Scare tactics or valid concern?

[JaytoJillian]

Ok, my SO corners me yesterday to have our "monthly" confrontation about my CDing. She begins throwing out statistics about facial recognition. She has concluded that I, along with about 30 percent of the population cannot remember faces (funny it's usually me who is able to recall the names of people we've met previously, whereas she just calls them by a wrong name (that is soooooo embarrassing in social settings). At any rate, she, along with 70 percent of the population can identify faces no matter how much makeup, hair or clothes are used. She, she insists can even identify body parts that belong to people she knows. So, out of he "concern" for me, she wanted me to be aware that Jill can be easily identified as her male self. Funny that when I first showed her a photo of Jill, her reaction was, "who is that?"

Things here border on the ridiculous. I broke wind the other night, and that sparked questioning about whetheer or not I had "lovers." She said she could tell from the sound of my fart! HELP ME somebody!

I just feel so insulted and belittled during these little lectures and lines of questioning. She closed with, "no mater how much I hate what you do, I'm not leaving." Ugh.

[Phyliss]

Two rules of understanding (G) female thought process:

1. There is no rule

2. If you think you have figured it out, refer to rule 1.

[RachelDenise]

On one hand, there is discussion about yourself. On the other hand , it may not be productive. I think it may show your SO's insecurities. I'm certainly no guru about what to do (don't ask, don't tell, don't talk in my house) but obviously something needs to change or it will all go wrong. If you value the relationship then clear the air. If it is as difficult as you suggest, then change either the communication or end the relationship.

[mylitta]

I wouldn't tell you what to do- only you know the whole of your situation, but remembering your past post, you are living with someone who is totally unreasonable, (and NOT because she is a GG, thank you) and I don't know how you bear it. You deserve much better than that.
Hope you manange to improve your situation somehow. :hugs:
And I think it's scare tactics- people don't look that closely usually anyway.

[BobbiJ]

I don't know if you're seeing a therapist, Jillian, bit it sounds to me as if she needs it more than you do.

What you're relating to us sounds like it's on the road to paranoia.

Let's say you saw someone that recognized you. So what? Unless it's your employer, what difference could it really make in your life? Even if it IS your employer, an ever-increasing number of states have non-discrimination laws on the books that specifically include gender expression, and lots of companies are adding such policies even in states that don't have those laws.

Your SO knows already, and really, isn't she the only person that actually matters? If friends or family find out and won't accept you because of it, who needs friends or family that can't love you for who you are? In that case, find higher quality friends. And frankly, based on that one post, if i were you and "SO" does not equal "wife," and she said she wouldn't leave, i would. Who needs to be belittled constantly by someone that is supposed to love us unconditionally?

Your SO, in the guise of "concern," is doing nothing but trying to inflict fear, shame, and embarrassment on you, hoping you'll give up your little hobby. But it's NOT a "little hobby," it's an integral part of who you are. You can't change that part of yourself any more than you can change your eye color. No amount of statistical nonsense is going to change that simple fact.

[battybattybats]

Sounds like paranoia, though i wouldn't tell her that!

I'd try counselling with someone with TG and marriage counselling experience and the qualifications required to be able to diagnose paranoia if that is the problem (it could be many things).

Then bring up these issues, let her unreasonableness stand for itself and hopefully she'll get whatever help she may need to calm her fears.

For her sake as well as your own.

[Karren H]

Sounds like she's run out of good reason why you shouldn't and she grasping for anything now... I'm glad mine would rather argue about why I walked past the full garbage can without taking it out or that I don't listen to her.... Lol

[erickka]

I certainly agree with Phyliss!

[battybattybats]

Two rules of understanding (G) female thought process:

1. There is no rule

2. If you think you have figured it out, refer to rule 1.

I'm afraid I think this is sexist. Women are every bit as capable in my experience of being logical and rational thinkers and men every bit as capable of being emotive and irrational ones!

[Chari]

You can't please everyone, so you've got to please yourself. You are who you are and be proud of that and continue doing what is comfortable for you!

[Sally2005]

Well, just tell her she is correct and then say you feel so bad that there is nothing you can do about it. Next time, ask her why she is telling you what she is. Also ask her why she is not leaving because she sounds so unhappy with you. It sounds like she is just worried, but still loves you so try to get her to explain what is really bothing her...could be that you haven't made her feel special in a while.

[Sarah...]

She is concerned. Which is a valid point of view for her. You are suffering some unreasonable behaviour, as a result. Which is a valid point of view for you.

Your post (and previous ones) suggests a difference in how you both value and approach your relationship. In my view this needs to be addressed before either of you can move on to dealing with CDing and what that means for both of you.

You can both choose to stay, or you can both choose to leave, or one can chose to leave. But there's no way only one can choose to stay without having to either fix a lot of broken stuff or be disappointed.

I really feel for you, this is a difficult situation and you two need to talk to a professional to help process all this stuff you've got going on.

Hugs

Sarah...

[TGMarla]

I remember you mentioning in a previous post that she was very demeaning to you. I guess one question I have is "do you want this relationship to continue?" Is she really serious about knowing you have other lovers just by the sound of your farting? That's pretty out there. Monthly conversations should cover more than just your faults. Be strong.

[insearchofme]

Sorry to says this but... Don't walk away, run away!

She'll never change!

[JoAnne Wheeler]

I don't know if I am a very good sister to comment, but I have had favorable responses and unfavorable responses from my Spouse. One moment, she is OK, the next moment, she is upset. I guess thats life with a GG, but it drives me crazy. I never know for sure how she is going to react.
Love,
JoAnne Wheeler

[Sheila]

Two rules of understanding (G) female thought process:

1. There is no rule

2. If you think you have figured it out, refer to rule 1.
I find myself agreeing with Battty here, and as a GG I feel pretty insulted


I wouldn't tell you what to do- only you know the whole of your situation, but remembering your past post, you are living with someone who is totally unreasonable, (and NOT because she is a GG, thank you) and I don't know how you bear it. You deserve much better than that.
Hope you manange to improve your situation somehow. :hugs:
And I think it's scare tactics- people don't look that closely usually anyway.

I agree with Mylitta here as well

Jill I think you need to come to some sort of decision about your marriage, and soon, this is healthy for neither of you nor for your daughter. If your wife won't go to marriage guidance with you then go on oyur own, discover your options and make a rational valid decision based on your finding. Nobody desrves to be treated the way you are being :hugs::hugs:

[Tashee]

My spouse number 1 could not suck any worse---Number 2---100% DIFFERENCE.

I am bad here. But possibly being in law. What does face recognition mean.Tell me sweet Jill? Are you going to rob a bank?

It sounds as our hobby causes her great embarrassment.. This was her way of trying to say- Hubby darling I am embarrassed of this lifestyle..I fear some recognize you and guess what? It comes back to us. Me..

Just my :2c:..Which is not gospel truth. Just an opinion going thru 2 wives in this journey..Myself.

Good luck honey. I will be prayin'

[Angie G]

Just maybe you need professional help to understand each other hun.:hugs:
Angie

[Chiana]

Jill, not to make light of your post but are you living in Florida with my ex? I read this thread and it sounded just like her. She never knew about my dressing but her responses sounded just like that. We even had the "fart" discussion.

[cindym5_04]

I know I'm kind of wrong for saying this, but I had to start laughing at the "I can tell by the sound of your fart" thought process. I know the situation itself is serious, but in terms of trying to find something to complain about or argue about, that one is rediculous.

[AmandaM]

So, out of he "concern" for me, she wanted me to be aware that Jill can be easily identified as her male self.

Things here border on the ridiculous. I broke wind the other night, and that sparked questioning about whetheer or not I had "lovers." She said she could tell from the sound of my fart! HELP ME somebody!

She closed with, "no mater how much I hate what you do, I'm not leaving." Ugh.

1. Geez, she's paranoid.
2. The old joke that gay farts go "woosh". Oh God. Paranoia again.
3. Maybe you oughta respond, "If you don't shut up about this, maybe I'll leave".

[DameErrant]

If breaking wind is a sign of how many lovers you have had, then I must be a total ****! And I am a CD virgin.

Maybe you should offer to go into counseling, just as an excuse to get her there with you. My wife found that when we went into counseling than things did not go all her way as she thought they would. We are no longer in counseling for various reasons. Hope you have better luck.

[carolinewalker_2000]

Don't have any advice to offer - unfortunately; others have made suggestions, but this is something you are going to have to work out for yourself I'm afraid. However, remember you do have all of us here who are your friends and we can provide a shoulder to cry on when it all gets too much. (In the meantime - stop eating beans & cabbage!!)

[Lorileah]

I knew there was a reason that I keep my flatulence to myself!

Honestly some people look very similar to their male persona while in drag and others don't look anything alike. There is a thread going right now where people post both their male and female picts. I don't think I look anything like my male persona. And as has been mentioned many times in many threads, most people don't look that close unless you give them a reason (Yelling "Hey Bob!" across the street while you are dressed may get you more of a look especially if Bob doesn't know your femme side). My MIL swears she knew me in my pictures but no one else seems to recognize me. Even my mother when I showed her said "who is that?"

[Angel.Marie76]

I would say scare tactics, plain and simple.

Without knowing your complete history, I would tell you that, saving any argument, you yourself should be happy... happy with who you are, happy with what you do, and NOT in an environment that fosters ill will towards you in regards. How can you really work on bettering yourself with all of this karmic negativity about?

With her saying 'She's NOT leaving' almost sounds like she's challenging YOU to walk away first if you are not happy. I can understand that marriage, kids, family, house, property, whatever are always good and bad weights in an argument HOWEVER what is it going to take before your free will is crushed under this bludgeoning force? If you've been fighting to express who you are, only to be riddled with targeted negative energy (which, if she's REALLY a stickler, I can easily guarantee you will only get worse and more hateful with each attempted confrontation - remember, while you may be looking at the positive side of dressing in the forefront of your mind mostly she has every moment she can grasp to pick apart the negatives AND THEN PREP for an attack) then perhaps you need to objectively review your situation to determine the next best direction to travel.

Oh, and as for the 'No Matter how much I hate' statement.... really, if someone hates some part of you THIS much to target you this directly, rather than to either ignore/disavow (or whatever the most appropriate terminology may be at the time) it, what does this say for how she really feels about you, or what you /really/ care about?

Best of wonderful luck sis, you may need it.

[Joanne f]

Well i always say that you can prove something is possible but you can`t prove it is impossible , how do you know she is not right and capable of doing these things , it is possible to tell what something is just from a sound or a smell so why not instant facial recognition, in most people the natural instincts have been lost .

[Sihaya]

There's a saying that 80% of statistics are made up.

[Ediosa]

Sorry, can't help you there. She's beyond paranoid. Plus, her saying "she not leaving", just proves she's comfortable with you doing it all and she doesn't have to do anything. She is trying to make you leave cause then she could say that you abandon the relationship. Which in all, will cost you a lot. Keep a journal and a diary of what she does and what she doesn't do. How she acts with your kid is also but in there. Everything that she doesn't do should be place in that diary, including what she says. Cause this will go to divorce. Then you can use the diary for evidence to fight her trying to rake you over the coals.

Be prepared.
While, I was in the military I saw many spouses do many things like this to the guys that worked for me and with me. My greatest advice is be prepared with documents and paperwork.

Sorry about your relationship. Your more of a man to stay there, then I am.

Take care.
LD

[Shelly67]

The situation you're both in is'nt healthy. A monthly confrontation , goodness you must be living on tender hooks , walking on egg shells.
I think it's only fair that perhaps you both should agree at least to sit down ( agree to set rules , ie don't interupt , don't be loud ' no emotional blackmail and if it gets heated cease the discussion ) and talk. Properly.
Its horrid , but we all have to accept that at one point or another to move foward we have to draw a line , but to even get there we must at least try to understand each others insecurities and fears . Even more so our wishe's and hopes for a stable future .
Once that line is reached , then at least a compramise can be reached - no more warfare.

We simply cannot move on if we continue to fight .

As for remarks ( farts ect in you're post ) thats a venom niether of you need . You were after all once head over heels for each other , regarding one another with deep love and respect . Perhaps if we could all take time to bury our disbelief , our hurt , our disgust even , remember the person we once knew and at least accept that times passed and things have changed so dramatically then we'll no longer fight with such angst.
Some times we really have to face up to the truth we're so scared to confront . We continue to grow ....evolve and change.....but at least rty to do it in peace .
I wish you both all the best of luck in the world...........
Shelly.

[beenherelongtime]

can't help with your turmoil.. but i can say, a lady doesn't fart in public

[Carroll]

She closed with, "no mater how much I hate what you do, I'm not leaving." Ugh.


To me, that sounds like a challange

[Sam-antha]

Yes Jillian, we know that she loves the house more than you and we know that she ain't going to get the house from you.
Apart from imagining the next episode there is not much anybody in here can do for you.
I Wish
~Samm :love:

[Christina Nicole]

People do have good facial recognition capabilities. It's part of our nature as we've developed it over thousands of generation. Many people need to see someone in person to recognize them. Different clothes, hair, etc really don't seem to make a dramatic difference. Some people do have difficulty recognizing faces from photographs. I know from my own experience that I was not able to identify the face of someone who attacked me from photographs that the police showed me. But entering a very crowded hallway at the court house I immediately pointed to my lawyer the guy who. all cleaned up and in a suit, was sitting at the other end of the hall.

Fear of recognition for you wife might be more than just the ramifications to you. It could have negative effects on her. You might be OK. for one example, with finding new friends if you old ones don't accept this part of you. She, on the other hand, might not want to give up her friends. It's not right, nor is it fair to force this upon her.

Warm regards,
Christina Nicole

[Jacqui]

What does she say when you burp?

[PamelaTX]

I'd have to vote with "scare tactics" on this one. And as for that farting thing ... Just when I thought I'd heard everything ...

[KimberlyS]

When the conversations do not make sense you need to involve a third party to mediate. A friend of ours once said about the subject of professional help;

If the two of you got to this point what makes you think of the two of you can fix what you have gotten to. Seek independent professional help.

The best thing my wife did when our CDing issues between us hit the fan was to tell me if I was committed to our marriage we were going to counseling. We went in to fix my CDing and ended up fixing our marriage and improving our relationship and communication skills with each other. She still does not like my CDing but now we are able to deal with it.

kim
joe in a skirt

[Emily01]

She closed with, "no mater how much I hate what you do, I'm not leaving." Ugh.

smart cookie that girl....differentiates between your behavior and your person. might be worth the effort to continue to find some accommodation. of course, my first response was "hey, don't let me hold you back!" but then i'm a cynic of the first order.

i do think people can recognize others through only the eyes...especially if they can see them with the nose too. weird how that is......i ran my drab and femme pics through a morph software a few years ago and while the difference was night and day the exercise made me realize that the actual features that compose my face had not changed.

[Tamara Croft]

Why do you stay with her, she's a nutcase... I'm sorry, but she is.. and you deserve better. You can't stay with her for fear of her outing you, she might just do that anyway, by the sounds of her, she needs locking up... what a horrible person :sad:

The only help you need is packing your suitcases and getting the hell out of there... :hugs:

[Marjory]

With my first wife everything was just fine. I didn't overdue XDing and she suggested most of our outings. She always got me something feminine for christmas and birthdays. Came Home one day and the house was empty... everything was gone. You never know.

[Jacqui]

Two rules of understanding (G) female thought process:

1. There is no rule

2. If you think you have figured it out, refer to rule 1.



I'm afraid I think this is sexist. Women are every bit as capable in my experience of being logical and rational thinkers and men every bit as capable of being emotive and irrational ones!

Not everything is political and not everything propagates stereotypes just because it is funny or contains half-truths.
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
Learn how to laugh.

Philosophically, having no rules to the female thought process implies that it is boundless with no limitations imposed by society.
That is something that we all, in our desire to emulate the female spirit, aspire to.

Phyllis, thanks for putting a smile on my face!

Jacqui

[Billijo49504]

If she is dissatisfied with the way you dress, ask her to help you pick a better look, or with your makeup, so ppl wouldn't reconize you. It can be done. I've walked past releatives and went to where I used to work, and even talked to some of my old coworkers. With the right help, you too can fool the world...BJ
ps. Don't belive me, look at Karen!!!

[Satrana]

Even I can't recognize myself when I look in the mirror.:heehee: She needs to see a therapist, this paranoia will creep over into all aspect of your life together unless she is made to confront her fears.

[LA CINDY LOVE]

With my first wife everything was just fine. I didn't overdue XDing and she suggested most of our outings. She always got me something feminine for christmas and birthdays. Came Home one day and the house was empty... everything was gone. You never know.
You know Jillian this has nothing to do with scare tactics or valid concerns or her being paranoid like a lot have said, this is just part of the on going battles between you wanting to dress and her wanting you to stop........me and a lots of other Cd's are going through this now and it is not going to just go away.

It is funny when you come out it is OK but as time pass buy you start to hear those insults and the fights over you dressing and if something is not done then the family will fall apart, there is no professional or therapist that is going to help you and I say that because you and only you can make that choice to stop dressing or keep dressing.

I am not sure if you have any kids....... I have two and it got to the point that there was just to much fighting name calling going on in the house so I had to make that choice and it has been two months since I have dress........hell I even grown a beard am I happy with my choice........will the fighting and name call has stop and she is very good to me and happier and I can see that the kids are doing better so I have to say yes.


LA CINDY LOVE

[Nadia-Maria]

Sorry, can't help you there. She's beyond paranoid. Plus, her saying "she not leaving", just proves she's comfortable with you doing it all and she doesn't have to do anything. She is trying to make you leave cause then she could say that you abandon the relationship. Which in all, will cost you a lot.


I agree with latindancer's interpretation.
It must be very similar to my ex-wife's behaviour, who was a pure devil !
Very sad, but be prepared to a conflicting divorce. :hugs:

[MsJanessa]

let me get this straight---your wife thinks you have a lover because you farted? hmmm in my experience the unrestrained breaking of wind results in no lovers---nothing sexy or romantic about it--at least to me--lol

[DonnaT]

I say, if you love her, let her rant. Then put it out of your mind. No fighting.

That is, if your able to listen and not be hurt.

I let my wife rant when she needs to. No skin off my nose.

[MsPriscilla]

I am truly amazed at the number of psychiatrists, marriage counsellors, and mood analysers that tune in to this forum. Next time I have a problem with any of my frieeds family or acquaintances, this is where I'll come for some home-spun philosophy on life. Meanwhile, I'm off to get one.

[victoriamwilliams1]

What is so sad about these type of generalizations id that they are for the most part not accurate and based on what I would call the perfect person. A few weeks back I was doing a web search for some photos and I found a few pictures of some women where one of them had very masculine features however she was all woman! I have seen men who if they are cd's would look like a woman and in mot cases the ones I have seen do, I know of one man who was not a CD who sounded like a woman.

I used to spend time reading these generalizations and they kept me in the house for years until I decided to study for myself and found out that in most cases allot of what we read in not correct and is designed to create fear.

[Petra Bellejambes]

...You can both choose to stay, or you can both choose to leave, or one can chose to leave. But there's no way only one can choose to stay without having to either fix a lot of broken stuff or be disappointed.

I really feel for you, this is a difficult situation and you two need to talk to a professional to help process all this stuff you've got going on.

Hugs

Sarah...

Sarah is right on the money. May I add though, as rocky as the relationship seems, has your wife expressed exactly what she is afraid of in your dressing? Does she fear loss of social status if you are clocked? Does she fear that dressing is a gateway to gay and that she lacks the power to "win" that "battle"? Does she fear that you will look better?

There is nothing wrong about being wrong for each other, but at one point it all seemed right. And that is worth talking, struggling and even fighting for. To a point. But it requires communication.

Perhaps professional help is the way to go.

Very best wishes to you...

[Emily Anderson]

I broke wind the other night, and that sparked questioning about whetheer or not I had "lovers." She said she could tell from the sound of my fart! HELP ME somebody!

The power of a woman's intuition is limitless! Whether farting or scratching one's nether regions, she can always tell what you're really up to...

[superpike]

Excellent reply Sarah; and I have to admit I am envious of those legs! It seems to me that nobody is truly happy unless everything is going according to their own plan, those who stand in the way of someone's plan suffers the consequences. It's just human nature, can't fight that.

[pinkeverything]

Sorry to says this but... Don't walk away, run away!

She'll never change!

I have to tell myself this every day.

Jill,

I don't post very often, so you may not remember me, but I have a lot in common with you and I hope to befriend you. I think that my situation is probably quite a bit uglier than yours, largely because she is so damned mean with her mouth and goes out and cheats. But...we both have children, right?

I know that it is not going to work, but I hate the idea of someone else spending time with my child. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.

On the other hand, I cannot let myself be treated this way any longer. I was up all night long, burning inside while my child slept, knowing that she was out being a sleezebag.

I gotta run. I have to run. But, where do I run when we share a child?

Candy


Why do you stay with her, she's a nutcase... I'm sorry, but she is.. and you deserve better. You can't stay with her for fear of her outing you, she might just do that anyway, by the sounds of her, she needs locking up... what a horrible person :sad:

The only help you need is packing your suitcases and getting the hell out of there... :hugs:

I needed to hear this for myself. Thank you.

[Sophia de la luz]

Then there are lots of ways to go through life. It seems hard to believe that something unknown would be an improvement... there's risk there.
One of the things I get out of coming to this site, is reading about so many peoples' situations. I am often amazed at the power dynamics in play in so many different relationships, dynamics that don't really allow for safety, love and self expression to all coexist... in peoples' homes.
It's such a personal thing, to break up a family by leaving. Not sure advice is warranted. All I could say is if it was me, I'd chance on the unknown.

[carolinoakland]

I think her worries are about people who know you AND her. And what people would say to her if they saw you. She's worried more about her reputation than yours. I would want to know what she expects these comments to accomplish? I"m often amazed at the family member or friend that keeps on questioning my identity as if I'll suddenly slap my forhead and say " you're right! I never realized it before!"

Or was it " The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over with the same result expecting something diferent." Einstein I think. Carol

I read angel marie's post, and it occurs to me. She is trying to get you to leave, so that she doesn't have to carry the responsibility for ending the relationship. She want's to lay the blame on you. AND she want's to be the victim. Because it's never the vicitms fault, and everyone believes the victim. She wants this to be all about your fault, not her for not being the kind of person who can accept you.

[EryLynn]

Jillian;
Caroline and others make good points. Your SO is trying to control your behavior and demanding that it conform to HER guidelines. Her ultimatum of "I hate what you do but I'm not leaving!" speaks to her feelings of martyrdom. She's the victim of your actions.

I remember a quote from an author that says "A man marries a woman hoping she'll never change, while a woman marries a man intending on changing him."

Whether you agree or disagree with stereotypes, stereotypes exist because enough of the cited behavior (or trait) has been demonstrated to generate the stereotype. That doesn't make the stereotype false, nor does it make it more palatable. What it does do is give people a "handle" by which they can either denigrate or classify groups of people. The manner in which those handles are used speaks more about the user's frame of mind (or bias) than the people / group the stereotype purports to generalize.

Men and women all vary in their character make up from the ultra-masculine to the ultra-feminine. The same applies to body types. There are individuals in the center who can easily shift from one gender to another with little to no work, and there are those who are at the extreme ends of their gender who will need a lot of work before they can shift. There are still others who could readily switch and only if they reveal it would anyone know. There will be some that will take umbrage at this comment due to the generalization involved, and again that is a generalization. But since it is nearly impossible to discuss anything without resorting to some form of generalization, it is important to note that the generalization does not define the behavior, nor does it condone it.

Your wife may resent your ability to shift... or she may think that you're immediately recognizeable and she is more concerned about what people would say about her. This is her perception and there is little you can do about it, unless you are willing to quit CD'ing. Lots of luck with that. I and others have found it easier to accept it than try to eliminate it from our lives.

You mention that these are "monthly" arguments. Could these be part of the hormonal / lunar influence on either/both of you? (And before anyone denies this, I refer you to the 3rd paragraph above.) It could also be right before the end of the month and the bills that come due, or some other form of stress that is being dealt with by these arguments.

But the end result is that you need to address the reason for these arguments. Without that you won't get far, you'll continue to have them over and over again. (Kind of like repairing a flat tire; if you never remove the nail stuck in the tread, you'll constantly need to fill it with air everytime it goes flat.)

As CD's we tend to take a little bit of acceptance as a sign of "Full-Speed Ahead" (again, see Par. 3). It can be very frustrating to SO's who don't mind the Halloween party dress up, to suddenly find themselves living with a frustrated adult teen-ager who must try on 7 different dresses/skirts each day before they finally pick one.... for the next hour. We got the inch, and we quickly try to stretch it to a mile.

Society does not yet openly accept us as a group. As individuals we might be able to live openly in our neighborhood, but lookout if you go to another neighborhood. While my neighbors may not say anything about me, they would probably say something about you.

SO's find themselves suddenly living a furtive and paranoia inducing life that they didn't consider when they first gave a tentative OK. They didn't sign on to explain why a 120 pound size 10 woman is buying XL size pantyhose, nor size 18 skirts. Not that they have to, but they, like many of us and others, are worried about the "friendly" question with barbs attached. It is our own "expectations" and "assumptions" on what others may think/say/do based on how we answer that question that so quickly escalate into full-blown paranoia. A simple "Why do you ask?" reply to a too-nosy question can put a quick stop to further inquiries.

Jillian, your wife has made a statement that can only be addressed in a marriage counseling framework. I don't say resolved, because there is a possibility that there is NO resolution to this. She may love you, but is simply unwilling to accept your CD'ing and expects you to stop. The sad truth is that you can change the color of your eyes easier than stopping your CD'ing. There may be a middle ground for the two of you, and then again, maybe not.

Unless you both approach the situation with the intent to compromise, which will involve some amount of negotiation (I'll stop this and you'll stop that) you will always find yourselves arguing the "you MUST stop" side and neither one will get any satisfaction.

Ok, I've donned my flame-proof dress and hose.... flame away.

Just my thoughts
EryLynn

Having seen the pictures in this thread:
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=99719

I'd like to suggest in THIS thread that your SO is probably (and justifiably) ... jealous.

Now, begging the use of another stereotype, you're outdoing her in looks and that just has to stop!

As a "hot" looking chick you're going to attract looks, facial recognition is bound to happen by those that know you.

Ask her if she thinks those who would recognize you would be in the same places as Jillian would frequent and NOT be appreciative of you. Her answer may be interesting.

Sorry to go on...

EryLynn

[Katrina red nails]

Wow! so much of the last 3 posts seem true to me. She is definitely bothered about what others might think even though i have expressed no desire to go outside. I could have undrstood better if the ultimatum was there at the start not after buying stuff and giving me stuff. Have to say though there was absolutely no willingness to compromise on my wifes part so it becomes an ultimatum (and not for the first time - other times i backed down but not this time) which i will not/can not accept. Split up in progress.

[suchacutie]

Your wife has a fabulously-looking husband and seems hell-bent on messing up the relationship.

If you wish to stay with her, please please get professional help.

Unless you can see the humor in it forever!

tina

[Nicole Erin]

I broke wind the other night, and that sparked questioning about whetheer or not I had "lovers." She said she could tell from the sound of my fart! HELP ME somebody!



YOu could have had fun and said "I hope it doesn't smell like a dead gerbal". That would have really made her laugh no?

My wife gives me crap about once a month about how I am becoming a woman and it is embarrasing...