Should I opt for SRS?

[hello_kitty738]

Hi ppl

I've been on HRT for 18months and have always considered SRS to remove my penis.

But I've always back off when I think about SRS. I'm really scared and confused. I heard from my friends about how painful and unbearable it's gonna be. One of them told me that the result of the surgery was unsatisfactory and she'll go for addition surgery.

Worst still, she told me she'd be better off with her male genital :sad:

Now that I live as a woman, I have a group of friends who have gone through SRS and I am happy now. I am accepted by my peers.

=> 1st question: Is there is truely a need for me to alter my biological body to change myself into a female? Isn't gender a state of mind?

Sometimes I feel that my penis is just there, not serving any sexual function. It's useless, ugly and I hate it. I hate my genitals. But sometimes, whenever the time comes for me to sign the SRS form, I keep thinking of how it's like without my penis.

Yes, my penis is disgusting, but I'm really scared of the day I came out from SRS. When I asked my friends what is it like after the surgery, they just told me about the terrible pain. Scary. And they told me about how it is at first to be without the disgusting "thing" down there, but they also told me sometimes they'd prefer to have the male organ. It's really confusing. At times they'd, for a very brief moment, fantasize about the past whereby their male genital is still there.

=> 2nd question: What will it be like, or feel like, for something that has been with me the past 20 odd yrs to be suddenly gone? I don't want to end up like them, still thinking back on their male genital, with all the confusing thoughts. Can someone advise me on how it is really like after the surgery, in particular, the contrast between the disgusting organ still there and suddenly removed? So that I can mentally prepare myself for this big step forward? I don't wanna ask my friends abt this questions anymore..

I detest being born as a male. As well as those disgusting "things" down there. But I never know what's life gonna be like without those "things". I really confused and afraid of the transition. And I've already been stuck at this stage for quite some time. I truely hope some ppl out there can enlighten me.

Thanks!

Cheers
Maggie

[Kieron Andrew]

=> 1st question: Is there is truely a need for me to alter my biological body to change myself into a female? Isn't gender a state of mind? only you can decide if medical transitioning is right for you, you've already done the social transitioning


I detest being born as a male.
I think you need to see someone who deals in gender issues to help you reconcile with your fears...im sure those who are post op here will have more of an insight to the more personal questions you've asked regarding GRS

[MJ]

i think you need to talk with your shrink some more...
only you can chose what you want to do.

[GypsyKaren]

I don't know who these people went to, but my surgery really wasn't that big a deal, nor was it for the other post-ops I know. It's not the most comfortable thing in the world to go through, it is major surgery after all, but the pain wasn't near as bad as I was expecting and was quite manageable. I also have to say that I am more than pleased with the results, a gynecologist would have to do an internal examination to know the difference.

I think the problem for some is they go into it with unreasonable expectations and are then disappointed when they don't get an airbrushed centerfold vagina, or they find that really living as a woman isn't what they thought it would be. SRS also isn't a magic pill that will cure all of your problems, I think many expect it will.

Only you can decide if it's right for you, and you have to do your research before picking a surgeon. I have a sticky for lots of sites, here (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=82310), that should be of help, and I'm always available if you have any questions, plus we have a few more post-ops here who I'm sure would be glad to be of any help.

Karen :star:

[Melissa A.]

I'll kind of echo what Karen said, although I'm still pre-op. No one I know who has has SRS is sorry they did. There is some post op pain, and several times a day maintenence afterward, but all of that is managable, according to friends of mine. Actually, the thing that scares me the most is the need to have your genitals lasered a few times for hair removal before hand. I know a couple of people who got a little drunk before going(and had someone drive them, of course)!!!! I'm really not looking forward to that!

Your feelings about your male genitalia are typical for a ts. Your fear of losing them is a little unusual to me. I've had my male parts for 49 years and I am 100% sure I wont miss them when they're gone. The meds are quickly rendering them useless, anyway, and having female parts is what I really want. But you're right. Not every ts has the surgery. The hardest part of transition is over by then, and it's really no one's business but your own what's between your legs. Basically, if your life sucks before SRS, having it done isnt gonna change that. It's a personal decision, and no one can tell you you're wrong either way. So don't worry about it so much, for starters. That may solve much of the conflict you're experiencing. Over time, you may change your mind, or not. And maybe some more therapy will help you work through your fears. But I wouldnt sweat it so much. If you're comfortable how you are right now, that should be good enough for you.

Hugs,

Melissa:)

[Sharon]

It's nice to have you on the boards, Maggie -- welcome! :)

Add me to the list above in that your fears most likely outweigh the actual effects of the operation, especially if you go in realizing that your life will be so much happier afterwards than it is beforehand. But only you can determine how much you want and need the surgery. There are no rules that say you must have surgery. You are already living your life -- and at such a young age! -- and there are no timetables or check lists to mark off.

Talk with an experienced therapist. Talk with more people the way you have now done here on the forum. And then, when you have enough information and enough resolve, do what your heart tells you.

[Karen564]

Hi Maggie,

Welcome to the site.

I wish I had your courage & smarts to take these steps at your age, I think it's just wonderful, and I am completely jealous, but I am so happy for you.


So can we swap places?, I NEED that surgery NOW.. LOL
JK, but not really, I mean more like 30+ years ago!. like OMG, I can't wait for the day that it's gone for good!!

OK, seriously, If you have doubts, don't do it yet, & talk it over with your trusty theripist to figure all this out.
It sounds like it may be too soon for you to do anything that major yet that you may end up regretting, you still have time, use it, so when your ready, you will know it beyond a shadow of a doubt. just talk it out with your theripist.

If it's just the fear of surgery, that can go for any type of surgery, so that's perfectly normal & understandable.
As far as your post-op friends telling you how painful it is, I don't know personally (yet), but I have heard from many it's no where near as bad as some make it out to be, they do give you some good drugs after and it may feel like it's stinging/burning, but hey, that's understandable considering what was done, and usually it's the FFS surgery's I hear that are more painful.

As far as your penis being gone, well sorta, but no not really, it's all still there, except in it's new form as a vagina , and about that feeling like it's still there would be sorta true too, because the nerves in the head of the penis are still intact but now reformed into the clitoris for sensation.

My answer to your #1 question is, for me anyway, it's not just how I feel in my mind, but Also more importantly how I feel deep in my soul. And it's a matter of bringing my physical body in alignment with my brain & soul, so I don't look at having a vagina as just wanting one, I look at as I Need one, in order to feel Complete, and just feel right in my own skin finally.

And my own thoughts about being a woman with a penis is just too strange for me to comprehend really, I just don't get the attachment to it. but again, that's just me, I just want one In me, Not attached to me.. that's just gross..

You probably can't tell, but I HATE my penis too, A LOT!!.. LoL ,,

Your Question #2, well, I can't tell you from 1st hand experience, but only God knows I wish I could.
All I know is it kind of goes back to what I said earlier in answer #1 , and I can't wait to get to try out a lot of organic dilators for myself, and this may seem odd, but I'm already experiencing some weak female orgasms now even without the vagina, so I can't wait to see what happens with one. but sooner or later I will, hopefully sooner.

Maggie, I hope & wish you the very best,

Hugs,
Karen

[Chibi~Cthulhu]

just a bit of a question on what melissa posted, i was under the impression that laser wasnt approved for the genitals. has that changed? cause lets be honest laser hurts a lot less then electro, and if i can avoid that part later on i think id rather lol

[noeleena]

hi... Maggie what i am seeing is you are not happy with your body . & you are scared of not having your male parts or having them changed its the cant live with cant live with out . your body will funtion with or with out them . its your mind set , okay for get about your friends for now . try this on are you a women . yes or no . youll know in side . i am not talking bodys ....psychologically ..mentalally .. emotionally.. lets look at that side of you . now back to the ??? are you a women .if you are just let it come from you . you have heard to much . thats okay . its not what you need .
what you need is allow your self to be just you . accept your body then accept you can grow as a women . first accept your self for who you are . then when you .....are .... ready have s r s & what ever ... till then you are not ready ....
i am a women .all ways was . yet had a male body . okay i was . & am happy with my body . yet i accepted my self for who i was . if you like andro ... in my thinking both male & female from age 10 . did i know not reallly yet i did know i was different .
50 years of being a male . now 11 as a women ...i am still very much happyer than at any time in my life . more so when i had my ops in may 07 ... i am now 61 .
i have gone to the core of this as it effects every thing about a person . not what is on the out side . the biggest problem i see is none acceptance of self . so we must get that part of us right first . then every thing will work out ...... what i am saying is how we think do things just being a women . my problem is i dont have a womb . yet i can live with that . well just. its very important to me i know i can not have ...my ..own kids well kid ..... yet i am still happy . just being able to be me a women . ...
oh dear i just hope you see what i am trying to say . what hurts me the most is not having my baby ..... yet i am still a women.....okay see what you think . just look at your self with out others telling you what to do or what ever ...
...noeleena....

[tori-e]

Hi Maggie,

I would suggest if you can’t go in to this with complete peace and confidence that it is the right thing to do, you shouldn’t do it.

There is nothing wrong with being a non-op TS. You do not have to have SRS. Your decision should not be determined by what kind of partner you want. There are men and women that have relationships with either, both or neither. I know a couple of pre-op transmen/transwomen couples. There is someone out there for everyone. What is important is that you make the right decision for you.

About the pain, I didn’t think it was all that bad. Uncomfortable and messy maybe, but not hard to manage. If you want to read about my experience see: http://members.shaw.ca/terribreeze/GRSMain.htm

As to what it is like to not have those “things”, I am recently post-op and had those “things” for 50 years. It is a bit strange at first. Hard to not tuck when you sit on the toilet. But for me it was a wonderful feeling to be free of it all. The first time I saw myself, all bruised and bloody, I was completely amazed at how real it looked and how different but normal it was. I am only three months post-op and am at the point where everything is well healed. So far the only thing I miss is having sex. But if I never do again, I’m fine with that. It’s all about being at peace with yourself and SRS has given me that.

Terri

[Schatten Lupus]

You are the only one who is capable of answering that question. If you have any fears, then maybe it is better to put off SRS until you know for sure that it is what you need.

[Melissa A.]

just a bit of a question on what melissa posted, i was under the impression that laser wasnt approved for the genitals. has that changed? cause lets be honest laser hurts a lot less then electro, and if i can avoid that part later on i think id rather lol

As far as I know, laser is fine down there(well, not fine, nothing is FINE, lol ) I know two girlfriends who have had it done. (btw, they both got drunk for it lol )

hugs,

Melissa:)

[tori-e]

As far as I know, laser is fine down there(well, not fine, nothing is FINE, lol ) I know two girlfriends who have had it done. (btw, they both got drunk for it lol )

hugs,

Melissa:)

If you go to Montreal, they recommend that you do not do any electrolysis. If you do, you must have one year without any regrowth. I did not have any hair removal down there prior to GRS.

Terri

[fancy nancy]

I have thought about it but i hate doctors offices .What I would like to do is have surgery to have breast like a woman without having to use pads in my bra.

[Diane24]

Yes MJ, I can read your Morse Code message just fine! Uncle Sam beat it into my head at the ASA school at Fort Devens!

As for getting an SRS, it is a personal choice. Any surgery will be painful in some degree. I admit that the SRS was painful when I first awoke after surgery, but the pain medications took good care of it. The results were worth it! I also hated my male genitals. During RLT they were the only thing that reminded me that I wasn't really a woman, yet! Would I do it all over again? Yes!

Talk with your therapist, talk with your surgeon, talk with the girls who have gone through SRS. Then, do it!

Love,
Diane.