telling children - update

[Kaitlyn Michele]

well it's a weekend past now and my oldest daughter was with mom over the weekend...moped around, obsessed(she is OCd/adhd/anxiety) type about all kinds of strange stuff...and is walking around the house saying "i don't have a dad"....ugh...she is 14 and i wish there was something i could do..

my youngest is 12 and it has hit her differently, she is trying to constantly be out and this 3 day weekend is filled with dr's appts and sleepovers...so she hasnt said much but told my ex that "daddy is gonna look stupid"..etc..so she is worried about what 12 yr olds worry about and is less focused on the loss,...

i feel so terrible...i know i'm just breaking the news but i can't imagine how they must feel...my ex has been supportive as best she can, but makes it clear that i'm the bad "guy" ...oh well

we'll see how the next couple weeks go...i'm living as a guy for at least 10 weeks due some electrolysis but then getting ready to start living slowly more female...i'm not working and i have to get going on this


although i'm really feeling terrible right now, i guess in the end i'm ok, i'm alive, i'm doing what i need to do and i'm treating everyone with respect and love...what else can i do?

[Kelli Michelle]

You are doing the right thing, treating them with respect and love. The way I see it, you will never stop being their father. As far as being a dad goes, well, the part of dad has been played by women before (single female parent who handles both mom and dad) so you can do it too. The main thing, of course, is that the person they have grown to love and respect is still there. They surely know that you will still be there for them. It's a huge change for them, but with love and patience, hopefully they will come to love the real you. I expect to be doing something similar in the not too distant future, and am hopeful later, if not sooner, they will accept me as I am.

:hugs::hugs:

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

Give the children time, they are at a younger age where having a father who is a woman is odd and they are just thinking about what their friends are going to say. Just be their father, keep telling them that you love them and will be there when they need you. Time is a marvelous healer. :battingeyelashes:

[Karen564]

Just hang in there, I feel for you in what your feeling right now, I can only imagine what's going through their heads right now, just as you are too. I don't think there's much you can do other than give them love & assurance you'll always be there for them and will always be their Dad, but just in a Mom sort of way now.

I have heard many family members compare this to a deaf of a family member, so if true, there would be a grieving period they must go through 1st before any healing can be done.
So just give them some time & a little space for now.

Mine are around the same ages too, I have 2 girls, 15 & 13, and will have to do the same thing as you sometime in the near future, and can't say I'm looking forward to it.

Best of Luck,
Karen

[jennylw2]

Hang in there Michelle. You are very strong and a loving parent. The girls will come to understand in time. I think you are making good choices. Just don't let their mom get under your skin. You have plenty of friends who love you and understand. Lean on them and don't give up.

Hugs,
Jenny

:bighug:

[Lilia]

Keep the faith Michele. Keep the communication going with your daughters. They need time.
Hugs,
Lilia

[GypsyKaren]

Michele, it sounds like you're handling this very well, it just takes time. Two of my kids had big problems with it, but they're doing much better now that they know I'll still always be "dad" to them.

Karen :star: