Well, I did it last night

[DeeInGeorgia]

My wife's mom passed away last month, and even before then was having trouble dealing with our unruly 12 year old son. She is depressed, so she is taking a two month sabatical away from the family.

So last night we told the 12 yr old and my other son, a 15 yr old that she was leaving for the two months. We also told them about me being transgender, a crossdresser. The boys took it well, better than my wife expected, and I think it was because they already suspected something like that.

Dee

[Karren H]

That's great.... I think!! So you get to play Mr.. Mrs... Mom for two months?

[DeeInGeorgia]

Yep,
I get to be Mr/Mrs Mom for two months. And I do not have to worry about getting caught dressed. I will exercise restraint about dressing in front of the boys, but I have been wearing very small forms for months when away from the wife, including wearing forms at work and when the boys were around.

I also this past month gave a transgender 101 presentation to the Diversity Council at work, am out to my boss and HR, and was just selected to be a member of the Diversity Council for a two year term. The Council meets twice a month and sponsors some events to promote acceptance of diversity and inclusion in the workplace.

[StacyCD]

I think you probably should temporarily (i.e., two months) suspend your dressing because if you and your wife end up splitting up then like it or not your kids will likely blame the breakup on your crossdressing. It may not have been the cause but the proximity of the two events will be hard to separate for young children. Once your wife returns and the kids see how she accepts your crossdressing then it might be better in the long run.

[LisaElizabeth]

I would have to agree with StacyCD. If your marriage is such that you can't help your wife straighten out whatever is going on in her life, then adding increasing pressure on your 2 sons is not a great idea.
Just my own observations from watching friends over the years. When a wife is in bad enough shape that she will leave her children, life is not going very well for her. Normally what I have seen is that the husband is asked to move out for the 2 month period, so that it will have less effect on the chidren. But every family is different.
I sincerely hope you and your wife have explored ALL sorts of avenues to resolve these problems before resorting to breaking up the family for 2 months.
Just my opinion, but I have been accused of being a little old fashioned!
Huggs and all the best,
Lisa ELizabeth

[TGMarla]

Your kids are 12 and 15, Mom has temporarily abandoned them, and Dad is parading around like a woman.

Gee, no chance there that it's going to screw the kids up!

Step back from the situation. Realize that your children are at their most impressionable right now, and subject to a whole lot of pressure both at home and with their peer groups. They require stability, not all this thrown at them at one time. Right now, they need Dad to be strong, giving them assurrance that everything is going to be okay.

You might want to consider being Mr. Dad right now instead of thinking only of yourself. Scrap the open crossdressing and be a father to them. You can dress on your own time. Right now, your kids need you.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Marla,Lisa& Stacy are spot on. Right now you NEED to set aside your own needs and concentrate on your kids. They NEED a Dad right now, haveing raised two kids, In the teen years they will agree to juat about anything or say OK to just about anything in order to cut short any hard conversations. They need time to process and to work things out. Keep an eye out for changes in behavior, friends. Teens are like ducks on a pond, On the top of the water it's calm smooth easy going, Below the water (in their head) they are paddeling like crazy.

You have to provide guidance and strength, undoubtably the see their family falling apart, you need to be the glue.

Kelly

[JoAnne Wheeler]

Well - I'm glad that everything has worked out - should bring some peace of mind - no longer have to CD in secrecy from your children
JoAnne Wheeler

[Angie G]

Sorry to hear of your wife's mom. good for you coming out to your sons. A congrats on younr council post hun.:hugs:
Angie

[beenherelongtime]

take it slow in exposing too much to your sons, they may take it well but that could change and they may talk at school

[Nigella]

Either I am reading another thread or some others are. The original post did not mention anything about the marriage being in trouble, the kids appear to have accepted the news, and yet one or two have presummed to offer advice based upon a marriage breakdown,

People do have times in their lives when they need to have a change, and we should help them as much as we can, and it appears that this is the way that this family is dealing with their problems.

As for the kids, a little :2c: worth, dress down, and let them approach you if they want to see what it is all about.

[Jenniferpl]

Marla, Lisa & Stacy are right on with their advice. Think of your kids first. Put their needs ahead of yours. Fact of the matter is is that your marriage is in big trouble. You need to be thinking long term. You nay want to consider counseling for your kids.

[MarcieM]

You might want to consider being Mr. Dad right now instead of thinking only of yourself. Scrap the open crossdressing and be a father to them. You can dress on your own time. Right now, your kids need you.
I agree 110%. Put the cd-ing on the shelf. This isn't the time for it.

[kathtx]

I'll add my voice to the chorus: first and foremost look after your kids, and also make sure your wife gets some help.

Find a good family therapist for the kids to talk to, and make sure they know that these problems are NOT their fault. No matter how "unruly" your son is, he is a kid. You and your wife are adults. Your wife has abandoned her half of your joint responsibility to care for the kids, and you need to do extra duty until she gets it together. This is a tragedy, not an opportunity to dress.

This hits home for me. I was very "unruly" as a teenager, pretty much impossible to control. My sister was sick much of the time, and depressed. My mom has also suffered chronically from serious depression. But she NEVER walked out on the family. My parents didn't always handle things very well, but they NEVER gave up and my sister and I knew deep down that they were always there for us.

With support from my parents, I eventually got my head together (ditching dreary high school to start university a few years early did wonders). My sister took longer to get better, but eventually got therapy and antidepressants. I can't imagine either of us would have fixed ourselves up had our parents decided to take a "sabbatical from the family."

Your kids need you. They need your wife too; I hope she grows the hell up and realizes she needs to get help for her sake and for the sake of the kids she brought into the world.

Whether or not the kids freak out for seeing dad in a dress is beside the point. The point is that they need your full attention. Anything else is secondary.

Kath

[LisaElizabeth]

Nigella,
Her wife is leaving her and her children for a 2 month separation!!!! What part of that doesn't indicate a marriage in trouble?????
My wedding vows didn't say... in sickness and health except when you want to take a two month break... Now, I've only been married to the same woman for almost 33 years, so maybe I just haven't had large enough problems yet. Let's see, we raised two sons, now 29 and 25. I quit my job and went back to school at age 30 with a house, wife, 2 kids, 2 cars and a hamster. I then moved my family 3/4 of the way across the state, 5 hours from family to start a business. Both of us have lost our Dads in recent years. Can't think of any other major things at the moment, but I'm certain there are more. And NO WHERE during ANY of those things did we take a 2 month 'Time-Out'!
We sat, or laid or drove or something and talked! Sometimes louder than other times but we talked! and Talked And then talked some more. Oh!! Did I mention that along with all of the above my being a CD was known by my wife since BEFORE we got married?
So that has tagged along with everything else.
Has my marriage been in trouble?? Of course it has, at times, but that is where your love of your spouse comes into play and an unrealistic determination to make your love life complete. Otherwise, if we didn't try EVERY DAY, to make it work, we would have been divorced many years ago!!!
It takes a lot of work to make a long term relationship work, honest!!
Thank you for letting me vent,
Lisa ELizabeth

[kathtx]

Dee,

Thinking about it, I realize I may have ranted w/o fully understanding the situation. I'd assumed your wife was basically taking an extended vacation, leaving you alone to deal with the family's problem. Is that the case, or is she actually going to a hospital for treatment for her depression? If the latter, that may be a good thing for the whole family.
If she gets herself on a path to recovery she'll be better able to help you with the kids.

I wish you and your family the best.

Kath

[kathtx]

Either I am reading another thread or some others are. The original post did not mention anything about the marriage being in trouble, the kids appear to have accepted the news,

They appear to have accepted the news. Whoo-hoo! They must be OK!! And if by chance they have problems later, I'm sure they'll express their feelings in a clear, calm, logical manner, just as teenagers always do.

The import of these events probably hasn't even begun to sink in to the kids. Dee, I will "presume" to give advice here: find a good family therapist who understands the various ways in which kids respond when a family is under stress. Do not assume that because nobody's showing obvious anger or pain, there's no problem. In fact, a quiet kid playing the role of "the well-behaved child" may have the more serious problem.

[Nigella]

The tone of Dee's original post did not indicate that there was any trouble in either the marriage, or the fact that the kids could not "cope" with the news.

As Dee has not added to the post, and she has been on since posting, we can't assume anything as a number of people here have done.

[jillleanne]

Stay positive Dee and keep the proverbial glass half full, ok? I'm happy for you the kids took your gender enhancement so well. Just be sure their acceptance is real, so go slow with that and talk openly. As for your wife, She needs councelling and if she runs from her issues, she will not improve. Keep an open line with her and if you love her, tell her often. God bless you all.
Hugs, Jill

[DeeInGeorgia]

My wife grew up in California and is close to the 6 brothers and sisters. She spent her whole life in CA. and it was only after marriage and my loosing my job in California that we had to move first to Colorado where one sister lives and then 7 years later to Georgia. She is homesick for CA. With her weight problem, she also cannot stand the heat of the summers in GA, and since our housae is an older, poorly insulated house, it is expensive to heat and cool and in the summer she is miserable all the time. She does suffer from depression and is on medication for that.

Our youngest son is a big problem for her, and it is something that he was born with. He is a very masculine oriented boy. He treats his mom, my wife poorly. He was one of the reasons I am better able to understand my crossdressing being something that is a part of me. My youngest is adopted. My oldest is a closeted crossdresser and an entirely different personality, much like mine, who treats his mom with respect. They were both raised the same way. Just different hard wirings of the brain.

Back to my wife, she has not been able to find friends in GA. I have not been able to get her to Tri-Ess meetings to meet wives of other crossdressers because the boys have been too young to stay alone. Her best friend is in CA. She has not been able to develop a raport with a psychologist here. She/we have not been able to find a church we feel comfortable with, too much building the size of the church and not enough love being preached here in the local churches here. Also to much manly man men and women talking about how this woman's hair is too butch.

I had to move to California to find a wife, my wife because the east coast and midwest women needed a more masculine father figure than I was. My wife appreciates the lack of manly man, that I am more in tune with feminine thought patterns.

So my wife does not fit in to GA life very well, and with a manly man son that is always talking back to her and neither of us able to train it out of him or punish or encourage better behavior, my wife just needs some time off to get recharged, we hope.

We are doing pretty well together, she is supportive of my dressing. She cuddles me at night on cool nights until she gets too hot. I am working to help her feel better about herself. I painted her toenails last week and she is happy when she sees her painted toenails.

We discussed telling the boys about my CDing for a couple of years and came to the agreed decision to tell them now.

[PamelaTX]

Your kids are 12 and 15, Mom has temporarily abandoned them, and Dad is parading around like a woman.

Gee, no chance there that it's going to screw the kids up!
...


Mom going off for a while might be a problem, but I think it's how you treat your children that matters, not what you're wearing while you do it.

As long as your kids know that you're there for them and you're not going to abandon them dressing shouldn't be a problem.

I hope the vacation works. Good luck to you.

[LaurenInDC]

All bring up good points. First and foremost is that there is NO DOUBT that your children NEED you right now. Their needs come first, and it appears that on the surface the need is for a father figure. I may be wrong, and if I am, will take my lumps gladly. Just keep in mind the size and scope of the hardship for them, and bear in mind that while this is a golden opportunity for you to dress, it's also a golden opportunity to strengthen the bond your children have with one of their parents...

:2c:

I hope everything works out - for all of you.

-L

[Darla L]

I am having a real hard time keeping the "manly man" inside right now. I am not sure how to offer encouragement in this situation. The truth is I would say first, BE A MAN. Your children need you, and your wife needs you. It is great to be who and what you are, but you have to put those whom you love above yourself. I often have to spend time away from my family because of my job. Sometimes it runs into several weeks, and I hate every GD minute of it. So does my wife. I cannot imagine she nor I taking a 'sabbatical' from our responsiblilties as parents or spouses. Life is hard. Deal with it...TOGETHER. That is why you get married in the first place.

Sorry this sounds like a rant. Dee, I really do wish the best for you. Get your wife home and ya'll be a family. Your children will love you for it.

[Emily01]

pardon, i'm new here, and i don't understand why so many well-meaning folks are offering so much specific advice to this girl based on so little information. is this the group norm? i mean no offense in the asking.

[jillleanne]

Dee, have you ever taken the troublesome son to councelling, with you and your wife? Just curious. Seems if you could get him in line, wifie would do much better handling the rest of her surroundings. As for her and developing friendships, there are many charitable organizations in any location that would love to have new friends. Is she just pouting about leaving Cal. or is she truly trying. I have liveed all over the world for various lengths of time. I learned early on, everywhere you live is only as good as you want it to be. If you don't want to be there, you will not participate in what it has. If you love the place, you will be socially active giving to the community. If you don't try, you will never know.
Jill

[Nigella]

pardon, i'm new here, and i don't understand why so many well-meaning folks are offering so much specific advice to this girl based on so little information. is this the group norm? i mean no offense in the asking.

Emily, no offence taken on my part, but yep this does seem to be the norm. This is human nature, and why should this forum be any different. The good thing about the advice, it can be taken or left. There are as many differing views in a thread as there are posters, and all of them could be valid.

The original thread starter is the one who will ultimately decide if the advice is worth "listening" to or not.

[Paula UK]

The tone of Dee's original post did not indicate that there was any trouble in either the marriage, or the fact that the kids could not "cope" with the news.

As Dee has not added to the post, and she has been on since posting, we can't assume anything as a number of people here have done.

Here Here Nigella!

I think everyones gone off the deep end here. People should read the entire thread, especially the initial post, and not just the last couple of posts. That way innappropriate advice or comments wont be given.

luv ya all

x

[ga_crossdresser]

DeeinGeorgia if you need anybody to talk to please feel free to email me at ga_crossdresser@yahoo.com or yahoo messanger ga_crossdresser. I live in the Alanta area and would be happy to lend an ear to you.