"Of Vampires and Crossdressers", the Gender Seesaw, and the girl in the mirror

[Shy Charlotte]

A. I'm not sure if I'm an anomaly, but I've noticed that when my female fashion sense is up, my "drab" fashions suddenly become more drab. Likewise, if when I'm the manly fashion horse, my fem self suddenly looks like a $5 crack ***** (not that you can tell, with my dressing style and all ;) ).

It's almost a quantitative external representation that we (or at I) walk a thin psychological line between one gender and the other. There's only so far we can lean in one direction before the other side suffers. And I noticed in another thread someone mentioned something about narcississm. Perhaps those of us that are more "straight" (prefer GG's, whether drag or drab) try to imagine the ideal woman in the mirror, wearing all the things we find attractive without complaint? (in which case our significant other sometimes suffers, since she's just some girl and the girl in the mirror is the ideal).

Whereas maybe the less sexually restrained have a more immersive role, and rather than court the ideal woman in the mirror, actually fully transform into that ideal woman, doing or at least imagining all the nasty stuff we would imagine our ideal woman must do? I think on occasion I've fallen into that narcissistic trap, and feel that if some restraint isn't followed it can quite easily turn into a "me me" relationship. I was just wondering if anyone else has noticed a similar effect.

B. On a somewhat separate note this part is just observation. In some of the more Romantic vampire novels and movies, the vampire is often found to be caught in a bit of a stylistic doldrum, wearing the same regal style of, say, the 17th century, well into the 20th century. How many of us have fixed onto a style and haven't let go? I have this sinking suspicion that I'll be wearing corsets, fishnets, and artifically flavored wigs well into the my 80's. Could just be another externalization of that ideal woman that we dream about? (I'd just love to meet that GG gothic temptress that'd jump on the back of my CBR and ride off into the moonlit horizon with me).

I'm sure this in no way encompasses everyone, or maybe even a large percentage, but I'd love to hear if someone feels the same way, or has a new spin on it....

Just a brain-fart, sorry about the longwindedness....

[Wen4cd]

That's about the way I view it, too. There's no way any real person will compete with an ideal, so one has to be careful to remember the feelings of real people, and remember that ideals will never truly be attained. It's a lot of fun and satisfaction to play with the ideal by crossdressing, but crossdressing is still a self-centered luxury act.

But I think everybody needs a hobby, something to personally obsess over and get happiness from. This one is no worse than stamp collecting, but I'm sure there are one or two obsessed stamp collectors or golfers in the world who care about their hobbies more than they do their families.

It's the mirror that I think gives us a bad name. Vanity has had a long bad connotation with arrogance and selfishness. But it's also a sign of self-respect, which some of us are deficient in, meaning we need to do something to fill the hole.
What throws a wierd wrench into the works, though is that it's not "ourselves" we're looking at, primping, whatever. When I'm looking at the girl in the mirror, it's the absence of myself that I enjoy.

I don't know about the seesaw, because I don't dress well in male fashion, ever. But I fear that during the times I'm dressing more often, that something else is being sacrificed, and I just don't know what it is.

On a fixed style, I think maybe the vampire latches onto the gothic stereotype in media because it's a popular archetype for a romantic era, and has been drilled into the group mind for ages. It's kind of hard to imagine a vampire in anything else, say, 70's hipster gear or urban wear! (Although I can do a pretty good job picturing one in a seifuku!) I got extremely bored with what I began dressing in, and changed to chase an ideal. It's kind of helped me figure out some of my own tastes. I think the only changes I'll personally make in the future are refinements and perfections on the same style. (Which is like ridiculous silly in the first place, but beautiful in my eye!)

Awesome post, Shy One!


Wen

[Shy Charlotte]

Thought this post was overlooked, but glad to see some input.

Interesting way of looking at CDing... as a hobby. Never thought of it that way, but makes sense. It's something we do to pass the time, we spend money on it, we probably think about it 24/7. Hmm, sounds the same as if someone is passionate about fishing or watching football (I know alot of people are probably itching to post "well, hobbies are hobbies, but CDing is what we are"..., however I'm sure the golf crowd might feel just as passionate).

I've noticed that when I look in the mirror part of what pleases me most is that it's not me looking back (or at least not the me that the rest of the world sees), but rather me, stripped of all the uniforms and social baggage that the world places on me. Guess I'd have to agree that it's the absense of myself I enjoy looking at.

I feel that in order to focus on something, we lose focus on something else. When I think more like a girl, I understand women more, but at the same time I find it harder to talk to them. When I'm in a more "male" role, it's a little easier to talk to women (although I'm not Casanova), but my fem self gets pushed to the side-lines. To quote Hedwig, "To be free one must give up a little part of one's self"

In regards to the "vampire" statement, I mean that with eternal life comes certain attachments to what is known. As a vampire goes through eternity, the world becomes a blur, and it may be too much trouble to keep up, so mentally the immortal would stay in a state of inertia. I met a 90 year old CD once, and, well, she dressed like it was still 1948. I guess it's hard to keep up with male fashions AND fem fashions (especially through the 70's).

p.s. Luv your look by the way. I don't think I've ever seen a CD Clown before. It's so unique and refreshing. Think you might have single-handedly started a new genre of crossdressing.

[Julie]

When I dress I just want to look nice. That means feminine, attractive and like I care about my appearance. Last Saturday while at Escapades I was talking to the owner, Rudy, who said he liked talking to me because I was a nice person (he said many dressers are so full of themselves). Him saying I was a nice person meant more to me than saying I looked good or looked feminine or looked like a real woman. I want to dress like I am approachable, a down to earth person.

The me that exists when dressed is a happier person and I think that comes out to others with whom I interact. If you accept me when dressed you probably see a nicer, kinder and more thoughtful person. The clothes I wear are a step above what a GG would wear for everyday stuff, skirt, blouse and heels but not overdone. It's what a GG would wear when she wants to look nice without going for the all out killer look.

When I think about an ideal it's not really unattainable. I like a woman to look nice, like she took some time to fix herself up. That's what I do in guy mode. I work construction but may be one of the best dressed on the site. While everyone is wearing T-shirts I wear polo shirts. They may be a bit tattered as the only ones I wear are too worn to wear for everyday but they still look nicer than a T-shirt. For everyday stuff I wear nice clothes but not GQ perfect. I want to look like I spent at least SOME time looking nice. It's the same way when en femme. And I like that in a woman, for her to look like she cares about her appearance.

So for me the ideal isn't all that hard to attain. I don't see it as unreasonable. Just look like you care about your appearance. Some of the younger girls today look like they don't own mirrors. I can't imagine guys being attracted to these girls. They are slobs. I saw a mother-daughter pair at the mall one time. The mother was in her 40's and dressed very sophisticatedly. Everything about her said she cared about how she looks. Her daughter on the other hand was overweight, had low cut jeans with exposed fat hanging over the waistband, a midriff top that exposed her enlarged belly, hair that looked like a rat's nest, and makeup that looked like she was trying out for a part in a horror movie. All I thought was how embarassed the mother must be of her daughter.
If looking nice is too much to expect from someone else then I can always move on to someone who cares, and there are a lot of them who do.

Julie

[diane]

Interesting. So maybe that is why I like corsets and 60s style pumps. Makes sense.

[Rachel_740]

The me that exists when dressed is a happier person and I think that comes out to others with whom I interact. If you accept me when dressed you probably see a nicer, kinder and more thoughtful person. The clothes I wear are a step above what a GG would wear for everyday stuff, skirt, blouse and heels but not overdone. It's what a GG would wear when she wants to look nice without going for the all out killer look.
Julie

Julie,

I'm totally with you here. Call me old fashoined, but I think a girl should wear skirts/dresses, not pants (sorry, I called them trousers in my 'out & about' thread yesterday), and the clothes I chose are what I feel a GG should be wearing. Not overdone, but not tending towards male drabs. I think a lot of the time GG's look good in pants (especially jeans) is because they are cut to accentuate the sexual side of the female form, instead of the actual clothes looking good.

I feel the same about make-up - less is more, and again, thats the way I do mine and the girl (GG) in Transformation yesterday was quite complementary of it and she actually commented that I hadn't tried to over do the make-up.

Just a final comment. I'm not dressing today :( because I've had a cold/flu develope overnight, so I'm not feeling myself and I am trying to sweat it out. There is no way I'm going to ruin my gorgeous girlie clothes with sweat stains from this, so I'm going to be missing getting all dressed up for a day or two.

[Jocie]

Hi Shy Charlotte

What a deep and interesting link, there is alot to what you say. More recently I have been buying more and more femme clothes but my drabs are getting well, more drabby !

As for the CBR, I would love to be able to ride off on my 600 Bandit in low heeled black femme boots sheer black tights short black leather skirt black bodice and black belero leather jacket .... well we can all dream can't we !

Jocie XXX

[Wen4cd]

I didn't mean to say (although it sounded like it) that all crossdressers view their activity as a hobby. I'm sure that there is genuine dysphoria in a lot of us. Sorry if that offended anybody. If it did, than it obviously doesn't apply to you. :)

In regards to the wanting of GG's to dress a certain way: I wouldn't begrudge their dressing any more than I would want someone to judge me on mine. Dressing slobbily is all the rage these days, and a lot of people view those who care about their appearance as snobbish and artificial people. Of course I have my own preferences on how I like to see gg's dressed, but I wouldn't go so far as to say they should conform to my taste.

But I'm pretty sure ideals are unnattainable, by the very definition of the word. There's something called 'beau ideal' that means the imaginary perfect point of beauty. It's nice that women will fix them selves up and try to look nice, but there's still a perfect model in all of our subconscious minds. A woman who takes the time to dress nice could easily still be a twit (or a succubus.) I try to be a nice person, regardless of how I'm dressed.

And back to the 'vampire' thing: Maybe the crossdresser or 'vampire' tends to stick with what was "in" when they were in their prime, or when they were a certain age. You assume a vampire who dresses in 18th century fashion became a vampire in the 1700's and not during the Pharonic Egyptian era. However, certain eras were more decorative than others in fashion, and different looks will attract different people. Some 24 year-old crossdressers still dress like flappers, because they like the look.


Just a final comment. I'm not dressing today because I've had a cold/flu develope overnight

Get Well Soon!


p.s. Luv your look by the way. I don't think I've ever seen a CD Clown before. It's so unique and refreshing. Think you might have single-handedly started a new genre of crossdressing.

Thanks! I was hoping everyone wasn't just too creeped out to comment, but that's how I've been dressing for years. I've found at least one other person who does something very similar. Maybe it will take off and I'll become some kind of legendary pioneer! (or not :rolleyes: )

(Edit: I forgot to add that you look awesome too! (if that's you that is) Dontcha just love those colored cosplay wigs?!?)

Wen