BekiJ
01-04-2009, 12:15 AM
I have been having these thoughts lately.
First the basics. I am just under 6-2 and weigh in at about 170. I am not skinny, but I am also not big boned or big muscled, which could be inferred from the height and weight.
For athletics, I lifted weights, but got very little in the way of results.
I cannot grow a beard. I mean a real beard. It is there, and annoying. I went 6 months at one time, and there was not much difference between that and a couple weeks. I go mostly unshaved (except when I have the opportunity to privately dress). If someone makes the comment that I look shaggy, I tell them I shave once a week whether I need it or not (if anyone I know reads that comment, I'm toast).
When I see I nice looking girl/woman, my first thought is not that I would like to jump her bones. I never had the male drive to sow my seed and repopulate the world. It used to be, "gee, she's cute," and now it's "gee she's cute, wish I could look like that."
It is a good thing I didn't want to leave a string of off-spring scattered around, as my wife and I had to adopt - immotile and low sperm count. Now this could be genetic, or the repeated blows to the family jewels playing basketball and baseball (never wore, still don't, a cup, at least not there).
Now that would have come in handy if I had the opportunity to sleep around. Which I never had. I did not pursue it (lack of confidence) and I never was the pursued or propositioned. Maybe I was just oblivious to it. I don't think I am ugly, just normal and probably plain looking (that would be the definition of homely, which has taken on a crueler meaning these days). I was told at a 30th HS reunion that I could have had any girl in the school. An exaggeration, I am sure, but this statement would have been based on my athletic ability, and not my personality or riveting good looks.
The only woman (and in this day and age I should say person) that I have been with is my wife. This not a complaint. I have seen a few (ok many) that I thought might be interesting, but just meeting some one and jumping in the sack would be an impossibility, psychologically. With no mental/emotional connection, the physical ain't happening. The physical is there, I just could not do it mentally. Now, you must realize this comes from some one with no experience so I might be surprised if the opportunity did arise.
Now, I look at all this, and I have to wonder. Is my dressing obsession connected to all these other things. I see these characteristics as being more feminine than masculine.
Any one else fit this profile?
For those who have read my other posts, the paranoid guy on my shoulder is taking a nap, and my wife is out of town for a couple weeks. And my forms from Truekare didn't make it today. Damn. Maybe Monday. So I can play for a while, but in two weeks, who knows when I will have the opportunity again. I will be lurking and learning.
Hugs
BekiJ
First the basics. I am just under 6-2 and weigh in at about 170. I am not skinny, but I am also not big boned or big muscled, which could be inferred from the height and weight.
For athletics, I lifted weights, but got very little in the way of results.
I cannot grow a beard. I mean a real beard. It is there, and annoying. I went 6 months at one time, and there was not much difference between that and a couple weeks. I go mostly unshaved (except when I have the opportunity to privately dress). If someone makes the comment that I look shaggy, I tell them I shave once a week whether I need it or not (if anyone I know reads that comment, I'm toast).
When I see I nice looking girl/woman, my first thought is not that I would like to jump her bones. I never had the male drive to sow my seed and repopulate the world. It used to be, "gee, she's cute," and now it's "gee she's cute, wish I could look like that."
It is a good thing I didn't want to leave a string of off-spring scattered around, as my wife and I had to adopt - immotile and low sperm count. Now this could be genetic, or the repeated blows to the family jewels playing basketball and baseball (never wore, still don't, a cup, at least not there).
Now that would have come in handy if I had the opportunity to sleep around. Which I never had. I did not pursue it (lack of confidence) and I never was the pursued or propositioned. Maybe I was just oblivious to it. I don't think I am ugly, just normal and probably plain looking (that would be the definition of homely, which has taken on a crueler meaning these days). I was told at a 30th HS reunion that I could have had any girl in the school. An exaggeration, I am sure, but this statement would have been based on my athletic ability, and not my personality or riveting good looks.
The only woman (and in this day and age I should say person) that I have been with is my wife. This not a complaint. I have seen a few (ok many) that I thought might be interesting, but just meeting some one and jumping in the sack would be an impossibility, psychologically. With no mental/emotional connection, the physical ain't happening. The physical is there, I just could not do it mentally. Now, you must realize this comes from some one with no experience so I might be surprised if the opportunity did arise.
Now, I look at all this, and I have to wonder. Is my dressing obsession connected to all these other things. I see these characteristics as being more feminine than masculine.
Any one else fit this profile?
For those who have read my other posts, the paranoid guy on my shoulder is taking a nap, and my wife is out of town for a couple weeks. And my forms from Truekare didn't make it today. Damn. Maybe Monday. So I can play for a while, but in two weeks, who knows when I will have the opportunity again. I will be lurking and learning.
Hugs
BekiJ