asserting the right to appear as one wishes

[sandra-leigh]

About a year ago, I had my hair trimmed a few inches (still mid-length) and haven't cut it since. The sides now reach my shoulders, and the bangs tend to hang in my face. (Yeah, I should get the bangs trimmed, I know.)

There is a very senior security guard at work, officially retired but works a couple of days a week. The last several times I have seen him, he has told me to get a hair cut. Telling me once or twice as a joke would not have been a problem, but it was getting to be a habit of telling me every time he happened to see me walk in.

Over Christmas I promised myself that I would say something the next time he mentioned cutting my hair.

Today when I walked in, he was near the front desk, and once more made the haircut remark. And it wasn't a "playful" tone.

So I walked over to him and told him, "I promised myself that the next time you said that, that I would respond. It's none of your business. Butt out!" As the remarks about my hair had always been in public, I made my comment in public, in full hearing of the other two guards.

He responded, "Thank you", in a tone indicating that he had heard what I had to say, and wasn't going to argue with me. To which I replied approximately, "Seriously. It's against the Human Resources policy." His response was to point off vaguely towards the elevators (where I would normally have headed after entering) and say, "Go about your business." No sensitivity at all.

So... I promptly walked over to Human Resources and told them what had happened. They agreed that his response was inappropriate, but because security staff are contractors, they don't have direct authority over them: the facilities manager was. So I sent the facilities manager email asking for a brief meeting but not giving any details at all; when he read the message, he called me up, and I was able to go meet with him at that time.

The facilities manager agreed with me completely that the remarks were inappropriate to start with, and that the lack of sensitivity would be addressed with the guard in question.


Now perhaps I could have pulled the guard aside and said something quietly, but this was (by my count) at least the fifth time he'd told me to get my hair cut, each time in public in front of the same guards that this morning heard me tell him to cut it out. I could say "Public offense, public shaming", but there is also the factor that when I was a supervisor myself, it was emphasized that when someone publicly does something unacceptable under the policies, that the first response should be immediate, so that other people see that the unacceptable behaviour is not tolerated. (For example, if sexist joke that is condemned immediately in public, that sends a stronger more visible message than pulling the person aside in private: the "safe working atmosphere" that we are required to provide requires that the people that witnessed the poor behaviour see that it will not be privately forgiven or apparently ignored or swept under the rug.)


So... I asserted my right to long hair, and my workplace will back me on it. And by extension, I was also asserting my right to dress a bit on the feminine side, since it is the same policy at stake.

(The policy on hair is that if it isn't a health hazard and doesn't interfere with my work, then the organization has no say in the matter.)

[trannie T]

So get a haircut you damn hippie!

[Cassia-Marie]

So get a haircut you damn hippie!

WOW! LMAO!!!


Tess-Leigh, good for you! I think you handled that very professionally and quite appropriately. I also agree that immediate condemnation of such behavior sends a much stronger message to the offender and those that witnessed the offense. It may not have been easy for you (I know I get nervous and anxious in such situations) so I applaud your courage and conviction.

[trannie T]

Seriously, congratulations for standing up for your rights. I don't know if this guy was serious or kidding. If he was serious he was treading into areas that are none of his business. If he was kidding there are few things worse than jokes that have gone stale. I have long hair from time to time, I let it grow for a few years until I tire of it, funny thing though, if someone tells me to get a haircut I seem to go another six months without a haircut.
Didn't all the controversy about men with long hair die sometime in the sixties?

[sandra-leigh]

It may not have been easy for you (I know I get nervous and anxious in such situations) so I applaud your courage and conviction.

Thanks. I wasn't nervous: I was fed up. And for medical reasons I'm less patient these days than I might otherwise have been. I would hope that if he'd said it in a joking tone that I wouldn't have been as blunt, but it wasn't a joking tone (regardless of the intent) so I didn't feel inclined to accept it any longer.


I don't know if this guy was serious or kidding. If he was serious he was treading into areas that are none of his business. If he was kidding there are few things worse than jokes that have gone stale.

I don't quite know myself: it wasn't shouted and it didn't have that extra resonance of a "command voice". But yeah, he is ex-military and my long hair might plausibly be at odds with his personal views as to what a man should look like.

The incident was a bit wearing, though: some people thrive on confrontation, but I don't.

[Jess_cd32]

........There is a very senior security guard at work, officially retired but works a couple of days a week. The last several times I have seen him, he has told me to get a hair cut. Telling me once or twice as a joke would not have been a problem, but it was getting to be a habit of telling me every time he happened to see me walk in.

Tell that freakin idiot the 60's are long gone pal and get with the times.
I can't believe these dinasours still exist today.
I've had my share of those comments myself having long hair my entire life so I know just how you feel. Glad to hear you told him off.

[erickka]

Been there too, Tess. You handled that situation well and professionally.

[cindym5_04]

Didn't all the controversy about men with long hair die sometime in the sixties?

Granted, I wasn't born in the 60's, but I thought the controversy died in the late 80's with the hairbands- who also, by the way, wore lots of makeup. Go back and look at the Poison album cover of "Look What the Cat Dragged In" and tell me it doesn't look like a girl band. (Oh yeah, and Bret Michaels still wears eyeliner nowadays...and long hair)


Congrats for sticking up for your rights, too. Behavior like the security guard's is intolerable in the workplace.

[LisaElizabeth]

I'm glad you told him you were offended, and then when he continued to 'brush you off' you went to the correct higher up and filed a complaint.
It will be interesting to see what happens!
Let us know if there is any more flack from him or one of the other guards!!
Lisa E

[Joy Carter]

Your like me Tess. I let things go just to let things dye. But if it continues, I'll make an example of the situation. It's worked well most of the time. As they usualy tire if I show no reaction.

[Margot]

Why are so many of us so defensive? I certainly would have resolved it between the guard and myself. Why bring in the big guns to solve your hurt feelings.
I have two friends who, every time we meet, ask me why I'm growing my hair so long and to get a hair cut. I just told them I do it because I can.
They are both bald! It sure shut them up.
:hugs:
Margot

[JoAnne Wheeler]

Your hair length is absolutely NONE of his business.

JoAnne Wheeler

[battybattybats]

I think you handled it well.

You responded clearly, he could have apologised and/or explained it was intended as a joke but instead further innapropriate and disrespectful behaviour continued so you went through appropriate channels.

I hope he doesn't lose his job but instead has to go through some decent training on appropriate behaviour towards the people he is supposed to be lookig after!

[beenherelongtime]

it was not his business to comment

[EryLynn]

IMO while he may have been trying to "joke", "tease" or otherwise cajole you in what he perceived as "good-natured" way, he was overtly establishing his view as the "correct" one. Which is why HR steps in and says that is a no-no.

Sometimes the folks who work at these type of jobs, with little to no human contact, lose that "friendly" tone, and that can make a comment hurtful. Whether it was intentional, or unintentional is not the point, it's that it had passed the point of being "cute" and "funny-ha-ha".

When he lost the playful tone is when it went stale.

EryLynn

[countrygirl]

Good for You!

[sandra-leigh]

IMO while he may have been trying to "joke", "tease" or otherwise cajole you in what he perceived as "good-natured" way, he was overtly establishing his view as the "correct" one. Which is why HR steps in and says that is a no-no.


Quite right -- though I might have said the word "covertly" instead of "overtly".


By the way, I did go yesterday (Thursday) and get my bangs cut out of my eyes. Which was on my own schedule, for my own reason (hair in my eyes was getting to be a nuisance); the rest of my hair was left long, with the trimming at the back restricted to making the length more consistent. The very back is still about an inch below the shoulder blades.

[carhill2mn]

I agree, good for you!

[Nicki B]

The very back is still about an inch below the shoulder blades.

Doncha just hate a show-off? ;)

:heehee:

[Emily Anderson]

Why are so many of us so defensive? I certainly would have resolved it between the guard and myself. Why bring in the big guns to solve your hurt feelings.
I have two friends who, every time we meet, ask me why I'm growing my hair so long and to get a hair cut. I just told them I do it because I can.
They are both bald! It sure shut them up.
:hugs:
Margot

I tend to agree with Margot on this one.

Besides, people who tease - like this guard was doing - only do so because they get a reaction out of the person they're teasing. He probably meant no harm by what he was saying... He was just satisified that each time he said it, you would respond accordingly. No need to go overboard about some harmless teasing, and honestly, you only make yourself look foolish by going to the authorities.

[Rachel Morley]

Good for you! I assume it's the same all over, but here in California the definition of someone creating a "hostile environment in the workplace" is determined by the person on the receiving end not the person making the comments. It's not got anything to do with the intention only the impact.

[Diane Elizabeth]

I understand what you went through. I let my hair grow out and have received numerously teasing/harrassing remarks from co workers. I let it slide at first because we joke around with each other all the time. I finally had enough when one person said that they would give me a haircut while the others held me. This supposedly in jest. And a "TO DO List" posted had my name up for a haircut. When I talked to my boss about it being harassment he said he would tell them to stop "teasing" me. And that I can't tease anyone there either. I havent't been harassed since. I just wish my wife would lay off of it, too.

[Michelia]

Quite right -- though I might have said the word "covertly" instead of "overtly".


By the way, I did go yesterday (Thursday) and get my bangs cut out of my eyes. Which was on my own schedule, for my own reason (hair in my eyes was getting to be a nuisance); the rest of my hair was left long, with the trimming at the back restricted to making the length more consistent. The very back is still about an inch below the shoulder blades.


The old fart influenced you!

[sandra-leigh]

The old fart influenced you!

I did say in my original posting, "the bangs tend to hang in my face. (Yeah, I should get the bangs trimmed, I know.)" In order to do my work, I was having to push my hair to the side above my glasses... and that tended to expose my rather high forehead, which doesn't look so good. (I was kind of hoping to inherit my father's hairline, which was high but didn't recede; instead I got my hairline from mother's side, so I would have more than enough room for a second nose up there :sad:)

No, on my mind more is that my mother asked me to (fly) to visit her in a couple of months... she's never been shy about telling me I should stop hiding my face behind my hair. And the Canada Human Rights Act doesn't have any protections from Mom :heehee:

[starbreeze]

The op is very lucky to work in a company that allows long hair. The complany i work for not only limits male employees to hair Length , cut an dstyle, but color. Men are not allowed to wear any jewelry except for a wedding band.

To be fair girls are not alowed to wear noticable makeup.