Specific boundaries

[JoAnne Wheeler]

For those of you that are subject to specific BOUNDARIES that were set up by your Spouse or SO and you, what SPECIFIC BOUNDARIES do you have ? I REALLY NEED TO KNOW IN DETAIL - I'm having a real hard time with this right now and I need som TLC.
Distraught,
JoAnne Wheeler

I guess none of you sisters have any specific boundaries - or don't want to mention them - I don't mean to pry, but I need to know if others Spouses or GG establish SPECIFIC BOUNDARIES. I am having a hard time living up to mine.
JoAnne Wheeler

[Mitch23]

not boundaries as such but areas that have kind of evolved and where we can get on with our lives and cope. I dress twice a week when my wife is not around and when i go out, I do not dress in my home town. I do not keep my clothes at home. I only go to places and do things that i could take her to even though she wont come. i do not do nails or have my ears pierced but have my legs and eyebrows waxed

mitch

[JILLBILLY]

Well, I suppose almost every couple and every GG has their own limits.
I've underdressed with skivies for years, 15 or so, and my SO never had a problem with that. But when it age and gynocomastia paired with driving my breasts actually started hurting so I started wearig a bra, my SO could deal with a sports bra, but when I started getting more of the lacy stuff she got angry. I told her it was more comfortable (and it is), she agrees but she still doesn't like it, But she allows it. I don't dress full enfemme nor could I.
Nighties are kinda OK as long as I'm not expecting any intimacy. I don't waer them very often any more because I know it bothers her.
It's real simple really, If you know it will upset her DON'T DO IT! YOU HAVE TO BE MAN ENOUGH TO TELL YOURSELF NO! especially when you know it will cause your SO grief.

[AmandaM]

Mine are pretty open. I can dress anytime I want including sleepwear. The only time I can't is in front of the kids.

[Shikyo]

I've only got boundaries set by myself. My wife has only asked me not to do somethings, but she has never forced me to follow it; however, for her sake I'm following her wishes.

- Not to change my voice, she does not want me to speak in a high pitched voice, but the voice she's gotten used to.

- Look male on my first meeting with her parents(they kinda think I'm a girl already now, they send me a rather girlish T-shirt for Christmas), so she wants them to see that at least I used to be male.

- Not to leave her for a guy, which I'd never do anyway, so this is very easy to keep.

[Lorileah]

One major rule...Don't do anything that would embarrass her

[JoAnne Wheeler]

My Spouse goes APE S____ when I try to shave any of my body hair with the exception of my face - it is driving me crazy - I want to - she says if I do, then its divorce - what should I do ?
JoAnne Wheeler

[LaurenInDC]

While I know it won't help, it does seem to be a case of which is more important. It sounds like she's laid out pretty clearly what she wants. You can either accept it, or go with what you feel you need to do.

I know for me, my liberty to do things like shave increased when the wife felt like her wishes were being respected...

Good luck, and I hope you find peace with whatever you choose!

-L

[Maria_1969]

My Spouse goes APE S____ when I try to shave any of my body hair with the exception of my face - it is driving me crazy - I want to - she says if I do, then its divorce - what should I do ?
JoAnne Wheeler

Honestly, You only live once, do what MAKES you HAPPY!.... Good luck in your decision.

[Angel.Marie76]

I would say that, based on a few of the messages I've read here, that it is a 'one thing or another' flip of a coin if you will. You have either to follow your own road and leave the rest behind, or stay on the course that is currently mapped out for you. I would weight your options fairly, and with as much accuracy and (self) HONESTY as possible. If the scales are more than relatively falling in one direction, perhaps that is the better direction to follow. I'm not trying to preach in anyway believe me, but when you put things on a balance, and take the time to see both the options and their expected outcomes, sometimes things become clearer.

A boundary, if you will, that my SO had/has placed before me is that she requested that I do not CONSTANTLY shave my arms, and that I leave a little stubble on the face every so often for her. Meanwhile my legs (and other places, etc) are shaved, and she has no problem with that. Besides shaving it is nothing more than giving my SO her /man/ when it seems like the time is right.

The fog is often very thick and seemingly impassible, but if you persevere, _sometimes_ the clear weather on the other side is worth the effort.

Best of Luck.

[Sheila]

hun, tough as it is she has laid her ground rule out pretty damned clear ....... you have only 2 choices shave and get a divorce or learn to live with your hair and remain married ......(and I know there will be some who say it's your body and nobody should tell you what to do with it) ......... nobody can tell you what to do ......... I am sorry you feel you are between a rock and a hard place right at the moment, but 38 years is a long time to lose over some hair especially when your wife is very accepting of your need to dress.

Having revisited this thread Long night - no sleep - boundary dispute (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1526339&postcount=1)I get the impression you are in a very,very severe case of the dreaded "PINK FOG" NOT AN EASY PLACE FOR EITHER OF YOU TO FIND YOURSELF IN


I came across this you posted 2 days ago


Wow, have I ever been there - married almost 38 years to wonderful GG - she has known about my need to CD for 37 years. We have had some good and a lot of bad moments over my CDing.

This year, JoAnne resurfaced after 12 years of hiding - my Spouse took it hard at first --- and then, she saw what my struggle with crossdressing was doing to me .

My Spouse has been helpful in JoAnne's return - its not perfect, but it is a workable situation -

I may not be able to shave or wax all of my body hair off and dress like so many of you do, but I still have my Spouse and I still have JoAnne and all of us live in the same house .

Last year was both rocky and rewarding all at the same time. I love my Spouse, but both she and I know that JoAnne has to have her space .
JoAnne Wheeler

AGAIN ........... I get the impression you are in a very,very severe case of the dreaded "PINK FOG" NOT AN EASY PLACE FOR EITHER OF YOU TO FIND YOURSELF IN

[Brandiwvr]

Hi Hun, is she willing to read any postings on here? you might find something here that would help her be more accepting. will she agree to try it for a month or so? it will grow back. is there some kind of trade you can work out? dont give up on yourself, just get creative.
I wont change me as I have transitioned for the most part but am single and dating too. most of the girls I have been with prefer clean shaved body "which dont have much hair anyway" so not going to change anyway.
I still beleive 60 percent of women prefer a man only, its the other 40 percent I want.

[Mirani]

No secrets.
No lies.
Mutual respect.

- well those should be present in all relationships.

[Katrina red nails]

3 main boundaries.

1) Indoors only
2) If kids are in the house then bedroom only.
3) Don't involve her when dressing - (but she is happy to go fem shopping with me.)

A sub issue is, as with yourself Joanna, body hair. I have shaved everything from the nose down. The out of sight bits don't bother her but the arms do as she finds them rough to the touch when she hugs even though they feel ok to me My argument about women not having hairy arms doesn't wash with her as she has some very very fine hairs on her arms.

[Paula G]

The only boundary I have is not to go out dressed, which is fine for me. My wife also wants me to stay upstairs if I dress for myself, unless she's in the mood to see me dressed.

The boundary she has for you is mild, just wear long sleeve tops and opaque hosiery. If you can show her that you're able to honor this boundary, she may relent in the future. You can also ask her about trimming the hair once the dust has settled.

[Karren H]

One major rule...Don't do anything that would embarrass her
:iagree:

That's THE golden rule, in my humble opinion.

[Di]

Just think of it like this...will you be happier alone and shaved?...or with your wife and making it work with boundries.
Asking what boundries others have will not really help you....what the two of you work out together is the only way.
You can not dictate to her what others have.
I would come at it not in anger but by talking together and telling her what you feel and see if you can work it out calmly together.
From your post .... she accidentally found a SPANX Box in our garage.and she was upset ....her finding things by accident prob doesn't make her feel secure and she might feel she has to keep a lid on things.
Think long and hard about this..but before you do anything....try talking and being upfront...tell her you love her and you want to figure a way you both can be happy.
From all you posts where you talked about her you do sound like you love her alot. Whatever you decide I wish you the best.

[Tomara]

Hi JoAnne
If your wife is threatening to divorce you if you shave you body. My opinion would be that you need some marriage counseling , and my guess would be that there is more than shaving that is the problem.
I hope you are able to work threw your problems.
Tomara

[Jess_cd32]

or option three......... you could shave and........ buy a gorrilla outfit for the times she wants her hairy guy, just a thought:heehee:

As far as boundaries go w/ us, we're still working that out as its only been one week now since I came out to her. Each has to give a little sometimes, so long as its within reason, and you can live with it.

[JenniferR771]

Sigh. I have a lot of boundaries. Don't talk about cding. Keep everything out of her sight. Don't tell anyone, family or friends or anyone else. Wash my face better when I have been cding when she has gone out for a while. BUT...I am always pushing the boundaries--and she has made a few tiny concessions. Claims I should have told her before we got married. True--but i didn't really understand myself. Thought it was just a phase.

[curse within]

Well Honestly.....Would you like for your wife to STOP shaving???

[Jenniferpl]

We have three main rules.

I will not do anything to embarrass her.
I will not dress in front of the kids.
I will not go out in public dressed.
I guess a fourth rule is not to parade around in front of her with bigger boobs than hers.

I can live with those rules after all; she buys me my makeup, underwear and shoes. I can wear what ever I want to bed. I can under dress 24/7 if I choice toand she helped me come to terms with being a cross dresser.

I have an understanding wife, what else could I ask for?

[Billijo49504]

She knew I had a coupon for 15% off at Lane Bryan. So she said why don't you get dressed up and we can go see what we can find. I got a few new things and so did she, we ended up putting $250 on my card. The price you pay for acceptance....BJ

[MissConstrued]

Well Honestly.....Would you like for your wife to STOP shaving???


The real question is, would she stop if he asked her to, or would she tell him it's her body and she'll do what she damned well pleases with it?

Fair's fair.

[curse within]

The real question is, would she stop if he asked her to, or would she tell him it's her body and she'll do what she damned well pleases with it?

Fair's fair.

That is true.....So the question goes even further......if she did stop shaving would he divorce her?

[suchacutie]

Boundaries? oh my.

I hope it's called a relationship. You put boundaries on her, don't you, if you want to call them that?

I prefer to look at a relationship as a set of joint agreements. Those agreements don't have to be static, but they should be mutual and entered into in a loving environment.

For example: I'm sure that my wife would not be pleased if I went out partying by myself as Tina. However, I'm not sure either of us would be happy if the other wanted to go out partying by ourselves presenting any gender! The point would be that we want to go out together! If she's not comfortable going out with Tina, for whatever reason, why would I want to force that upon her? She's my wife and my loving companion. Conversely, if I were unhappy about a certain issue, she would respect my rights.

Let's face it, presenting a different gender MTF is not exactly mainstream, and has many possible negative ramifications. We're not exactly talking about what color to paint the house, after all? Not everyone is totally open-minded about our "hobby".

Be calm, be loving, and work toward helping each other.

good luck!

tina

[Sheila]

Well Honestly.....Would you like for your wife to STOP shaving???


The real question is, would she stop if he asked her to, or would she tell him it's her body and she'll do what she damned well pleases with it?

Fair's fair.


That is true.....So the question goes even further......if she did stop shaving would he divorce her?

The replies to CW question, really ticks us many of us GG's off ..................... Get Real You Peeps ......... this is not about what a gg does with her body .. it's about you trying to justify pushing bounderies that have been made and agrees on ................ look nobody wants anybody to divorce over cding, but unless you were titally up front about your activities from the get go you have no real justification for grumbling about your partners needs to have some say in how you present toher/him, and if you cannot keep within them then expect flack ............ I know CDing is not a hobby ir is a need to express who you are inside ....... at the end of the day you manage to dress according to the code required for work, other hibbies like golf, hockeyy, rugby, football whatever, so why bitch about accomadating your partner FGS Selfish, inconsiderate or what :Angry3::Angry3::Angry3: ...... and it's a long time since I ranted about anything like this ....... if you don't believe me go check my posts :D

[Tamara Croft]

FGS Selfish, inconsiderate or what Careful now.. I said that in another thread... you'll get yourself bitch slapped... :devil:

[Sheila]

Careful now.. I said that in another thread... you'll get yourself bitch slapped... :devil:

let em try :devil::devil:

[Tamara Croft]

let em try :devil::devil:LOL... shall I tell them you're scarier than Gordon Ramsay? oooer... :hiding:

[CharlotteW]

Quite simply, I must remain a husband and be able to function like one. It can't affect the children. It can't be embarrassing(sp?).

I have had a 5 day break from wearing anything 'naughty'. Today I am wearing stockings, suspenders, pink knickers under my male attire, and dolly shoes (very feminine flats. UK fashion).
Funny thing is, when I have a break for a few days, my wife suggests crazy ideas like sending me shopping, all dressed up. I know that she likes me in femme clothing as it changes my attitude, for the better. I'm quickly finding a good balance between feminine and masculine behaviour. Today I suggested my black 2.5-3" heels were perhaps a little too conservative for wearing with a leather skirt. She agreed and suggested I look for something a little sexier. I have changed this 'hobby' into a fun thing. It's not about crossdressing and allowing my femme side to emerge, it's all about FUN.

[Jonianne]

Joanne, always remember the one who has gone through life's journey with you. Externals don't matter squat compared to the relationship you have with the love of your life. You never know how much longer life allows you to travel together. IMHO a relationship in which you sacrifice a little bit and are loved and accepted, is so much better than being alone and having all the material and external stuff you want.

In all our searching, the only thing that makes the emptyness bearable, is each other.

BTW the boundries we have worked out in our relationship include not dressing in front of the kids, letting her know before I dress in front of her, not shaving arms and chest and even though she has said she would be ok if I shaved my legs on occasion, I still have never shaved them in my life and don't know that I ever will. So its going out dressed in the cooler months with long sleeves, skirts and opaque tights for me. In return she sees to it that I have opportunity to go out (she says Joni needs to feel the sun on her face) and we have enjoyed the times I have had going out dressed together with her.

[Tasha McIntyre]

My boundaries, or more specifically mutually agreed upon aggreements with the wife are pretty simple.

Ske knows and kind of accepts, but doesn't want to see Tash at all.
Don't alert the neighbours or the kids. (Read that as don't embarrass her)
Be careful when shopping.

Works for me! :)
Cheers

Tash

[Mercedes]

My wife and I have worked up a compromise in that I can sleep in something three set nights a week so she knows when it is going to happen. And once a week I can get dressed. Now this is where we got to after many years of not talking about it. After we talked what I found from my wife is that she was always on edge never knowing if I was going to be dressed or not. This made her uncorfortable and after 17 years she has not got more accepting but has also not let it interfere with me dressing as long as she can know what to expect and then it is easier to deal with.

It works for us and since for me, dressing is a relatively small part of my life compared to work, family and friends, I am usually satisfied, occasionally surprised and sometimes frustrated.

Mercedes XOXOXO