told the kids

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Well, I've now lived through the worst thing a parent can do....which is to destroy your child's world in 15 seconds...

i tried so hard (as those who've read my posts) to wait, to go slow...but now i'm starting to show with the HRT, and i can't imagine ever going backwards...my hair is getting long...etc...i still live as a guy so kids didnt know...

there is a whole saga, but in the end both kids (girls 12,14) took it very hard, they loved their daddy....we have a great relationship and my ex told me last nite they both said they don't want to offend or hurt me and laid out there concerns, which included losing their dad(we all know how we feel, but to them i'm going away---this makes me bawl everytime i think of them experiencing this)...but their concerns were more around typical teenage issues around how stupid i will look (their words) and how their friends will make fun of them..

so in the end, i'm actually hopeful...my 12 yr old will not see me as of now, but she told me by text that she is sorry but she can't handle this info yet(very mature reaction i think), and my 14 yr old tells me its ok, and that she loves me and has no issues....it is what it is.....she confided in tears though to her mother that she thinks i will make a fool of her and myself ...

so that's that...EVERYBODY knows.. i'm seeing ffs surgeons, i'm getting one week blast electrolysis and laser every 6 weeks and i'm on my way...

i never thought i would get to this point alive frankly, but here i am...and now i have to be patient and supportive of 2 very confused and upset kids but based on the first 24 hrs, i think the worst case scenario of them running from me is not going to happen so i have to take comfort (what my dad calls "cold comfort") in that

[Kimberley]

I was lucky, my daughter not only took it well but she also took it upon herself to learn as much as she could. Today, there is no question that she is my best girlfriend BUT we are still father and daughter. That is a relationship we will not let go of for any reason.

Despite your transitioning, maintain that relationship first. It will pay off in the long run; for both of you.

I am curious though how your ex is handling this with your daughters. Is she supporting you or standing back watching the fallout?

:hugs:
Kimmie

[Karen564]

I think that's gotta be one of the hardest things to go though emotionally for both the kids & yourself, and it's something that I will have to do with mine too in the not so distant future, I already know my oldest girl will handle it much, much better than her younger sister.. and the last thing we want to do as parents is hurt are kids, but I don't know of any gentler way to do it.

Best of Luck,
Karen

[jennylw2]

That really took strength and I am very much in awe. Michelle you are amazing and I'm sure your girls will come around in time. Sometimes it just takes a while to process. Once they learn they are not losing their father, they will calm.

This sounds silly and hero-worshipy, but your story really gives me some hope. I've been pretty low this week. This is so much to accept. One of my major concerns is telling my son and how he will react. His mother is a great concern too. I'm afraid she will try to take him from me if she finds out.

Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you for sharing your story. I can only imagine how hard it must be. Hang in there.

Hugz,
Jenny

[Kelli Michelle]

I wish you the best of luck. Please keep us posted on how it is going. i will be doing the same sometime in the future, so I am very interested.

I have been, generally, feeling the children out as we watch tv shows, and try to gently correct them when they say something unfair or wrong. I don't think my son (18 yr old) would have any real problem, but my 13 yr old daugh, might. I know they love me, so even if they originally were upset with what I told them, i would have high hopes that they would come around, as I hope yours do. Still, though I would miss their love/understanding terribly, I would make the decision with the full knowledge that I knew that could happen. I will keep my fingers crossed for you!!! Hang in there.

:thumbsup::thumbsup:

[Kaitlyn Michele]

here is the update...2 days in

my exwife is in the medical profession and altho she is hurt and bitter, she understands what this is and she supports me...i'm very proud of her..

my oldest daughter is very supportive of LGBT rights and in high school joined the gay straight alliance....she told her mom she wants to support me and yet she just wants to cry....we both told her that she is being totally supportive and she just hugs and hugs me....so my take is she is dealing with this like I died, so she has to mourn this and i anticipate she will move on...

my younger daughter really loved a letter i left at the house which basically told her that i would always be her dad and would always love her and unless she felt otherwise, i want to always be with her....and that she could ask me anything..

last nite was my nite with kids and my youngest was up in my bedroom looking at my clothes and shaved legs and asking millions of questions, which i answered very honestly and she just kept asking..my midnite she was laughing and hugging me...

i know this is a long road...i know they will both suffer and cry..but it looks like they are going to continue to love and support me which takes the 16 ton weight (remember monty python?) off my head and maybe more importantly off my ex-wife's head...she told me this morning that she thinks everything will be ok...and that really comforted me....

like i said we are only in day 2....and i live full time as guy so there are more shocks to come....so i'm staying grounded, but for the first time in a long time, i dont feel like crying all the time and i am starting to realize that i'm gonna do this and i'm thrilled about it..

[Melissa A.]

Hi Michelle,

Congratulations on the next milestone, sister. It was a biggie. I never had a doubt that you would handle it with the sensitivity and caution it deserved, and your daughter's responses shows that they already had what was needed. The love and guidance of caring parents, and it seems as though that's most important to them. But even with that, ya sometimes never know. I know several who have lost their teen kids, at least for the time-being. I know this was weighing on you. I couldn't be happier for you, hunny. Yeah, you're gonna do this :) I get the same feeling sometimes. Even though it's been a foregone conclusion for a while now, It's still an amazing feeling. Congrats again, Michelle. I dont believe what you got back from them was an accident.

Hugs,

Melissa:)

[Kimberley]

I kind of had a sense they would see things for what they are so kudos to the girls. Your ex's support in spite of her personal hurt shows that she believes in parenting and that it takes two people who are united in the best welfare of their children. She deserves a medal.

This could very well work out to everyone's best interest in the long run.

Congrats Michelle, and my undying admiration for the rest of your family for their attempts to understand. :hugs:

Kimmie.

[MJ]

i so wish your girls could talk with my girls. they have no issues with me. I'm still there dad and always will be there proud of me and love me for who i am.
just give your girls lots of love in time they will see you for the real you :hugs:

[Valerie]

Just a note to tell you how much I admire you and your family.

Warmly, :love::love:

Valerie

[Angel.Marie76]

My goodness girl, what an enormous step for you! You have my very warmest wishes and high hopes that everything will continue to work out well!! :hugs:

In telling my 10 yr old son about my PT dressing he too was certainly very upset at first, but as has already been said here (and as I was told by my therapist) your children need to know that their father (or the person that was their 'father') will not disappear from their lives, and that your love for them will never diminish, regardless of whatever gender you present.

I have this enormous urge to reach through the computer screen and give you the biggest hug possible!!!

[Katie Moore]

Being a father that had custody of two girls until they graduated from college and started heir own lives plus a step father to two more tells me that your girls will love you forever unless you choose not to allow that.

I have a feeling you will always be there as so many of us "other dads" have been there.


Good luck Michelle and may god always bless you and your girls!!!!

:love:

Katie