"thats a man!"

[kelly1469]

I am dressing more and more now in my free private time, and have been out for a drive and wander (in the dark at like midnight tho! )

I am getting closer to actually going out fully dressed now - but i'm really nervious!

i reckon once i make the first step into public i'll be fine, and love it (i'm loving going out so far!)

but... do you ever get nervous? - i would be worried everyone was looking at me thinking "thats a man!" - as i've seen it before!

any advice/thoughts?

Thanks girls! x

[rickie121x]

I am dressing more and more now .... I am getting closer to actually going out fully dressed now - but i'm really nervous!....but... do you ever get nervous? - i would be worried everyone was looking at me thinking "that's a man!" - as I've seen it before! any advice/thoughts? Thanks girls! x Certainly you are having the same questions, thoughts, and concerns that most of us have had. And If I had it all to do over again... and I were more intelligent and deliberative, I would have contacted some local cross-dressing organizations before I went out in public. I know that I would have received some very good experience and advice.

But I didn't do that. I am strong, and don't need other's help (And maybe a little afraid to be admit this to others....) and so I did it all my self! It took years to gain the skills that I could have picked up in a few weeks. I lived in shame and fear that someone might find out. I was alone and afraid.... And that part could have been softened or avoided.

Good luck and have a good time! Rickie :daydreaming:

[JoAnne Wheeler]

#1) Confidence
#2) Attitude
#3) Dress appropriately for the occasion
#4) Have a comeback if you are detected
JoAnne Wheeler

[MJ]

my come back is and what was your first clue.. most people don't care at best they will tell you so next time you can try harder.

just don't let it get you down have Confidence in yourself

[TommiTN]

Kelly, I don't know what area you're in but if you google Tri Ess, probably the largest CD support organization, you might find a chapter near you. Each local chapter is a bit different as to how much they get out and about, but the one I belong to is very active. I can practically guarantee it will be one of the best steps you can take.

:hugs:

[beenherelongtime]

you could reply "and proud of it" but keep your head up.

[Carole Cross]

Kelly, I went out en femme for the first time on new years eve and was expecting some comments while walking to the party venue. I was very nervous but although I walked past a lot of people nobody said anything and most barely noticed me. I only had one negative comment all night and after telling them it was my first time out they congratulated my courage.
As this was new years eve I probably had an easier time than had it been any other night but its all about not worrying too much about whatr others think of you. Its OK to be nervous, just try not to show it. I will certainly feel more confident next time out. :love:

[Lora Olivia]

Been out now too many times to count and yes still nervous. Now my advise is quit with the midnight thing. There is no safety in being out at that time of night. I go out in the daytime and do what any other woman does.

[CharlotteW]

How about wearing those big sunglasses that footballers wives have. That way, you can see the people, you can see their eyes but they can't see yours so there will be no direct connection between their mind and yours. Sunglasses give you anonymity.

[Kate Simmons]

My only advice is to enjoy being yourself my friend.:)

[Karren H]

No sense in being scared of something that's going to happen... If it doesn't then your damn good!! Lol. And after the first time then .... It doesn't matter.. I actually find it hillarious at their reactions!! When the lightbulb goes on and they realize... "Bink". . One boy at Wendys in WV was probably ruined for life.. As he handed my my diet coke I heard him yell... "Roy!! Roy!! You got to see this!!". Needless to say I was laughing so hard I couldn't drink my diet coke!!!

When it comes right down to it... How cares what others think!! I've got the right to wear what I want, where I want...

[Jenny J]

Kelly-

I would say find a support group in your area and inquire as to when their meetings are. They are really helpful in getting your feet wet.

What is your general location?

Jen

:rose2:

[Chrissy be good]

I agree with attitude and confidence. Have fun and enjoy it...the first time out goes by way too fast. If you think people are staring think to yourself "who cares". Most....if not all of the people you'll never see again.

[Christie ann]

I had a chance to visit the big city today and went to Dress Barn. I was pretty much in drab but still wanted to try something on. I asked an SA about a dressing room and she said she would start one for me. How I love those words :)

No problems, no laughter, no snickering and nothing fit :(

[kelly1469]

How about wearing those big sunglasses that footballers wives have. That way, you can see the people, you can see their eyes but they can't see yours so there will be no direct connection between their mind and yours. Sunglasses give you anonymity.


yeah i did think of that - will have a look next time i'm shopping! :D

been out again tonight (no-one around) - do wanna try in the day light next, just nervous/scared!

[Fallen Angel]

Ive been going out just about fore ever and there are days that what ever you do make up or clothes wise your stared at as "thats a man".I just go with the flow

[Lorileah]

Hello all. I don't remember any time that I have been out when I was dressed that anyone said anything like "That's a man." I am sure they thought it but only children and drunks would blurt that out. As was mentioned before act like a woman and dress according to where you are going and no one will bother you. Have confidence, if you act scared then you will attract attention. And I am totally against a comeback. If you have to react in any manner just smile and nod. A verbal comeback to anyone who is that rude will only invite more comments and possibly violence. I can't tell you how many times though I have been taken as a woman and had positive and salacious (is that how it is spelled?) comments. When I am dressed and in heels I am 6'4" and I am sure you can tell I am not a real female. One of my photo shoots was in a public park here and by the time we finished I had an entourage or at least 20 people.

Bottom line is most people have their own agendas and as long as you don't interfere with that agenda they will leave you alone. Have confidence and act in an appropriate manner and all will work out Hun.

[ATTACH]79367

[TSchapes]

If you can go to a TG conference like the Be-All in Chicago (June 2) or the Southern Comfort Conference in Atlanta (September 22) or any number of other venues and cruises that are around, this is a big ice breaker. I had been out when I was younger and few times by myself, but until I went to Atlanta last year, I just hadn't been out that much. Once in Atlanta I went shopping multiple times, picked up a rental car, went to restaurants and bars. It was a lot easier than what I thought it would be.

You can also join a group called Pink Essence (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PinkEssence_National/). They're a Yahoo group but they have local chapters.


-Tracy

[trannie T]

If you are a normal crossdresser your first time out should be terrifying. You will soon learn that you most likely will not be declared a witch and be burned at the stake. It gets easier each time you go out, you're going to have a wonderful time.

[ShannonDragon]

A friend of mine was at a fast food place getting something to eat. She could tell that some of the staff had clocked her as they were giggling. When they gave her her food and she was leaving, she leaned over and said, "Don't worry. In a few days I will legally be a man!" and walked away. :tongueout

[Tasha McIntyre]

Hi Kelli, 2009 is the year I'm gonna try to pluck up the guts to get out and about (at least once anyway). I'm getting all nerved up just thinking about it, you know when and where etc. Gook luck to you, and let us know how it goes.


my come back is and what was your first clue

Thats a cool response MJ, diffusing, humerous and educational. Nice one.

[Intertwined]

Can't help you much, I go out all the time, but I am obviously a man.

I do not use make-up, and I am bald, no wigs.

I am always nerveous when I first step out of my truck into public. I just think to myself, oh well, I really dont care what other think, my phrase is "It does not matter what others think about you, its what you think about yourself that counts."

I went to Jury duty in this outfit.
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/picture.php?albumid=927&pictureid=9544

The only problem I had with jury duty, you have to go through a metal detector, and with all the metal in the corset, and D-rings on the floor lenth skirt, the sherriffs officer just looked at me and said, lift it! I could hide a lot of stuff in that skirt, and they had to check, I was smiling and joking with them and they were cool about it. I am sure I was talked about a lot, didnt make it onto a jury.

[Kelli Michelle]

I joined a local group, and went to my first meeting after getting help beforehand (makeup, wig styling, etc) I was EXTREMELY nervous getting into the car, even at night. I was nervous getting out of the car as well, and walking some distance in 3 inch heels. However, I had the support of my friends. Our meeting place was in the basement of a church who had been very non judgemental---they were great. Later we went to a tg friendly cafe (some straight, some gay clientele). I was shaking like a leaf. But one drink and I loosened up and started enjoying the experience. We went to a club that night as well.
I still do sorta get nervous at times, but it's more butterflies than true nervousness. I have been to several straight restaurants, and even a totally straight theater setting for a musical. I wouldn't trade those experiences for anything. Sooo---try the group thing, it helped me.

[MissConstrued]

but... do you ever get nervous? - i would be worried everyone was looking at me thinking "thats a man!" - as i've seen it before!

any advice/thoughts?




99% of the gurls on here, no matter how good they look in pictures, are going to get read in public. Doesn't matter if anyone reacts visibly or not. I have read gurls, but just kind of smile inside and go about my business. Seriously. We're just not getting away with it. But that doesn't matter.

I know, everyone thinks they "pass." Not! People just don't notice, don't care, or can't be bothered. Nothing wrong with that on either side.

So just be a beautiful man. If it takes longer than 5 milliseconds for someone to read you; if they have to look deliberately for your Adam's Apple, you've done a good job, and they'll smile.

I saw one tranny at a cosplay convention. It took me a while to notice that not all was right with this incredibly hot blonde in a smokin' outfit and amazing boots. My friends and I, male and female alike, said "Dayum!" (If you're here, Hot Blonde, yeah, we clocked you... but who cares? ;-) )

[subaru_forster]

Of all the advice I've read on what to do when being called out, my favorite is to put their confidence to the test: look the direction they're pointing past yourself, as a woman probably would. If they press further, a simple offended facial expression does leaps and bounds to communicate the fact that you aren't the one who is nuts.

If you are presenting as a woman, a good (but certainly not only) guideline in such circumstances is to always "stay in character" sort to speak.

[tamarav]

I dress and go out virtually every day to work and to do other things. Since I am in the beauty industry I am a bit more ambitious with my makeup and hair,79389 and I always get read by someone, no matter how good a job I think I did. It just depends on your attitude and how you handle it. Just smile and think to yourself how much fun you are having!

Tami

[Paulacder]

Paranoia is a Monster........Don't let him scare you...

[Claire Cook]

How about wearing those big sunglasses that footballers wives have. That way, you can see the people, you can see their eyes but they can't see yours so there will be no direct connection between their mind and yours. Sunglasses give you anonymity.

Actually I'd rather smile and look them in the eye! As Lacey Leigh put it, confidence is everything. After all , do we want to hide those eyes after going to the trouble to do makeup?

[Amy Hepker]

Just do not worry about it and keep doing whatever you are doing. If you are in a store and they keep othering you tell someone and they will be escorted out of the store. You are there to spend money not to be harrassed. I have only had that happen a couple of times and I am 6'2" tall and stick out like a sore thumb. I have been 24/7 since October last year. Most people will not say anything and some will still call you sir, mister, or whatever, just let it go, don't worry about it and go about your business.

[Emma England]

The majority of people never say anything, even if they read you.

If you accept the way you are, then you will not care if others think that you are a man.

[Lainie]

big mustache, big shoulders. But I go into resale boutiques near my office or while traveling wearing heels & purse, blouse, woman's slacks or jeans. I pick a few dresses from the racks, and very quietly ask a saleslady if I may try them on. The answer is always 'yes', and almost always they are very helpful and kind. In only one place did she seem uncomfortable--I don't go there anymore. It's much more fun if the clerks offer advice!

[joann426]

you said it all karren that i wear what i want and when i want dontcare what people say just do what comes naturally:heehee:

[Rachel Morley]

Hi Kelly,

I remember my first few outings and I was absolutely sure people would notice right away that I was a guy dressed up .... but guess what? it never happened. I remember the first time I went to a busy place and I still remember that feeling to this day. I felt like the invisible man ... i.e. the man in me was "invisible". I got a few glances but only as one person might look at another whether they be male or female, almost everyone completely ignored me. It was at a busy shopping mall on a Saturday afternoon.

As crazy at it may seem, the busier the place the easier it is becasue people look at you less. People are too busy going about there business to really look at others other than passing glances. Providing you dress to blend in with all the other GGs of your own age and your body language and mannerisms don't scream "guy" I bet when you do it, nothing much happens. :) Good luck. The more you do it the easier it is on your nerves!

[JulieK1980]

I find it works best for me that I don't live in the area I grew up in. Here most of the people I associate with, know, and there is no risk of running into an old friend from high school or anything. I'm a little hesitant out here in PA though as I've heard so much about the rednecks, but after I do it a couple times I'll get over it. It helps that the only people I intentionally keep it a secret from is my parents, since I don't think they need to know.

[2b.Lauren]

OMG honestly I was terrified the first time I ventured out of the safety of my closed 4 walls into public. It was sort of a building up to this point for me and I really did get very into the process. I just did this in November. I went out after 9:00 pm to a Gay, TG friendly place. Before going into the bar I took a walk for a few blocks because I had never been out in a skirt and it really did feel so very nice. Once inside the bar I was received by the greeter at the door with a smile and hello, and then melted into the scenery. I know I was not near passing, it my first time, my makeup was a mess, I did not have a wig and styled my own hair, I just held my head high and smiled at anyone that made eye contact with me. No shame in my game! I finally felt very much so like the female that I have kept hidden inside of me. I can't add much more to what the others that have more experience than I do. I will say I think I will always have a few butterflys in my tummy before going out, and now I am planning to do this again very soon. To be confident is probably one of the most important and often suggested thing I have read.

[MsSamanthaErica]

A friend of mine was at a fast food place getting something to eat. She could tell that some of the staff had clocked her as they were giggling. When they gave her her food and she was leaving, she leaned over and said, "Don't worry. In a few days I will legally be a man!" and walked away. :tongueout

Wow...that is a completely TERRIFIC line. I must remember that! Shannon your friend had the right idea. Having someone call you out and turning it into something they weren't expecting is a stroke of genius!

I can only imagine the looks on their faces when she said that!!

~Samantha

[TxKimberly]

No sense in being scared of something that's going to happen... If it doesn't then your damn good!! Lol. And after the first time then .... It doesn't matter.. I actually find it hillarious at their reactions!! When the lightbulb goes on and they realize... "Bink". . One boy at Wendys in WV was probably ruined for life.. As he handed my my diet coke I heard him yell... "Roy!! Roy!! You got to see this!!". Needless to say I was laughing so hard I couldn't drink my diet coke!!!

When it comes right down to it... How cares what others think!! I've got the right to wear what I want, where I want...

Karen said it perfectly. There's only one way for you to deal with it and that is by not worrying about it. Unless your incredible, someone IS going to read you eventually. Your only recourse is to decide you can live with it. I can recall being scared to death that someone might realize I was male - the thought used to terrify me. Today I am still not thrilled with the idea, but I really don't care much. So what if someone knows I am a cross dresser. I've been read pretty much every time I got out and it changes nothing. People still treat me well, I am still out in the sunshine and fresh air enjoying my life, and life goes on. Stop sweating it and don't worry about it. :-)

[Amanda.D]

Hi Kelly,
I too, am looking forward to going out en-femme. I do dress (except wig) when I walk the dog early in the morning but this doesn't count. I use this time to practise walking in heels, and boy do I need to practise. Some other posts have suggested approaching a support group and I think that may be good advise. Do you know of any in the South of England?
Mandy,

[Lisa Golightly]

When you've been there a few times the old 'Sir.. Madam... thing...' Just becomes amusing... Or least it has to me.

[JulieK1980]

I think half the enjoyment for me is the butterflies I get when I go out. Its kind of like riding a rollercoaster only you never leave that part when your at the very top, and about to go down. But I usually stay to the transgender friendly bars.. I am looking foward to seeing what pittsburgh has to offer though for going out!:daydreaming:

[Samantha Kelsey]

I know I've been read many times and probably many other times that I don't know of. I think that as a group we are just paranoid about getting made. I look at many 'girls' and think that maybe they're men but I'm sure they're not. Lets face it there are as more not so good looking women as there are decent looking cross dressed men. No offence meant here to any not so good looking women, I mean I'm a not so good looking man!

[curse within]

If you go out into public dressed then you must brace your self for such comments... I've seen from comments and post in here that if it doesn't bother you how others think, then it will be short lived for the people who rudely comment.. Some people were raised to be idiots and can't keep their comments to them selfs, in my opinion that makes them more of an out cast then it would ever make you.

[Angie G]

Kelly go out and enjoy yourself if someone has a problem with that it to bad If you go out alone go somewhere safe Just be you and love it hun.:hugs:
Angie

[Helen 2]

#1) Confidence
#2) Attitude
#3) Dress appropriately for the occasion
#4) Have a comeback if you are detected
JoAnne Wheeler

:yt:

In my case, I my first time out in over 35 years was facilitated by a dear GG friend who is very active in the PDX gay/lesbian community and a lesbian herself. A very attractive woman, too.

Finding someone who can help you, coach you and accompany you for that first time is priceless. We went shopping, had coffee in Starbucks, went to a movie, then dinner -and I loved it.

[kelly1469]

Thanks girls - i think i'm gonna go for it next time i get the chance to dress (especially now after i spent the day observing women in town, trying to work out what outfit to wear/buy to fit in as "hip young chick"!)

[denise1cd]

MissConstrued you have it perfectly figured out. You will get read at some point in time no matter how great you look so just be a beautiful man. Perfectly said and besides who said it was exclusively a females right to wear nylons, heels, skirts, makeup, etc..etc...etc

99% of the gurls on here, no matter how good they look in pictures, are going to get read in public. Doesn't matter if anyone reacts visibly or not. I have read gurls, but just kind of smile inside and go about my business. Seriously. We're just not getting away with it. But that doesn't matter.

I know, everyone thinks they "pass." Not! People just don't notice, don't care, or can't be bothered. Nothing wrong with that on either side.

So just be a beautiful man. If it takes longer than 5 milliseconds for someone to read you; if they have to look deliberately for your Adam's Apple, you've done a good job, and they'll smile.

I saw one tranny at a cosplay convention. It took me a while to notice that not all was right with this incredibly hot blonde in a smokin' outfit and amazing boots. My friends and I, male and female alike, said "Dayum!" (If you're here, Hot Blonde, yeah, we clocked you... but who cares? ;-) )

[CrossJess]

Be your self & confident with it, get your make up right and loose any manliness about you like hairy legs, pits, get the walk right too, obviously there’s something’s you cant loose but you get my meaning.

To be honest I doubt that many will be taking that much notice to you, I don’t mean that in a horrible way it’s just people in the street are there for a reason, either shopping, going home or going some where, there not all going to go out and stand there waiting for you and point and laugh lol I know this cus I’ve been there when I started wearing pink in public I thought everyone was looking at me but in fact I got compliments rather than abuse, anyone who rips into you usually do it because they have nothing else better to do, so they try and look hard, it's usually because they have issues that there scared of them selfs so taking the mic of others is there way of covering them selfs.

I must admit I admire those who have the balls to go out in public, I once saw a guy dressed as a lady working in a cinema and the kids were ripping the crap out of him, I walked up to him and shook his hand and said he or she I should say had great taste in clothing, I really hate people taking the mic out of others there’s no need for it, we are who we are, like it or lump it, lol sorry going off track slightly there, all that’s left to say is you go for I girl.

If guys eyes are glancing and girls look at you with jealous eyes then your defiantly doing something right