Is it just me?

[BeckyAnderson]

Sorry girls.....at this moment in time I need a shoulder. I know, there are a lot of girls here that would love to be able to dress around the house while the wife is home like I do. BUT and it's a big BUT!, I am bored senseless.

I've been dressing twice a week at home now for six years. At first it was fabulous to have this freedom. Now I find myself sitting here bored to tears playing Freecell on my computer for hours on end and drinking gin & tonics while dressed. I feel like I'm about to scream! My wife has the lights low and the shades drawn just as she has done for the last six years and there's very little conversation. I am constantly thinking about going out when dressed instead of sitting here wasting my life away playing a dumb computer card game. At almost 62, life is getting shorter, the nights are getting longer and my dreams more distant. My realization is that my closet has grown in size a bit but, nonetheless, it is still a closet and it's still a very lonely place. I can't visit my CD friends or have my CD friends visit me while dressed. Instead, I only see them once a month at our TriEss meeting. I guess you could call them long distance friends :sad:

Sorry for whining like this but I have to unload somewhere. Thank you all for listening.

Anyone else in this boat or is it just me?

Hugs,
Becky

[BobbiJ]

I haven't been out that long to be able to tell you i can relate, but really, if your CD life consists of dressing at home and going to a Tri-Ess meeting once a month, i'm not surprised you feel this way.

Unlike you, my wife doesn't want to see me as Bobbi, so I can't dress at home unless i'm alone. However, we communicate fairly well, so if i'm online playing computer games, it's because that's what i wanted to do that night, not because i'm bored.

When Tri-Ess was my only outlet, it posed a problem with me: Bobbi isn't on a schedule. Just because it was the second Saturday of the month, it didn't mean that i was going to be in a femme mood. (Yes, i do have times when i don't feel girly.) So i needed to find something else that would give me more opportunities to get out if the feeling struck me.

Maybe that's what you need, a more varied "menu" of times and places to go en femme each month. Just work out with your wife a fair number of times per month for you to be able to get out and socialize.

That sounds a little simplistic, but it's the best i can think of. :)

[AllieSF]

I am not in the same boat. However, last year I was in my own boat. I lived alone and had just started dressing a little over a year earlier. I had freedom to dress when I could. When I got bored, or maybe it was more a desire to be adventurous, I started looking for like minded friends and found this site. I found some out of town friends and would go out when their schedule permitted. But I was just starting out so I could deal with the lack of frequency. That all changed early last year when my number one son moved back in with me, and my freedoms came to a screeching halt. Now I only dress when my friends come into town and they let me dress at their hotel, or when my son let's me know in advance that he will be spending the night somewhere. The point I am making is that wait till you lose the freedom to see how really bored and frustrated you can become. Not trying to lecture, just sharing my experience.

Since I am am optimist most of the time, and it is definitely easier to tell someone else to do the right thing, here is an option to consider that may have some surprising results.

"Hey Honey, this is my dressing night, but I am so bored with dressing and staying home, drinking and playing on the computer, how about I leave Becky in the closet tonight and you and I go out for a quick meal, a movie, a game of pool, drinks and conversation? Are you up for it?"

If you are going to be bored after making a special effort to get dressed, how about turning the tables include your wife in the evening activities in a way that she should have no problem accepting, and going out for some fun. Maybe you could do that for several weeks in a row (share one of Becky's reserved moments) with your wife without Becky. Take the opportunity to explain how you feel (bored and no place to go), how much you care for her and appreciate her acceptance (whatever level that is) and how much you still enjoy dressing and just need some fun associated with it. Maybe through open and friendly conversation, versus confrontational, you can win a few nights out once in a while that do not include a monthly meeting. Just my thoughts. Good luck and thanks for sharing.

[leesametz]

Becky...

i am sorry that you arent able to enjoy going out more often. i dont know what to suggest in terms of expanding your dressed world. i have no where near the level of freedom to dress that you have, since my wife doesnt have a clue and she wouldnt understand if she did...

if you would like to talk more indepth, send me a PM. or three...

hugs

[Teri Jean]

Becky.
I do not have a wife as mine passed a year and half ago but i know the problem of being somewhat isolated or in the closet. I may suggest that, you love your wife dearly(?), that you take her out on a date once an awhile to show her how much you care for her, a real date like set up the arrangements.Then ask her if she would be open to meeting a few of your friends for coctails or an evening out for dinner with a couple friends. This may help her accept your desire to dress and to see and talk with a couple friends that share the same desire to dress as you do. I could be wrong but many women accept on the surface but still harbor thoughts of being rejected for clothing and makeup. I hope you and your wife can find a common ground that works for both of you. Huggs Keli

[MJ]

My realization is that my closet has grown in size a bit but, nonetheless, it is still a closet and it's still a very lonely place.
I can't visit my CD friends or have my CD friends visit me while dressed. Instead, I only see them once a month at our TriEss meeting. I guess you could call them long distance friends :sad:



Hugs,
Becky

I'm sorry your feeling this way. but why can't you go visit a friend or go out somewhere ?
hey come visit me up here any time sis
but i hope you get over the cabin fever soon

[beenherelongtime]

i can't help you get out of your boredom while dressed. your avatar looks great, maybe you should cut down on dressing and go out with the wife. you married her because you love her and it seems she approves/tolerates your dressing. show her you appreciate this. to get further into the psych. you could like dressing and just doing things around the house, we all go through ennui(boredom) at times. one of these days i am going to write my full profile and you will see what some others have gone through.

[kittypw GG]

I find myself sitting here bored to tears. I feel like I'm about to scream! My wife has the lights low and the shades drawn just as she has done for the last six years and there's very little conversation. I am constantly thinking about going out when dressed instead of sitting here wasting my life away playing a dumb computer card game.

Anyone else in this boat or is it just me?

Hugs,
Becky

Becky I could have written these words myself. I sometimes sat in front of the TV and I feared that my screams would come bursiting out of me. I could not stand my life. :thumbsdn: Figure out what it is you really want out of life. Talk to your spouse and communicate whaterver that is. Sadly, for me my communications fell on deaf ears and the only option was divorce. You are right Life IS too short to have these feelings.

:hugs:
Kitty

[ronnie1951]

You are lucky your wife understands. And you are fortunate to have the friends you appear to have. I would really like to meet someone to chat with now and again where I live. Maybe you should use one of your nights to spend more time with your wife. And then the other to go somewhere with the girls.

I used to have a somewhat understanding girlfriend, but I never got over the awkwardness of dressing with her home. Even though she made every effort to understand and accept. I would rather work up the nerve to be with a cd friend than sit around the house. I just couldnt take it. So I didnt do even dress.

Try something new, be with your friends a bit more. Change it up a bit, maybe that will help!

[docrobbysherry]

I don't think any of us r knowledgable enough to advise u! Especially me! But---

I can relate what happened to me. After 7 years of marriage, things weren't working for us any more. Our therapist advised us that my wife had changed, and was making my life difficult as a result! :sad:

After we separated, I was sad, but came to realize that I had been in prison the last few years of my marriage. Maybe she felt the same way!?:brolleyes:

So, I traded a "prison" for a "closet"! But, it's MY closet, and I'm quite happy now. And free to leave it whenever I like!:D

[LilSissyStevie]

Hmmm..... I suggest you buy yourself a small farm. Get some chickens, cows, pigs, a big old garden and an orchard, etc. You'll need some trucks and tractors and other equipment that constantly require upkeep. You'll still feel like screaming a lot but you will never, ever be bored. :heehee:

There's nothing like mucking around in manure all day and then having a nice relaxing bubble bath before getting dressed in some frilly night things.:daydreaming:

[Karren H]

Well didn't take me long to hit the bored mark now when ever I dress... I'm going out somewhere... usually shopping... Once you get out, setting at home all dressed up just does nothing for me!!

[MissConstrued]

Twice a week for six years? That's not fun; it's a routine. A perfunctory thing, like going to church every Sunday even when you don't feel like it.

Take up a new hobby. Take your wife hiking or biking or something. However, if you've already tried this, then what you've got is a control freak and a battleaxe. You make it sound like she has a strictly defined set of rules that you must live by, or else. A man begging, pleading with his wife for something should be one of those kinky little games with handcuffs, not a way to live.

The way I see it, you've got two options: stay miserable, or grow a spine.

[Sally2005]

Tell me about it!... Although not CDing related it was unofficially my wife's turn to arrange a date over Chrisitmas and New Years eve and she did nothing! We stayed home and watched movies with our kid (I even had to go rent them!). I felt bad (I can't stand wasting time) and blew up with her over some other stuff... I still can't understand why she sits around waiting for someone else to make the plans and when its not done nothing happens! What kind of teamwork is that! ...anyhow, my point is, do what you need to do and work around your wife's routine or just plain ditch her for a few hours if she is not in to having some fun.

[susie evans]

BECKY i'am kind of like karren when i go to the trouble to get dressed i'am going out at least for a little while life is way to short to let your self get bored

:hugs:...susie

[Jess_cd32]

Becky.
I do not have a wife as mine passed a year and half ago but i know the problem of being somewhat isolated or in the closet. I may suggest that, you love your wife dearly(?), that you take her out on a date once an awhile to show her how much you care for her, a real date like set up the arrangements.Then ask her if she would be open to meeting a few of your friends for coctails or an evening out for dinner with a couple friends. This may help her accept your desire to dress and to see and talk with a couple friends that share the same desire to dress as you do. I could be wrong but many women accept on the surface but still harbor thoughts of being rejected for clothing and makeup. I hope you and your wife can find a common ground that works for both of you. Huggs Keli

First Keli-H my sympathies for your loss:hugs:
As for the OP, I like the advice you've given and would try that first, if that fails I'd try some of the other suggestions. If they failed then I'd put my needs first at that point, life is to short to waste it.

[jillleanne]

Hi Becky, well, been there done that.I don't know really how well you both communicate irregardless of your gender self, but I'll assume it's not all that great at any given time. Other than stay home, what does she like to do? Suggest to her you both go do what she likes, but you go ' en femme' , like shopping for instance, or whatever. Otherwise, ask her if she minds if you just go out on your own for an afternoon. If she stays negative about all ideas, you've got a problem with her acceptance of you en femme and will need to discuss all this with her rationally and hopefully, will lead to positive results for both of you.
I'm fortunate my gg accepts me coming and going en femme whenever I feel the desire. Sometimes she comes, sometimes she doesn't, but I always ask her if she would like to join me on my outings.
The bottom line is, you need out and she needs to understand and accept the fact. Work with her on it my talking to her.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

BECKY,

My spouse is still somewhat paranoid that someone might see me, even though we live in a secluded area. She is not as bad as she used to because she now sees how well i can make the transformation. I used to hate it when she pulled all the blinds. So I guess I have made some progress.

I have been out enfemm before and driven over 1000 miles at a time (she doesn't know about that)

Having an accepting spouse who tolerates your dressing up is not all that bad - especially when I read from so many married sisters who still have to dress in secret.

I'm trying to convince my spouse to let me dress when we are on vacation.

Baby steps I guess, but you have to weigh dressing up versus marraige. It is sometimes tough when you try to keep both in balance - my spouce still thinks that I love JoAnne more that I love her - I keep telling her that if I did not love her more, JoAnne and I would have left a long time ago.

Hang in there,

JoAnne Wheeler

[bonniebma]

Becky,

I'm often in the same boat. I love to dress up, but my SO doesn't know about Bonnie, so I only get a chance a few times a year. I just try to be patient.

Bonnie

[Desiree2bababe]

Staying home dressed is a "drag", pun intended. I had to go out in my glory days. But, dressed or not, life does get more boring as I age, especially with the economy the way it is. I just can't afford to have fun anymore.

[deja true]

You do need to get out, Becky....

But it looks like your nominally tolerant wife just won't allow it.

Is there no room in your agreement with her for negotiations....for compromise?

Is she even capable of having a conversation about other 'safe' options for your expression of Becky that might include getting out occassionally? No?

Has she not gone to Tri-Ess meetings with you ever?

Then that's not tolerance at all... It's emotional blackmail.

If Becky is a part of you and is languishng in this relationship prison, then the whole person is, too...

And needs to either plead for clemency from the warden on grounds of good behaviour or make a break for it!

[Rachel Morley]

Last spring my wife told her 17 year old son about me. Up until then I only dressed when we were going out shopping etc or to a CDing event, and when I did I used to sneak out the door and back again so that he didn't see me. Now he knows it all, and he was very accepting (just like his Mom) and you would think this would have opened the door to me dressing at home whenever I wanted to. But in fact, nothing has really changed except for there's no sneaking around anymore.

I did at first dress at home and read books, watch movies, prepare dinner etc all the while en femme but gradually, my level of "at home femme-ness" has tapered off to a what can now only be described as feminized girly guy. I've found that when I get dressed all the way (full makeup, forms, padding etc) I want to wear more feminine clothes like dresses, skirts, feminine blouses and high heels etc ... but if I do this at home I feel all dressed up with nowhere to go. Consequently I rarely dress fully at home nowadays unless I am going out later.

[Phoebe Reece]

Becky, I know exactly how you feel. I worked 20 years overseas in a location where going out dressed simply was not an option. Every other year or so I would go to a Halloween party or be in some amateur drama dressed as a woman, but most of the time my dressing was restricted to the house. I too was bored out of my mind with sitting around the house "all dressed up and nowhere to go". After I retired from that job and my wife and I moved back to the USA, things changed completely for me. Now, I never dress up just to sit around the house. When I change into Phoebe's things, I am quickly out the door.

I have a number of CD friends that also like to get out and I usually have one or more of them wanting to get out with me almost every weekend. I end up turning down almost as many opportunities to get out than I accept. Our Tri-Ess meetings take up most of a weekend every month, with me being out as Phoebe pretty much all day on a Friday and a Saturday. Sometimes if my friends are not available, I'll just go out shopping or to dinner by myself.

My wife does not accompany me in public for fear of running into someone that knows her. I am very happy with the freedom to get out that I have and I do not press my wife on this issue. In non-public settings my wife is quite comfortable being with me and my friends dressed. Most recently we hosted a New Year's Eve party for all my CD friends at our home.

[bredalee25]

Actually for me it's a different situation. My wife accepts my dressing 100% I dress every time we're home together. When we go to the store together i've got a bra and panties on under my guy clothes. Even when we go to work the same and the wife and I work for the same small plant. I've yet to become bored with dressing as my wife and I act the same as we did before I started dressing around her all the time. I guess it depends on the two people involved as to the outcome of how it makes us feel.

Sorry to hear of your getting bored with things. Cheer up it'll get better.

ttfn:hugs:

[Jacqui]

Hi, Becky, it sounds like your wife is making a concession to allow you to dress privately in your home, but that she is really not thrilled about it. Anything more would be tilting the fulcrum away from her and increase her resentment. It probably hasn't been easy for her and the lack of conversation while you're dressed indicates that.

I think you're at a point where the real desire that you have pent up for a good portion of your life is rising to the surface. I would guess it's not just a matter of being enfemme more often, but, in fact, wanting to be perceived as a woman and do things that women do. It would be nice for her to participate with you and to gradually bring in one or more accepting people. But, unless you can convince her that she will also get something for herself from this experience (a: it might be fun going out with a new female friend; b: give something back to her en mano... a romantic dinner, movie, new clothes,..a 12 second kiss!), otherwise, I think she will look at it as a further loss of the man she married.

Since she has allowed you some leeway, there is potential for more. You know that she is coming from a generation that has had less exposure to our 'little gift' than younger people in their twenties-forties. So you need to come up with a good plan that will not only allow you to go out and satisfy your desires, but will also balance the scale for her.

I hope you can work it out together.

Jacqui

P.S. From your avatar, you are very attractive and don't look anywhere near 62.

[Emily Anderson]

Becky,

I'm sorry to hear about your predicament, and I can relate. I was in this situation about ten years ago, but things have changed since then, and perhaps surprisingly, I still don't go out while dressed. But, I digress.

I guess you need to think about what else you could be doing, and how that would fit in with your current living situation... Inasmuch as whether you want to stir the pot and do something different, or come to terms with what you have now? That's a potentially massive question!

Specifically, I'm sure you have something in mind that you would like to do differently, and perhaps you've even thought about broaching the subject... But, reality dictates that life is all about actions & consequences, so you need to think very carefully about wants versus needs, and only when you have the answer for yourself can you take the next step.

[Jennifer Cox]

God Becky, I wish I had your problems. I'm lucky if I get to dress fully once a year. However, I do understand where you're coming from. If I do get a few days to dress, I soon find I'm bored with being alone in the house - this goes for both guy and girl mode. Consequently, I find I don't always make full use of any dresssing opportunity.

I think you need to beware the "grass is always greener" syndrome and not do anything rash, but also analyze your relationship to see if there's a more general issue.

[LA CINDY LOVE]

First you look to good to be in the closet Becky, dressing twice a week for six years in the closet...... has got you climbing the walls what did you think your closet was going to get bigger......you have out grown your closet Becky
and YOU know it is time to leave.




LA CINDY LOVE

[Danielle Hyatt]

Take your wife out for a romanilc dener make about her and than maybe the next day have nice long talk with her.



Your Pal
Dan:D

[jina]

Hi Becky,... I wanted to tell you how very lovely you are (those kind of compliments always cheer me up). :) . Your avatar is one of those that always stands out to me.

Why is it that you can't go see your friends in between Tri-ess meetings ? It seems if you had a friend or two you could visit that would help a lot. Would this be threatening to your SO ? Does she attend Tri-ess with you (ie: has she met the other CDers in the group) ?

I enjoy freecell myself,.. but there are only so many games. There must be a way to make your experience less lonely for you..

hugs,.. jina

[Joni Beauman]

How about a hobby or skill to develop (music, woodwork, photography)? I prefer to be dressed virtually all the time (well, not when cutting/splitting firewood), but can only do so when my wife goes to bed - and usually when daughter is at a sleep over like tonight...or when traveling on the road (usually summer). So when I do dress at home, I make sure I get something done, even if its clean the basement or kitchen before going to personal time. I wonder if the seemingly unproductive time for you (computer card games) might be a source of added friction. We tread such a fine line, sometimes it seems, and adding to the issue can tip the balance. Best wishes, Joni

[Kelsy]

Becky,

My first marriage ended after 25 years because of boredom ultimately. To escape this static life we began to drift apart and my interests went places that I should not have gone. The feeling of time running out was the catylist that set me on paths I should have avoided.

If you want to hold on to your marriage and make it better you need,IMO
to find things you can do together that will take you out of your rut. As far as your dressing and feeding your fem side, you may need to revisit the arrangements you have with your wife. Making and visiting other Cd friends is a good idea. Maybe getting to a CD event somewhere.

I feel for you Hun!!:hugs:
Kelsy

[jillleanne]

Becky, another thing you might try is having your spouse join you and other couples from Tri-Ess or where-ever, for an outing in drab mode. We for instance will be in Melbourne Fl. this week( 14 of us from all over, ( 7 transgendered males and their spouses) for an afternoon, for a Chinese buffet. It gives the spouses an opportunity to realize we are not a bunch of quacks, but rather, ordinary people with a gender enhancement. It's not just about being enfemme, but rather, being accepted when enfemme. These outings in drab mode help emmensely for some spouses.

[Angie G]

Are you Abel to talk to your wife about how your feeling maybe you can work on this problem together to fix your problem of boredom. doing things with each other may help. Geting out more could be a help. do you shop with your wife if she is up for that try it I love shopping with my wife even if we don't buy anything.:hugs:
Angie

[Shari]

Becky, all I can say is welcome to my world.
Seems the deeper we go in life and begin to realize that this is "all there is" that it tends to depress you from time to time.
You set a goal for yourself and after achieving it, it soon becomes old hat and you search for something new and exciting to get the blood flowing once again.
We always want to raise the bar, don't we?
I'm out with my wife too, but it seems there's so much more I want and know I can't go there if I want to stay married-and I do. So I have to suppress the thoughts and put them back in the bottom of the box that is my brain.
It's a constant battle for me too.
Take comfort in the fact that the days are starting to get longer and soon the sunshine and warmth of a new spring and summer will burn away the cabin fever you're experiencing now.

[Raychel]

I am so with you Becky, When I do get a chance to dress, and that has not been all that often lately. It is only when my wife takes the kids and leaves me home alone. And then most of the time is restriced to my office behind locked doors. Never know when the oldest one will come home.

Life can get pretty boring sometimes, Sure do need a change. :hugs:

[BeckyAnderson]

Thank you girls for all of your suggestions. For the record, I have tried everything mentioned.

I spend more time with her now (in guy mode) than I ever did before she found out.

I purposely did not dress on nights that I would normally dress to do things for and with her.

I never let my dressing interfere with family obligations. I've taken her to concerts, dinner several times a month, etc.

I'm constantly calling her from work to see how she's doing.

I do not push my dressing off on her.

Just as a note. She went to the hair dressers tonight after work and I dressed. Of course, I pulled down the blinds, closed the curtains, etc. However, I inadvertently left the blind in my computer room up from the window sill about one half inch. My computer room window is a full 50 feet from the road. It is very unlikely that anyone doing 30mph going past the house or even walking will see anything but a small sliver of light and a shadow. The first thing out of her mouth when she came home was, "You know you can see in the front window!" This just pissed me off......I said to her, "So what would anybody see, the back of the chair I'm sitting in?" "Oh, I forgot for a moment that they are selling tickets to take their turn to peek in our windows!"

I really felt like changing back to guy mode. She just takes the wind out of my sails sometimes. Sheez!

Thanks again for all of your suggestions.

Hugs,
Becky

[Rachel B]

Tick tock, tick tock.......
Time is just a ticking clock.......
We look outside with longing eyes,
were held inside by those that pry.
We long for those we love to say,
now let me see that girl today.
But when they dont we stop and stare,
and time just ticks and tocks nowhere.

I guess you have to ask yourself one question, maybe all of us should do the same, WHO ARE WE LIVING OUR LIFE FOR? :daydreaming:

Rach

[Satrana]

Becky

You really have allowed yourself to become overly domesticated and have placed your wife's needs infront of your own. That is fine if she is reciprocating and placing yours in front of hers. Is she?

You seriously need a girlfriend to go out on the town with. If your wife is not interested in joining you then for the sake of your welfare you need to find someone else. Is there not someone from Tri-ess who you could double up with?

You need to break this routine immediately and not have your life wasted due to your wife's paranoia.

[MissConstrued]

I'm constantly calling her from work to see how she's doing.


Ummm... why?

Get a mistress, and call her instead. But not "constantly." How annoying.