Chemistry

[Lori Lee]

First of all I want to say that I have been on this site for a while and have not posted or replyed very much, but I want to thank all of you for your stories as it has made me realize how normal my dressing is. I have been crossdressing since I was about 10.
Anyway back to why I'm posting.
You may think I'm crazy but, I was going out with a GG for three years, that accepted my cd'ing. I could not say that I was in love with her. I did give it a try those three years. So I needed to end it. Now I am going out with a woman that I believe will not accept my cd'ing what so ever, but I can't help the strong feelings I have for her. It's going to be tough if I have to purge all my clothes. I have not told her of my cd'ing yet as the relationship is still in the beginning stages. I know your saying now is the time to tell her so that there aren't any things kept secret that could ruin the relationship in the future. But I believe that the love I feel for he,r that I could purge. I could also pack everything up in boxes and store it, but I just don't know. It's very strange that I would pass up on someone that accepted me as I am for someone that might not. I guess that chemistry means alot more to me than I thought.
Has anyone else had the same feelings about a woman? Thanks in advance for all your replys.

Lori Lee

[Joanne_2003]

When I started going out with my wife I too thought I could purge and give it up for her. I couldn't and I would dress when she was out but I almost got caught and ruined a bra getting it off in a hurry. I was thinking of asking her to marry me and thought I can't go on like this and I told her.

She took a while to think it over but that was 5 years ago and we have been happily married since. ps I dress every day at home.

[Karren H]

Love is love and crossdressing is crossdressing and their no connection between the two, in my humble opinion. If you happen to fall in love with someone that accepts crossdressing, thet that's a bonus... But the chances of that seem to be very slim..

[linnea]

Yours is a difficult situation, but one thing that I'm pretty sure of is that you will probably not be successful in giving up your CDing. So you've got to decide how you want to handle the question of disclosure to her (or not disclosure).

[stephanie.ts]

Nobody knows exactly what "love" is or how it's created, but we know when we have it. If you're not in love with the accepting woman then it's not fair to either of you, namely because you will feel that you have cheated yourself out of genuine love. However, this new relationship may seem exciting but crossdressing seems to be a part of who you are. The endorphins emitted from your new beau probably won't be enough to permanently cancel out how comfortable you feel dressing up.

An extreme example is: A man falls in love with a woman, but this woman only has a thing for crossdressers. How long can he "emasculate" himself in order to stay with her, even though he loves her? I suppose indefinitely, but it wouldn't be easy.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

Lori Lee -> you are heading for trouble - purges don't work (except for women's clothing manufactures) - it seems that no matter how hard you try to forget crossdressing, the fact is you really can't - you may be able to surpress it for awhile, but Lori Lee is going to want out one of these days and she WILL get her way - trust all of us - we've been there

Then you are headed for depression and a lot of real bad stuff - your spouse is going to be real upset with you - you are going to become irritable and an emotional wreck trying to serve both your spouse and Lori Lee

Love is a funny thing - crossdressing is a complicated thing - but for goodness sake, please realize that PURGES are not permanent (I only wish that I had half of the clothing and shoes and wigs and jewelry that I purged)

Lori Lee cannot be permanently forgotten - SHE WILL COME BACK WITH A VENGANCE

Been there,

JoAnne Wheeler

[Di]

Lori Lee -> you are heading for trouble - purges don't work (except for women's clothing manufactures) - it seems that no matter how hard you try to forget crossdressing, the fact is you really can't - you may be able to surpress it for awhile, but Lori Lee is going to want out one of these days and she WILL get her way - trust all of us - we've been there
Then you are headed for depression and a lot of real bad stuff - your spouse is going to be real upset with you - you are going to become irritable and an emotional wreck trying to serve both your spouse and Lori Lee
Love is a funny thing - crossdressing is a complicated thing - but for goodness sake, please realize that PURGES are not permanent (I only wish that I had half of the clothing and shoes and wigs and jewelry that I purged)
Lori Lee cannot be permanently forgotten - SHE WILL COME BACK WITH A VENGANCE
Been there,
JoAnne Wheeler

Please take heed of the above............If I had a dollar for everytime I heard( I would be a very rich girl)....I loved her and thought I could put it away for loves sake then did'nt tell- got married- had kids and all the stuff afterwards ( hiding stuff finding out ect) not good....................IMO...you can put it away for a time
but it is a part of you.
So I would tell her if you see yourself living together or getting married as hard as that is TRUST ME...better then than yrs down the line and her finding out....or even if she doesn't find out...you living the lie and all the guilt and everything else involved.
And another thing...how long will chemistry last with someone with that much narrowmindedness....as you said..will not accept my cd'ing what so ever.
My hope is that if you really love her...she can love you just as much back and let you be you.

[docrobbysherry]

U meet a woman. There's this "chemistry" between u. U think she's "the one".

U get married. The chemistry appears less and less important over time. As other issues arise in your relationship. And at that time, your female side will emerge again!

Here's some tips:

1. Don't confuse love and lust! They're easily confused! How do u tell them apart? Love lasts, lust doesn't.

2. Don't be in a hurry to get hitched! Why? ( See 1, above).

3. When you're ready to propose, THEN, u MUST tell her of your CDing. If she won't accept it AND u, she's the wrong one!

4. There r probably thousands, maybe more, women that u can find "chemistry" with. But, u may have to make an effort to find them!:eek:

5. The "3 year rule" is a good guide. If everything is good after 3 years with a woman, THEN, u mite consider THINKING about marriage! If you've LIVED together for 3 years and it's all good, u r a lucky guy! U may have found the rite one for u! As long as you've both hung all your dirty laundry out in front of the other! And that includes EVERYTHING involved with your CDing!:doh:

Good luck Lori Lee! Hope it all works out for u!:thumbsup:

[RobynP]

Now I am going out with a woman that I believe will not accept my cd'ing what so ever, but I can't help the strong feelings I have for her. It's going to be tough if I have to purge all my clothes. I have not told her of my cd'ing yet as the relationship is still in the beginning stages. I know your saying now is the time to tell her so that there aren't any things kept secret that could ruin the relationship in the future. But I believe that the love I feel for he,r that I could purge. I could also pack everything up in boxes and store it, but I just don't know. It's very strange that I would pass up on someone that accepted me as I am for someone that might not. I guess that chemistry means alot more to me than I thought.


Hi, Lori!

You state that she will not accept your cding... but you haven't discussed it with her. Your assumption of her presumed lack of acceptance may be incorrect or invalid! She may surprise you and not only accept it but encourage it!

Even if you feel the chemistry is "right" and that you can purge or store your stuff, you owe it to her and to yourself to tell her about your crossdressing "past" because it is a significant factor in your life even if you never crossdress ever again. (I am deliberately not going into whether or not crossdressing can be "cured". Certainly one can stop crossdressing for an undetermined period of time. However, our crossdressing history is as much a part of us as everything else in our past and cannot be "purged".)

Love is more than "chemistry" between two people. Love is a conscious decision based on a large number of "things" to fully commit oneself to another. And two of those "things" are trust and honesty....

Robyn P.

[Bethany38]

:2c:Hi Lori,
I think Robyn hit the nail on the head with her comment, and I would take heed to all the other comments as well for they all hold their own truths. I know for me I tried to purge and giveit up several times over the years and it never worked for very long. I would test the waters with this women and see if there is any chance she might accept. If she can't well only you can make the decision on what to do. Tread carefully and no that Lori is you, and you hace to be true to yourself.

[deja true]

...and keep in mind, that just as many a relationship has failed because the woman thought she could change the "bad boy" she fell for...so too the opposite will also hold true.

If your gut instinct tells you that she will not accept your dressing, do not consider seriously that you'll be able to change that mind-set with any success. It could happen, but then so can the Grand Canyon fill with water at the next big rain!

It sounds as if you haven't even broached the subject yet this early in your 'crush'...but, like all above have said...it will be a necessity for your long term happiness.

Hope that your gut instinct is wrong and see if you can better gauge her thinking through more and deeper conversation about gender topics.

Chemistry? Boyoboy, am I glad the hormone wars in my body are almost over!

[Kate Simmons]

Hmm, now I finally know what to blame all of this on. It was that chemistry set I got for my birthday when I was 12. Kidding aside, my friend, the chemistry is either there or it isn't. Only you know for sure.:)

[BobbiJ]

Lori Lee -> you are heading for trouble... no matter how hard you try to forget crossdressing, the fact is you really can't - you may be able to surpress it for awhile, but Lori Lee is going to want out one of these days and she WILL get her way - trust all of us - we've been there

Then you are headed for depression and a lot of real bad stuff - your spouse is going to be real upset with you - you are going to become irritable and an emotional wreck trying to serve both your spouse and Lori Lee...

Lori Lee cannot be permanently forgotten - SHE WILL COME BACK WITH A VENGANCE...

Yeah, what she said. Sorry Lori Lee, but though you think you can purge and put it all behind you, it doesn't work that way. You are who you are, and while the rush of a new relationship may let you put it on the back burner, you can't get it off the stove.

If you purge and go forward with this relationship, get married, have children, the whole nine yards, you are dooming yourself to a life of hidden underdressing, shame, fear of discovery buy and purge cycles, you name it. And some day you will be in your mid-40's to early-50's, and JoAnne's prophecy above WILL happen, as sure as the sun will rise tomorrow. You will come out to your wife, and then she'll likely feel that you betrayed her for hiding this part of yourself from her for so long.

Be honest NOW. If she understands and is willing to go forward with the relationship, it will be with open eyes, and you'll have a lifetime of blessed freedom to be yourself without fear.

[Kate's at home]

First, congratulations on finding love! There is no denying it when it presents.
Good for you!

Secondly, I'm very impressed and touched by the responses you have been offered. And many of us have been down this road many times, and have the scars to prove it. How long do you realistically believe you can keep Lori locked away?

You might see yourself in a dilemna...either/or, this or that, but I'm with everyone else. I would encourage the path of the middle course, slowly, mindful, patient, with open communication with yourself and her, and with love.

Best wishes,

Kate

[FanciJewel]

I had that chemistry 3 times. Twice the chemistry fizzled after several years and only now has the chemistry continued to react after 19 years. I also thought that they would never understand or tolerate my CD'ing. I was correct twice and wrong once. And that is why the chemistry is still there this time. (Being wrong isn't always bad.) Chemistry doesn't mean anything. What means the most is a mutual trust. She needs to trust that you are honest and you need to trust that she is accepting. Otherwise...Boom and goodbye - Fanci

[marie354]

Chemistry or not, don't start a relationship without telling her.
There are only two ways she'll react... And she'll find out eventually.

It's nice that you found someone that you care a lot about, now if she feels the same, then she'll love the complete you. Not just part.

Give it some more thought, just try to do it right by both her and you.

I've lost many a love from my CDing. I tried not telling once and it ended very badly.

Some women just don't want anything to do with it.
Some say OK, but they don't want to see it.
Then there the ones that try to accept it and can't.

But, once in a while you find the jewel. Hang on to it. But remember, a relationship is largely based on honesty.

I wish you luck in whatever you decide.

[Mary Morgan]

Same old story here. Fell in love, purged, did not dress for five years. Couldn't stand it any longer, told her, started dressing again. We're still together, and I have all my parts so far.

[ColleenPDX]

I have to agree with everyone that purges don't last, and that it really is best to let her know before you get into anything longterm. My experience is that you can give up dressing for a long time, but the desire will come back and it will grow the longer you deny it. It's something you enjoy, a part of you, so try to accept it and you might be surprised by who else will accept it. I've had good luck with the women I've told, they all accepted it to varying degrees. Although I don't know if they would have been accepting if I'd kept it a secret from them instead of telling them upfront.

Colleen