New here and could use some help

[WannabeAGurl]

Ok well I guess this would be the place to start. I really don't have anyone to talk to about my feelings like friends or whatnot as well Iam sure many can understand. I am posting this cause this is how I really feel and think and I just need some help/advice.

Ok I hope someone can help me with some things I am not sure how to deal with them.

I am a male in my 30's. I love girls! I like them ALLOT!!! :-) However, sometimes I get into these moods where I fantasize or wish I were a teen girl.

Like I wish I was like this ****tish teen girl or be treated like one. I like to wear girls clothing. I mean I have only worn panties but would deff be into wearing more, I of course would never do this in public or anything but such a turn on for me.

Hers the thing I struggle with, I am a guy I know this and I like my manliness. I mean I look like a guy I don't have the body of a young girl I never will and I am not going to get a sex change or anything because I like being a guy and do like girls.

I don't know how to satisfy this fetish or fantasy. I mean it doesn't make sense tome. Sure I can wear panties but I will always be a guy I have hair on my legs and stuff. I wish I could somehow look girlier or something I don’t know. Like I wish when I get into these moods I could hit a button and bam I could become a girl and switch back to a guy when I wanted.

The thing is I fantasize about being this ****ty teen girl or ****ty guy whatever and I want to be treated like a ****. It turns me on to be used like that. I like to be dominated by women to but something about that whole girl being used thing turns me on and I don't know how to work it if that makes sense?

So here Iam a guy that will never be a girl but would like to sometimes. I want to be treated like a dirty girl but yet it doesn't make sense because I am NOT a girl so how would that work?????

I mean I don’t want to go as far as well maybe I do want to go as far as looking like a girl as much as possible for when this side of me arises. So then the question is I mean I have a man face how do u pull that off? I think I would make an ugly girl so how do I make myself look pretty or something??

Another thing Iam not really into guys to the pint of doing everything with them because other things don't turn me on. I like the idea of giving or forced to give a ** or maybe anal something like that but like kissing or something actually is kind of gross to me.

I know I can find guys but how do I pull off the whole portraying a girl thing?

And if I want to exploit my fetish how or what do I do to myself to make me girlier like??/ I mean do guys like sissy guys? or guys that are like me???

I don’t know Iam really confused about this and would love some advice or feedback or especially if anyone out there feels like I do.

Thanks

[Tracii G]

Wow you have some issues!
Why would being treated badly be a turn on?Just curious.
I'm not knocking your fetishes its your thing.
Maybe some here can help you sort all the emotions out. I know you have me confused!LOL.
Welcome anyway glad you posted.This should get interesting.
Sex with out love seems strange for me anyway be it a guy or a girl, I like both.

[WannabeAGurl]

No in real life. No I don't want to be treated badly. Only when I am in my fantasy mode if that makes sense??

no its like the me me is perfectly normal. Perfectly normal life and outlook on life and things but the fantasy side of me likes that.

In my fantasy life I don't want a relationship.

Does any of this make snese??
I mean, I have had GF's and well Iam siongle now but I would like a normal realtionship and have a GF. It is just the fanatsy side that likes the wierd things

[Billijo49504]

I wwould say that if you find a person that you are comfortable with, let them know up front, what are the ground rules. What you are willing to do and what you are not willing to do. So both of you know the ground rules. Just my opinion....BJ

[Tracii G]

Just the fantasy side OH! I understand now.
Is it what it is a fantasy and nothing more.Some times with fantasy situations its OK to have them best not to actually do them.
I never had fantasies about liking both genders I just do.
I'm the same way very well adjusted in guy mode and don't mind being a guy.
My inner person is female and she likes to come out on the weekends.
I don't like being forced to do anything as most here will tell you. I will react and inflict a great deal of pain on said perpitrator.

[Melora]

First of all..
You either have a FACE that can be transformed OR NOT!!
Second.. You need to master some makeup skills..
If YOU think that You will make an ugly Girl.. Then You probably will.. It is about your Mindset..
As far as Your Fetish.. There are thousands of Guys who would be TOTALLY Intrested in an unattractive guy who does not shave in lingerie, just search the WWW.....

[WannabeAGurl]

I keep my regular life all in check and live a very normal stright regular guy type of life.

I am looking for a relationship with a girl and in all reality will prob curb the fetish fantasy thing because if I am commited to someone I wouldn't be out sneaking around doing bad things with others thats just cheating unles sof course I brought up my fantasy with her but I highly doubt I would because I can be totaly ok with being a striaght guy in a relationship with a girl.

Now yeah my fantasy side especialy Iam single I can play if I want.

I guess I just really don't know much aboutthigs to know if what Iam doing is right or wrong or something people wont understand.

The being used/ forced to do bad things by someone falls in line with the whole wanting to be treated like a bad girl.

Not being treat badly as in like disrespect but in the fantasy mode I want to be dominated treated like a bad girl. Spanked, submissive stuff liek that.

I gues there where comes in y cofussion because thats what I like in my fantasy mode and I want to betreated like a girl and even act like a girl but I could never pull it off being a girl.

So I mean How do you guys deal with trying to be a female but inside you know you are a guy ya knwo what I mean???

I can see how it would be easier because most of you go all out and you all could pass for females. Me on the other hand Ihave a gottee Iwont shave Ilike it too much but I like to dress in womens stuff sooooo you see its like a conflict of things.

Is it ok to dress in womens clothing act like a girl ect but clearly when looked at still see the man??

God I hope Iam making some sense here forgive me if I am soo all over the place.

[BobbiJ]

For one thing, you need to separate your sexual preference from your gender identity. They are two distinctly different things that often don't overlap. That's easily shown by the thread in here about dating men. The majority of the CD's in here wouldn't even consider it, because they are neither gay nor bisexual.

Your desire to dress in women's clothes is fairly common - more common than you think, and so are your fantasies, so stop beating yourself up over having them.

Your legs are hairy... so shave them! "Manscaping" is a HUGE industry today. Go to a spa and tell them you'd like a full-body wax (sans the "boyzilian," unless you're really into pain. :) ) See what you think of the result.

As for your body shape, women come in all shapes and sizes. Unless you're overly muscular, chances are you can do a lot to give yourself a reasonably femme shape. A steel-boned corset and breast forms can do amazing things, as can properly applied makeup. After that, attitude, mannerisms, and movement can go a long way.

You're still pretty young. Take advantage of it now and embrace who you are inside. Be open and honest with whatever women you seek to get into romantic relationships with. Believe it or not, there ARE women that will enjoy participating in it with you, and won't make you feel bad about who you are.

Finally, get yourself a therapist, one with experience with transgender issues. Tell him or her EVERYTHING, no matter how embarrassing you might think it is. Trust me, there is NOTHING you can tell them that they haven't heard, and they are there to help you, not judge you.

Good luck... and welcome to the board.

(*edit* - Thanks Sandra! I feel like a ditz for not thinking of the edit first. In my defense, i'm useless without my AM coffee. ;) )

And just for the heck of it, try shaving off that goatee. It grows back. ;)

I used to have one, but shaved it a couple of years ago when it got a little too white.

Cross-dressing isn't a phase. It's with you forever. The longer you try to suppress it, the worse it will get until you find yourself in your mid-40's or 50's, married, with kids, realizing that you need to let the girl out of her closet or go mad... and now, you have to deal with the fact that your wife of 10-15 years or more is going to be pretty PO'ed that you hid it from her since day 1.

You think it's going to go away once you settle down. It's not. It's going to hibernate for a while, but will come back. Go to CD site after CD site, and you will read the same story over and over. That being the case, you should accept it and just go with it.

Not all of us can pass, and so what? Not all of us are trying to pass, for that matter.

Explore and enjoy. And relax... it's okay.

[TSchapes]

I went through something similar when I was in my 20's. You aren't sure why you feel these things, but you do. I do think you would probably like to go farther than you have so far. What I have discovered is there is a push and pull. I am currently in a pull back mode. I haven't touched my makeup case in almost a month! I think it is natural to push past our boundaries and then pull back somewhat.

I'd like to quote a local psychiatrist that deals in sexual issues. His name is Joe Kort (http://www.joekort.com/default.htm) and has a web site. A lot of his articles have to do with gay issues, but a number of the things he talks about apply to TGs and straights too.


Research is starting to support that sexual acts can be distinct from romantic love. In other words, one can have sexual acts with another human being and it can be void of any romantic and affectional feelings.

Men have intuited this all along. Men know that there can be sex for release, sex for love and sex for both. - Joe Kort

Knowing this, your situation does not seem all that different than any other male out there. There also appears to be a BDSM piece to your sexuality and you may want to contact someone on a message board that deals with that.

I do think that any male can look like a beautiful girl, some may take more work that others, and there is a learning curve to what works for you.

Love, Tracy

[JoAnne Wheeler]

You are a little complicated to say the least - it sounds like CDing to you is totally a sexual issue - for most CDers, it is only a phase when we are young - I would advise you to be very careful - you are talking about some risky behavior.
JoAnne Wheeler

[WannabeAGurl]

Ok let me get this traight Ithink I understand.

So the people here that CD are not really doing it for a sexual thing? they do it cause they just like the dressing up part????

And for me my wanting to dress up is strictly for a sexual thing??

So thats the difference???

correct me if Iam wrong.

SeeI had always thought that men who drss up or CD did it because they had kinky sexual fetishes I didn't think or would have thought they did it juct because of the appreciation of female stuff.

I mean I do appreciate females the way the look dress act and all that I think I just want to explore it in a more deviant sexual way ya know?

Well I gues sif this is an ok fetish I should rollwith it.

[Sandra]

SeeI had always thought that men who drss up or CD did it because they had kinky sexual fetishes I didn't think or would have thought they did it juct because of the appreciation of female stuff.

For some it is others it's not.

Way back when my SO told me she was a cder, it was mostly sexual for her, but as time went on and she got older the sexual aspect went, now she dresses 24/7 and sex has nothing to do with it.

You will find a lot of the girls here when they first started it was a sexual thing, for some it still is, for oters like my SO it progressed further.

[docrobbysherry]

Ok let me get this traight Ithink I understand.
So the people here that CD are not really doing it for a sexual thing? they do it cause they just like the dressing up part????
And for me my wanting to dress up is strictly for a sexual thing??

So thats the difference???
correct me if Iam wrong.

SeeI had always thought that men who drss up or CD did it because they had kinky sexual fetishes I didn't think or would have thought they did it juct because of the appreciation of female stuff.


You're jumping to some erroneous conclusions based on a few comments! Let me add, many of those comments have some good info for u. But, to say that CDs don't dress up for sexual reasons is nonsense! :doh:

TS/TG girls may dress up for reasons OTHER than sexual ones. But, for many CDs, sex IS a big part of our dressing! Many of those individuals don't speak up on this forum for a variety of reasons. But, they're HERE, none the less! :eek:

As one of THOSE KINDS of CDs, I can tell u that Role Playing Fantasies r very common! Because pretending to be a woman is a fantasy in itself, it's a small step to OTHER FANTASIES involving us, as the woman, in various forms sexual adventures and/or distress!:o

If u r THAT kind of CD, then imagining yourself to be a PRETTY WOMAN is just part of the fantasy! Personally, I wasn't happy with my fem looks either, so I did whatever I had to, to complete my visual fantasy of becoming a pretty woman!:heehee: I CHEAT a lot! But, it works for me!

I recommend tites and dark nylons for your leg hair. Gloves, and sleeved outfits for arm hair. And corset, breast forms, and pads for figure enhancement! Then, if u can satisfy yourself with your facial looks, (wigs help a lot). U will see a site in your mirror that will BLOW YOUR MIND!:brolleyes:

Being an abused , naughty girl? I had that recurring fantasy when I first started CDing 10 years ago! No biggie! It's long gone! But, I have MANY MORE ELABORATE ONES NOW!:devil:

[WannabeAGurl]

LOL I am starting to understand a little here.
Thanks for being so patient and understanding. This stuff is a little more complicated than picking out rye or wheat bread at the store lol

Well Iam glad my fantasy is not unheard of that makes me feel better!

so iguess its more trial and eror and experimenting?

Ok let me ask this the boob thing is it just for look or does it enahnce the mental aspect of being a women. Also for those that rolepplay or are involved in the kinky part of it I mean like when you take off the top How do or how does the fake boobies come into play???

And any good website to browse for this sort of stuff???

[Karren H]

Well since I started doing this when I was 7... Before I knew what sex was... Sex has never been a big part of it for me.. Hell I can't even remember what sex is... Hahaha

And fantasies are fun but if you want to act on them then be prepared to deal with the longterm impacts to your body and you relationships with women going forward... I've been doing this for 5 decades and I love it but I also know that I couldn't quit if I wanted to.. Its an unstoppable driving force..

So ya want to be a part time girls then start reading, learning and shopping.... Ohhh and up the limit on your VISA card!! Lol.

[WannabeAGurl]

Actualy I think I would be ok clothing wise. I really dont get into dress more like skirts and jeans and t shirts lol hmmm maybe a dress thats interesting come to think about it.

any good websites to learn more about this stuff?

[Karren H]

For makeup, I would go out and buy a couple good makeup books... Making Faces by Kevyn Aucoin and anything by Bobbi Brown are great http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d.html/ref=redir_mdp_mobile/181-2522823-4748766?ie=UTF8&ref%5F=pd%5Fbbs%5Fsr%5F1&s=books&qid=1228257981&a=0446581348&sr=8-1 ... If you get into eye shadows like I am buy Eye Candy!! 50 fab eye shadow schemes and how to do them!! Then I'd check out these videos:

How to do a Makeover - http://www.expertvillage.com/video-series/3565_face-makeover.htm

Contouring the Face With Makeup - http://www.expertvillage.com/video-series/8264_contouring-face-with-makeup.htm

Also check out all the beauty related videos at http://www.expertvillage.com/information_564_beauty.htm

Sephora's guide to pro eyes - http://www.sephora.com/go/visualeffects/

And here's a link to a lot of great YouTube Videos - http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=86607

Then I would head on down to your local Sephora's or Ulta and chat with the SA's about what makeup you need at a minimum....

[Jo-Michelle]

First, Karren, thanks for the links. Looks like some will be very helpful.
To wannabeagurl:
Sometimes these issues take time and sole searching. Some have known for years exactly whatthey want, others are in a kind of denial for years. For me CDing began as a young teenager. Didn't question why, just felt cool. AS I aged it was my secert release. It wasn't till this past year That I did some deep sole searching to find out more about myself and my desires. Now I'm open about it and can happily be who I want when I want.
Hope this made sense:brolleyes:

[Karren H]

Your welcome.... Funny ..... as I aged I just got wrinkleierish.. :)

[Dana]

Wannabeagirl

The other posters are corect, fantasy and reality seldom match up, and so fantasy is best left in the relmn of fantasy.

Your conflict steems mostly from cultural and societial condintioning. It is this lifelong conditioning that causes so much conflict and confussion, and why it takes most transgendered to get into their 40's and 50's before finding self acceptance.

The fantasy of being submissive and "forced" to be feminine is a direct result of your trying to reconcile your obvious masculinity, with your need to "let the girl out" By being "forced" to be "girly" and submissive, your over-riding your conditioning and "programing"

You could go ahead and learn the fine art of "transformation" there are many books, e-books, and such to instruct you, and get with a man, but I suspect that at the end of the day you will find that "fantasy doesn't match up to reality" and that at the end of the day your just another "lipstick lesbian"

There are women out there, who are actively seeking a MTF CD'er. Albiet they're few and far between, but they are out there. We just knew of them before the internet came along.

[iwearstockings]

I am a straight guy and have no interest in actually being with another man. How then to explain my fascination with dressing in pv and stockings, like a **** basically, I have been dressed in clubs and get a massive hit off the attention i get whilstb dressed in this way yet I am 100% heterosexual. I am in a loving supportive LTR and thats an honour but i stoill get a kick out of knowing people want to f*&k me cos of all that kinky gear I'm wearing!
thats wierd eh? i don't understand it myself ut there you are!
Enjoy yourselves!

[iwearstockings]

its also cool to be a 'gender****er' and have a goattee wilst wearing female stuff.

[BobbiJ]

Karen! Those links are awesome! :yrtw:

Eye makeup tips from Sephora? How did you know i wanted help with my eyes? :)

[charlie]

Hello WanttoBea Gurl!
Welcome to the forum. I see that you already are seeing the value of being here. I see you as I was a few years ago. Confused! I would suggest that you go to a Goodwill Store and purchase a bra, a blouse (long sleeve if you have hairy arms) and skirt that you find would match the sexy **** you want to be. If they have some high heels that fit get those too! At the Goodwill nobody will bother you or care that you are buying girls stuff. Buyers of second hand stuff just want to get what they want and get out. Then go the the market and get a pair of nylons. Go home and put the stuff on. See if you feel ridiculous, sexy or how you feel. If it really feels great you are probably one of us. If you feel stupid...then you know that. The whole deal will only cost you about an hours time and $8! If you are excited, then you will have to find out about makeup, wigs and more clothes! Good luck finding yourself.

[WannabeAGurl]

WOW information overload LOL GREAT STUFF!!!!

Ok soo many questions going through my head lol

OK OK first Lipstick lesbian??? Meaning just a guy who likes to wear make up but likes girls???

Ummm how do you go to the mall or store and buy make up without the people there looking at you funny?? How do you get past that akwardness??? Like I could just see me asking a girl at Dillards hey I need some foundation or lip gloss lol

One reply I got was interesting. Yes my reality and my fantasy side will prob never coinside with each other. I think thats what is cool about a fantasy. Its like doing something bad and the whole sneaking and being covert about it thats a thrill to.

Perhaps right though. don't really know for sure but perhaps that little girl inside that wants to be used forced is the only way for that litte girl in me to come out and escape the MAN in me. IDK really

I do know its just a thrill knowing a few things about that even though being forced or humiliated like that is a turn on for me in a sense I liek the power I would have over a guy. In other words, the thought that this guy wants to F#@$% me or if I was giving him a BJ I would have complete power the same way a girl feels empowered when doing that.

So in a way, even though Iam being submisive to oh please use me I have been bad. In the same way I have power by I have total control as to when I can make this guy *** if that makes sense.

Iam not really sure what the phycological aspects are behind it all or why I think or want to do what I do I just find it cool, interesting, naughty and I dunno

I think I may try some experimenting with other things though to see what my limits are. Like I dunno if I would feel stupid in a bra. I mean I would think the male MAN part of me will look at myself and say man you are really gay lol but the kinky me would be like wow this is sooo naughty lol

I dunno I willhave to figure out how far I will let myself go. I do know that really thinking about it now other then just the panties I reall know I would enjoy wearing a skirt stockings and lip stick that much I do know.

HMM as far as boobs or a wig the only thing with that I think I would think it was un natural like. Its like I really don't have boobs or girl hair and buying or putting them on I dunno might make me feel I dunno how to explain that one...

Ok so now as far as body hair.

I have allot of hair waxing sounds very painfull and expensive!

So what are the best shaving things I could do and what lasts the longest because I could shave and the next day I need to shave again

Thank you soo much guys this site has been soo helpfull in soo many ways.

Like I said if I sound stupid or something I don't mean to be Iam just trying to get it all straight lol

[Tracii G]

In your case maybe do the Good Will store thing get a bra a skirt and a top and go out with the gotee I think that would be bad ass JMO.
I gender bend as a guy and its a lot of fun.Last weekend I had on military camo BDU pants a pink and green camo top and a bra and boobs.No makeup or wig.Some odd looks but who cares really?
Buying girl stuff at stores is easy don't worry just do it.If only for the rush, at first its hard but as you get used to doing it it becomes normal.
All the womens clothes I have I bought in male mode.I have actually made some great GG friends at the stores I shop regularly.
They know I'm a CD and they love it AND think its pretty damn cool.
So go do some experimenting!Enjoy your journey.

[WannabeAGurl]

OK well I think i will deff have to hit up some stores. Buying a skirt or something shouldnt' be a problem> HEY its for my GF her birth day!!!!!! lol

Umm question about a bra ok I get a bra ummm do I need to buy like fake boobs???

and I read that post on Tucking seems liek allot of work lol

I think my out fit will be a skirt with a button type top and some stockings and some mary jane shoes.

Oh and wigs, I did a search for pics and I saw some really bad wigs on people any suggestion there?