Watershed moment

[Lisa Pomeroy]

Oh sisters,

It has been a big weekend for me...I went to First Event in Boston and had my first day out. It went great. Everyone was so supportive...I couldn't have asked for a better place to make my debut.

I got my first wig, and I got my first forms...talk about your pink fog, it's amazing I don't also own my first corset too...I'm wearing the wig and forms now, and it just feels so right...

Oh sisters, I want to be woman more than I've wanted anything in my sorry repressed masculine life...

There was a workshop at the conference about feminizing the voice, and after a while the presenter asked her star pupil to come up and talk, and the star pupil took my breath away. My height, my build, a couple of years post-op, and I can only guess that she had had FFS too, and she was totally and completely gorgeous. The only things even vaguely still mannish about her were her hips and her hands, and they just came off as sexy and strong, not manlike. And her voice was perfect, 100% woman. The voice part was bothering me...how can you pass if you don't sound right? But this was no falsetto squeak or Marilyn Monroe imitation...this was a woman's voice, totally and completely. Varied, rich, solid. The real deal.

Body, hormones, face, voice...all can be changed. And I want it. I want it with all my being.

I don't really have anything to ask here...I know to take it way slow. I'm going for counseling next week with a counselor who has experience talking with TG folks and who seems open minded but without an agenda. I am going to try to meet up with a sisters' group I learned about in Boston and start practicing going out. I know this can and should be a long slow process...I guess I just want to say, in a place where I know the people I'm talking to will know what I'm saying, I really really want to go all the way. I want to make the change. I'm willing to wait, and I know I need to be careful with kids and work and the world...but I want. I want.

OK, patience. A long road ahead.

Thanks for listening. I am so glad I found this forum.

Lisa

[Karren H]

That's awesome, Lisa!! Good for you and good luck on the rest of your journey!!! :)

[KarenS]

Hi Lisa,

Well, now it's clear what you truely desire. Let the journey begin. I'm really happy for you. What a great experience you must have had in Boston.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

Oh, Lisa - what an inspiring post - I wish that I could attend what you did -Good Luck in your future
JoAnne Wheeler

[StacyCD]

Each of us follows a different voice. I hope you path leads you to happiness! Good luck!

[Nigella]

Early days and there are many side roads on the motorway of transgenderism

As long as you get to YOUR destination.

[crossdrezzer1]

Just take it slow and think about it before plunging in and most importlant is never forget to tell us step by step everything..

[beenherelongtime]

good luck

[Lisa Pomeroy]

A postscript, sisters...

"I want it with all my being," I said, or something like that, in that first incredible rush of feeling out of my first day out and after seeing just how completely one can change one's gender if one is determined to do so...and now I'm coming down from that rush and feeling thankful for the notes of caution you have given me. Yeah...I'm not going to just take it slow transitioning...I'm going to take it slow deciding.

My feeling now is, for several months or even a couple of years I can do things which fit both with just staying with crossdressing, and also with going on to transition if after LONG deliberation I decide it is my best possible option. So, pluck a few eyebrow hairs? Sure. Investigate a long-term beard electrolysis project? Sure. Practice the voice? Absolutely? Buy new shoes? Of course! Hormones? Premature. Very premature.

Hey, I like being a man too, and I'm good at it. It would be a shame to destroy that aspect of myself just because my inner child has finally spoken up and said what she wants. She wants it very badly...I am her, so I should and do say, I want it very badly...but the man I have been has not been a lie.

Yes, I want to be a woman. No, there is no perfect answer to that want. There is no way, it seems, to be both all the time. You settle on one, if that seems the only way, or you find a way to mix them that works for you. Compromise. Share. And try to find a way to do that which is joyful and without shame.

Children stirring, and I have to get to work.

Thanks for both the well wishes and the gentle words of caution. Caution is definitely a good idea.

Maybe I can spend part of today just being in my life and not think about this for a while...that would be nice.

Lisa

[erickka]

Lisa, after reading both posts here, I think you are on the right track. Rational thinking and making well thought out decisions concerning issues like yours, always seem to work out for the best. Good luck in whatever you decide to do. Erickka

[Sapphire]

Lisa,

It is very easy to get carried away with an initial rush of enthusiasm but when you say in your last post that you "like being a man too" that indicates even more need for caution and very careful reflection.

Acknowledging that one is in some measure a transgendered person is no reason to proceed with allowing one gender to overwhelm the other. Life would be an awful lot simpler for us if we were not in this twilight zone, but having said that, being transgendered is also something you can learn to enjoy, to the extent that you would not want to change even if you were presented with the choice. Whatever your decision I wish every happiness.

[jessielee]

dear Lisa,
it is a pleasure to read your words and to welcome you here! you have been given good advice already. the pink fog will pass or at last be moderated. i'm still giddy quite often. i resonate to your joy and am thrilled for what is ahead of you.
all my best wishes, dear.