HR Conversation, don't know what to think.

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

Today I just returned from a 1 1/2 week vacation. This morning my HR manager called me into her office to give me my paycheck from the previous week and asked me to sit down, she needed to talk to me about a delicate issue.

Just a little background, since Halloween 2007 when I dressed up as IT Jane I have been dressing a little more feminine, blouse's and pull on pants with no pockets and since Halloween 2008 have been wearing more outwardly feminine appearing blouse's with necklace and bracelets. I have also started wearing makeup, mascara and occassionally eye shadow. I still wear men's clothes from time to time. I have never worn a dress or skirt except the past two Halloweens.

Well, she wanted to ask me if I was transitioning, because she overheard some people make negative comments about me and wanted to tell me that if I am intending to transition, that the Company and the HR dept would be supportive of me. She continued to ask if anyone has said anything negative to me, which I replied "no". I suspect certain people may have made comments behind my back, but it doesn't bother me yet. She also asked why I wear makeup and dress in feminine blouse's and since I was caught off guard with this moment all I could say is that since Halloween when I was dressed up, that I feel I look better with the makeup on and that people have said I look much younger. As far as the clothes I said I feel more comfortable wearing them then men's fashions.. I did not specifically say I'm Transgendered or a CrossDresser. She also said the issue was discussed with my manager and Dept director, she implied that the issue worked its way to them.. Anyway, heres my quandary.

What should I do at this point? Since I was not completely forthcoming with my HR person (Caught off guard) should I write her a letter telling her that yes, I am a Transgendered person, that I have been crossdressing for 40+ yrs and that right now transitioning is not in the cards for me. And see where the cards fall. I have not spoken with my immediate supervisor or Dept Director yet and they have not called me as yet. I have been a good Employee since I started working here.

I have attached a couple of picture's showing my typical work day appearance, plus one from a year or so ago for comparison. I think all will see that I looked bad a year ago, but I really need advice from people who have transitioned in their work or who wear feminine clothes to work on a regular basis.

I ask all my kind sisters to offer whatever advice they have. Kimberly :battingeyelashes:

[MarcieM]

I'm sure the responses you get here will vary greatly.
I think...if you want to dress femme, go ahead and tell them you're tg or whatever and starting wearing the wig you have on in your avatar and just do it full tilt. My opinion, is - and yes, I did say "my" opinion - the andro look you have in those pics isn't working for you at all. I say go all the way or just go male.

[Nicki B]

What should I do at this point? Since I was not completely forthcoming with my HR person (Caught off guard) should I write her a letter telling her that yes, I am a Transgendered person, that I have been crossdressing for 40+ yrs and that right now transitioning is not in the cards for me. And see where the cards fall. I have not spoken with my immediate supervisor or Dept Director yet and they have not called me as yet. I have been a good Employee since I started working here.

What good would continuing the dishonesty do? If I were you, I'd say "yes, I'm trans, but I'm not transitioning, at least for now".

It sounds to me as if they asked because they were trying to protect you - and, atm, you're putting yourself out in the cold?

Being androgenous is surely not a problem, for an enlightened employer (which yours seems to be) - but lying could be? Be truthful, what have you got to lose, now?

[kym]

I'm with Marcie on this one, people seem to accept one that is tg or one that is not a lot better than someone who is andro. Besides if you have HR on your side, why not go all out and feel pretty all the time?:daydreaming:

[Jenna1561]

Hi Kim,

I'm in a very similar situation at work and have been looking for that talk to come from my supervisor, manager or HR. Whenever one of them says they'd like to talk to me, I assume this is it. But for me it hasn't materialized yet.

I agree with Nikki. Either talk (preferred) or write that same HR individual and simply state the truths. You were caught off guard and reverted to a lifelong habit of denying and covering up. I'm pretty cetain she'll understand your anxiety.

Be truthful, admit that you are TG but that now is not the time for you to transition, but that it may be in the future. I believe that Nikki is right in surmising that she was attempting to protect you.

You might sit with her and explore the company's stance and experience with transitioning on the job.

Best of luck.

Jenna

[docrobbysherry]

The only thing I can add is; I think U DO look younger!:)

[Jenna1561]

The only thing I can add is; I think U DO look younger!:)

I didn't say so in my original post, but, OMG Girl! you do look much younger and happier particularly in your avatar.

Jenna

[MJ]

the workers are talking and there not stupid. you should talk with her and be honest. or this could back fire

[Genifer Teal]

the workers are talking and there not stupid. you should talk with her and be honest. or this could back fire


I feel similar. HR would be in a better place to help you if you did come clean now. The fact that they came to you and offered support is a good sign. The sooner you pick up the conversation (if you decide to) the better it will make you look. You can still save face now by saying you were caught off guard - here's the real deal. Later on if you tell HR it would seem like - why did you lie the fist time?

When you mention you have no plans to transition "right now", I'd leave off the "right now". I suggest just saying "no plans to transition" and leave it at that. You are entitled to change your mind in the future. Why give them unnecessary concern for something that may never happen? That is just my suggestion.

BTW - You look great, happy, and WAAAYYY younger.

Gen

[kittypw GG]

Ok, you were caught off guard.... but you are transitioning. The pictures don't lie. Look at them???? How could you not tell the truth. I think that you should absoulutly write a letter or have another talk with the hr director. Otherwise you look like you are lying. Honestly if you are not transgendered why in hell would you wear that necklase and sweater to work??? Leaving it like that will do nothing but leave your co-workers with a lot of room to speculate and make fun.

It is totally up to you but you have an opportunity to give yourself credibility by comming out. Hey you already outed yourself you just didn't SAY it. I personally think it is best to come clean and take the confusion factor out of the mix. Just my opinion.

:hugs:
Kitty

[beenherelongtime]

i agree that you should talk to this HR manager. you are better off with the truth out there and it does sound like they are protecting you. many companies have rules now that cover sexual orientation and they are in your favor.

[Mary Morgan]

Kimberly, Where do you want this to go? It is really in your hands. If you want to leave it where it is, do so. If you want to make a change this is an opportunity. The only caution I would give you is to think it through and be honest. The HR dept deserves to know where you are. If you don't know, tell them that. They will be there for you if you treat them right.

[Teri Jean]

Hi Kim,
The other sisters are right with coming clean and when you do sit down with the HR director or write her be honest and she will protect you. She has to for it would be hell for her if she did not.
By the way you do look a lot younger especially without the glasses. Good luck and be brave as you have to date. Huggs Keli

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

write my HR manager a letter. It is as follows, I will edit out the names of my HR person and the company. Let me know what you think of the wording.

January 6th 2009

XXXXXX,

This letter is in regards to our short conversation of Dec 5th 2009. Where you asked me if I am transitioning, because you heard some comments from other employee's.
To say the least coming back from Vacation, I was caught off guard and was not ready to answer such a question. After a life long journey of being a transgendered individual I reverted to a habit of denying and covering up my true feelings and thoughts. I need to be true to myself and tell you that, Yes, I am a transgendered person and have been for over 45+ yrs.

I have slowly come to the realization over many years that all the doubts and reservations I had about expressing my true female self were about OTHER people - guilt that I was letting everyone down, fear that no one would accept me as female, sorrow at losing the love and respect of my family, etc. This all caused me to be depressed and unhappy thru my life, I have finally come to the point where I realize that all this stuff doesn't matter - I am female inside from the day I was born and the only thing that really matters is being true to myself.

There are a billion different ways to express one's gender, and there is no "formula" that one has to follow to transition. Some people are totally content just allowing themselves to more fully express their cross gender emotions while still living as their birth gender. Some people just "dress up" once in a while and are totally happy with that. Some people change their name and live as the other gender but never take hormones or have surgery. And a lot of other people go all the way and transition physically, emotionally and socially.

I have a RIGHT to be exactly who I am and express it openly. It's not something I have to sneak around hiding, or that anyone ALLOWS me to do. It's the right of every human being to express themselves in the way that's true for them without hurting others. As far as transitioning, I have no plans to transition in a physical sense or change my name. I am content in expressing my female side in the manner I presently do, wearing feminine blouse's on occassion, wearing makeup which makes me look younger and wearing jewelry. These things are the way I express myself.

I understand the concerns of my employer, that I represent XXXXXXXXXXXXXX Corporation, as my present job function exists, I do not interact with outside customers one on one. But as discussed with my immediate manager during review's, I may go out on customer calls to work on computer equipment. Rest assured that in those situations I will be dressed in appropriate male attire that will not impinge on XXXXXXX's reputation in any way. I just ask XXXXXXX to allow me to express myself in the manner I have chosen.

If you would like to talk with me in more depth in regard to XXXXXXX's stance and experience with transgendered employee's, I would welcome that. I presently have not received any negative comments from any other employee's, but have noticed that some are very curious why I dress and look the way I do and are not fully accepting of it, but I can accept that. If you have heard comments that are negative or derogatory, I would like to hear about those comments, what was specifically said. I don't need to know who said them just what was said.

Sincerely,

This is the letter I will give to my HR Manager tomorrow morning. I will check back tomorrow morning before I go to work to see what further advice my sisters may have. Have a good night. Kimberly :battingeyelashes:

[ColleenCD]

Kimberly,

If you're brave enough to wear these beautiful clothes to work, fully aware that others will take note and make comment, then you simply need to close the loop and and have the correct conversation with your HR Manager. You already have the company support and will be protected. I recommend a face to face conversation versus a letter. It carries more validity. Your conversation primarily should focus on your current situation, with considerations of your future status.

Be honest and show the courage you have been known for.

Colleen

[sterling12]

Before you send in The Letter, please review your Company's policies and procedures manual. It may have a great policy regarding TS person's in transition, but there may be no protections for The Transgendered who are not actively transitioning.

If you find anything negative in that manual, my advise would be to "play it mum," and let them guess! If they aren't sure, then the tendency will be to leave you alone...they don't like litigation!

Your kind of balanced on Occam's Razor, one false step and you can fall, or experience other dire consequences. I don't think they would have approached you without being pretty sure that "something" was going on. Perhaps just settling back and not reacting might be the best course for the time being.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Sedona]

Kimberly,

First off, for better or worse (I prefer to think it's for the better), congrats on your maturity and outlook on this situation. It can't be easy.

About your letter:

First off, remove the CAPS. It's confrontational, and you don't want to come across as accusatory to your employer. You're dealing with your HR people, and from what I can tell, they've been very professional. Keep the tone brief (you don't need to explain so much), matter of fact, and above all cordial/friendly. Letting them know how valuable you are to the company is a good thing.

Remember, assuming your work is up to snuff, if you're in compliance with what your HR folks direct, you're fine. Around your co-workers, don't stress about who's talking behind your back, it's counterproductive. Just work hard, be cool with everyone, and they'll come around. If not, document everything, and make a trip up to HR.

I don't live in Allentown, PA, so don't know the laws there, but I'd take a look at what kind of anti-discrimination laws are on the books in your area. I'm not saying you'll ever need a lawyer, but it's good to know what your rights are. If you can't find what you need online, the clerk at your local government building should be able to guide you.

Good luck!

[Jamie001]

It is interesting that if you were a woman wearing suits or other male attire to work, this conversation would never have happened. You may want to mention the double standard to the HR person.

[kittypw GG]

It is interesting that if you were a woman wearing suits or other male attire to work, this conversation would never have happened. You may want to mention the double standard to the HR person.

Why in the world does there have to always be these stupid comment????
First a women in a suit or dress pants is NOT trying to be male. The poster is NOT trying to be male either. It is not about the clothes!!!!!

I agree to leave out the caps. When I read your letter it did sound confrontational. I thought how you started out was ok but I think simple is good. I have to tell you you did not explain what your intentions are. If I were your co-workers I would wonder why you had to dress this way for work if you are not transitioning. I guess I don't get what you are trying to do here?

:hugs:
Kitty

[Kelsy]

Why in the world does there have to always be these stupid comment????
First a women in a suit or dress pants is NOT trying to be male. The poster is NOT trying to be male either. It is not about the clothes!!!!!


:hugs:
Kitty

Thank You Kitty!!

For some It is just that a fetish for the clothes but for many others it is a life struggle to find themselves, to match what they know they really are to the physical reality!


Kimberly, I admire your courage!!

Kelsy

[Lesley Ann]

Kimberly, I agree with sister Sterling, you can always dispute what you've said, but never what you have written. With the present economic situation is this a good time to be potentially conformational? How many other members of the staff have different life styles? Personally I'd keep Mum. In the theater there's a saying think twice act once.
Kimberly I wish you all the luck in the world whatever you decide to do, but please think very carefully,
Love, Lesley Ann

[Mary Morgan]

Your letter sounds a bit like you are venting. I do not think you need to vent on, or attempt to educate the HR director. I would stick with where you are, where you are going, and thank you very much!

[BobbiJ]

You might consider thanking the HR person for approaching you personally and treating the issue in such a professional and supportive fashion. Positive strokes can go a long way. :)

Other than that, as long as you avoid being confrontational (and i agree with those that say "lose the caps,") and are professional and matter of fact in your presentation, i think you'll be okay.

Also, it might be useful to TELL the HR person all this instead of handing in a letter. Face-to-face communication has more impact.

Just my :2c:

Good luck.

[Vanessa Sheridan]

Kimberly,

As a transgender business consultant (who doesn't know you and has nothing to gain personally from this), I would definitely advise you to be up front with HR. If they're willing to be supportive, you should explain your situation and be honest. They already know some things, so you may as well be open about the rest. If they want to help you, you should probably take advantage of that. I wish you luck.

Vanessa Sheridan

[JoAnne Wheeler]

TRUTH is always better than DISHONESTY - but because many of us have spent a lifetime in frustration, secrecy, denial and lying, it is very hard to change - if you have accepted yourself as a crossdresser and now feel proud about it, then I would talk with the HR folks again and tell them the truth - I think they are on yourside anyway - that's my opinion for what its worth.
Love,
JoAnne Wheeler

[MarcieM]

It is interesting that if you were a woman wearing suits or other male attire to work, this conversation would never have happened. You may want to mention the double standard to the HR person.
This would probably be the WORST thing you could do. Coming across as confrontational is the LAST thing you want to do.

Definitely REMOVE the CAPS from that letter. I would also re-think the part abourt telling them that you're transitioning. I think it would be in your best interest to say that you are. Transitioning does not have to mean anything surgical.

[Sedona]

This would probably be the WORST thing you could do. Coming across as confrontational is the LAST thing you want to do.

Definitely REMOVE the CAPS from that letter. I would also re-think the part abourt telling them that you're transitioning. I think it would be in your best interest to say that you are. Transitioning does not have to mean anything surgical.


Agree very much. Now is not the time to go all Stonewall. You just want them to know you're a good worker, and play well with others.

[Paulacder]

I would not volunteer any more information than H.R. already has. Let them draw their own conclusions. It was a common practice at the company that I worked for to tape conversations that took place in the H.R. dept. without you'r knowledge. Most of these H.R. reps. are skilled and trained and schooled to seek out information from employes.....My 2 cents...

[melissacd]

My 2 Cents,

Don't provide the letter. Meet the HR person over lunch in a quiet booth or somewhere where there is less chance of recording and then thank her for approaching you on this and tell the honest truth about who you are and what you want to do.

There is an opportunity here, but keep it polite, professional, answer her questions if appropriate (some questions my not be and so just indicate that you feel a particular question is too personal) and get a sense of how she feels it could/should be handled.

I am going through the same thought process in that I want to finally sit down with the owner of the company and have a chat about my situation as well, I too dress a bit over the top for a male and I am sure they are wondering too.

It is just another step in our evolution.

Huggs
Melissa

[Nicki B]

Ok, you were caught off guard.... but you are transitioning. The pictures don't lie. Look at them????

BUT - many of us don't need to go all the way?


FWIW, I would speak to the HR rep and not put anything in writing at this stage?

[Nigella]

I was in a similar situation when I first went 24/7. I am not TS, but prefer to express my female side all the time. I have no feelings towards SRS or hormones.

As an individual we have the right to wear what we like, unless there are specific laws, or in the case of work, specific regulations within your company's rules and procedures.

I took the bull by the horns and approached the company I worked for, informing them exactly how I would be dressing for work. I was totally honest with them and in return they supported me.

I eventually left for another job, and right from the outset, even during the application process, the new (prospective) employer was informed of my transgenderism (or as they were informed my crossdressing).

I was asked the usual question, do you intend to transition? My response was as before, No.

In my new line of work I meet parents of young people with autism, and yes there have been questions from the parents to my employer. In response to this my employer has been totally discrete, informing the parent that I have all the required checks carried out to work with the vulnerable young people, and that my crossdressing is irrelevant.

So in a nutshell, be honest with your employer, do it face to face, but let them lead, and you can follow. Your letter seems to be defensive, and judging from your initial post, there appears to be no reason for this.

Meet with the most relevant people, your HR dept and your immediate superior, lay the cards on the table and see how the hand developes. Then just take it from there.

:hugs:

[Jenna1561]

Hi Kim,
I'm in a very similar situation at work and have been looking for that talk to come from my supervisor, manager or HR. Whenever one of them says they'd like to talk to me, I assume this is it. But for me it hasn't materialized yet...

Hi Kim,

I mentioned in an earlier post that I'm in a similar situation at work, but as of yet nothing has officially come of it. I know people talk how could they not. Though we're in vastly different states (PA vs TX) and I'm certain different sets of laws that do or do not protect us, I am very interested in the outcome of this event. I may be in for similar.

Not being in transition, I still must abide by the male employees' dress policy, which to sum up says - neat and clean professional appearance with a collared shirt. The collar requirement leaves out a lot of nice tops for me, but I need to remain an exemplary employee. I typically wear women's clothing that in my opinion meets the dress policy. I also wear earrings and other jewelry, light makeup, and style my hair a bit more feminine (at least I hope it appears that way).

I know people talk, but no one has said a word to me. I did hear a rumour yesterday, that the company was considering updating their dress and appearance policy. I wonder if that's a result of my dressing.

Good Luck and I hope you decide to talk with your HR Rep instead of writing the letter. Jenna

[DonnaT]

I have a RIGHT to be exactly who I am and express it openly.
Do you?
I suggest --I believe I have a right to be exactly who I am and express it openly.--
Know the law in your jurisdiction. For example, Allentown has laws based on gender (http://www.genderadvocates.org/News/Allentown.html),

April 4, 2002

Allentown City Council voted to amend the city's human relations ordinance Wednesday, adding sexual orientation and gender identity to the law's list of protected classes.

In doing so, Allentown became the 230th municipality in the country to extend employment, housing and other protections to people based on their sexual orientation.

It became the first city in Pennsylvania to add gender identity as a protected status in its human relations law.

Gender identity can refer to transsexuals or cross-dressers, but also men and women who simply appear opposite their sex.

Is your office in Allentown?

[MJ]

sorry but i don't like the letter idea. it's better in person that way you can answer her questions in person and it's less formal and letter can be used against you too

[DonnaT]

Remember, according to Federal law - "At will" employees can be terminated from employment at any time for any reason, and certain "for cause" employees (e.g., under contract, member of a union) cannot be terminated unless the employer shows "cause" for doing so.
All states are employment at will states, meaning that they all uphold the Doctrine to some degree. To what degree regarding employers' rights to discharge employees, varies by state.

Pennsylvania Human Relations Commission at 1-717-787-4410.

Texas (http://dallascommunityvoicemail.blogspot.com/2008/07/employment-law-in-texas.html)

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

The letter which I emailed to myself at work, apparently was never sent from my Outlook client, I shutdown my computer too fast this morning and the email was never sent. So I did not have the letter to give her. I decided this afternoon to arrange a meeting with her tomorrow morning to discuss what was said Monday morning. To clarify to her where I am, ask her what comments she heard, ask about the companies policies etc. and what help the company would provide if I chose to transition in the future and more importantly, what was said to my immediate manager and dept director.

So in a small way by not getting the email this morning at work I think was a good thing, based on what alot of you have said. I will keep everyone informed of what happens.

To answer some of your questions my office is not in Allentown PA, it is in Bethlehem so the laws of Allentown don't apply here. As far as physical transitioning , that isn't in the cards as of yet, maybe in the future. My level of transitioning is that I like to dress femininely and it is getting to be a stronger desire in my life. In time if I was financially able to do it I might consider transitioning physically, but I think that is far off in the future. For me to dress femininely, wear makeup and jewelry is where I'm at. Don't necessarily need to wear dresses or skirts, fem pants are okay. Any further advice is helpful, please keep sending it. Kimberly :battingeyelashes:

[Emily Anderson]

You don't say whether you ARE transitioning or not.

In any case, it sounds like HR is supportive, so why not just tell them what's going on, and also make sure you know where you're going for yourself.

[StaceyJane]

First, I think you look so much younger and better now but the mix and match gender clothing does not work. I can understand going into denial with the HR person, I would probably do the same but let's face it, if this is how you are going to work then everyone's figured you out. Since you have the HR's blessing you should just start going all femme. Don't worry about what people will say because I can garentee they are already saying it.
I would like to imagine that if my HR rep said it was okay to transition I would be all girl from then on but since I work for the Army it's probably not going to happen.
Plus I'm too chicken anyway.

[Sally24]

Before you send in The Letter, please review your Company's policies and procedures manual. It may have a great policy regarding TS person's in transition, but there may be no protections for The Transgendered who are not actively transitioning.

Generally, if they don't give full protection to non-transitioning individuals, what they are looking for is consistancy. They don't want employees coming in looking like your old self one day and then coming in a dress and full makeup the next. The same with bathroom policy. Just review the policy manual and see just what they seem to want and allow.

If I were you I would take this opportunity to dress a little more openly (maybe just the wig in addition to how you dress now) and just be myself. It's up to you to decide just what that is. Good luck and enjoy!

[Lainie]

At work, I never write anything in e-mail or paper or even voicemail that might be embarrassing to me or anyone else. Delicate subjects are always better handled face-to-face, where you can engage in two-way communication.

But of course, be honest. And also grateful! Sounds like your HR rep was very sensitive--you should thank her for that explicitly. She may also have advice about dealing with co-workers.

And, yes, you do look better with the hair in the avatar. You might get a better reception from colleagues if you drop the necklace and adopt the hair.

[paulaN]

I would say tread lightly and move forward cautiously. I also think the your HR is looking out for you, So they don't get slaped with some kind of harassment law suit.

[Jenna1561]

If your talk with HR goes well and she states that your gender presentation is supported, what questions are you considering posing. I've given it a little thought and might ask


Is this conversation confidential between her and you? If not, who else will she be telling? Will your immediate supervisor and or department manager be told before you're ready for them to know?
Assuming you're not/haven't changed your legal name, would they support/allow the everyday use of a femme name? Would you be allowed to use the femme name for company email, nameplates, and other non-legal documents?
What is the restroom issue? I don't know if they'd allow you to use a women's restroom if you're not transitioning or would they? Is there a unisex single occupant restroom facility?
How should you be introduced to clients? If you are presenting as female, would they allow you to use a femme name? If you have to sign documents for the client, I imagine you would be required to use your legal name, but I don't know.


So, besides explaining your story and listening to what she (the company) has to say, you might want to be prepared with some questions of your own. I'm sure there are many other questions you'd have. Perhaps jotting them down to reference would be a good idea.

I have no idea what she may ask legally. Are you prepared to answer questions about therapy and/or diagnosis. I don't know if you have to answer those questions. Maybe someone else has a better understanding of labor law.

I really do wish you the best. She sounds supportive, but play your hand cautiously. Only reveal what you have to, need to, and/or feel comfortable with.

Hugs,

Jenna

[Jamie001]

It is important to understand that not everyone wants to go "ALL FEMME". Some folks are quite satisfied presenting as a feminized male. So many folks on the website don't accept that concept.



First, I think you look so much younger and better now but the mix and match gender clothing does not work. I can understand going into denial with the HR person, I would probably do the same but let's face it, if this is how you are going to work then everyone's figured you out. Since you have the HR's blessing you should just start going all femme. Don't worry about what people will say because I can garentee they are already saying it.
I would like to imagine that if my HR rep said it was okay to transition I would be all girl from then on but since I work for the Army it's probably not going to happen.
Plus I'm too chicken anyway.

[Nicki B]

What is the restroom issue? I don't know if they'd allow you to use a women's restroom if you're not transitioning or would they? Is there a unisex single occupant restroom facility?

That seems to me a very important issue - if you're not in the process of transitioning, should you use the ladies? But how comfortable will you be as a femme/androgenous guy in the mens??

It's the one thing that's likely to cause the most grief with your colleagues.

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

The beginnings of this started weeks ago over 'Eye Brows' of all things.

I spoke with my HR manager Elaine and started by letting her know that when she asked questions Monday, if I was transitioning etc and other questions, that I was caught off guard and wasn't ready emotionally to talk about them. She understood, I continued to explain that for about 45 years I have felt more feminine than male and that as I have gotten older the desire to express my femininity has grown stronger. This being expressed by my wearing makeup, jewelry and feminine blouses from time to time at work. I further explained that at the stage I'm at, I'm not ready emotionally to present or transition as 100% female, but maybe in the future I would. She explained that if I wanted to fully transition counseling would be recommended on my part and that they would need some proof from a doctor that I am transitioning.

So first part of my outing at work is done, my HR person knows I'm TG.

The second part was I wanted to know what comments were said about me and where they came from. Well, she said that she has noticed some snickering from warehouse workers and overheard some comments, and she told the employees that she does not want to ever hear comments like those again about any employee. She also said one employee came to her office to comment about my appearance, wearing makeup and jewelry and she told the employee that I'm not violating any dress code and I'm intitled to dress and wear jewelry. I asked her if the manner that I dress was in violation of the dress code and she said 'No'.

The third part was she mentioned she spoke with my immediate manager who is located in a different state and I wanted to know what was said. What she told me was that my Manager called her first, asking her why I have penciled eyebrow's? His concern was that if and when I go out on calls to install & repair computers that I may look un-professional. He had visited me about 5 weeks ago for a semi-annual performance review. She called her boss to see if there was an issue from the Companies stand-point about a guy having shaped, stenciled eyebrows, there wasn't so she called my boss and his boss on a conference call to discuss it. Nothing other than that was discussed.

Because of that concern an "EyeBrow", and the comments and the one employee who complained about my appearance, she called me in to know if I was transitioning and needed help or support. So now because of all this there is one person in my company that knows of my Transgender status. So I have been outed at work to HR. At his stage of my journey I am not ready to transition and present as female 24/7, but I know now if I want to present 100% female that my HR dept will support me.

But the wearing of makeup and jewelry is okay, feminine blouses okay as long as they are not revealing etc.. I'm not intending to wear dress's or wig's yet. I told her that from my personal opinion that I look much younger, more professional than I did when I first started working. She did not remember how I looked when I first started working, with facial hair, beard & moustache etc., so I sent her some pictures from roughly 2 years ago, 1 year ago and recent and she commented that I look much better 'now' than 'then'.

I thanked her for her caring approach in this matter and she told me everything we talked about today stays between her and me. All I can say is that another large weight has been removed from my shoulders, someone at work now knows about me and I can dress & wear makeup the way I've been without issue now. Now, as I grow more confident in my femininity the option to go 24/7 in the future is a stronger possibilty. I will still wait till the economy improves before considering 24/7.

I want to thank all my sisters for the advice they provided, the encouragment, the support and love they showed in their words. Thanks.

A relieved Kimberly :o:battingeyelashes::battingeyelashes:

[Nicki B]

So now because of all this there is one person in my company that knows of my Transgender status. So I have been outed at work to HR.

But, far more importantly, you have a ally who has already proved she will fight your corner? ;)

[Jenna1561]

Kim,

I think that all-in-all you're enjoying a great outcome to your conversation. I totally agree with Nikki, you're not "outed" to one person, instead you now have a valuable ally and resource in your company. She now knows your position and is able to steer you through the company's policies and desires.

I am very happy for you!


Jenna

[2b.Lauren]

I like your letter and I think that a letter is the best way to clairfy your original response after returning from your vacation. I am not sure that you owe them an entire explanation of the spectrum of dressing and transitioning. Remember they are interested in only two concepts you and then them. Other than that the other points you make are really more like you are explaining away why you do what you do. You owe them no explanation of why, just that at this point in your life you are making changes and need the freedom and support from them to be able to identify with who you are right now. I get the impression that the entire meeting in the first place was to make sure that you are not experiencing any kind of harrassment from other employees and that you are comfortable at work. HR is there to make sure that employee's rights are always being considered and that none of the other employees are acting in ways that are against policies that the company has in place to prevent these problems. Maybe some edits would be helpful before you give it to the person you talked with. I also agree with other posters that you read you companies policy manuals and see what is in there to protect you. Just being aware will help you in case there is a problem. Good for you, and you do look happier when you are more expressive of your female side.