Are There Online Counslers Who Deal With Couples Where SO has Problems With CDing?

[Kathy Leigh]

Hi everyone.

If you read my last post here you know my wife busted me and we are trying to resolve her disapproval of my CDing.

We are working hard at it but a professional counselor would be helpful. The two of us do not want to use a local counselor as we do not want to reveal my identity to anyone local.

If you have any experience with an online gender counselor please let me know how you felt the experience went.

Thanks for your help.

Love,


Kathy Leigh

[Connie D50]

Kathy

I feel a local doctor is the way to go my reasons.

1. If you and wife want to try to get the help (mine wouldn't go) it would be 100% easier and more personal in person.
2. All doctors r under oath to keep your records to themselfs. They would risk way to much to break that oath.


Maybe you can go a town or 2 over if that would.

Connie

[cindym5_04]

I agree with going and seeing a fairly local counselor. As long as they are a registered/licensed professional in the field, there is a high standard or doctor/patient confidentiality. If they break that for any non-legal reason (they can break it for instance if you admitted to murder, or if you tell them that you're going to commit suicide) you could sue for violation of that trust.

[daviolin]

Dear Kathy
I haven't been busted yet. So I set up an appointment with a therapist for tomorrow. I am going by myself and feel it out. Sorry your wife busted you, that must have been tramatic. I will let you know how it go's Love from Daviolin

[JoAnne Wheeler]

KATHY - I hate to say it, but in all HONESTY, there are a lot of Spouses, SOs and GGs who just plain cannot and will not accept our CDing - no matter what.

I really do not have any faith in counselors - most do not know anything about crossdressing - unless the counselor is a CD or is married to a CD, then I do not see how they can understand the trauma that we live with every day as CDers. Unless they have walked in our HEELS, they just cannot appreciate what we have to endure every day of our lives.

I wish that I could be more optimistic, but i'm not.

JoAnne Wheeler

[Patty]

Face to face interaction or on line --no real feelings on line

[StaceyJane]

I've been working with a counsler I met online. I have been having sessions over the phone and I have been getting a lot out of them. I was able to find someone with experience dealing with TG people.

[Mercedes]

About 6 years ago my wife and I went to see a marriage counsellor to talk about how to manage the relationship with regards to my crossdressing. We live in a large city so I was not concerned about running onto the person on the street but even if I did they can not say anything about what is said in private.

My wife has knew that I dressed after dating for about two years and these sessions were after had been together for about 14 years. We went for 6 sessions and after the first one where I we started with dressing the rest of the sessions were really about communication.

I recommend seeking someone out to help you and your wife talk.

Good Luck, Mercedes XOXOXO

[docrobbysherry]

I went to a therapist with my wife before we divorced. As others mentioned here, the conversations weren't about CDing, but how we communicated with each other. Or, in our case, how we DIDN'T properly communicate!:doh:

I believe we both got excellent advice! Had my ex wanted to work things out, we MITE have stayed together. However, she didn't! That was 10 years ago, and she still is seeing that same therapist to date!:eek:

If u visit a knowledgable therapist, don't expect to spend much time dealing with your CDing! Discussions regarding my CDing lasted less than 1/2 hour. Then she said, " Let's move on to your real PROBLEMS"!:brolleyes:

I hope u both can get by this, Kathy!:thumbsup:

[CrossJess]

KATHY - I hate to say it, but in all HONESTY, there are a lot of Spouses, SOs and GGs who just plain cannot and will not accept our CDing - no matter what.

I really do not have any faith in counselors - most do not know anything about crossdressing - unless the counselor is a CD or is married to a CD, then I do not see how they can understand the trauma that we live with every day as CDers. Unless they have walked in our HEELS, they just cannot appreciate what we have to endure every day of our lives.

I wish that I could be more optimistic, but i'm not.

JoAnne Wheeler

I quite agree, either except the way some is or get lost!, this is a situation you need to sort out between the 2 of you, I’m afraid no amount of counseloring will resolve this, it will end up costing you endless amounts o money and your be back where you started, I suspect if there is major problem now then they wont get any better, sorry to sound so negative here but I’ve been here, my ex (girl) didn’t approve of me cding and said I was seriously sick in the head, 1 for being a cd and the other being now gay lol charming huh.

[2b.Lauren]

The first post mentioned seeing a doctor regarding concerns of confidentiality. Honestly, a counselor either LPC Licensed Professional Counselor, LCSW Licensed Clinical Social Worker, or LMFT Licensed Marriage and Family Counselor are under equal or higher standards of confidentiality than most medical doctors. You would not have to worry about seeing a local counselor for that reason at all. I tell my clients all the time as a part of my informed consent that if we do see each other out and about I will not engage them in conversation unless they recognize and speak to me first. I will not just walk up to them and talk, nor will I talk about issues in public. If we see each other and you want to talk shop then call and make an appointment. I finish by saying this is a small town and many people know what I do for a living, so I always refrain from speaking to you. Please don't be offended, I am protecting your rights to privacy. HIPPA is just as prominate in the counseling profession as medical but we also have additional ethical standards that we must hold to or we can loose our license to practice. Not to say that counselors don't make errors in this, but if they do you can report them to the state's board of licensure and I assure you they will tend to them.

As for online counseling that is currently all the rage. On the TCNE site which hosts the First Event Conference in the mall section they have links to counselors. I am also sure that you could search online counselors and get some information. I have not yet considered much work in the area of CD, TG, and other issues as an area for practice. Honestly, the more I find myself posting to this forum, the more I dress, and the more I think about all the worries and concerns that we all have, I become more intrigued and interested though. I certainly can provide the experiece factor, but a good counselor does not have to be one that walks in the same heels, but is just someone that can understand, listen and reflect and help. So I would find it very necessary for myself to become very familiar with the literature and other factors first before even thinking about trying to counsel someone. Good luck, and hope you can get something going very soon. I might suggest the book My husband wears my clothes to give to your wife if she is willing to read it. There are other books by the same author and others also available.

Lauren

[Kelli Michelle]

If you're having trouble even talking about it, then i would think counseling is the way to go. That would give you a 3rd person perspective, and maybe start you at point 'A". At this point sounds like you y'all need that. If you ARE speaking of it, than, to me, it's all about desires/needs, boundaries, and trust (or not). You don't need a counselor for that IMO. What are your desires? What are hers? Can you/her accept boundaries/needs? if not, is it bad enough to consider all (divorce) or nothing (stress/depression/denial, etc.)? You both have serious issues ( I have been through this, though I ended up telling my SO as soon as started going out dressed).
I sympathize greatly. Understand though, there may be no answer just yet!!! But, if you can keep talking, and if you love each other, there will be a way through this, hopefully. Also patience is obviously a great virtue, especially in this case. I wish you the best of luck.

:hugs::hugs::hugs:

[Debutante]

I have been to counsellors in the Boston area: two who specialized in CDers, TSs, etc (Neila Miller, Elke O'Donnell). Another, a sex therapist, knew little or nothing. Often you become the teacher for THEM if they know little.
So it is a problem. It IS best if you have an experienced counsellor in transgender issues.... I can't understand why, with so many of us coming out and about, there are so few good ones, and they can't be found but in the bigger cities...!!??

[Debutante]

Kathy,
This website may be helpful to you in coming to a deeper understanding of yourself and the process, from a Jungian view. Jung can be very helpful to CDers...
http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/cathytg/essays.htm

deb:)

[2b.Lauren]

Thanks for posting that website I will check it out also!