Caught by my kid.

[Tiffany8]

From the time I bought my first bra, I have been keeping (hiding) it in my closet in my room. Since I am a single father, I don't have to worry about my SO finding it. One day when I was bringing Tiffany out of the closet and I noticed that someone had been into my bag. :o Just not sure which one of my kids it was ... until now. :o

We were at my brother house for supper last night when my daughter accidentally called me mom. I laughed and replied, " Do I look like your mom?”
To which my youngest son answered back “No, but you do wear a bra!" I pretended not to hear it :notlistening:, as it was pretty noisy at the time. But that’s when he replied, "Well you do, it's in your closet!" :eek: BUSTED

To me that statement stood out like a sore thumb, but to my bro and his wife, I am pretty sure they missed hearing it as they were in the next room. Nothing more was said from him about this till later on in the evening, when he came up to me a whispered in my ear "daddy wears a bra-aaa, daddy wears a bra-aaa"

My problem here is ... How do I talk to him about this so that he doesn't continue to go around telling people about Tiffany? Could make for a very interesting parent teacher interview next time ...lol. I’m not ready to come out. I need to find a way to put a stop to him telling more people.

Any advice here would be greatly appreciated.

Tiffany

[Shari]

Wow Tiffany, seems like the lad has the upper hand on you. You didn't mention how old he is.
Can you spell b-r-i-b-e-r-y?
I thought you could.

[Tiffany8]

Wow Tiffany, seems like the lad has the upper hand on you. You didn't mention how old he is.
Can you spell b-r-i-b-e-r-y?
I thought you could.


He is 6 and I do believe it is spelled C-A-N-D-Y or is it $-$-$-$ ... lol. I can't remember.

[Karren H]

Wow Tiffany, seems like the lad has the upper hand on you. You didn't mention how old he is.
Can you spell b-r-i-b-e-r-y?
I thought you could.

Damn... He could be the only boy in elementary school with his own Porche!!!

That's a tough one for sure... And I don't have a clue how to handle that one....

Actually I exposed my brother to my crossdressing when he was about that age and he tried to tell some of my friends.. I beat the snot out of him and he never told anyone ... But I wouldn't recoment that solution for your case!! Lol

[JoAnne Wheeler]

I don't see anyway out of that one - as Art Linkletter (have to be youth challenged to remember him) always said on his TV (thats television) show, "KIDS SAY THE DARNEST THINGS !"
Love,
JoAnne Wheeler

[KatieZ]

You could show him the whole "Halloween Costume" you wore to that party last fall. You wicked witch, you.

[Angie G]

I like the Halloween storie Tiffany or you could say it belongs to a friend.:hugs:
Angie

[MarciManseau]

You could say it's something you kept of his mother's to remind you of her, unless she's a part of his life. If she's still in the picture, you may want to stress that he not tell her.

I hope it all works out for the best.


Hugs, Marci :hugs:

[2b.Lauren]

Very tough situation. Based on his age and developmental level, it will be impossible for him not to share this new found secret of yours with others. It will never be a convenient time for him to bring this up, but you can bet without a doubt he will. It will just come up and come out of his little mouth with simplicity and ease. It won't be out of malace, he is just young and will not be able to hold his tongue. Even if you were to make a deal with him, he will break it and not because he is being mean, but because little ones can't keep their mouths shut! The idea about the halloween costume to me seems to be the better way of trying to make this go away. He might say I did not remember you dressing up, but you could say you did so after he went to bed, or you went to a party last year while he was visiting mom, or whatever. It is not always right to lie to our kids, but he is far too young to be able to deal with this appropriately enough to understand, or to not speak up and blind side you. How you handle this will be very important, and then making sure you hide your stash in a deep place will be two areas of damage control for you to work on now.

I also have to wonder if it was him alone that found the stash, based on your daughter accidentally calling you mom. She might have done this by accident but I wonder if maybe he found the stash and then told her about it or showed it to her. You might be dealing with all of your kids knowing about Tiffany. It might be a good time to call a family meeting to talk about last halloween, and very soon!

[valenstein]

Tiffany,

You mentioned your youngest son, how old is your other son?

I ask because he might understand the consequences of outing you whereas a 6 year old might not. Denial is one way to go, that it belonged to another woman you had met some time ago and she had left it at the house.

If I were to face him with the problem in your situation, I would explain something like this: You were teasing me a little because I do something that is different from others. Since most people don't understand it, they will treat me differently if you do not keep this secret between us. I know you don't understand why and if you tell people about this or say things like that to me in public, people will treat you different, too. Think about the mean kids at school, if they knew that your dad was different, they would tease you about it, and I don't want you to be teased for something about me. As you get older, I may explain it to you more....

My first thoughts, good luck Tiffany!

[Jennifer Giovannetta]

You can always say that it belongs to a female freind. This does happen when men have relationships with women.

[Sarasometimes]

It is a tough one but i would go with the it is a haloween costume and you don't even need to say you ever wore it. I got these thing for a party and changed my mind. I agree that a six year old can't comprehend the Cd concept or keep quiet. Denial is the best approach. Also for those who say you don't lie to your kids, you are wrong. As parents we filter info to our kids all the time. Would you suggest that when a 6 yr. old asks what you were doing in bed last night you will explain the birds and thebees in great detail or simplify/lie?
Time to get a better hiding spot. It may also be good to slyly find out what they saw. Aas for your older daughter calling you mom, I don't think that is necessarily related. If she knows about it she would question you as well. Any child much older than 6 is going to want an explaination and if the costume idea will work i would go that route. Good Luck!!

[sybercom11]

I can remember when my boy, now 19, said to me "Daddy, why are you wearing Mommy's shoes?" I bet he was preschool age, maybe 4.

Well, I quit wearing the obviously girlie clothes around him at that point. But he knows I am different. I mean he sees my shaved legs and arms. And the short demin shorts and girlie tops. But he loves me the way I am.

The funny thing is he is really hairy and quite masculine and athletic and the girls flock to him. Quite the opposite of how I was at that age.

[Nadia-Maria]

I wonder whether there is this additional problem or not ; maybe one of your childs DID SEE you dressed wearing the bra. (?)
If one or both childs only noticed a bra in your drawer, it doesn't mean that you do wear it at all. But if one of them saw you wearing the bra (in a picture or for real) it might be another story.

Anyway I wish you good luck.:love:

[carolinoakland]

Heck, one time after my daughter was out of the house for a weekend I'd left my little pink razor out and she found it. She was 16 and very posessive of me and came out of the bathroom screaming "who was the skank you had in MY house?" I laughed for years that my daughter was jealous of this 'other' woman who was me! Carol

[MJ]

and you know they will snoop around the issue is daddy wears a bra your children know it. and they will find more of your stuff over time there kids after all.

you need to tell then the truth. or will you teach them to lie ....
sorry but they know.

how about matching lap tops ...for a start

[pamela_a]

That's a tough age and I can't add anything to the already good suggestions. You know your children best. I am reminded of one thing though:

Silence is Golden
Duct Tape is Silver

It may work..for a while at least.

-Paula-

[Christina Horton]

Actually I exposed my brother to my crossdressing when he was about that age and he tried to tell some of my friends.. I beat the snot out of him and he never told anyone ... But I wouldn't recoment that solution for your case!! Lol

A little harsh on your bro there wearn't you Karren . LOL . My advice ( have no kids of my own so take if with a grain os salt) Is to in the simplest tearms tell them. At 6 they are very aware of a great many things. They will tell this to all there friends unless you inform them right. But that me I would not keep this from my kids I would make sure they know if they tell other kids or adults , they will get looked at called name and teased bad. So there you go my :2c: Good luck on what ever you decide. HUGGS :hugs: :canada:

[catriona36]

Heck, one time after my daughter was out of the house for a weekend I'd left my little pink razor out and she found it. She was 16 and very posessive of me and came out of the bathroom screaming "who was the skank you had in MY house?" I laughed for years that my daughter was jealous of this 'other' woman who was me! Carol

so does she know the truth yet?? lol

[Annaliese]

Someone has already said that it may be out to more than just one of you children. Have a family meeting and talk about repecting other peoples things and end it at that.

Annaliese.

[sterling12]

You can always say that it belongs to a female freind. This does happen when men have relationships with women.

Ditto's!!!! Don't you have a date every once in a while? Women have always left lots of crap around my house, including bra's! (Maybe that's how it got in The Closet, right?)

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Karren H]

A little harsh on your bro there wearn't you Karren . LOL .

Well in my mind at the time, better to be a bully, thief, or mass murder than a pervert!! lol

[Tiffany8]

... Also for those who say you don't lie to your kids, you are wrong. As parents we filter info to our kids all the time. Would you suggest that when a 6 yr. old asks what you were doing in bed last night you will explain the birds and thebees in great detail or simplify/lie?
...

I Can't argue with that :iagree:




Heck, one time after my daughter was out of the house for a weekend I'd left my little pink razor out and she found it. She was 16 and very posessive of me and came out of the bathroom screaming "who was the skank you had in MY house?" I laughed for years that my daughter was jealous of this 'other' woman who was me! Carol

Thats hilarious :fp:


and you know they will snoop around the issue is daddy wears a bra your children know it. and they will find more of your stuff over time there kids after all.

you need to tell then the truth. or will you teach them to lie ....
sorry but they know.

how about matching lap tops ...for a start

I'm going to have to disagree with you on that one MJ. Also I'm not ready to come out yet. :hiding:

Thank you sooo much for all your ideas and suggestions. I think I have a better idea on how to deal with it.:hugs:

I'll keep you all up dated on how it goes.

[Brandiwvr]

benjamin Franklin once said, "three peaple can keep a secret as long as two of them are dead". dont kill the young, just the bad opinion and the secret will be safe. when the secret is fully discussed and the sting of the idea is gone we tend to find the truth boreing. either way the truth is best.
I raised my kids to be honest and caring adults, NO SECRETS JUST THE BOREING TRUTH.
I was a single dad for nine years and had sole custody. My daughters turned out just fine.
tact and paitence. and remember the worst truth is better than the best lie. good luck.

[Christina Horton]

Well in my mind at the time, better to be a bully, thief, or mass murder than a pervert!! lol

True LOL. :hugs: :canada:

[Susan.]

There seems to be many ways to handle it. But the correct way(s) depend totally on you and your family and your social circumstances, how you interact with your family, etc.

If you don't want it out under any circumstances then deny everything. Certainly, don't bribe your son. He will forget about it, eventually, especially if you told him you gave it back or threw it away. But don't make a point of telling him, just let it come up. The real excuses you need for the older kids and friends.

It was left by a girlfriend, ex... It was returned & none of their business...
It was left in the house when we moved in. You threw it away. The costume excuse is a bit weak.

A conversation might go like this:

'Daddy wears a bra'
'Did I look good?'
'You weren't wearing it.'
'Oh!?, why do you say something silly like daddy wears a bra?"
'Well, it was in your closet'
'What were you doing in my closet...?'

Depending on who is around you might be also saying stuff like:

Mention jock strap [why rolling eyes]. (my first "bra" was two of my jock straps worn at the same time.)
It was left by... Gave away...
The thing is to not make a big deal of it.

[Very Sherri]

Damn... He could be the only boy in elementary school with his own Porche!!!

That's a tough one for sure... And I don't have a clue how to handle that one....

Actually I exposed my brother to my crossdressing when he was about that age and he tried to tell some of my friends.. I beat the snot out of him and he never told anyone ... But I wouldn't recoment that solution for your case!! Lol


Karen,

You are too cute Honey...........:thumbsup:

[rachel_rachel]

I'd be spelling out arse kicking to him if it was my kid.....

In saying that though, this new year's eve just gone i was dressed as a french maid and my 3 year old saw me getting ready and said, "daddy's looks like a girl" i bet that'll get back to my parents......

No bribes would be nessecary, just say that what happens in your own home is your own buisness not anybody else's.

[DanaR]

A kids attention span isn't usually that long. I would either change the subject, talk to him and tell him that it isn't nice to talk about others as it might not be true what they are saying. Then remind them that your bedroom is off limits. Then what you might do is set some traps or do something to give you an indication if someone has been in your room.

If someone was to ever question you (like a relative or anyone else) you could always say that there used to be a bag of old clothes that he must have been looking at. End of story.

It's the old, if you don't have pictures or tape it, then I didn't do or say it. <lol>

[Melora]

I kinda Like the Halloween idea!
Anyways..
I cant even Comprehend the struggles of raising children.. And god bless all of you who do so..
I have always learned that the truth is the best way in all situations.. IF you teach your children the Truth about everyday matters, such as This.. They will have a head start in things, become tollerant, and not become hate mongers that soo many of people become..
Good luck hun.. Not Easy I know, But a CRUCIAL step! =2 cents?

[Mollyanne]

Hi Tiffany, I can't speak for anyone else, but bribery is not the answer. Why you ask, well for one thing should that happen the kid will know how to push your buttons and get what he wants and whenever he wants it. Should that ever happen again you could say that a girlfriend of yours forgot to take the bag of clothes that she left in your closet. I personally wouldn't mention this again until it is brought up.

:love: Mollyanne

[DanaR]

My mom always taught me that white lies are lies that don't matter to anyone. If someone really needed to know and they understood, that would be one thing; but to tell a kid the truth about something that they don't understand, why.

Kids don't need to know some things. As long as you treat your children with kindness and love, they don't have to know everything.

[Sammy777]

Maybe a split decision is the way to go.

You never mentioned how old your daughter & other son are.

As far as the 6yr old goes, lie - plain n simple, lol.
Daddy has/had a "friend" & they left some of their things here.
Thats it. No more no less, never over do it, less details the better.
Daddy's "friends" are none of concern little ones, lol.

As far as the older ones go, it depends on their ages.
If they are close in age, then go with "the friend" for all of them.

If they are older & you think they are ready & can handle it, I would suggest that all of them get the "cover story" at once. You can always tell them the truth before hand so they seem to buy into the "cover story" in front of the youngest.