How much is a good spouse/so worth? [Archive] - Crossdressers.com - #1 Community & Forum for Crossdressers, Family and Friends

JoAnne Wheeler

01-11-2009, 03:20 PM

I've been studying this website for about 2 months (that's when I found it) and I know that we are a group that covers a wide spectrum of crossdressing, however, I have some important questions that I need answers to:

1) Are you married or do you have a SO ?

2) Does your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing ?

3) Does your Spouse or SO know that you use this website ?

4) Does your Spouse or SO know the extent/degree of crossdressing that you do or need to do to satisfy your URGE/NEED ?

5) Does your Spouse or SO know that you send posts to this website ?

6) DOES YOUR SPOUSE OR SO KNOW THAT YOU HAVE HAD YOUR PHOTOGRAPHS DISPLAYED ON THIS WEBSITE ?

7) What problems have you encountered with your SPOUSE or SO regarding the extent of your crossdressing ?

8) Has your Spouse or SO established BOUNDARIES for you and her and your crossdressing ?

9) Can you live within those BOUNDARIES ?

10) Finnaly, is having a loving Spouse or SO worth having to compromise the extent of your crossdressing OR is your crossdressing URGE/NEED so strong that you would choose crossdressing over the love of your Spouse or SO ?

I know this is a long thread, but I am so jealous and envious of some of you Sisters and I long for the freedom to express my femininity like you do, YET at the same time I have a loving Spouse whom I have been married to for almost 38 years. We don't always agree about my love and urge and need to crossdress, BUT she has agreed to let me crossdress at home whenever I want and she compliments my appearance as JoAnne and tells me what she thinks goes with what and she asks me to critique her outfits as well - the only problem is that she has BOUNDARIES - boundaries that don't let me shave my body hair and yet I want to look like so many of you - I'm tormented between my love for my Spouse and my love of crossdressing with no boundaries. She really does not like me to spend so much time on this website and she would probaly "flip out" if I posted my picture on this website - which I really want to do - I long to be like you Sisters.

I need advice and help - I'm torn into - a good Spouse or crossdressing with no boundaries (which would mean a divorce) . Should I enjoy the crossdressing that she can live with or should I just say the Hell with it and go live by myself so I can crossdress all I want to with no boundaries and no limits.

I'm so torn by this - please help.

JoAnne Wheeler

KandisTX

01-11-2009, 03:23 PM

1) Are you married or do you have a SO ?

YES

2) Does your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing ?

YES

3) Does your Spouse or SO know that you use this website ?

YES

4) Does your Spouse or SO know the extent/degree of crossdressing that you do or need to do to satisfy your URGE/NEED ?

YES

5) Does your Spouse or SO know that you send posts to this website ?

YES

6) DOES YOUR SPOUSE OR SO KNOW THAT YOU HAVE HAD YOUR PHOTOGRAPHS DISPLAYED ON THIS WEBSITE ?

YES

7) What problems have you encountered with your SPOUSE or SO regarding the extent of your crossdressing ?

None

8) Has your Spouse or SO established BOUNDARIES for you and her and your crossdressing ?

negative at this time, however for a few years it was a "not in front of the children" however children all know now so boundaries are a moot point.

9) Can you live within those BOUNDARIES ?

N/A

10) Finnaly, is having a loving Spouse or SO worth having to compromise the extent of your crossdressing OR is your crossdressing URGE/NEED so strong that you would choose crossdressing over the love of your Spouse or SO ?

With current wife I do not have to compromise, but have done so in past with previous wives, and it was NOT a good situation as I was no longer "ME".

Schatten Lupus

01-11-2009, 03:39 PM

1) Are you married or do you have a SO ?
Yes. I have a girlfriend, we have been together for 15 months.

2) Does your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing ?
Yes. She even encourages my crossdressing. She also knows I am trans, and planning on eventually transitioning after we have kids.

3) Does your Spouse or SO know that you use this website ?
Yes. She has even signed up here, but feels somewhat ackward posting here, so she hasn't done so.

4) Does your Spouse or SO know the extent/degree of crossdressing that you do or need to do to satisfy your URGE/NEED ?
Yes. As mentioned above, she encourages it, mainly around the house.

5) Does your Spouse or SO know that you send posts to this website ?
Yes.

6) DOES YOUR SPOUSE OR SO KNOW THAT YOU HAVE HAD YOUR PHOTOGRAPHS DISPLAYED ON THIS WEBSITE ?
N/A I do not have any photos.

7) What problems have you encountered with your SPOUSE or SO regarding the extent of your crossdressing ?
A feeling of uncertainty. Which is to be expected.

8) Has your Spouse or SO established BOUNDARIES for you and her and your crossdressing ?

The only one is that she wears the dress at our wedding.

9) Can you live within those BOUNDARIES ?
Sure can.

10) Finnaly, is having a loving Spouse or SO worth having to compromise the extent of your crossdressing OR is your crossdressing URGE/NEED so strong that you would choose crossdressing over the love of your Spouse or SO ?
I am in a situation in which I honestly couldn't choose between her or transitioning. I love her so much, and she loves me, that I can't leave her for me, yet at the same time, my psycological whatevers are a constant pain.

Also, my girlfriends mom has started refering to me as "she."

Kelli Michelle

01-11-2009, 03:49 PM

1. Yes
2. Yes
3. No
4. No
5. No
6. N/a Havent done so.
7. Too numerous to mention
8. She has tried, and for the most part, I have complied, but her goal is "0" times cding.
9. No
10. It would be worth it, I suppose, if we loved each other. As it is, no, it's not worth the continuation of the marriage, as it is now.

Deborah Jane

01-11-2009, 03:56 PM

1) Are you married or do you have a SO ?
Yes, i have an SO
2) Does your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing ?
I think she may as we met here :heehee:
3) Does your Spouse or SO know that you use this website ?
Yup, so does she
4) Does your Spouse or SO know the extent/degree of crossdressing that you do or need to do to satisfy your URGE/NEED ?
Yes, she knows everything about me and my crossdressing
5) Does your Spouse or SO know that you send posts to this website ?
Yes and she does too
6) DOES YOUR SPOUSE OR SO KNOW THAT YOU HAVE HAD YOUR PHOTOGRAPHS DISPLAYED ON THIS WEBSITE ?
Of course, she,s even been in my albums
7) What problems have you encountered with your SPOUSE or SO regarding the extent of your crossdressing ?
None so far
8) Has your Spouse or SO established BOUNDARIES for you and her and your crossdressing ?
We are still learning, if boundaries need to decided, we will discuss them
9) Can you live within those BOUNDARIES ?
I would expect so
10) Finnaly, is having a loving Spouse or SO worth having to compromise the extent of your crossdressing OR is your crossdressing URGE/NEED so strong that you would choose crossdressing over the love of your Spouse or SO ?
I would choose my SO over crossdressing every time, but i can,t see it becoming a problem as we met here

I would advise being honest up front in any new relationship regaring crossdressing.
There are accepting GGs out there and without being honest with them you,ll never know if they,re accepting

debbeelee1

01-11-2009, 04:02 PM

1) Are you married or do you have a SO ?

It's a long, complicated story, but I have both wife and SO.

2) Does your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing ?

Yep, and encourages it.

3) Does your Spouse or SO know that you use this website ?

Yep, but I don't spend 8 hours per day on this website.

4) Does your Spouse or SO know the extent/degree of crossdressing that you do or need to do to satisfy your URGE/NEED ?

Yep

5) Does your Spouse or SO know that you send posts to this website ?

Yep

6) DOES YOUR SPOUSE OR SO KNOW THAT YOU HAVE HAD YOUR PHOTOGRAPHS DISPLAYED ON THIS WEBSITE ?

Yep, she helps me pick them out!

7) What problems have you encountered with your SPOUSE or SO regarding the extent of your crossdressing ?

No problems, just fun for both of us!

8) Has your Spouse or SO established BOUNDARIES for you and her and your crossdressing ?

Not really, but WE have our own boundaries.

9) Can you live within those BOUNDARIES ?

My CDing boundaries are no different than our other, everyday boundaries. I wouldn't go out and buy a grand worth of clothes for Debbee, but we will go out shopping together and pick up a few things here and there.

10) Finaly, is having a loving Spouse or SO worth having to compromise the extent of your crossdressing OR is your crossdressing URGE/NEED so strong that you would choose crossdressing over the love of your Spouse or SO ?

Our relationship is full of compromises, CD'ing is just one of many.

Edyta_C

01-11-2009, 04:07 PM

My So is the greatest. No bragging, but an accepting spouse is probably the greatest joy a CDer could have other than kids. I wouldn't trade mine for all the gold in the world.

1) Are you married or do you have a SO ?
Yes. Very happily.
2) Does your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing ?
Yes although it was later in our marriage which I don't recommend to anyone like us.
3) Does your Spouse or SO know that you use this website ?
Yes. She has seen it asn knows I spend a significant amount of time on it.
4) Does your Spouse or SO know the extent/degree of crossdressing that you do or need to do to satisfy your URGE/NEED ?
To some extent. I don't think anyone other than a CD or Ts person can really understand what goes on inside us.
5) Does your Spouse or SO know that you send posts to this website ? Yes.
6) DOES YOUR SPOUSE OR SO KNOW THAT YOU HAVE HAD YOUR PHOTOGRAPHS DISPLAYED ON THIS WEBSITE ?
Yes. She has helped take most of them.
7) What problems have you encountered with your SPOUSE or SO regarding the extent of your crossdressing ? Mostly difficulties in dealing with it initially. We have had many talks. which allowed us to establish our comfort levels.
8) Has your Spouse or SO established BOUNDARIES for you and her and your crossdressing ? I wouldn't say she has established boundaries for me, we have set up mutual understandings (boundaries if you will).
9) Can you live within those BOUNDARIES ? Yes. As we have progressed and her understanding has increased, we have moved the limits. I expect to some extent that will continue to occur over time.
10) Finally, is having a loving Spouse or SO worth having to compromise the extent of your crossdressing OR is your crossdressing URGE/NEED so strong that you would choose crossdressing over the love of your Spouse or SO ? I don't think I could give it up completely. When I was not CDing in the early years of our marriage, I was very moody and depressed. Despite therapy this required medicine to help. When we set our initial limits, the depression lessened. Today I am functioning on less meds and eventually expect to get off the meds.

Of course I will acknowledge that the girls on this forum were a big help to me. More help than the two therapists I have seen or the medicine. The sisters here are the best!

Hugs Edy

Jacquilynne

01-11-2009, 04:11 PM

Interesting Q's

My answers to the first 6 Q's are YES. My wife has been supportive and understanding. . .I do love her.

My answer to Qs. 7 and 8 are well . . . well we have 4 children and the oldest is 10. so that makes it a bit difficult. . . she lets me dress whenever I want to still its just that my boundries are that I have to maintain a more stealthy appearance while in front of the kids (by stealthy I mean. . .casual fem clothing. . .no make-up. . .basically a more demure fem appearance. . .). I agree with this as I am still "Daddy" and this would be very confusing to the "little ones". Also I kinda like the more subdued "look" anyhow. Don't get me wrong, I do like my sexy heels and dresses but for them i will compromise on this point.

The only problems I've encountered are that my wife has at times hinted to me that I may want to change into something a bit more "kid friendly" so I've relented and changed. I do think the more I grow into this new freedom, I may develop some added struggles in that I may want to wear more make-up than has been agreed upon so far . . .but I'll have to deal with that when the time comes.

Now to the root Q: Can I live within those boundries. . .To that I can say with a big YES as I do love my wife for all her quirks, faults and struggles just as she unconditionally love me and all my quirks, faults and struggles. . . Dressing for me is one of those struggles. . .it is a part of me that I know now has only grown stronger over time. But ultimately Jacie is a part of me and my wife realizes this and so we just work together to maintain our deep love for each other as quirky beings.

My vows have not changed -- I will love her "till death do us part". And I think if we truely feel this way about our spouses we should be ready to compromise anything. . .no matter how difficult! I agree, if she suddenly said she could not deal with Jacie any longer and asked me to stop dressing for the sake of our marriage -- it would be VERY difficult!

That is the way I feel today and I pray by God's grace that this is the same way I'd feel my situation should ever change.

How much is your love for her worth? Have we placed conditions on our spouses love?

Dressing is inherently a selfish desire and if we are not careful to curb this selfishness with love and compromise our spouses will see that as a threat to our relationship. Once this is ruined the relationship can be difficult to repair.

Living with boundaries can be difficult but for the health of a marriage, living within them is essential although sometimes challenging.

My 2 cents

Jacie

CharlotteW

01-11-2009, 04:17 PM

1) Are you married or do you have a SO ?
Yes. Very happily.
2) Does your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing ?
Yes.
3) Does your Spouse or SO know that you use this website ?
Yes. She has seen it.
4) Does your Spouse or SO know the extent/degree of crossdressing that you do or need to do to satisfy your URGE/NEED ?
Yes, she knows all that I do, and all that I want to do.
5) Does your Spouse or SO know that you send posts to this website ? Yes.
6) DOES YOUR SPOUSE OR SO KNOW THAT YOU HAVE HAD YOUR PHOTOGRAPHS DISPLAYED ON THIS WEBSITE ?
Yes. She has helped take them.
7) What problems have you encountered with your SPOUSE or SO regarding the extent of your crossdressing ?
She sometimes gets worried that I may want to take it further, probably when she get hormonal.
8) Has your Spouse or SO established BOUNDARIES for you and her and your crossdressing ? Yes, the kids can't see it all and I must remain her husband.
9) Can you live within those BOUNDARIES ? Yes. I wouldn't do anything to cause her undue stress.
10) Finally, is having a loving Spouse or SO worth having to compromise the extent of your crossdressing OR is your crossdressing URGE/NEED so strong that you would choose crossdressing over the love of your Spouse or SO ? My wife is all important, She is No.1 in all things.

SexyLatexSamantha

01-11-2009, 04:18 PM

1) Are you married or do you have a SO ?
I am married

2) Does your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing ?
Yes she does

3) Does your Spouse or SO know that you use this website ?
Yes she does

4) Does your Spouse or SO know the extent/degree of crossdressing that you do or need to do to satisfy your URGE/NEED ?
Yes she does

5) Does your Spouse or SO know that you send posts to this website ?
Yes she does

6) DOES YOUR SPOUSE OR SO KNOW THAT YOU HAVE HAD YOUR PHOTOGRAPHS DISPLAYED ON THIS WEBSITE ?
Yes she does

7) What problems have you encountered with your SPOUSE or SO regarding the extent of your crossdressing ?
None. She actually goes shopping and picks out clothes for me

8) Has your Spouse or SO established BOUNDARIES for you and her and your crossdressing?
No

9) Can you live within those BOUNDARIES ?
There are no boundaries

10) Finnaly, is having a loving Spouse or SO worth having to compromise the extent of your crossdressing OR is your crossdressing URGE/NEED so strong that you would choose crossdressing over the love of your Spouse or SO ?
I'm sure if she had put boundaries on my crossdressing, we never would have been together. I would not allow it(our relationship) to have gone that far.

Karren H

01-11-2009, 05:01 PM

Over three questions and I glaze over... I love my wife.. She loves me.. She hates my hobby.. Life goes on..

JudeGG

01-11-2009, 05:13 PM

At the end of the day - it doesnt really matter what people post here does it. Only you know what to do with your life.

i would post that I know about my hubby's CDing - we have severe boundaries which i'm sure he finds hard to cope with but it's the only way I can cope, as I am a non-acceptor ~(or whatever we're known as on here). He has choices as do I - he can live with the boundaries which enable me to live with the CDing, therefore we stay married..........or he can ignore the boundaries which would mean we would divorce.........it's something we deal with day to day. We both have it hard in our own minds.

As said - no amount of questionnaires will help you with your decisions about your life....only you can do that

Sam-antha

01-11-2009, 05:14 PM

For # 1 the answer is yes for more than forty five years.
For the rest the reply is NO, except for the final question, where, like the first the reply is a definite YES - although sometimes I do confess to wondering.

~Samm

Samantha43

01-11-2009, 05:35 PM

[QUOTE=JoAnne Wheeler;1563923]I've been studying this website for about 2 months (that's when I found it) and I know that we are a group that covers a wide spectrum of crossdressing, however, I have some important questions that I need answers to:

1) Are you married or do you have a SO ?Yes

2) Does your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing ?Yes

3) Does your Spouse or SO know that you use this website ?Yes

4) Does your Spouse or SO know the extent/degree of crossdressing that you do or need to do to satisfy your URGE/NEED ?Yes

5) Does your Spouse or SO know that you send posts to this website ?Yes

6) DOES YOUR SPOUSE OR SO KNOW THAT YOU HAVE HAD YOUR PHOTOGRAPHS DISPLAYED ON THIS WEBSITE ?Yes

7) What problems have you encountered with your SPOUSE or SO regarding the extent of your crossdressing ?She gets a little tired of me dressing for an entire week when I have vacation.

8) Has your Spouse or SO established BOUNDARIES for you and her and your crossdressing ?Yes

9) Can you live within those BOUNDARIES ?Easily

10) Finnaly, is having a loving Spouse or SO worth having to compromise the extent of your crossdressing OR is your crossdressing URGE/NEED so strong that you would choose crossdressing over the love of your Spouse or SO ?I wouldn't trade my wife for the world!!!

Being on this forum for a few years has made me realize a few things. We, as crossdressers tend to be a very self centered bunch. We tend to place our needs over those of our SO's and families. As with everything in life, there is compromise. Without compromise, no relationship would be possible. Speaking for my self, I do dress enough to satisfy me. If I was single, I would probably dress even more. For me, being able to dress more doesn't even come close to the joy I have from having such a wonderful wife. I realize I am one of a fortunate few that has the best of both worlds. There are boundries though, and I can live within them.

It sounds to me like you have a great situation. You have an understanding SO that realizes your needs and allows you to be yourself. You must understand though, that she married a man, and expects you to be a man. The boundries she has set are there to protect her and and keep her in her comfort zone.

You need to ask yourself what is more important to you. The love of an understanding woman or the ability to crossdress whenever and however you want to.

Sarah...

01-11-2009, 05:36 PM

1) Are you married or do you have a SO ?

Yes

2) Does your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing ?

Yes

3) Does your Spouse or SO know that you use this website ?

Yes

4) Does your Spouse or SO know the extent/degree of crossdressing that you do or need to do to satisfy your URGE/NEED ?

Yes

5) Does your Spouse or SO know that you send posts to this website ?

Yes - and other forums. We both use them.

6) DOES YOUR SPOUSE OR SO KNOW THAT YOU HAVE HAD YOUR PHOTOGRAPHS DISPLAYED ON THIS WEBSITE ?

Yes

7) What problems have you encountered with your SPOUSE or SO regarding the extent of your crossdressing ?

The usual you would expect when your spouse finds out you are female and not male. We work through it day by day.

8) Has your Spouse or SO established BOUNDARIES for you and her and your crossdressing ?

Yes, they change and become more relaxed and organic from day to day. SRS is a no go.

9) Can you live within those BOUNDARIES ?

Yes. Some days it's difficult, but yes.

10) Finnaly, is having a loving Spouse or SO worth having to compromise the extent of your crossdressing OR is your crossdressing URGE/NEED so strong that you would choose crossdressing over the love of your Spouse or SO ?

She is my other half. I expect to be together for the duration.

I know this is a long thread, but I am so jealous and envious of some of you Sisters and I long for the freedom to express my femininity like you do, YET at the same time I have a loving Spouse whom I have been married to for almost 38 years. We don't always agree about my love and urge and need to crossdress, BUT she has agreed to let me crossdress at home whenever I want and she compliments my appearance as JoAnne and tells me what she thinks goes with what and she asks me to critique her outfits as well - the only problem is that she has BOUNDARIES - boundaries that don't let me shave my body hair and yet I want to look like so many of you - I'm tormented between my love for my Spouse and my love of crossdressing with no boundaries. She really does not like me to spend so much time on this website and she would probaly "flip out" if I posted my picture on this website - which I really want to do - I long to be like you Sisters.

I need advice and help - I'm torn into - a good Spouse or crossdressing with no boundaries (which would mean a divorce) . Should I enjoy the crossdressing that she can live with or should I just say the Hell with it and go live by myself so I can crossdress all I want to with no boundaries and no limits.

I'm so torn by this - please help.

JoAnne Wheeler

I hope this helps.

Sarah...

Rita D

01-11-2009, 05:46 PM

For what it's worth; the answer to all your questions for me would be exactly the same as Samantha 43's.
AND if I were as smart and eloquent as she, I would have said the same things she said in her final paragraph. Extremely good food for thought!

Rita D

CD Susan

01-11-2009, 06:12 PM

I do not have either a spouse or an SO and would not have it any other way! I love the single life and have no plans to ever change that. I was married once but she would not accept the cd part of me so we divorced after 23 years of marrige. There was always something missing in our marriage and it was directly related to cd'ing. I made the mistake of not telling her before we got married and I urge anyone contemplating marriage to be up front about everything right from the start of the relationship. This will solve problems before they develope.

Rachel Morley

01-11-2009, 06:30 PM

Carroll

01-11-2009, 08:38 PM

kristinacd55

01-11-2009, 08:45 PM

I've been studying this website for about 2 months (that's when I found it) and I know that we are a group that covers a wide spectrum of crossdressing, however, I have some important questions that I need answers to:

1) Are you married or do you have a SO ? MARRIED

2) Does your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing ?
YES
3) Does your Spouse or SO know that you use this website ?
YES
4) Does your Spouse or SO know the extent/degree of crossdressing that you do or need to do to satisfy your URGE/NEED ? FOR THE MOST PART, YES

5) Does your Spouse or SO know that you send posts to this website ? YES

6) DOES YOUR SPOUSE OR SO KNOW THAT YOU HAVE HAD YOUR PHOTOGRAPHS DISPLAYED ON THIS WEBSITE ? I HAVEN'T PUT PICS ON....YET!

7) What problems have you encountered with your SPOUSE or SO regarding the extent of your crossdressing ? SINCE SHE FOUND, MANY

8) Has your Spouse or SO established BOUNDARIES for you and her and your crossdressing ? YES, BUT SHE'S BEEN VERY UNDERSTANDING

9) Can you live within those BOUNDARIES ? ABSOLUTELY. I LOVE HER FOR THAT REASON!

10) Finnaly, is having a loving Spouse or SO worth having to compromise the extent of your crossdressing OR is your crossdressing URGE/NEED so strong that you would choose crossdressing over the love of your Spouse or SO ? WE ARE BOTH COMPROMISING. I'M TAKING IT VERY SLOWLY, I THINK!

I know this is a long thread, but I am so jealous and envious of some of you Sisters and I long for the freedom to express my femininity like you do, YET at the same time I have a loving Spouse whom I have been married to for almost 38 years. We don't always agree about my love and urge and need to crossdress, BUT she has agreed to let me crossdress at home whenever I want and she compliments my appearance as JoAnne and tells me what she thinks goes with what and she asks me to critique her outfits as well - the only problem is that she has BOUNDARIES - boundaries that don't let me shave my body hair and yet I want to look like so many of you - I'm tormented between my love for my Spouse and my love of crossdressing with no boundaries. She really does not like me to spend so much time on this website and she would probaly "flip out" if I posted my picture on this website - which I really want to do - I long to be like you Sisters.

I need advice and help - I'm torn into - a good Spouse or crossdressing with no boundaries (which would mean a divorce) . Should I enjoy the crossdressing that she can live with or should I just say the Hell with it and go live by myself so I can crossdress all I want to with no boundaries and no limits.

I'm so torn by this - please help.

JoAnne Wheeler
I PUT MY ANSWERS IN THE QUOTE, so this should make it good

Jenny Beth

01-11-2009, 09:23 PM

Debutante

01-11-2009, 09:36 PM

1) Are you married or do you have a SO ?
Married to an accepting woman.

2) Does your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing ?
Yes, I explained it before we married.

3) Does your Spouse or SO know that you use this website ?
Yes.

4) Does your Spouse or SO know the extent/degree of crossdressing that you do or need to do to satisfy your URGE/NEED ?
Yes. She encourages it, to get to know myself and deal deeply with its issues...

5) Does your Spouse or SO know that you send posts to this website ?
Yes... I haven't talked much about it.

6) DOES YOUR SPOUSE OR SO KNOW THAT YOU HAVE HAD YOUR PHOTOGRAPHS DISPLAYED ON THIS WEBSITE ?
Yes... I told her. seems ok...

7) What problems have you encountered with your SPOUSE or SO regarding the extent of your crossdressing ?
She was afraid that "I wanted to be a woman". But she said she would have to accept that. We talk alot about gender and crossdressing issues... she's a therapist, you know! She has trouble with crossdressing and being sexual with it/me.

8) Has your Spouse or SO established BOUNDARIES for you and her and your crossdressing ?
Just to be careful... to emulate women in a respectful way...

9) Can you live within those BOUNDARIES ?
Yes... I feel an inner need to do that, in a deep way... so it is no problem.

10) Finnaly, is having a loving Spouse or SO worth having to compromise the extent of your crossdressing OR is your crossdressing URGE/NEED so strong that you would choose crossdressing over the love of your Spouse or SO ?

I would always listen to my wife and take into consideration her views, feelings, and boundaries. I would have to work around them; but i love her very much and never would want to lose her!
We work towards a spiritual journey as to crossdressing and the Goddess... she is a Goddess woman of deep devotion, and sees that the Goddess bought us together -- including my CDing as part of it.

Tess

01-11-2009, 09:47 PM

I have a spouse who doesn't know about my CD'ing. Obviously that sets up big boundaries to that side of my life. I learned to live with that a long time ago (married 38 years) and consider CD'ing and many many other things far less important than keeping a very good wife and happy family.

Shikyo

01-12-2009, 08:03 AM

1) Are you married or do you have a SO ?

Married.

2) Does your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing ?

It would be hard for her to miss it, as I'm dressed as often as I can. She also knows about my plans to transition.

3) Does your Spouse or SO know that you use this website ?

Yes

4) Does your Spouse or SO know the extent/degree of crossdressing that you do or need to do to satisfy your URGE/NEED ?

I'm a transsexual, so the need is very high. She's also seen how much happier it makes me.

5) Does your Spouse or SO know that you send posts to this website ?

She complains about the typing noise.

6) DOES YOUR SPOUSE OR SO KNOW THAT YOU HAVE HAD YOUR PHOTOGRAPHS DISPLAYED ON THIS WEBSITE ?

No pics of me so far.

7) What problems have you encountered with your SPOUSE or SO regarding the extent of your crossdressing ?

She's used to be afraid that I'd change her for a guy...

8) Has your Spouse or SO established BOUNDARIES for you and her and your crossdressing ?

She asked me to be dressed like a guy, when I first meet her parents.

9) Can you live within those BOUNDARIES ?

I'd get into trouble with the U.S. Immigration officers, so should be rather easy to obey.

10) Finnaly, is having a loving Spouse or SO worth having to compromise the extent of your crossdressing OR is your crossdressing URGE/NEED so strong that you would choose crossdressing over the love of your Spouse or SO ?

This question is rather hard for me to answer, not just because I do not really have to compromise in my situation, but also because of the background we have together. First of all, I doubt we would have never gotten this far, unless we truly love each other.
I'm from Finland, she's from Hawai'i. When I was small, I moved to Germany. We did met through the internet(this is rather long story, so cutting if of), for the first time we met in Japan(another longer story). She ended up moving to Germany, from there we moved to Finland and now we are planing to Hawai'i. So all in all, we've gone through lot's of harder trouble than just cross dressing. Anyway, the answer would be: I'd choose her, if she really could not live with what I am, but I love her too much to give up on her.

curse within

01-12-2009, 08:37 AM

Ive have some what been in your shoes, I am seperated living in my own place.. I never really dressed a lot before I really do it about the same now even tho I have full run at it living alone ...

To me it was all about her accepting me!!! Not rubbing my nose in it everytime I was susspected of dressing... No challenging mysexual preferance after 20 plus years of marriage..I explained to her time after time after time it was something I didn't understand or wanted to do, but the insults kept comming even though she never seen me dressed.. It's telling her that a valuable tool was invented ( the internet) a great resource to help aid you into cooping with MY ISSUES and hers with it, but never taking it upon herself to use it...

Yes I am looking forward to a divorce I feel it's better knowing more now about my CDing than I ever have in the past 30 years..Knowing it is harmless and better for her in so many different ways , she choose not to accept. Why? Why is it better? Because in a relationship it should be unconditional she should have loved me for all of me not part of me nor should she wish I was something I wasn't.. She should have tried to work with me on these issues of fabricated fears she self inflicted to herself about CDing.. I can feel good about my end I did all I could to control the curse within..I also accepted her unconditionaly..

TGMarla

01-12-2009, 08:51 AM

1) Are you married or do you have a SO ?

Yes.

2) Does your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing ?

Yes.

3) Does your Spouse or SO know that you use this website ?

No, not really.

4) Does your Spouse or SO know the extent/degree of crossdressing that you do or need to do to satisfy your URGE/NEED ?

I'm guessing that the reality of it would come as a bit of a shock to her.

5) Does your Spouse or SO know that you send posts to this website ?

See above. No.

6) DOES YOUR SPOUSE OR SO KNOW THAT YOU HAVE HAD YOUR PHOTOGRAPHS DISPLAYED ON THIS WEBSITE ?

Absolutely not.

7) What problems have you encountered with your SPOUSE or SO regarding the extent of your crossdressing ?

She knows I crossdress, but I doubt she realizes just to what extent.

8) Has your Spouse or SO established BOUNDARIES for you and her and your crossdressing ?

It's not something we currently discuss.

9) Can you live within those BOUNDARIES ?

Yes, for now I live within certain boundaries that I have pretty much set for myself.

10) Finnaly, is having a loving Spouse or SO worth having to compromise the extent of your crossdressing OR is your crossdressing URGE/NEED so strong that you would choose crossdressing over the love of your Spouse or SO ?

My wife is more important than my need to expand my crossdressing activities.

Nadia-Maria

01-12-2009, 09:02 AM

We have been living together for 6 years. Our couple is rather harmonious.
SO knows and doesn't like CDing. However baby steps policy seems to do rather well.

10) Finnaly, is having a loving Spouse or SO worth having to compromise the extent of your crossdressing OR is your crossdressing URGE/NEED so strong that you would choose crossdressing over the love of your Spouse or SO ?

This is a very good question, and I ask me it rather often.

At the moment my answer is I rate our couple worth continuing, so that I am doing the mandatory efforts and compromises.

Honestly I could answer either way. As for me, both situations (in couple or alone) have their pros and their cons, so that the balance is almost equal , I believe. Hence I have no reason to break something that works.

Moreover, in the future the baby steps policy may bring an improvement. Let's make it happen !

Leanne2

01-12-2009, 09:16 AM

1. Married,
2. She knows I am a cd,
3. She doesn't know about this website,
4. She doesn't want to know how much I dress.
5. Doesn't know that I post.
6. No photos posted (I don't know how to do that.)
7. Her biggest fear is that our family will be disgraced in our small town.
8. Yes to boundaries.
9. Somewhat able to comply.
10. Even with our problems with my hobby, marrying my wife is the best thing that ever happened to me. I could never choose cross dressing over my marriage.

melissacd

01-12-2009, 09:37 AM

I was in a relationship for 25 years and in the end it ended because she could not accept and I could not stop being me.

I have been out on my own now for a little over a year and all is well. Now this is not to say that I do not have regrets and deep sadness over the loss, however, I knew deep in my heart that I could no longer live the lie that my life had become and I knew that neither of us were happy.

Every solution, every set of answers to these questions is as unique as the respondent. Look deep within yourself and you will find your answers. It is not an easy path and looking back on my journey I can see how much I have changed and grown. Burying this deep inside, hiding it from the world creates a great deal of pain all around.

Huggs
Melissa

Angie G

01-12-2009, 09:40 AM

Well JoAnn 1-6 YES. 7 NONE 8 I GIVE HER HER HUSBAND ON WEEKENDS.9 YES.10 NOTHING IS OVER THE LO9VE OF HER. I don't think she would ask me to stop dressing she knows it's a big part of who I am.:hugs:
Angie

Maria_1969

01-12-2009, 12:40 PM

1) Are you married or do you have a SO ?
We are engaged

2) Does your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing ?
Yes, she likes it and we regularly have passionate sex while I am in my skirt and pantyhose…. Her hands roam MUCH more when I am dressed.

3) Does your Spouse or SO know that you use this website ?
Yes

4) Does your Spouse or SO know the extent/degree of crossdressing that you do or need to do to satisfy your URGE/NEED ?
Yes, we shop together for shoes, pantyhose and skirts and share them too

5) Does your Spouse or SO know that you send posts to this website ?
Yes.

6) DOES YOUR SPOUSE OR SO KNOW THAT YOU HAVE HAD YOUR PHOTOGRAPHS DISPLAYED ON THIS WEBSITE ?
YEs

7) What problems have you encountered with your SPOUSE or SO regarding the extent of your crossdressing ?
She just wanted to be sure I was only into the clothing, and NOT gay…. I expected that reaction at first.

8) Has your Spouse or SO established BOUNDARIES for you and her and your crossdressing ?

Yes, I do not go as far as looking like a girl or acting like one, just the clothing…. No wigs or makeup, likes me in women’s things looking like a man. She has encouraged me to get a few dresses, but I am not so eager…. We are on the same page, I like being a man that just likes to wear some women’s items.

9) Can you live within those BOUNDARIES ?
Most definitely!

10) Finnaly, is having a loving Spouse or SO worth having to compromise the extent of your crossdressing OR is your crossdressing URGE/NEED so strong that you would choose crossdressing over the love of your Spouse or SO ?

I could not live with anyone that would NOT at least allow me to wear my pantyhose….. If I had to, I could live without the skirts and shoes.

Jenniferpl

01-12-2009, 09:25 PM

Billijo49504

01-12-2009, 09:55 PM

1) Are you married or do you have a SO ? yes

2) Does your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing ? yes

3) Does your Spouse or SO know that you use this website ? yes

4) Does your Spouse or SO know the extent/degree of crossdressing that you do or need to do to satisfy your URGE/NEED ? She has walked past me several times since we got home from shopping.

5) Does your Spouse or SO know that you send posts to this website ? yes

6) DOES YOUR SPOUSE OR SO KNOW THAT YOU HAVE HAD YOUR PHOTOGRAPHS DISPLAYED ON THIS WEBSITE ? She took them for me.

7) What problems have you encountered with your SPOUSE or SO regarding the extent of your crossdressing ? When we go shopping together, she wants to get a lot of things, as long as I'm paying.

8) Has your Spouse or SO established BOUNDARIES for you and her and your crossdressing ? I have to pay when we go shopping together.
9) Can you live within those BOUNDARIES ? sure

10) Finnaly, is having a loving Spouse or SO worth having to compromise the extent of your crossdressing OR is your crossdressing URGE/NEED so strong that you would choose crossdressing over the love of your Spouse or SO ? We get along very well, we both love to shop for womens clothes.

I know this is a long thread, but I am so jealous and envious of some of you Sisters and I long for the freedom to express my femininity like you do, YET at the same time I have a loving Spouse whom I have been married to for almost 38 years. We don't always agree about my love and urge and need to crossdress, BUT she has agreed to let me crossdress at home whenever I want and she compliments my appearance as JoAnne and tells me what she thinks goes with what and she asks me to critique her outfits as well - the only problem is that she has BOUNDARIES - boundaries that don't let me shave my body hair and yet I want to look like so many of you - I'm tormented between my love for my Spouse and my love of crossdressing with no boundaries. She really does not like me to spend so much time on this website and she would probaly "flip out" if I posted my picture on this website - which I really want to do - I long to be like you Sisters.

I need advice and help - I'm torn into - a good Spouse or crossdressing with no boundaries (which would mean a divorce) . Should I enjoy the crossdressing that she can live with or should I just say the Hell with it and go live by myself so I can crossdress all I want to with no boundaries and no limits. As far as the shaving, I can shave any thing I want, but because of the trach scars on my throat, I usually wear a turtle neck shirt. That takes care of any chest hair problems. Hope that helps...BJ

I'm so torn by this - please help.

JoAnne Wheeler[/QUOTE]

KimberlyS

01-13-2009, 04:04 AM

1) Married 20+ years

2) Yes since before we were married.

3) Yes

4) For the most part yes.

5) Yes

6) Yes

7) Web site use, pictures on line, money spent, keep body hair, ....

8) Yes some, but they have changed over time.

9) Yes or I have discussed change.

10) Having a loving is worth compromising for if the compromising and love goes both ways. And I am not just talking CDing. Relationships and marriage in general is a lot of compromising so do not make this a CDing thing.

IF you have a good marriage and relationship do not make this a CDing versus your marriage. First you need to figure out who you are as a CDer and not be the other CDers here. Then you need to know who you are as a whole person. You are more than a CDer. You have many more parts of who you are. You are a husband, father, you have a job, parents, friends, neighbors, to do a lot of different things that have nothing to do with being a CDer. Grow up you do not live in a candy store where CDing is the only part of you. Bring yourself back to reality and look at what you have in life, in your wife, and in your marriage. And first and foremost love your wife. A loving wife is more open minded when they are loved and feel loved.

If you want more than you need to openly communicate with your wife. But also you need to truly look at what you are asking of her and be realistic. Look at what you are asking for from a life view, not just from a CDer view. Being a CDer is just a part of who you are as a person.

Mercedes

01-13-2009, 03:42 PM

1) Are you married or do you have a SO ? - YES
2) Does your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing ? - YES
3) Does your Spouse or SO know that you use this website ? - YES
4) Does your Spouse or SO know the extent/degree of crossdressing that you do or need to do to satisfy your URGE/NEED ? - YES
5) Does your Spouse or SO know that you send posts to this website ? - YES
6) DOES YOUR SPOUSE OR SO KNOW THAT YOU HAVE HAD YOUR PHOTOGRAPHS DISPLAYED ON THIS WEBSITE ? - I have not mentioned it so I don't think so.
7) What problems have you encountered with your SPOUSE or SO regarding the extent of your crossdressing ? - We went to marriage counselling to discuss my dressing and it turned into a discussion on communication. My wife does not like it but accepts it with the old Don't ask Don't tell philosopy.

8) Has your Spouse or SO established BOUNDARIES for you and her and your crossdressing ? - We established mutally agreed to boundaries. Three nights a week I can sleep in something and one of those nights I can dress.

9) Can you live within those BOUNDARIES ? - Yes I can as I agreed to them and we have been working with them for at least 7 years. If I she or I wanted to change them we would have to discuss it.

10) Finally, is having a loving Spouse or SO worth having to compromise the extent of your crossdressing OR is your crossdressing URGE/NEED so strong that you would choose crossdressing over the love of your Spouse or SO ? - Everyone is different in their levels and if fact within most of us the amount we want to dress can fluxuate. But for me, dressing is a small part of my life in comparison to my wife and family.

For me, dressing is part of who I am and not what makes me who I am. However, if it was the other way around I think it would be very challenging to stay in a relationship with someone who did not understand.

Mercedes XOXOXO

Christina Nicole

01-13-2009, 05:19 PM

I don't know how much a good spouse is worth. How much are you offering?

Accept people for what they are. Even if they can't reciprocate. It puts you on a higher level. It might not help, but you'll be able to respect yourself. Much better than being angry.

Warm regards,
Christina Nicole

SusanMarie

01-13-2009, 08:00 PM

1. Yes
2. Yes
3. Yes
4. Yes
5. Yes
6. None displayed but SO thinks I should
7. None, SO seems to understand my CDing better than I do.
8. No
9. No, SO and I have not discovered any boundaries yet.
10. SO first

jillleanne

01-13-2009, 08:25 PM

I would love to assist you .

I am a transgendered person or gender enhanced person, whichever you prefer. I do not subscribe to the label 'crossdresser'.

I have a GG whom I have been wiith for 9 years now, happily, to date.

I came out to her about 4 years ago.

She is fully supportive of my gender enhancement.

She knows I am on this site now, she is sitting beside me.

She knows of and takes pictures of me, and knows where they are posted, including , but not linited to, her computer as well as mine.

She knows my log in details as well as my email address and has full access with my blessings.

We shop together while I am either in drab mode or en femme, either which bother her.

She wears my clothes and I will on occasion, wear hers. truth be told, I have a much larger wardrobe then her so she dips in more often. We do not wear each others panties however,

I email her regularly, support site links, etc. that I feel are worthwhile for her learning about gender enhanced people as a supplemement to our own discussions. She receives approximately 75 emails a day from various gender enhanced sites/groups she has chosen to join.

Therefore, I am totally out to her, but not her family out of respect for her wishes. I am not out to my mother either, but am out to one sister who is accepting.

I spend many weeks en femme 24/7 with her blessings.

We are both hetero.

I do not at this time in my life, wish to or crave transition through GRS, SRS, HRT, etc. What will happen down the road some day will have to be discovered if and when the time comes. I am 100% happy with who I am and have accepted who I am 100%, as has she.

I apologize to no one for any reason unless 'I' feel I need to apologize. If they feel I should apologize, that's their issue solely. Get over it.

Hope I remembered all the questions.

jillleanne

01-13-2009, 08:49 PM

Sorry, number 10 I missed (of course, the stickest one).

Well, that's a very good question. And a very sensitive question which can have a zillion answers depending, I believe, in my case, on age primarily and marital situations.
I was married before meeting my current gg. We have no plans of marriage but discussed. She also was in a relationship prior to meeting me. We were both single/divorced when we met each other.
For me, at my age, there is no doubt in my mind, if I had to choose between my gender enhancement or her, I choose my gender enhancement. I know who I am, I accept who I am totally, and I fully intend to spend the rest of my living life on this planet, being me. I will not ever again revisit the proverbial closet to satisfy society's ignorance, except for a few people I choose to refrain from enlightening, mutually agreed upon by both myself and my gg, a direct result of being in this relationship. My GG and I have discussed this very issue and both agree our relationship would not fail due to my gender enhancement.

Now, had you asked me the same question when I was married, younger, my son was 3, etc. I would answer differently. Why? simple, I didn't come out of that closet until after I divorced. I made the choice of remaining in the closet, a duty as his father, to enable me to raise my son the way I felt emotionally, he should be raised, right or wrong. Yes, he now knows and accepts me for who I am. He asked the same question, why did I wait to tell him.

chrerrywine

01-13-2009, 09:17 PM

JoAnne I am a GG but I read your thread and just wanted to give a reply. What you are asking is very hard for anyone to answer because you have to do what your own heart tells you to do. No one knows how much you love your wife but you, and no one can understand her feelings but you. I know it's hard for some GG to understand how their other half feels but I have learned for myself by trying to understand my CD'er and how she feels. All you can do is try to talk to each other and figure out what is best for you and sometimes it helps when GG's can talk to each other. I hope that you can find a safe ground to stand on . We are all different, and some like to keep things private and some are open. You have to make these choice's on your own, but know that when you need a friend just to talk to, someone will be here for you, and her, if she ever wants to join the group. Good luck in what ever you do ...Hugs chrerrywine

kimmy p

01-13-2009, 09:52 PM

[QUOTE=JoAnne Wheeler;1563923]

1) Are you married or do you have a SO ?
Yes, married.

2) Does your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing ?
Yes, from the beginning.

3) Does your Spouse or SO know that you use this website ?
She knows that I come here, slightly. But this is my place to talk and or vent about my inner lady.

4) Does your Spouse or SO know the extent/degree of crossdressing that you do or need to do to satisfy your URGE/NEED ?
Mostly. I've recently told her that I don't care nearly as much as I used to if I'm found out.

5) Does your Spouse or SO know that you send posts to this website ?
She has probably figured it out, she's smart.

6) DOES YOUR SPOUSE OR SO KNOW THAT YOU HAVE HAD YOUR PHOTOGRAPHS DISPLAYED ON THIS WEBSITE ?
No. It would greatly upset her, and I feel bad about that. I shouldn't have done it.

7) What problems have you encountered with your SPOUSE or SO regarding the extent of your crossdressing ?
I occasionally push it further than she's comfortable with.

8) Has your Spouse or SO established BOUNDARIES for you and her and your crossdressing ?
Yes, I don't go public.

9) Can you live within those BOUNDARIES ?
Yes, I cheat. I dress completely fem (sans make up and wig) with clothes that could go either way. Stealth dressing.

10) Finally, is having a loving Spouse or SO worth having to compromise the extent of your crossdressing OR is your crossdressing URGE/NEED so strong that you would choose crossdressing over the love of your Spouse or SO ?
I cannot change who and what I am, so I cannot remove Kimmy from existence. But I can live within set limitations. Plus my wife relaxes a bit more with each passing year.

I can't answer your questions about yourself for you. Some here have spouses that are 100% accepting and go out as girl friends together. That's rare. Some belittle the husband/boyfriend for it, not so rare. And a lot are like my wonderful wife, as long as it's quiet and does not cause difficulties within family or the community then I can go as girly as I want. Just remember, being married is all about compromises. Your agreement about CD'ing is just another.

Bernadina

01-13-2009, 11:50 PM

Over three questions and I glaze over... I love my wife.. She loves me.. She hates my hobby.. Life goes on..

You should take up model railroading. She'll beg you to go back to CDing.

Almost the same as Karren, except... my wife accepts and supports my CDing.

Tasha McIntyre

01-14-2009, 05:52 AM

1) Are you married or do you have a SO ? Yes, with children

2) Does your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing ? Yes

3) Does your Spouse or SO know that you use this website ? Yes

4) Does your Spouse or SO know the extent/degree of crossdressing that you do or need to do to satisfy your URGE/NEED ? No

5) Does your Spouse or SO know that you send posts to this website ? I don't think so

6) DOES YOUR SPOUSE OR SO KNOW THAT YOU HAVE HAD YOUR PHOTOGRAPHS DISPLAYED ON THIS WEBSITE ? No

7) What problems have you encountered with your SPOUSE or SO regarding the extent of your crossdressing ? She had initial acceptance, and even tolerated me dressing in front of her, but now she doesn't want to know about it.

8) Has your Spouse or SO established BOUNDARIES for you and her and your crossdressing ? Yes, nothing in front of the kids, no alerting the neighbours, use caution whilst shopping.

9) Can you live within those BOUNDARIES ? Yes

10) Finally, is having a loving Spouse or SO worth having to compromise the extent of your crossdressing OR is your crossdressing URGE/NEED so strong that you would choose crossdressing over the love of your Spouse or SO ?

Compromise is good.

FOOTNOTE: I don't ever bring the subject up, but have made it clear that if she ever wants to talk about it, I would be open and communicative. My wife is very understanding that this hobby of mmine is here for life, I get to do what ever I like provided I stay within the boundaries. Overall I'm happy with my situation considering I kept it a secret from her for a long time.

Hope that all made sense!

Terra_Branford

01-14-2009, 09:33 AM

1) Are you married or do you have a SO ?

I'm married, yes.

2) Does your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing ?

Oh yes, she knows.

3) Does your Spouse or SO know that you use this website ?

She knows that too.

4) Does your Spouse or SO know the extent/degree of crossdressing that you do or need to do to satisfy your URGE/NEED ?

And this.

5) Does your Spouse or SO know that you send posts to this website ?

Of course.

6) DOES YOUR SPOUSE OR SO KNOW THAT YOU HAVE HAD YOUR PHOTOGRAPHS DISPLAYED ON THIS WEBSITE ?

Personally, I'm still a bit paranoid about having pictures up in public anywhere on the web, so I've not yet posted photographs, nor do I intend to in the foreseeable future.

7) What problems have you encountered with your SPOUSE or SO regarding the extent of your crossdressing ?

In the beginning, there were fears about how far I wanted to go with it. She was worried that I might want to fully transition, and that I might eventually leave her for a man. We sat down and talked things through, and I assured her that I have no intention of ever seeking hormones or surgeries, and that I would never leave her for anyone else, male or female. After that, she's completely fine with everything.

8) Has your Spouse or SO established BOUNDARIES for you and her and your crossdressing ?

A bit. She likes my facial and body hair, so she asks that I shave only when I'm going out as Terra, and only what I need to for what I'm wearing. Also, she asks that I never go out alone, so I'm always with her and a transgendered cousin of mine when I go out.

9) Can you live within those BOUNDARIES ?

Definitely. Although I enjoy the feeling of being fully shaved, it takes ages, so I'm fine with only doing what I need to. As for only going out in a group, that's for safety purposes in the highly conservative area that we live in. It's also nice to have their support when I'm out, as I'm working through some problems with crippling shyness.

10) Finnaly, is having a loving Spouse or SO worth having to compromise the extent of your crossdressing OR is your crossdressing URGE/NEED so strong that you would choose crossdressing over the love of your Spouse or SO ?

My wife asks for very few concessions in regards to my crossdressing, none of which are onerous. However, there's really nothing that I can imagine choosing over her.

Norah Jean

01-15-2009, 03:59 PM

Great Thread and I love your answers ladies. I agree that each of your situations is unique and that you and your SO have to work through any issue that arises to find what works best for your relationship. My situation, as a gg spouse of a cd sometimes feels like a bit of a catch 22, especially with regards to question #10:

I am accepting, supportive and enjoy participating in my husbands cd'ing but I do have what could be called boundaries, though my hope is that with time I become more accepting of his desires and activities that bring up emotional issues for me and that the concerns I have are relieved. However, and this is where I feel trapped, while I want him to give me the respect of staying within the boundaries, I HATE the idea that I am restricting him from being who he is and doing what he feels he needs to do. I love him dearly but sometimes wonder if he might have better luck figuring out this part of himself without my uncertainty, jealousy and my own emotional insecurities.

Cathytg

01-15-2009, 04:18 PM

1) Are you married or do you have a SO ? I am married.

2) Does your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing ?Yes, she does.

3) Does your Spouse or SO know that you use this website ?Yes; so does she.

4) Does your Spouse or SO know the extent/degree of crossdressing that you do or need to do to satisfy your URGE/NEED ?I think she does inso far as I know it myself.

5) Does your Spouse or SO know that you send posts to this website ?Yes

6) DOES YOUR SPOUSE OR SO KNOW THAT YOU HAVE HAD YOUR PHOTOGRAPHS DISPLAYED ON THIS WEBSITE ?Yes.

7) What problems have you encountered with your SPOUSE or SO regarding the extent of your crossdressing ?None at all. SHe has asked me to not wear a nightgown once in a while which is fine, but we have no problems at all.

8) Has your Spouse or SO established BOUNDARIES for you and her and your crossdressing ?No, not really. But I have set my own boundaries and they seem to be fine so far.

9) Can you live within those BOUNDARIES ?Yes, since they are my boundaries.

10) Finnaly, is having a loving Spouse or SO worth having to compromise the extent of your crossdressing Absolutely YES ! ! OR is your crossdressing URGE/NEED so strong that you would choose crossdressing over the love of your Spouse or SO ?I cannot imagine that the urge to dress would push her out of my life. She is my life.

Eileen

01-15-2009, 04:27 PM

A good spouse/so can be somed up in one word! Priceless!

Eileen

Lorileah

01-15-2009, 04:44 PM

1) Are you married or do you have a SO ? Married

2) Does your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing ? Yes

3) Does your Spouse or SO know that you use this website ? No

4) Does your Spouse or SO know the extent/degree of crossdressing that you do or need to do to satisfy your URGE/NEED ? Yes

5) Does your Spouse or SO know that you send posts to this website ? No (since she doesnt know about the site

6) DOES YOUR SPOUSE OR SO KNOW THAT YOU HAVE HAD YOUR PHOTOGRAPHS DISPLAYED ON THIS WEBSITE ? No but she knows about the photos I have

7) What problems have you encountered with your SPOUSE or SO regarding the extent of your crossdressing ? She took a long time to allow full dressing

8) Has your Spouse or SO established BOUNDARIES for you and her and your crossdressing ? Don't embarrass her

9) Can you live within those BOUNDARIES ? Yes

10) Finnaly, is having a loving Spouse or SO worth having to compromise the extent of your crossdressing OR is your crossdressing URGE/NEED so strong that you would choose crossdressing over the love of your Spouse or SO ? She is so worth everything.

subaru_forster

01-16-2009, 11:57 PM

1) Are you married or do you have a SO ?

I have an awesome girlfriend (been together 1.5 years) who is likely going to be with me for the long haul :-)

2) Does your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing ?

Yes. I told her about it before we were steady.

3) Does your Spouse or SO know that you use this website ?

Yes.

4) Does your Spouse or SO know the extent/degree of crossdressing that you do or need to do to satisfy your URGE/NEED ?

Yes. She knows that my need to not let my gender limit my range of expression and experiences is quite an integral part of me.

5) Does your Spouse or SO know that you send posts to this website ?

Yes.

6) DOES YOUR SPOUSE OR SO KNOW THAT YOU HAVE HAD YOUR PHOTOGRAPHS DISPLAYED ON THIS WEBSITE ?

I don't have any pictures up on this site right now, but I do have some elsewhere, and once I do post some here, there will be no need to hide it.

7) What problems have you encountered with your SPOUSE or SO regarding the extent of your crossdressing ?

None. She is all for it, everyone in our social circle and her family is all for it. I consider myself very lucky.

8) Has your Spouse or SO established BOUNDARIES for you and her and your crossdressing ?

Only real thing she asked of me was to not shave off the hair in my midriff area.

9) Can you live within those BOUNDARIES ?

No problem at all.

10) Finnaly, is having a loving Spouse or SO worth having to compromise the extent of your crossdressing OR is your crossdressing URGE/NEED so strong that you would choose crossdressing over the love of your Spouse or SO ?

This is a bit of a loaded question, since it assumes that those two things need be at odds with each other. You must ask yourself what your *needs* are as far as crossdressing, and *don't lie*. If CDing is a hobby you can freely give up at the drop of a hat, make all the compromise she wants. If this something you must do to be happy, it's a bad idea to stay with someone who can't be happy with you. Keywords: *can't* and *you*. Compromise should be attained by all of anyone's power. But failing the existence of a middle ground BOTH can happily adhere to, if it came down to:

1. You must X to be happy
and
2. It's either Xing or her

The logical conclusion is *having a happy relationship with this person is impossible*. If you love each other, and are at this unfortunate point, it only makes sense to let each other go. Many years of possible happiness will be wasted if you don't.

Bethany38

01-17-2009, 01:10 AM

I've been studying this website for about 2 months (that's when I found it) and I know that we are a group that covers a wide spectrum of crossdressing, however, I have some important questions that I need answers to:

1) Are you married or do you have a SO ?
Yes
2) Does your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing ?
Yes
3) Does your Spouse or SO know that you use this website ?

`` She Introduced me to it to help me sort through some of my ill feelings I used to have for cd'ing

4) Does your Spouse or SO know the extent/degree of crossdressing that you do or need to do to satisfy your URGE/NEED ?

Yes she has helped me and still does to achieve my goals.

5) Does your Spouse or SO know that you send posts to this website ?
Yes

6) DOES YOUR SPOUSE OR SO KNOW THAT YOU HAVE HAD YOUR PHOTOGRAPHS DISPLAYED ON THIS WEBSITE ?

I have yet to post any, but hope to soon, when I am comfortable with how I look.

7) What problems have you encountered with your SPOUSE or SO regarding the extent of your crossdressing ?

None

8) Has your Spouse or SO established BOUNDARIES for you and her and your crossdressing ?

The only thing she has asked is for me to keep my chest and stomach hair.

9) Can you live within those BOUNDARIES ? With out any doubt.

10) Finnaly, is having a loving Spouse or SO worth having to compromise the extent of your crossdressing OR is your crossdressing URGE/NEED so strong that you would choose crossdressing over the love of your Spouse or SO ?

As for the answer too this question, only you can answer this. I do know that if I was feeling constrained to the point of it being mentally painful for me I would probably find some sort of compromise.

I need advice and help - I'm torn into - a good Spouse or crossdressing with no boundaries (which would mean a divorce) . Should I enjoy the crossdressing that she can live with or should I just say the Hell with it and go live by myself so I can crossdress all I want to with no boundaries and no limits.

I'm so torn by this - please help.

JoAnne Wheeler

JoAnne the las answer is truly only as far as the depths of your mind. Fill out a pro's and con sheet if you have to, but you need to figure this out. I just sense your pain and I feel for you. I truly hope you are able to find the peace and answers you seek.

Bethany

Honey

01-17-2009, 01:35 AM

1) Are you married or do you have a SO ?
Yes, been married to her for 7 years now.

2) Does your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing ?
Yes, she and I had a huge talk before I did anything.

3) Does your Spouse or SO know that you use this website ?
Fully supports it, she believes I need to get support from others, as well as help with getting it more natural than she can offer.

4) Does your Spouse or SO know the extent/degree of crossdressing that you do or need to do to satisfy your URGE/NEED ?
Tell her everything, that's how our relationship has lasted.

5) Does your Spouse or SO know that you send posts to this website ?
Same as q3

6) DOES YOUR SPOUSE OR SO KNOW THAT YOU HAVE HAD YOUR PHOTOGRAPHS DISPLAYED ON THIS WEBSITE ?
Haven't displayed any yet, but she's supportive.

7) What problems have you encountered with your SPOUSE or SO regarding the extent of your crossdressing ?
Can't thank her enough? Went shopping today, she bought the clothes so I didn't have to.

8) Has your Spouse or SO established BOUNDARIES for you and her and your crossdressing ?
As yet no - but we talk about everything when it happens.

9) Can you live within those BOUNDARIES ?
If I want to keep her - then the boundaries will be set at a level we are both comfortable with.

10) Finnaly, is having a loving Spouse or SO worth having to compromise the extent of your crossdressing OR is your crossdressing URGE/NEED so strong that you would choose crossdressing over the love of your Spouse or SO ?
Can't see why I can't have both. I couldn't stand to be without my wife, or what live we have with my cding.

I know this is a long thread, but I am so jealous and envious of some of you Sisters and I long for the freedom to express my femininity like you do, YET at the same time I have a loving Spouse whom I have been married to for almost 38 years. We don't always agree about my love and urge and need to crossdress, BUT she has agreed to let me crossdress at home whenever I want and she compliments my appearance as JoAnne and tells me what she thinks goes with what and she asks me to critique her outfits as well - the only problem is that she has BOUNDARIES - boundaries that don't let me shave my body hair and yet I want to look like so many of you - I'm tormented between my love for my Spouse and my love of crossdressing with no boundaries. She really does not like me to spend so much time on this website and she would probaly "flip out" if I posted my picture on this website - which I really want to do - I long to be like you Sisters.

I need advice and help - I'm torn into - a good Spouse or crossdressing with no boundaries (which would mean a divorce) . Should I enjoy the crossdressing that she can live with or should I just say the Hell with it and go live by myself so I can crossdress all I want to with no boundaries and no limits.

I'm so torn by this - please help.

JoAnne Wheeler[/QUOTE]

ColleenShivas

01-17-2009, 01:58 AM

1) Yes, I am married

2) Yes.

3) Not explicitly. She know that I am a member of Tri-Ess and that I use other sites, but not the specific ones.

4) Mostly yes. She sees me dressed around the house. Sometimes when she is out she will find me dressed when she comes home, in which case I try to let her know. Occasionally I will dress when she is out and be back to male-mode before she returns.

5) A website - yes. This one, specifically - no.

6) I have no avatar or photo - that is part of the agreement that we have, and OK by me, since I do not wish to risk exposure.

7) Very few problems. The primary one is that when I am dressed as Colleen, she expects totally feminine reactions to things (e.g. around the house) that need to be taken care of.

8) My boundaries are that I cannot dress outside the house and I must be in male mode when I come to bed.

9) At the moment I live with the first, although I am trying to find a way to go far from home and go out. The second is OK with me, because I am heterosexual and so is my wife.

10) Absolutely, my wife comes first. If she did not accept my CDing, I would go back in the closet where I was for nearly 30 years of our marriage.