Crossdressing, what's the point?

[ellen1985]

Hello. I would like you to listen to my story and tell me what you think about it, what you feel when crossdressing and why you do it.

I am a guy around 25. Ever since I was a kid I have felt a great admiration and fondness towards women. When I was around 10-12 I secretly tried on pieces I found in the house like women bodies, knickers, pantyhose.. I did not quite undertand why but I loved how it felt trying those on and looking at myself on the mirror. That went on for some years, during which I also liked collecting sheets of women underwear magazines, I thought they were all so beautiful.

I eventually stopped doing that later on during my teenage years because I had girlfriends normally like any other guy and I was afraid of telling them about all that. I had a few long relationships, during one of which I told my girlfriend about it, just the top of it, and she thought it was a little weird and became worried, so I backed off and said I was only joking. I live in a small city so these things can be known around quickly.

During these last few years (I am alone now), I have been regaining my "interestes" quickly, taking them further beyond what I used to do. I can not describe the feelings when I am trying female clothing and thinking how it would be like being a real female. I start shivering and become teary with an immense feeling of happiness, it feels so sweet and natural, but the harmony is suddenly broken by the cold reality of what I am. I have worn underclothing outside a few times, but nothing that would be apparent and totally afraid of someone finding out. My build is a little on the petite side for a guy, so the clothes fit me well. Nobody knows about this.

To make it clear, I do not like guys, and I am pretty sure of that. Even the simplest skin contact with guys makes me feel really awkward, uneasy and it feels completely disgusting. After the last few years I am more and more sure I would like to have been a female instead. I know about crossdressing, MTF correction surgery, hormones and everything, but I could never go that way. I want to be a real female. Getting surgery would never make it, I would feel like something awful not even worth of a person status. I hope you are not getting offended by my words, that is just how I feel; I know I would live with a disgusting feeling for my entire life.

These feelings are getting deeper and deeper as years go by. When I am out on the street and see a beautiful girl/woman, my first thoughts are "I would love to be her, how I wish I could be her or someone like her". This goes on in my mind several times a day and before I know it I am already crying in a deep estate of gloom and pain. Sometimes I get so sad that thoughts cross my mind such as trying for a new life and maybe if people are reborn I would be a female this time.

I want to be female so badly, why did I have to be born like this ? :(

[Kate Simmons]

Sometimes it takes a lifetime to answer that question my friend. Stick here on the Forum, perhaps many of your questions will be answered. Even if they are not you will be among friends and kindred spirits. Welcome to the Forum.:)

[AKAMichelle]

These feelings are getting deeper and deeper as years go by. When I am out on the street and see a beautiful girl/woman, my first thoughts are "I would love to be her, how I wish I could be her or someone like her". This goes on in my mind several times a day and before I know it I am already crying in a deep estate of gloom and pain. Sometimes I get so sad that thoughts cross my mind such as trying for a new life and maybe if people are reborn I would be a female this time.

I want to be female so badly, why did I have to be born like this ? :(

You are not alone. Most of us have experienced these feelings. I am currently 48 and the feelings have gotten a lot stronger in the last couple of years. You will find that the feelings will ebb and increase through the years. Last night I went to dinner and I saw a 7 week old baby girl and all I could think about was how lucky she was. She was going to be the girl that I wished I could be. So I understand your feelings.

You need to figure out exactly how you feel. One of the things which I did was talk to someone who is TS and several crossdressers in person. When you talk with others in person, you will find a lot of differences and similarities. That will help you to find who you really are. Take your time. Do not rush through the process. Consider this - You are at a Y in the road. Before you proceed, get all of the information that you can so you will make the best decision.

Your last comment is the one which puzzles me the most. Why? If you want someone to talk with just contact me.

[Karren H]

Well... Welcome to the forum!! And if you ever figure out the poiint? Let me know please!! I quiit trying to find out why.. A long time ago.. And just ran with what I (and you) we.. Love to do.. Spending the amount of time and effort to answer your questions would be futile in my humble opinion ... Because eben if you knew.. It wouldn't change the fact that you love to crossdress or nake it so you could quit...

[Ronni Seymour]

I understand how you feel, Ellen. If I can offer any advice, I'd like to tell you that you are dealing with feelings, that will come and go. Right now it sounds like you are going through some pretty strong ones. Just relax and go slow. In time you can learn to incorporate your feminine side with your masculine and become a more whole person. I hope the best for you.
Stick around and you will learn from other sisters.:hugs:

[TxKimberly]

. . . Ever since I was a kid I have felt a great admiration and fondness towards women. When I was around 10-12 I secretly tried on pieces I found in the house like women bodies . . .

I'm just hoping this is a typo - I'd hate to think you were running around trying on womens bodies! lol
Just teasing and welcome to the forum. :-)

[sometimes_miss]

It's different for everyone; most can't tell you exactly why. Took me decades to figure it all out. Basically, I was under the impression throughout my childhood that god had made a mistake, and that I should have been a girl. Then, that concept was reinforced over and over again; first, by family acts and behavior, then when I was sexually abused, and was 'trained' to connect dressing as a female with receiving affection, and an environment of safety (where as a boy, I was constantly under danger of physical violence and stress). After a few years, I actually started initiating the behavior, in an effort to get my abuser to continue the affection that I could get no where else. After years of this during my development, it sort of 'stuck'. Now it's burned into my mind, never to go away. Whenever I'm dressed as a guy, there's this constant feeling that I'm in the wrong clothes. In addition, when I'm attracted to a female, my first inclination is to try to be pretty and submissive towards her; not really a good thing. I guess if I had any homosexual desires, it might work out. But as it is, I'm kind of stuck as a guy who feels like he should be a girl, dress like a girl, but who desires only to date and have sex with girls. Not a great combination. But it's really pretty common, as you can see at this site and others.

[CharlotteW]

Hi Ellen, welcome to the forum.
One of the true wonders of this world is that we are all different, very different. I'm glad I'm different than yourself, Kimberly, Carol, Karen, Michelle, Adriana and others who will reply to this thread.
However, as different as we all are, we all have things in common too, and because of that, you are garanteed to have all your questions discussed and perhaps answered on this forum. And I'll bet in the future you'll answer someone elses questions too.

If I was to ask myself...what is the point of crossdressing? Initially, I would answer it with another question. perhaps... what is the point of sport fishing or shooting? or...what is the point of CB or ham radio?
My point is this...it doesn't matter what the point is. I do what I like to do, as long as it doesn't harm anyone else. I find crossdressing fun, calming, cheeky, and a whole host of other positive things.

Like I said, welcome to the forum, you're in good company.

I just remembered I'm 40 years old this year. I'd better make the most of the next 35 years (hopefully).

[Kim_Bitzflick]

You have just described my early years and current situation to the final detail except that I'm 43. If I fugure it out, I'll let you know.

[Angie G]

Hi Ellen welcome to the family hun enjoy yeuor stay. and just maybe we can get some ansers for you hun.:hugs:
Angie

[Jenniferpl]

I stopped trying to figure it out. I just thnk my lucky stars I have an accepting wife.

[satin_luva]

Hi, ellen.

I read all of your story and understand what you are saying and how you feel, but it's not all bad. No, you will never be able to be a real woman but you can be like one. On Friday and Saturday night, putting on lingerie and and a sexy party kind of dress, slip into some stockings and heels, then put your makeup on, stock your handbag up and go ouit on the town with crossdresser and lady friends to clubs and bars.

Think about this. If you were to be turned into a real biological woman via surgery (despite it's not 100% possible as you pointed out) you would probably come to take it for granted as time progressed and the feelings would lose their specialness and it would not be half as fun anymore.
Be glad that you have the opportunities to feel and be like a woman to some extent and that, unlike women, you have the capacity to become sexually excited at the snap of a finger. It can be fun being a bloke as well.

[Jonianne]

"Crossdressing, what's the point?"
.......Sometimes I get so sad that thoughts cross my mind such as trying for a new life and maybe if people are reborn I would be a female this time........(

Welcome Ellen to the forum. You certainly will find lots of kindred spirits here.

Just know that life is worth it no matter how we are born. We are all here together standing with each other through the hard times and feelings.

I went through many years of therapy before I finally came to a point of self-acceptance. Continue to share with us here on the site an seek out a good therapist to help you if you need to.

Hugs,

Joni

[docrobbysherry]

CDing for me is a LOT OF FUN!:D

If u don't find CDing to be; fun, exciting, titillating, excelerating, distracting, and/or relaxing, I think you're NOT doing it rite!:brolleyes:

I CAN advise u of one thing for sure, because I've been there, a long time ago!:heehee:
Whatever u r thinking, feeling, going thru in your life rite now, could COMPLETELY CHANGE in about 10 years!:eek:

[JoAnne Wheeler]

Welcome to the world of cross dressing - it never goes away - so just accept and enjoy it
Love,
JoAnne Wheeler

[2b.Lauren]

:2c: I suppose we all search for the meaning of things in life and in our own lives. We are constantly making changes to who we are, in order to get closer to who we really want to be. It could be goals like loosing weight, becoming more spritual, getting closer to our families and friends, or picking out the right pair of shoes to go with that new dress. I joke here to lighten the moment.

I hope that if you find out the meaning to CDing that you will pass it along here in this forum for all of us to see and have. I have been on this road for along time, both in denial, vacillating between denial and acceptance, and then working towards acceptance but still vacillating. It comes easier the more you allow yourself to come to terms with yourself. I found that after I went out the first time dressed it really put the two sides of me together and allowed the whole being to emerge. I have dealt with the same feelings you have. I also still deal with them but not in the same way that I did previously. I encourage you to listen to some of the comments here in your first post. Welcome to our group, go slow, enjoy the moments you have to dress and express yourself, work on ways to accept who you are both inside and out. I assure you that you will find this group helpful in finding out solutions and working on answers that have caused you difficulty. Yes we are all different, but we share this special part of our lives in this forum. We listen to each other, and provide ideas, views and suggestions. That alone has changed my perspective on who I am and what I am doing. The simplicity of reading and posting on this site has provided a light to guide my path in a way that doing it alone never really did. So thanks for being here with us, and welcome!

Laruen

[sybercom11]

I stopped trying to figure it out. I just thnk my lucky stars I have an accepting wife.


Since most of us are the same as Ellen, I also am thankful I have an accepting and supporting wife and also that I have always been able to live the way I really feel inside for all my life.

At some point I went from "this is a fetish" to "this is the way I am supposed to be" !

[Desiree2bababe]

Pretty common thoughts Ellen. I wish I had the answers. I know I wouldn't wish the desire on my worst enemy. The younger years are a struggle. It does get easier to deal with with age and knowledge.

[kristinacd55]

Hello. I would like you to listen to my story and tell me what you think about it, what you feel when crossdressing and why you do it.

I am a guy around 25. Ever since I was a kid I have felt a great admiration and fondness towards women. When I was around 10-12 I secretly tried on pieces I found in the house like women bodies, knickers, pantyhose.. I did not quite undertand why but I loved how it felt trying those on and looking at myself on the mirror. That went on for some years, during which I also liked collecting sheets of women underwear magazines, I thought they were all so beautiful.

I eventually stopped doing that later on during my teenage years because I had girlfriends normally like any other guy and I was afraid of telling them about all that. I had a few long relationships, during one of which I told my girlfriend about it, just the top of it, and she thought it was a little weird and became worried, so I backed off and said I was only joking. I live in a small city so these things can be known around quickly.

During these last few years (I am alone now), I have been regaining my "interestes" quickly, taking them further beyond what I used to do. I can not describe the feelings when I am trying female clothing and thinking how it would be like being a real female. I start shivering and become teary with an immense feeling of happiness, it feels so sweet and natural, but the harmony is suddenly broken by the cold reality of what I am. I have worn underclothing outside a few times, but nothing that would be apparent and totally afraid of someone finding out. My build is a little on the petite side for a guy, so the clothes fit me well. Nobody knows about this.

To make it clear, I do not like guys, and I am pretty sure of that. Even the simplest skin contact with guys makes me feel really awkward, uneasy and it feels completely disgusting. After the last few years I am more and more sure I would like to have been a female instead. I know about crossdressing, MTF correction surgery, hormones and everything, but I could never go that way. I want to be a real female. Getting surgery would never make it, I would feel like something awful not even worth of a person status. I hope you are not getting offended by my words, that is just how I feel; I know I would live with a disgusting feeling for my entire life.

These feelings are getting deeper and deeper as years go by. When I am out on the street and see a beautiful girl/woman, my first thoughts are "I would love to be her, how I wish I could be her or someone like her". This goes on in my mind several times a day and before I know it I am already crying in a deep estate of gloom and pain. Sometimes I get so sad that thoughts cross my mind such as trying for a new life and maybe if people are reborn I would be a female this time.

I want to be female so badly, why did I have to be born like this ? :(

Welcome to the club. And don't beat yourself up so much about this :)

[Nadia-Maria]

You have just described my early years and current situation to the final detail except that I'm 43.


So feel I. Could have been me too. :battingeyelashes:

Ellen, the mistake I did, when I was aged same as you now, was to think that as soon as I would find the perfect woman, all this CDing would immediately vanish and disappear.:eek:

Hence I started to look for the right woman, hidding to all my dates that I was a CDer. :o

Please, don't lie to you and to your dates. Be proud of what you are !
Be cautious as well ... I know, all that is not an easy life. But you might know in the near future the best of both worlds ! :love:

[Kelsy]

Hi Ellen,

You are not alone sweety! Most of us have spent a good portion of our lives trying to figure out why we are like this. I , for one, had a great deal of guilt and self loathing that accompanied my urges to dress and my almost desperate desire to be female. Accepting myself as I am has helped me become comfortable with myself. I still believe that I am female in gender, mind and emotion, but am physically male. I dream of matching my exterior with my interior.

Welcome to our family, I hope you find the support you need here:)

:hugs:Kelsy

[melissacd]

Perhaps, just perhaps, we were all meant to be this way. If we were real women we would not be able to appreciate just how beautiful being a CD actually is.

I have pondered this a great deal and for me at least, I have learned that being a guy who dresses as a girl is an important person to be. I bring to the table all of my male experiences and blend it with a love of all things feminine and come out being something very different from being a male or a female. To me this is better, it is something novel and wonderful and joyful.

Now I did not always feel this way but as I embrace this side of me I see that it is in fact a most special thing. There is no need to understand why. Why is anything anything? Just because it is.

Be happy with who and what you are and you will stop looking for whys and just enjoy the whole experience of being yourself.

Huggs
Melissa

[Sam-antha]

Quit worrying, stick around where you are welcome - I mean like in here -and enjoy our mixed company.
~Samm

[Sarah...]

The point is to live your life and enjoy it. This isn't a dress rehearsal - it's the full performance. If you ain't smiling you need to change something 'til you are.:)

Sarah...

[Satrana]

Ellen

It takes time to come to terms with your feelings. You are still young so its all feels like a major fustration. In 5-10 years you will likely mellow and appreciate the wonders of combining the 2 genders into your own special brew.

As for becoming a woman, that has nothing to do with SRS or dating men. Femininity is inside your head. You have to come to terms that it is OK to release that energy inside a male body. This is your life so make the most of it and learn to like yourself the way you are and be true to yourself. Learn to present the real you to other people. Some may walk away others will appreciate your uniqueness.

Believe me you have the opportunity to have a more fulfilling life than non-TG folks. This is not a prep talk just the facts. The key is self-acceptance. Get that and you will understand why you are the way you are.

[tricia_uktv]

Ellen,

Turn it round a bit. You know what you are and consider the fact that you are very lucky. Having two genders is, I promise, great fun but you need to be very brave. Take your time and enjoy yourself,

Good luck,

[deja true]

Well, darlin' there's already a lot of very good and sympathetic advice here, but this:


...

To make it clear, I do not like guys, and I am pretty sure of that. Even the simplest skin contact with guys makes me feel really awkward, uneasy and it feels completely disgusting. ... I know about crossdressing, MTF correction surgery, hormones and everything, but I could never go that way. I want to be a real female. Getting surgery would never make it, I would feel like something awful not even worth of a person status. I hope you are not getting offended by my words, that is just how I feel; I know I would live with a disgusting feeling for my entire life.

:(

...is something you'd better deal with pretty quick. Until you can feel a little more empathy with those who have a need to change their bodies to match their souls, you're gonna have a hard time dealing with your own issues.

Your disgust with the idea of SRS is a reflection of your own guilt about being "abnormal" yourself, I'm thinking.

Face it, Ellen, you will never in this life be a 100% biological female. So rather than berate yourself and get all depressed about this impossible thing, you should start looking at the positive things in your life that can bring you as close to that goal as you (or any of us) can possibly get.

You may have read about the technicalities of dressing, hormones and surgery, but you still don't know about the whys, the reasons that bring us to these options.

Read here extensively, ask questions, learn about the lives of others. In that way, you'll learn plenty about yourself...and hopefully, be more comfortable in your own skin by seeing how others have dealt with these same conundrums.

Calm down, Ellen, and be open to every...every...possibility in the world.

deja

[ellen1985]

Arianna: Thanks. It took me a couple months to decide and post here and I am glad I finally did it after seeing all the replies.

AKAMichelle: I do not know any others in person, only online but I did not have the courage to openly talk to them about it.

TxKimberly: hehe yeah it was a typo, I meant that kind of clothing a bit similar to a full body swimming suit.

sometimes_miss: I feel the same about the being submissive part, whenever I am with a girl I am more on the side of letting her take care of me than the other way around.

satin_luva: I would love to do that, but where I live it is completely impossible :( (besides the point that I dont know any crossdressers in person). Maybe if I move away to a different city or country in the future I will find the courage to do it, I'd really really love to.

Desiree2bababe: The point about it becoming easier with age, I think it's the other way around, the older I get, the more I wish I could have been a young girl instead and enjoy the teenage years as such.

Kelsy: "I am female in gender, mind and emotion, but am physically male": exactly my thoughts.

Satrana: I have to dissagree there, at least respecting to myself. Back in my teenage years I wasn't so bothered about the fact of being a male, but as years have passed I hate myself more and more and feel disgust about not having a female body. I've come to the point of looking at myself on the mirror every day and tell myself "I suck, I am horrible, I don't want this male body".





Thanks everyone for your kind replies, and I am sorry it took me so long to reply again. I still feel a little awkward about talking about this openly and I have this guilt feeling that I might be a bad person because of having these feelings.

As it is now, crossdressing is a double sided weapon, I really enjoy it and it brings me a lot of joy, but at the same time it gets me extremelly depressed.

Would you girls share some pictures of you crossdressing? I'm really curious to see how you dress, what pieces you have, etc. AS for myself, I love really feminine clothing, cute skirts and underwear, simple shoes which show most of the feet, long socks, full body dresses, shiny jewelry.. I really wish I could dress a full set in public :(

[KarenS]

Many of us here have had feelings similar to your own. The others have made that pretty clear.

As for photos, many of us have photos already available to you. Simply double click your mouse over their member name and it should take you to their profile. A portion of their profile provides the ability to share photo albums. Also, note that many signatures oprovide links to Flickr, Yahoo 360, Photobucket, myspace, and otehrs that will also have photo albums they are willing to share. Many of us get fasion ideas by seeing what others are doing in the photos.

When I see a woman in public, sometimes I view her 'assets' thinking that I would love to have her curves, or her complexion, or her wiggle or sway, or posture when she sits. I believe many of us do.

The need to dress will come and it will go, and it will no doubt come again, and again. It's part of who we are. For many of us, it has been part of us for 30, 40, or 50 years. We have to learn to enjoy it while we can only try to understand it. I see myself as Karen. I don't think I understand Karen and how she feels any more than I understand the lady accross the street and how she feels.

As CDs, our gender preferences are all over the board. Most CDs I think are actually straight, but some are gay, some are Bi or Bi curious. And, yes, there are some that want to transform. We are from one end of teh spectrum to the other - as diverse as society as a whole. The difference I think is we have somewhat of an understanding and acceptance of one another.

There was a poll here about two or three weeks ago on the gender preference topic. Take a look.

Many of us struggle with similar issues that you are struggling with. But, we seek support when we realy need it and try to live true to who we are inside.

I don't believe there is such a thing as a perfect person still walking this third rock from the sun be-it male, female, or a transgender.

We aren't so different as everyone else. We simply try to recognize and acknowledge who we are.

My thoughts are with you.

huggs and sincerely -
still confused -