I don't know what to do anymore

[Poltergeist]

I'm posting this here instead of in the ftm part of the forum, because I don't think gender matters here...

I'm so confused... I've been SO sure that I wanted to transition... and in a way, I still am... I want the transition, but I'm not sure if I can handle the consequences. Or, actually, it's just one of the consequences, but that's a big one... that I won't be able to have a partner. I'm 31, very into men, and have never dated anyone. And I'm not the type of person who enjoys being single... I'm so lonely that I sometimes feel suicidal. And from the reactions I've been getting so far, I am pretty sure that no guy will ever date me as a transguy.

I know I can't stop being trans... I'll always be a guy in my heart... but right now I'm not so sure if I should get the surgery or not, because I feel like I'm closing the door if I do, that I'll always be lonely. I keep thinking that maybe I should try living as a tomboy instead. On the other hand, the thought of giving up my transition is killing me too.

I would love to talk to my therapist about this, but the problem is you won't be allowed to have hormones or surgery if you're not attracted to your own biological gender ONLY... that's the way it works here. And I was asked early on if I was prepared to stay single, if no one would date someone like me... I said yes, because I wanted to be accepted for the operation.

But now I don't know what to do anymore... it's seriously driving me crazy...

[Beth-Lock]

I am sure that though rare, if you do not transition physically, but stay a true trans, there are guys, tgirls, who are mtf that could be interested in an ftm. I heard of a case here, a number of years ago, though the ftm had fully transitioned in that case.
Don't despair. One never knows what might come along in life.

[pruella]

And from the reactions I've been getting so far, I am pretty sure that no guy will ever date me as a transguy.

Given the issues and limitations for F2M where the phallus is concerned, many Gay Men won't take an interest. But that's not to say a Bisexual Man won't.

As has been said, I know of a a surprising number of M2F and F2M couples around the world. Then there are 'Admires' out there.

What if you want a woman as a partner and not a Male?


I would love to talk to my therapist about this, but the problem is you won't be allowed to have hormones or surgery if you're not attracted to your own biological gender ONLY...
that's the way it works here.

Hang on a sec. Sexual Orientation has no bearing at all on Gender Transition. If you have a therapist running that line and creating barriers for you, then find a genuine one.

I've heard of some instances of Medical so called professionals saying to F2M and M2F that if they aren't attracted to the socially accepted kind then they aren't Transgender.

This is wrong.

Some TS people appear to change orientation post SRS but I really feel it's more the "feeling totally normal" that releases the issue of 'Am I gay' from their mind.

I know after SRS I wont suddenly be looking for men to marry me. Besides I'm already married and that doesn't appear to be changing in the long term. I'm not attracted to men. Not at all! (That won't prevent me enjoying some casual sensuality. [Sensuality not banging!])


And I was asked early on if I was prepared to stay single, if no one would date someone like me... I said yes, because I wanted to be accepted for the operation.

So you told them what they wanted to hear? Or what you thought they wanted to hear?

[Jessicaparkson]

True, some people do stay single, but many live long and happy lives in a relationship. Just because there doesn't seem hope now doesn't mean there won't be. And I don't see why orientation should determine whether or not you transition.

[MJ]

i feel for you as i feel the same way myself but you can't stop being you. when the time is right someone will come along :hugs: