed? Just curious of the different levels of acceptance and typical "terms" for the CD to be dressed at home or to go out.

[Rebecca1138]

well if it wasnt for my gf living with her parents still, she wouldnt care if i dressed all the time that i was there at the house with her. She doesnt care either if i ever where to choose to get over my fear and go ahead and dress in public (fear of the chain of command and keeping my career alive prevents going outdoors in public dressed). She even says its a turn on to her when i dress in something sexy in the bed room

[jennCD]

My wife understands that is this just me and not something that will go away,... but not something she has any interest or intent on being involved in, so I'd say the limitations are much stricter than if I were to set limits on myself. If this part of my life passively comes up in conversation, then so be it and it's treated as a neutral topic, but it's pretty much never an "important" one to discuss now that it's out there. I won't get into any outwardly visual aspect of being Jenn, since that's not something within her comfort zone.

:)
jenn

[PhillyGuy2Girl]

I feel so bad when I hear that my fellow sister's wives or SO's won't accept or won't get in involved in their CDing. So for 2009, I just want to wish my fellow sisters that their wives or SO's will accept and get involved in their CDing like my wife is.



Felicity :)

[linnea]

I don't have anything to add, but I would like to know more about this too. Thanks for asking the question.

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

My situation is alil different than most as I choose not to dress up all that much, but my S/O has no hassles at all when i get all dolled up and helps me out. It would be a different matter if I were to do this say every few days. If I "had" to do it that often I think we probably wouldn't last long as she married me for the man she met even though she knew all of my quircks up front.

Hope that answers your questions

*hugs*

Zarabeth

[CharlotteW]

Hi, it's 7:40 (UK time) in the morning as I type. I just asked my wife to verbalise her level of acceptance of my crossdressing. She said "I buy you undies, I buy you clothes, I buy you shoes, I do your make-up, I tell you I love you, I totally accept it".
I replied (for your benefit) "you tell me you love me! Is that the same as actually loving me?".
She said "of course it is".

As long as I remain her husband, there is NO problem. I have every intention of remaining her husband, she's a great lady.

[Kelsy]

My wife accepts me as I am! I almost always wear something fem around the house and it is accepted as a normal everyday thing. there are times when she wants Kelsy to come out more , complete makeup etc. she buys me clothes and makeup and we share clothes, we even argue over "who's bra is this" etc!!:D My wife has even made up a song that she sings to me in which she says she loves me by my male name and that she loves me by Kelsy's name. Couldn't get more acceptance.

Kelsy:)

[Jenniferpl]

My wife not only acceptes Jennifer, She encouraged me to come to terms with being a crossdresser. She buys my makeup, buys clothes for me, and she seems to like it when we both wear sexy clothes.

[Aaron Zwidling]

Not sure I can fully answer the question. My wife accepts me wearing womens clothes in the privacy or our own home, and even suggests I put something on every so often. On the other hand I never go overboard, and certainly don't spend hours with her while fully dressed en femme. It's usually more of an underdressing thing for us as I am really into wearing bras. My gut feeling has always been if I started presenting as a woman constantly she would get tired of it at some point, and I can't even say I would want to dress often enough for her to get to that point. Also on some level I figure she should normally see 'the man she married'. At the end of the day I suppose we both compromise what we want to a certain extent. Sounds a lot like marriage.

[nikki47]

My wife accepts Nikki and even helps with my femme shopping,but she dosen't want me like this all the time.She helps and advises on my makeup and clothes,but she still wants the man she married more than Nikki,so we've settled into a pattern of once a week,usually on my day off and when my son's in college.

Nikki

[Suzie S.]

Molly, my dear wife is accepting of my cding. I'm sure she would probably prefer that it didn't exist, but she knows it's a part of me, and is ok with it. I don't have to hide my clothes and stuff, and I can dress in her presence if I wish to. She will buy things for me if I ask, and shop with me. I do find that I will dress more when she is not at home, as I don't want to over do it. She sees me in guy mode about 98% of the time (and never in the bedroom). She doesn't actively participate, nor do I push her to. As she says, this is 'my thing', not hers. I only dress at home, and an occasional Halloween, but that's it. I would love to try going out in public, but she would prefer I don't, and I'm ok with that. I know I am very fortunate to have the level of freedom I do have, and don't want to push it. :)

[Teddie]

My wife is fully accepting and enjoys helping me dress. She loves doing my makeup and encouraged me to go out. Which I have. She loves to go shopping with/for me. Any time that I want to dress is fine with her. There use to be a rating system for SO's, something like A+ to F-. I'd rate her an A+.

[Jonianne]

Hi Molly, My wife, Angel, has been accepting and supportive since I told her before we got married. However, with the groundrules and boundries we worked out, she definatly wants to know before hand and I would never suprise her at the door dressed. She wants to know I will always be her "man" and she loves to feel my "hairy" body. There are times when she will say Joni, that's "your thing" and she will let me know she needs her space from the CD'ing. Other times she will encourage me to go out and has spent time with me going out dressed. She was the one who took me out for my first time saying "Joni needs to feel the sun on her face."

Our relationship is not built around my crossdressing, but she does understand that it is an important part of who I am and even though in the past she has said she wished it wasn't there, she also says she would never want to change that part of me or any other part for that matter. She loves me just as I am and I her, so I couldn't ask for any thing more.

[Claire B]

Cindy, my So was like a lot of other SO's in the do not accept, or see, and do
not want involment state of being. But after a lot of heart to heart talks about why I have the desire to dress. Her acceptance has grown to the point. Of buying outfits for me, including shoes. Making sure that I have time avaible on Mondays to dress for as long as I need to. And this is because I do not work at my job on Mondays.

[BobbiJ]

My wife is fairly supportive. She doesn't want to see me en femme; not because she thinks it's deviant, but because she's afraid that seeing me as Bobbi will shatter her image of me as her husband.

Since we were married over 20 years before i came out to her, and it's been only about 15 months since that night, she still occasionally has trust issues regarding my femme self.

A few weeks back, i went to a place called "The Tiffany Club" for the first time. It's a social meeting place / safe haven for TG's of all persuasions, and has a setting that feels like someone's home, but she misunderstood the meaning of "club," and thought i was going someplace with a bar and dance floor where CD-admiring guys might be buying me drinks and trying to pick me up. I didn't understand why she suddenly seemed so upset as the day wore on until i got home and called her (she had left that afternoon for a business trip) to tell her about my night.

As i was telling her about sitting and meeting a lot of different TG's (I'm not saying "girls," because not everyone was M2F, and i don't want to leave out the club's F2M men) and the wonderful talks i had with everyone, she stopped me and said, "Wait a minute. There wasn't any alcohol or dancing?"

I replied, "No, it's not that kind of place." Suddenly, her entire demeanor changed, and she was happy for me.

All that being said, she has bought me panties & makeup items, and offered helpful advice in a number of areas. She has a harder time with visual cues that the general public might pick up on. For example, i shave my legs and underarms, and she's fine with that. In fact, she gets annoyed if i skip a couple of days on my legs because they get too stubbly and she doesn't like feeling them that way. She actually likes when they are nice and smooth. However, she doesn't want me to shave my arms, because that's something that people might notice. Same thing with plucking eyebrows, and we have an almost constant struggle with the length of my nails. I like straight tips, try to maintain them at what i perceive as the limit to how long a guy can get away with, and love to have them with a glossy clear base coat. She would be a lot happier if i kept them shorter and unpolished.

At this point, i'm pretty sure that we're going to be fine as long as our lives don't revolve around Bobbi, which really it shouldn't, because while i am Bobbi, she is not "me." Bobbi is a part of who i am, a part that she knows about, but just hasn't met face-to-face. The tricky part is getting her comfortable in the knowledge that my TG experience isn't going to be static, that i'm going to want to try different things and have new experiences, but that doesn't mean it's taking a bigger share of our lives, only that the share of our lives that is TG related is just as varying as any other part of life.

Long story short, (i know... "too late,") on the A-to-F grading scale, i'd give her a solid B. :)

[morgan51]

She is ok with me dressing at home anytime. I am not going out in our hometown because of work constraints. My wife does send me to dress on occasion because she knows it feeds my soul. Morgan

[Paula UK]

my adorable wife buys paula gifts, clothing, lingerie, makeup (which she applies for me sometimes) - you name it shes 100% behind me. shes even shaved my legs and chest etc in the past. we also go shopping together.

never has she told me not to dress, a bit of common sense prevails on my part here.

i know im lucky and i feel for all those girls whos SO's dont want to be part of things.

paula x

[Katie Ellen]

My wife not only accepts, she encourages me. She thinks I'm a better person as Katie. I think she's right.

We spent yesterday, a day normally reserved for the couch and football, shopping for purses, panties and sleepwear (for both of us). I was in drab, but that really didn't matter. To me, it was a state of mind.

She says I'm the best girlfriend to shop with since we have very similar tastes.

We agreed it was a great start to a new year. I have a great wife and friend!

[Tania D]

My wife intially went through various stages of acceptance then non acceptance, but over the last 3 months via lots of heart to heart talks acceptance now seems permanent. We have now agreed that Tania is around on a daily basis either fully or underdressed and she only adresses me by my femme name now, she has also told me that she prefers Tania to my male side as a companion.She has also encouraged me to come to terms with my own worries and accept that I am a girl and be proud of it.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

My spouse actually encourages me to dress up ! That is pretty nice. But she doesn't like the fact that I'm a CD. However, she has come to accept the fact that I am one and that its not going away. We have set certain boundaries (limits), but she knows that JoAnne has to have time for herself. When JoAnne is present, we eat together - we watch television together - we discuss clothing together.

I don't know where this falls on the spectrum of acceptance - maybe some of you sisters could tell me

Love,

JoAnne Wheeler

[Bethany38]

My best friend and wife is completely accepting. When I first started to come to grips with Bethany within me, my wife found this site for me. She places no constraints on my dressing. She has said she dose'nt want the full Bethany all the time, However she has gone shopping with me. She has done my make-up for me. And sometimes she loves it when we both dress in sexy clothes and lingerie. She says there is nothing like the feel of our bodies melding together while dressed in silky clothes and hose. So I would say my wife is always totally supportive. As others here have said, I feel for those who do not enjoy this amount of support. And yes I know how very,very fortunete I am.

Bethany

[PretzelGirl]

I feel it is something that is developed. You gently go along so you don't push any limits in a big way which could make her shutdown or lash out. Communications is a must and you just get a feel for what is acceptable and what isn't.

My wife is very accepting and if there is a bad time, she will tell me. She does very little buying for me, so I don't expect it or ask for it other than maybe dropping one hint around Christmas time.

It wasn't always easy for me to figure out what I could do and what I probably shouldn't, but listening for tell-tale sighs sometimes was enough when she didn't want to come right out and say something.

[Carroll]

My wife bought x-mas presents for Carroll, has no issue with me dressing, and even insist on it at times. Even bedtime she......
she is very accepting

[Cristi]

I am underdressed 24/7 and am usually in a skirt or dress, earrings, tights, etc when at home after work or on the weekends.

As far as my wife is concerned, it it 'just clothes'. My bras/panties/skirts go through the laundry just like everything else. She has bought me blouses and nightgowns.

The one limit I have imposed on MYSELF is that while I dress fully around her, I usually only do makeup after she goes to bed or when she is not around. For some reason, I avoid wearing anything more than lipstick when she is around.

As I write this, I'm sitting on the couch beside her. She's in jeans and a polo shirt, I'm in a long denim skirt, tights, top and bra/forms.

[queenie]

I've actually set all the restrictions on myself. She's pretty supportive of me and I don't want to freak her out too much. First time I told her, she was kind of wierded out. I've been breaking her in to this kind of slowly. I do wear a lot of fem clothes around the house now and she doesn't mind any more. She's not a big shopper so we don't go shopping for clothes together or anything like that. I've only shown her a couple pictures of me completely decked out. She hasn't seen me that way IRL yet and I don't mind really.

[Alice B]

My wife understands my need to dress and accepts it with the following restrictions. I can dress anytime she is not at home and if she is away at a meeting can stay dressed when she gets home as long as I let her know in advance. I can also ask her at times if I can dress while she is home. She will say OK and will stay upstairs, as she does not want to see me dressed. A couple of times I pushed it too far and she exploded, feeling I was flaunting it in her face. That was not the intent, but I must be careful of getting carried away. I wear panties 7/24, have painted toe nails and wear nighties to bed. All of this is OK and I have pierced ears. That is OK also and she have bough several pairs of ear rings for me.

[stephaniesacd]

just as I am, my CD'ing and all. We go shopping for clothes and makeup together and try different make up techniques that we pick up on one another. She gets to see me in male mode all day since we both work from home. In the evening, after work, Stephanie gets to come out and spend the evening. My wife says she likes spending time with Stephanie. I haven't gotten the courage to go out en femme yet so Stephanie stays really close to home. We don't really have a set schedule for Stephanie to come out...she gets to come out whenever she likes. I have the best wife in the world.

[phoebe61]

My wife lets me dress whenever i want indoors ( she'd dissown me if i ever go out in public dressed) with the curtains closed when we are not exepting anyone inc our grown up son who lives with us but often stays out weekends.
also wont call me by my fem name
but we go shpping for fem clothes, makeup juwelry necklesses ect together
DONNA FROM UK

[DonnaT]

Well, 33 years ago I could dress totally enfemme anytime, but things changed and she did a complete 180.

After years of riding the roller-coaster and having those talks, now I can dress anytime, without wig and makeup. Note, she gave me a wig 33 yrs ago, and bought me the one I have now.

She definitely doesn't like seeing me with makeup on. She's a little less bothered by the wig. But, I am satisfied with just the dressing, sans wig and makeup, so no big deal for me.

Going out, however, she wants to know ahead of time.

However, she still doesn't particularly like my CDing.

[Alison010274]

For the most part my wife is what I would consider "supportive." She does not mind if I dress at home pretty much when ever I want to. I do, almost always, ask her if she is OK with it before I proceed with the transformation. She does go as far as allowing me to have the run of her closet when dressing though, so that may actually go above and beyond "supportive."
There is definately a resistance when it comes to going out in public though. I think this is more to do with concerns for my safety than anything else though..

[suzy]

Molly,

My wife understands and is supportive but as in most cases there are limitations....on both sides, mine and hers.

My wife buys things for me, shops with me, and gives me feminine things for gifts. She has seen me dressed and has been showing me how to put on make up, and tricks or looking more feminine.

When I go out of town on business she comes to the airport to pick me up with a bag of feminine clothes so I can change at the airport and drive home.

But....she also deserves, wants and needs the man that she married. She and I have agreed that as long as I am in male mode at least 1/2 of the time the other time is mine to dress how I wish. She also refuses to dance with me when I'm dressed in feminine mode, which is what I expect and want as well.

I am not a full time CD'r...I get my time and it's more than enough to satisfy my cravings. I wear feminine underwear 99% of the time an sleep in nighties 100% of the time. Rarely do I chose to go out dressed and none of the family (as far as I know) have a clue about it.

It is only through communication and understanding that we have reached the common ground. Wives and SO's have fears about what we are really trying to do or become, and understandably so. I tried to clear the air on those issues right from the start so she doesn't worry about where will it all end....she knows, we agree and we both accept it.

I hope this helps. Good luck to you!:love:

[Joanie]

My wife knows I dress up when she is away, just like now.

As I know it sort of bothers her, I abstain from it when she is here unless it is "bed time" in which I have worn hose, panties, pumps and even lipstick lately. I have also worn some feminine pajamas around the house some.

She won't do my makeup but helped once with the lipstick and, years ago, did my nails. I don't have a wig but do have false breasts but she hasn't seen these. So her level of acceptance is very good but if I am was constantly en femme around her, I know her well enough to know that this would cause a problem.

[Katrina red nails]

I don't know where i fit in the spectrum of wife's acceptance - quite low down the scale i guess.
She knows about it and i can go to the bedroom every day if i want. With kids (males 16+) about the house opportunities to dress around the rest of the house are limited. When the kids were with their mum over Xmas i had a couple of days dressed full time but she wasn't overkeen.Although she puts up with it she doesn't want to get involved and doesn't like hugging me when dressed.
My dream would be for her to become as accepting as some of the spouses on here and as a first step toward that dream i would love to go on a shopping trip with her for fem stuff for both her and myself ( I would be dressed in male mode).
I haven't told her yet that i wear panties and toenail polish 24/7 because not sure the reaction i would get.

[Kate Simmons]

Tough call Hon. Women reserve the right to change their mind at any given time without prior notice or reason.:)

[KandisTX]

My wife has known since three days after we met some 13 plus years ago. Her acceptance has always been total, as has her support and participation. She knows that Kandis is a part of the total package and that is who I am always going to be. If it came to a choice of my not dressing or something else, I am sure she would support my ability to dress over anything, simply because she knows that if I do not get to dress, I am no longer myself and therefore I am not the man she married, or fell in love with. :)

Kandis:love::rose2:

[Tina B.]

My wife has known about Tina for over 30 years. It has not always been so, but at this point in life, I pretty much wear what I want when I want. I run hot and cold on dressing, so I might not dress for a long time, then go days and days in a skirt. I am a stay at home crossdresser, (In the Closet) We both like it that way. Besides I live in a very small town, a long way from a city, so there is no where to go anyway. But we shop together, I in drab, she buys me feminine gifts, Tells me when she thinks I did a nice job on my make-up, hair, or put together a cute outfit. No sex, we are just girlfriends not lovers when it comes to both of us presenting female. She has shared my secret for over 30 years, has never betrayed my trust, shared make up and dressing tips, and she has let me be the woman that is inside, as much as I have needed it, and if I go to long without it, she reminds me of the need for it. So yes while she is glad to see me keep it inside.I'd say she accepts me just fine.
Tina B.

[Samantha Kelsey]

My girlfriend Katy just accepts me as a person. No matter what I wear or when I want to wear it. She loves me for me. I try to always look good for her no matter what I wear and I take special care to never place her in a position of embarrasement or ridicule from others about me. She loves to go out with me and is always giving me complements and encouragement. Maybe we're a little different to most couples on here in that Katy knew about me before our relationship started but that doesn't give me a license to do anything that would hurt or humiliate her.
I'm the luckiest person alive.

[debbeelee1]

My wife is accepting and encouraging of my Cding. I can dress en femme any time I want, but I don't over due it. She buys me things and picks things out for me. Because of our job as truck drivers, we are only home 2-3 weeks every 8 weeks. I do dress on the weekends sometimes when we stay in a motel, but at home is usually the only chance I get. In the evening, I usually wear nightgown and my forms. My wife's 25 year old daughter lives with us and I am totally open with her and a few of her friends that come over too.

[Angie G]

I dress % day a week (if the grandkids aren't here) with my wife's acceptance some times with makeup I give her me in drab on the weekends She needs her man sometimes and that's fine it work out good for us.And on weekend I do under dress with at least panties and sometimes a Cami. We shop together and talk of clothing all the time. I've only been you to her for 3 years of our 40 years of Marriage.:hugs:
Angie

[stephanie.ts]

Reading these posts there seems to be three different levels of support (or lack-thereof): tolerance, acceptance, and encouragement. I told my girlfriend two weeks after we started dating about my crossdressing. This idea was very exciting to her, and subsequently she scribed in her diary how she wished to take me lingerie shopping (she narrated this, I wasn't snooping!). We've been together for 18 months and she is not only accepting, but also very encouraging. The past few months we have lived together, me being more-or-less permanently en-femme. This past Christmas (and for most holidays) she purchases me only feminine items. Her enthusiasm is, however, spurred on by the fact that she finds transsexualism (and ambiguously gay men) incredibly erotic.

[Dragster]

Has she got a sister Stephanie? Please!

Tony

[Emily Anderson]

My now ex-wife was not understanding or accepting. At best, she was tolerant, and it was all on her terms. That just didn't work for me, seeing as I didn't want to dress up when she wanted, but rather when I felt like it.

It's like saying "you can eat your favorite food when I'm out with my girlfriends on Tuesday evening between 8pm and 11pm".

No thanks!

[AllyM]

My wife accepts me for who I am. We are both very similar and pretty much fall into the "Tomboy" category. Our dress is very simlar, except I wear hose during the cold weather more than she does. I also wear opague knee-hi's most days when she used to wear ankle socks. Over the last year, she has gotten to like my knee-hi's so we find ourselves buying them more frequently.