Can we "pass" too well?

[Rochelle Exploration]

May seem like an odd question, but definitely on my mind this evening.

You know we read and for many think so much about passing, about blending in, being stealth like almost undetectable, but today I’m wondering if that’s always best.

There is always the little quirks that make each of us an individual, but I wonder just how far one can go to blend in before you’re not even noticed at all. Apparently I had a neighbor like that.

His name was Mike. Quiet, kept to himself, polite, I’m guessing shy, just did his own thing and would whisk past you seemingly wanting to be invisible. I never really thought much about it until today.

I came home from work to find the entrance to my building surrounded by crime scene tape. Police standing about and suddenly I’m asked about when was the last time I saw Mike. I had to think? Now I had noticed his truck had been in the same spot for a few weeks, but being in the building trades I figured he was off a project for the holidays. I did think yesterday it was odd, I hadn’t seen it move this week, but given the state of the economy many employers are doing extended shutdowns. But then today, when the Sergeant asked when did you see Mike last. When was it?

There was snow on the ground I recalled, last week? No it had warmed up. It was the day I called to complain that the building maintenance had not even attempted to clear the snow or ice and another ice storm was headed our way. Oh wow. Was it that long? That was Christmas Eve.

I had been working my early shifts and was leaving to go to work at 3am, he was just returning home carrying some items. We nodded he went in the door I went out. That was typically the extent of our relationship.

Was, is the key word, because Mike died. It seems I was possibly the last person to see him alive those almost two weeks ago.

He had gone to see some family and was returning from that trip when I nodded and walked on by that morning. The coroner believes he was dead since Christmas in his apartment above me and no one knew until today. No foul play. Natural causes and just two years older than me.

He was on scheduled vacation that week and the next, and apparently his boss called the complex manager Monday when he didn’t show up, because 23 years on the job and he had never not shown up. They dismissed it as maybe he was traveling and he’d obviously show up the next day. He didn’t. And then not again today and now the complex noticed he hadn’t paid his rent. He’d lived there 10 years and never been late.

Not answering his phone or his door, the next call was the Police, just in case. The officers came and entered with the manager and there was Mike, where he had obviously been for a while.

It really has me thinking, how invisible someone really can be even or perhaps even more so in a major metropolitan area. Mike passed to such a degree that we hardly knew him or even noticed his ‘ultimate passing’.

Just has me contemplating tonight.

Rochelle

[Karren H]

Poor Mike!! Luckily I don't pass that well so I get noticed... lol

[Nicki B]

A sad way to 'pass'... :sad:

[TGMarla]

Sorry about Mike.

But that aside, I think we obsess about passing simply because we're guys. We have facial hair, hairy knuckles, hairy legs, big shoulders and jaws, we scratch, belch, and fart in public, and generally have features that give us away as men rather than women. We spend a whole lot of time covering all this up with feminine trappings, and then go out parading ourselves in public, hoping that no one will notice the cover-up.

But we all see women every day who do not meet or exceed our images of the ideal female. We give it no more thought at all, and go on our way. We have no doubt all seen a crossdresser in public at one time or another. It may even be often. But we think little or nothing of it, assuming that it's just another woman we saw while we went about our daily lives.

It's more likely that more of us really pass than we give ourselves credit for. Some of us aren't exactly gorgeous, but how many women are? Many of us would really pass because other people are not out actively looking to see crossdressers who can't quite pull it off. They don't care, and don't obsess over it. They don't even think about it. We, on the other hand, are consumed with it, and probably for no reason.

Just like the situation with Mike, others take what they see for granted, and don't dwell on it. If we're not blatantly obvious, we're probably passing just fine.

[docrobbysherry]

THAT is a VERY sad story!:sad:

Because one day, we'll ALL must pass on! :brolleyes:

And It won't matter how we look, what we're wearing, where we r, or what we've done with our lives!:doh:

I think there's a MESSAGE here, for ALL OF US!:thumbsup:

[Persephone]

Your post brings back memories of my old CD friend Marcia Sampson. Her death alone in her apartment was somewhat similar and also quite alone.

Marcia and I produced The Lacing Table, a corseting seminar, in San Francisco for over a decade.

We met on Caroline's Closet, a crossdressing BBS that preceded the public use of the internet. Most of our communications were through CompuServe, a system that evolved around that same period of time.

Because our communications were sometimes sporadic, I didn't think much about it when I didn't hear from Marcia for a couple of weeks while I was busy and traveling. When I thought about it, I sent her a couple of messages and then got very concerned when they came back marked "no account."

I definitely knew something was wrong when I called and found her phone had been disconnected.

Fortunately, Marcia had once supplied me with her work number. When I called and asked for her (under her male name) and then, when questioned, said I was a friend of hers, I was routed to her supervisor who gently told me that they had become concerned when she hadn't appeared at work and hadn't called in sick -- very unlike her -- and so she too had gone over to Marcia's apartment where she and the manager found that Marcia had passed away.

She was a good friend and a real contributor to the crossdressing and corseting communities and I miss her.

[SherylynJade]

That's terrible. Makes me glad I'm pretty good with my nextdoor neighbor and the guy above us.

[billie earls]

I think that most of us have known someone who for what ever reason doesn't make any impression on us or the general public. They have friends and family but outside of that they don't impress anyone else. I don't know why this happens but it just does, its happened to me and although I don't like it there isn't anything I can do about it, I'm not going to change my behavior just to be noticed.
I'm sorry that it took so long for someone to find him but if he had a good life and didn't have any regrets it doesn't matter that it took that long.

[Alice Torn]

[COLOR="RoyalBlue"][SIZE="3"][/ Thanks for this thread! In our impersonal, hurry up. overcrowded cities, so many singles are "falling through the cracks." I live in am apartment complex, and, have said hello, to people here, but, many don't speak English, and everyone is distrustful, afraid. Things were not this way, decades ago. I say hi to people (always in drab). but they seem afraid. I know of several bachelors who died alone. If i go into the big sleep, my landlady will have to find me. I have no friends who visit.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

So SAD to die like that - alone - family ???? - friends ????

Girls, if any of us are alone and need help, get on this website immediately

JoAnne Wheeler

[NancyTO]

A local newspaper columnist commented that the most invisible people in western society are 50 year old women. They travel in publicly largely un-noticed and ignored by marketeers.

I hear 40 is the new 30 with Madonna, Julianne Moore, Julia Roberts turning 40 recently.

[Sally24]

You shouldn't feel bad about this. It happens all the time with people that live alone. If you don't have a daily, involved, interaction with the person, there is no reason to miss them. Family, friends, or co-workers are the ones that usually sound the alarm because the have real relationships with these people. I live in a small town and wouldn't miss my neighbors for some time as we only see each other coming and going sporadically.

[Nicki B]

with Madonna, Julianne Moore, Julia Roberts turning 40 recently.

40??? Madonna, for one, is now in her 50s..

[Angie G]

All this time before someone noticed it's so sad sad someone is so alone in there life and there passing.:hugs:
Angie

[beenherelongtime]

sorry, that is the emotion i feel for these people. i can emphatize a little because i live alone, i have family that check on me every other day, i am the only one that lives alone, although my brother did until he got sick.