Can I get some advice please?

[fallenangel]

Hi. I was wondering if I could possibly get some advice. I didn't know where to turn to, as I'm not so clued up about all this.

I came home today, to find my mum crying. I asked her what was wrong, and she didn't know whether she could tell me or not. She did. She told me that she walked in on my Dad wearing womens clothes - he wasn't even trying to hide it or anything. I don't know what to do about it. We found his clothes in the wardobe (by found I mean we literally legged it upstairs and searched) and now my mind just wont stop going over and over when she told me. .

A part of me wants to think my mums just going stir crazy. But then I think back to when I saw my dads underwear on the floor while I was hoovering their bedroom - womens lacy pants! She said he said he finds them more confortable.

I'm scared their going to divorce.

I can't tell anyone irl, I promised my mum. And it's not fair on her.

If I tell my dad I know, what if he walks around like it all the time - I don't think I could cope with that.

Please help :sad:

[Shelly Preston]

Hi there

Firstly I am sorry you mum had to get such a shock :(

Tell your mum you found this forum and that she is not alone
We have a lot of women here who have husbands who crossdress.
It is possible to have a long and happy realtionship some here have marriages which have lasted over 30 years

If possible try and get your mum to join where she can then chat to other women who have been through the same thing

She will have a lot of questions which everyone here will do their best to answer

[Karren H]

Well crossdressing is more common that you probably thought... And it is hard ti find out but your mom and dad need to talk this out.. And you should support them both since they are your parents, no matter what they like to wear..

[Tashee]

before you knew you and Dad shared the same taste in clothes was he a good or a bad Dad?

Now that you know what type of clothes Dad prefers how does this make him any different?

These are serious questions.

My wife wears more of my clothes than I do and the amazing truth is she goes out in public like that. She does not have to have a comfy guy clothe stash--And society does not turn her into a crazy person who is always running from a silly truth.

I am sorry for you. These are basic questions Mom and your family need to be discussing.


I am sorry for you whole mess. I wish I could take it away

Remember clothes are just clothes. That man. no matter what he wears is your Dad and he loves you ALL very much. Do not turn your back on him now.

Tash

[fallenangel]

My mum's 'computer challenged' and doesn't even know how to get onto the internet lol.

Ofcourse he is a good dad, he still is. Even though he moans at me all the time, but all dads do that.

I know it's just clothes, and it shouldn't really matter, but for some reason it's eating me inside now. I can't even imagine what my mum's going through. I am glad she told me though.

[Karren H]

Awww. I've been crossdressing for almost 50 years and my wife went through the same thing about 3 years ago and it took a while and a lot of talking to get back to normal.. She still loves me as her husband but wasn't really interested in having me as a girl friend too! Lol.

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

If your father was in a car wreck and physically deformed for life as a result, would you love him any less?

I'm going to guess you just said "no". Here's the good news - crossdressing is a whole lot prettier than being permanently deformed in a car wreck. ;)

It is very unlikely that your father started cding just recently. All the cders I have met here seem to agree it is within us from the start. If your father is becoming comfortable around his family while dressed as a woman, you should really try to be understanding to him. Crossdressing isn't a mental illness, it's just something that society has deemed as a "horrible, deviant behavior". Had you grown up in a society that accepted crossdressers, you'd have no problem right now.

I'm sorry. I doubt I'm being very helpful to you. I want to be helpful, but I think you really need to work this out with your father and remain open minded. Just remember - he's not diseased, he's just a crossdresser. Trust me when I tell you there are far, far worse things one can turn out to be. ;)

I hope you decide to browse these forums for a while. I think if you continue reading around here you will find that we're just like anyone else, only we happen to be in to something that is not widely accepted and most of us are forced to stay in the closet about who we really are. So we gather here where we can be open about our lives with each other. Again - I think you'll find we're just like anyone else aside from the whole cd thing. :)

[Lisa Golightly]

Well... when times get tough between parents, and I know because I've been there, it often comes down to the children to mediate the peace. We shouldn't have to, but sometimes we don't get the choice. To your Mother you have to be the voice of reason and main support... You have to be there for her, but convince her not to do anything rash. To your father, you have to be honest about your feelings, and explain what you need and what your Mother needs. Many was the time I sat on the stairs... but if you all love and respect one another then you will find a way.

Lisa x

[Ruth]

Tashee made the assumption that you are a CDer too. Perhaps we should clear that up. Are you a CDer? This will definitely affect your reaction to your dad's behaviour.

[Nicki B]

Tashee made the assumption that you are a CDer too. Perhaps we should clear that up. Are you a CDer? This will definitely affect your reaction to your dad's behaviour.

I didn't read that into fallenangel's words (or Tashee's?) at all...

But I think it might be useful to know how old you are, angel?

[fallenangel]

Ruth - I am not a CDer.

I just found this forum while trying to find information to maybe help with this situation.

It's been really helpful listening to you all and I really appreciate it. I know I need to confront my dad, but it's really hard. I know he's the same person, and it's not really that bad. It's just I'm still in shock.

If I was to confront him, he might deny it. After all, he's never CDed infront of me!

I am 19.

[Tashee]

before you knew you and Dad shared the same taste in clothes was he a good or a bad Dad?

Now that you know what type of clothes Dad prefers how does this make him any different?

These are serious questions.

My wife wears more of my clothes than I do and the amazing truth is she goes out in public like that. She does not have to have a comfy guy clothe stash--And society does not turn her into a crazy person who is always running from a silly truth.

I am sorry for you. These are basic questions Mom and your family need to be discussing.


I am sorry for you whole mess. I wish I could take it away

Remember clothes are just clothes. That man. no matter what he wears is your Dad and he loves you ALL very much. Do not turn your back on him now.

Tash

Where did I say the young one may be a CD---I said My wife had a larger stash of clothes then I did-----Please---Oh forget it---------


I apologies if i was taken irresponsibly outta context.

Thanks I know I have a chronic brain issue but I think I made myself clear---Guess not----Back to under my rock----Maybe I will come up to misinterprep someone next---that was mean

Oh I assumed the name fallen Angel was a girl? my bad then---

[Nicki B]

Why do you need to confront him, angel? What do you want to get out of it?

Is the problem that he's a crossdresser, or that it threatens your family?

[fallenangel]

Where did I say the young one may be a CD---I said My wife had a larger stash of clothes then I did-----Please---Oh forget it---------


I apologies if i was taken irresponsibly outta context.

Thanks I know I have a chronic brain issue but I think I made myself clear---Guess not----Back to under my rock----Maybe I will come up to misinterprep someone next---that was mean

Its ok, I never interpreted it as you saying I was a CDer too.

^_^

[fallenangel]

I am a girl, btw. Just incase anyones confused.

I was hoping if I was to confront him, it might help me to understand it more? Or should I leave it?

[Shelly Preston]

If I was to confront him, he might deny it. After all, he's never CDed infront of me!


Firstly don't confront your Dad
Your Mum and Dad wil need to work this out between them
All you can do is support your mum

Let her you have found this site and will help her with the computer side of things

The loved ones section would be a good place to start reading

She may find it difficult to ask for help but it will be useful if she knows its there if she needs it :hugs:

[Nicki B]

I was hoping if I was to confront him, it might help me to understand it more? Or should I leave it?

I don't see any harm in asking him about it and how it is for him - if you explore more here, you will see that we are a wildly diverse bunch, it's dangerous to make assumptions..

But try and do it non-judgementally, not a 'confrontation'? It sounds like talking about it might be a good idea, now - but your mum may not want to yet, if it's all new to her?

And, if your Dad's been bottling this up and hiding it for a long time (many of us learn to hide it from a very young age) he may find it very hard and shameful to talk about - so the key thing is to be neutral about it?

The only thing you can be sure of is this isn't something he chose to do - or that he can 'switch it off'? Any more than you can stop being left-handed, or right-handed..


I'd make a guess too, that you might be from the UK? :)

[trisha59]

Hey Fallenangel, Hows it going. I know not very well right now. Well, first off, it was very wise of you to want to find out more information on what crossdressing is all about. You will find that there are very helpful people here who will provide you with any information you desire. I also want to say that this is something that your parents will work out. Its unfortunate that you have been burdened with this ,19 year olds have so many other things to worry about. What little advice I have for you is this. First, If you can show your mother how to work this sight, show her. She probably has hundreds of questions running through her head right now and she may find some comfort here. Second, I would wait until your parents had a little time to process all of this before I approach your father about any of this.

[curse within]

Fallenangel,

First I ,,,If i was you I would get informed on the subject . You are at the right place and a great start..Maybe you can share what you learned here with your mother..I can also give you some great links via the net that will help you understand crossdressing better and share that with your mother also they are printable..Let me know if I can help..

[fallenangel]

I will definently help her with the computer - i think it will be good if she comes on here to ask questions like you've all suggested.

Curse within - those links would be very helpful, thank you.

Nicki B - Yes, I am from the UK.

[Nicki B]

Curse within - those links would be very helpful, thank you.

Just remember - we are not all the same? ;)

It's clearly been a bit of a shock - but you are obviously very wise, to hit the web and seek help - I hope you don't feel quite so lonely, now..

Keep posting, if it helps - and feel free to ask more questions? :)


Nicki B - Yes, I am from the UK.

;) There's a lot of us about, this side of the water.

[Lorileah]

I don't think you really mean confront him. That would indicate an aggressive stance. But it really would be good to discuss this with him...and if possible your mother. Maybe he can explain to both of you why he has this compulsion. Maybe not as many of of don't really know why we do it. But getting things cleared up is important.

There are thousands of posts here where we try and justify or explain our "little hobby" but none are what your father is going though exactly. However there may be some that help you get a base for your discussion. Start with it isn't because you or your mom did or didn;t do something. The one thing that seems to scare a lot of women is "is he gay". Most CD's are not. Most are very good family men. Most have never been in trouble. Most live upstanding lives in the community. Put that fear to rest. There are always statistics saying this or that but I think you would be surprised how many men do this or have done this and the world hasn't ended.

The point has been made that your father is the same man you knew yesterday. Nothing has changed except nowyou know a little more about him. This can be a positve thing. You can now have discussions based on similar thoughts (shopping, cooking, fishing whatever). You can understand why he like certain things (colors, textures). This is not the end of a relationship but a new begining.

I wish you good luck and the one thing I think is most important here is that no matter who he is on the outside, he is the same person who loves you and would do anything in the world for you

[curse within]

Fallen,

I think you have to get 10 post in before I can P.M. you...I don't want to blast the links here some folks so not fully agree with them.. You can try to P.M. me not sure if you need 10 post do that either or once you get your 10 in try to contact me and I will give you some links I think you would find helpful.

[Nicki B]

You'll need to make ten posts before you can send or receive pm's - and then it might take an hour or so before your profile updates, to allow them..

[Violet]

Hi fallenangel.

First, everyone has already given you a lot of really, really good advice in this thread. Please feel free to venture on down to the Loved Ones section at some point, and if you can give your mum a bit of a computer tutorial, I know the rest of us who are SOs of crossdressers would be happy to talk to her. We have a private forum for the SOs of crossdressers called the FAB forum (Female At Birth).

I can't imagine what a shock it must've been for your mum, and for you. :hugs: You're both allowed to feel scared, confused, hurt and upset. But please also know, from someone who's gone through it, that it doesn't have to mean the end of your parents' relationship and it doesn't have to change your relationship with your dad. Hopefully the three of you will be able to come together and grow closer now, because this secret isn't hanging between you now.

When you get your ten posts, feel free to PM me if you want someone to talk to. I'm a 29 year old SO of a CD.

[curse within]

Fallen,

I do feel Violet is correct in suggesting that as well I highly recommend a visit to the loved ones section..Great place to start being new to the world of crossdressing ..

[JoAnne Wheeler]

FALLENANGEL - what has happened to you and your Mum has happened thousands and thousands of times before - it is not the end of the world

Those of us who are crossdressers have a lot to say - don't make any judgments whatsoever until after you have explored this Website in detail.

None of us, including your father, asked to be a crossdresser - We just are - many say we don't know the reason why - I am a firm believer that we are born that way and nurtured in childhood - we cannot explain to each other why we are this way - We just are - Somewhere down deep within our soul, we have been given both male and female desires - again, we did not ask for them when we were being created - they are just there.

Your Father has gone through so much pain and anguish and hurt and shame and secrecy and denial and lonliness and heartache. You cannot imagine what each of us has gone through.

Please don't think unkindly of your Father - even though I don't know him, I think that he has been and still is a good man

Please read and read and read before you make judgments - your mother should do likewise.

Most of us are heterosexual married men who have this URGE/DESIRE deep within us to express ourFeminine side - REMEMBER - your Father did not ask to be this way ---- None of us did

Hope you keep reading and asking questions - you found the right website

JoAnne Wheeler

[DonnaT]

Here's one thread on another forum started by a young lady in Australia who was in a similar situation

http://crossdressers-forum.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=51853

[Sam-antha]

Bring her in here, even if it is just to read this thread and to understand that people care. Look at the number of help replies you have had inan hour or so..
Good luck with her.
~Samm

[TxKimberly]

I think this is such a terrible way to let your wife find out about you. There are kinder and more respectful ways it should be done.

I really can't add a lot to what the others have said, I just sort of wanted to lend my support as well.

Divorce is not where this has to end. As others have said, many of us have very long and successful marriages. My wife and I have been happily married for more than 21 years now. I know many others on this forum and off it that have been married at least this long, and some 30 and 40 years. At this point a lot depends on your mother and father.
Can she accept just knowing this about about your father? I imagine some wives can't. Can they find a compromise that makes them both comfortable?
Do they truly and deeply love each other?
These are just some of the variables, and all of it is in your mother and fathers hands.
As for your not feeling comfortable at the thought of him running around in drag, I, like most fathers, love my children deeply and would not want to hurt them or make them uncomfortable. If that DOES happen, were I you, I wouldn't hesitate to tell him gently that your not comfortable. I'd try not to be mean or heartless about it, but tell him as gently as you can. "You are my father, I love you, and it just really makes me uncomfortable to see you that way." He may or may not listen to you, but he should know how you feel.

I wish you and your family the very best! :)
Kimberly

[ReineD]

Hi Angel, welcome to cd.com! :hugs:

I'm also a mom (3 boys: 23, 19 & 14). Their dad is not a CDer, but my bf is.

Before I was involved with my bf, I never gave CDers a second thought. In the back of my mind I knew they existed and I thought perhaps they were quirky. I never saw myself falling in love with a man who enjoys wearing women's clothes.

And then I met my bf and he told me about the CDing. I came here, and I quickly saw there is a very large TG community. I also began to understand why we don't see CDers out when we shop, work, go to school, live our daily lives. CDing is stigmatized by society. There are still people out there who think they are sick or immoral. Because of this, men who are born with a desire to express their female side grow up feeling ashamed and they keep it hidden from their wives and families. Many men like your dad spend years wishing they did not have the feelings they do. They think of themselves as being freaks. They try time and time again to suppress this. Some can suppress it for years. But, the need to express who they feel in their hearts never really goes away. How can it? It is like wishing you had a different eye color.

Many men your dad's age eventually come to terms with the CDing, especially in recent years when they could look it up on the internet and discover they are not alone. They finally realize they are not the freaks they thought they were. But, they still know society is not ready to accept them. So then comes an important decision. Do they tell their wives and families and risk losing them? Do they continue to live trying to suppress who they are? Or do they try to keep the best of both worlds and dress once in awhile in secret while trying to gain the courage to tell their loved ones.

Your dad right now is probably scared to death that you or your mother might stop loving him. He is still your dad, and your mother's husband. He always will be. This will not change.

It wasn't long ago that homosexuality was also thought of as being sick. This is changed now in many parts of the world, and people who are born gay need not live their lives in secret and in shame as before. Gays have come out of the closet in droves in the last 30 years, and crossdressers are beginning to do this now. Oh, and crossdressers are not gay. They are men who wish to be men, but they have been given the gift of also knowing what it feels like to be a woman, and they need to express it because it is a part of who they are. It is so sad that in our part of the world people find it difficult to accept this, at least when it comes to family members.

It is much easier in our day and age for people to accept the idea that someone is a CDer, as long as it isn't your husband, dad, son, or brother. Intellectually, most people have no trouble with the concept. They just are afraid to deal with it within their families, for the same reasons that CDers find it difficult to come out of the closet. They are afraid of being ostracized by society.

Did you ever see the 1967 movie entitled Guess Whose Coming to Dinner? (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0061735/) It was a classic .. wonderful movie about white, successful parents, whose beautiful daughter introduces them to her new fiance: a black man. Interracial marriages in 1967 were stigmatized as much as CDing is today (and now we have a black president. lol See how quickly things can change?) If you rent the movie, and in your mind substitute the issue from Sidney Poitier (the fiance) being black for being a CDer, then you will see many similarities between what the daughter's parents experienced and what your mother (and you?) must be going through now. The most beautiful part of the movie is in the end when the father comes to terms with his daughter's choice and he decides that loving and supporting her decision is more important to him than adhering to societal bias. The father (Spencer Tracy) delivers a heart-wrenching monologue that still pulls at my heart strings when I think of it today. I was a young teen when I saw the movie and it did make a difference in my life.

Just know that the shock you and your mum are experiencing will soon subside. And as the others have said, try to get your mum to come here. If she has an open mind, I am sure that once she finds out she is not alone, she will come to see that being a CDer is not as bad as she may be thinking it is right now.

In terms of talking to your dad about this, only you know what type of relationship the two of you have. It might be best to wait a few days and let your parents sort it out between themselves, but my suggestion is that if you see your dad sitting by himself one day feeling very sad, it would not hurt to give him a big hug and tell him that you will always love him.

Last thought: having a crossdresser in the family doesn't mean they walk around in women's clothes all day. The family decides together what is comfortable and what is not. In the beginning, while you and your mum are getting used to the idea, your dad could just find CDer support groups (there are lots), and choose to express his female side there. Then in time, once you and your mum discover it is not such a strange thing, you might decide all together that it is OK to see your dad in women's clothes at times. I am sure he also is not ready to go to work dressed or to let all his friends know, so you will still have your dad just the way you know him for much of the time.

My bf stays in guy mode mostly during the week, and he dresses mostly on weekends when we have the time to enjoy the dressing out of town. He is also not ready to let his friends or his parents know.

I am so glad you found this site. There are many forums like this on the internet and in my opinion, it is the best one there is.

I wish you all the best, Angel, and I encourage you to keep coming back. Not just for your mum but for yourself too. It is not so easy coming to terms with the CDing because of the way we were raised, but it can be done quite comfortably. It just needs an open mind and lots and lots of love.

Sorry for such a long post, but you are my son's age and even though we haven't met, I care about what you are going through very much.
:love:

[Ballerina]

I don't think anyone has given you a big thank you, yet. Thank you for having the courage and willingness to look past harder feelings to come seek help in understanding you dad. If he knew, I'm sure he'd be proud of you :)

[Nicki B]

Thank you for having the courage and willingness to look past harder feelings to come seek help in understanding you dad.

You might find you already have a wider understanding than either your mum or dad, now - if he's as uncomfortable with 'puters as your mum is.. ;)

[docrobbysherry]

For u, and your parents! It will take some time, but u ALL mite move past this! I don't think any of us here have any MAGIC WANDS to solve your family's delema.

But, think about it! Put what's happened into proper perspective! No one's physically injured. Your dad doesn't have a girlfriend on the side. He's not on crack, and doesn't have AIDS.

He occassionally wears clothes made for women! How terrible is that? Many people here feel like it shouldn't be a big deal! In fact, it SHOULD be funny!

But, sometimes others act like it's the end of the world! If all of u can just get past the shock and shame, and EVENTUALLY talk about it, it all mite pass away, in time!

[beenherelongtime]

i can't add much more than the other posters, i can just tell you that your mom and your dad need your love and support. things will work out, divorce will probably come from your mom if she can't accept your fathers crossdressing

[Billijo49504]

Angel, I read where you said you had to confront your dad, That is wrong. to confront is to blame. What you need to do is get them talking this out. with out blaming. If I blame you, you can turn around and blame me. What happens, both sides feel like they are under attack....BJ

[sterling12]

Angel, I'll affirm some of the others. You probably didn't mean a big "knock down," but when you use words like "confront;" I have the impression that you might be going in to talk with your Dad to be angry. That's a bad idea! You two won't work out anything if it becomes "confrontational." He will likely just stop talking to you and things can only get worse.

I would wait for a week or so, calm down, quell the emotions and begin to analyze the situation.

You can't change anything for your Mother, that relationship is between her and your Dad. You would be wise to stay out of that situation and just stick to "Father-Daughter." No matter what happens, he will still be your Dad.

If you act in haste, or anger; or if you take sides with your Mom, you can lose everything! My advise, be like our new President, slow down and do not take hasty actions, nor make hasty decisions.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[wendiwoman]

Dear FallenAngel...

Many others have given you good advice, so I am only going to add a few new thoughts of my own. One is that I believe differently from some of the other posters. I believe that you should try NOT to get between your mother and father. If you seem to favor one side, it will cause a rift between you and the other parent. You can provide information to your mother, and help her to learn, but she and your father need to work out their problems privately, without you around. It is rarely good for children to "parent" their parents.

On the other hand, you and your father do have some things to discuss. It is easy to tell that you love your father, and are afraid of how this knowledge about him may change your relationship. It is ironic that he has had a secret from you, and now you have a secret from him. Secrets do not make for good families.

As other posters have mentioned, you should not be thinking about "confronting" your father. You should be considering having an honest and non-judgmental discussion with your father. If your dad is like many of us, he has lived his life hiding something that he has felt ashamed and guilty about. This won't be easy for him either.

I had considered myself a crossdresser for most of my life. But over the past eight years, I've learned more about myself, and now refer to myself as transgender. I spend about 2/3 of my life presenting as female. I have a daughter, who I love very much, and who loves me back. She is now 23, but four years ago, when she was your age, I had to face a huge dilemma. I was starting to "come out", and I knew that it would only be a matter of time before she discovered what I was. So one day, when we were home alone, I sat down with her, and told her that there was something special about me that was not widely known, but that I wanted to share with her. I looked her in the eyes and said "I am transgender." Within a few seconds, she was laughing and crying at the same time. When she regained her composure she said "And all these years, I just thought you were weird."

As we continued to talk, she told me that she didn't want to see me "that way"... at least not yet, and I respected her request. Over the next year we periodically talked about my transgenderism. I answered her questions truthfully, and listened to her many fears and concerns. Some of the things she said hurt me, but I continued to listen, answer, and acknowledge. One day, she asked if she could see me dressed. We arranged a time and place, and she met me at a local restaurant for lunch. Over the next few meetings, she told me two wonderful things. One was that no matter how I was dressed, I would always be her father. That was sweet. But the other was shocking. She said that I was obviously happier now that I was no longer hiding secrets, or pretending to be something I wasn't. I was being open and honest about myself, and it brought us closer. Now, whether I am presenting as male or female, we interact the same.

The reason I am telling you all of this is to make the point that if you and your father can have good communication; are open and honest; listen and acknowledge without being judgmental; respect each others fears and boundries; and always remember your history of love; you can work this out. It took my daughter and me a couple of years, but we've done it.

As for your mom and your dad, they need to do the same things. Your mother may feel that your father has been lying to her for years. She may feel betrayed by him. They need to talk it through.

All the best to you, my dear. You are an intellegent and brave young lady. Please keep in touch. There are many people here who care about you.

Hugs,
Wendi

[Joanne f]

Hi FallenAngel,
i am sorry to here of the situation that you and your mother are in ,if possible i would agree with shelly and try to get your mother on here as well as i am sure she would get a lot of helpful advice on the FAB section, the main thing at the moment is for you to support your mother , talk with her and see if she knows how she would like to deal with the situation which at the moment is not a good one , but at some point your dad should be expected to communicate with one of you because it is causing upset and that is just not on, and at the moment i would not worry to much about divorce as there are many who find a way of working through this situation .
I wish you all good luck

[NikkiSimpson]

As many have given gr8 advice you'll note CDing is more common than you thought & ppl & relationships can go on, Imagine your dad has not changed at all. just your view. bet he still loves you & seeks your love & understanding in return. No matter what your never alone & all around will provide comfort & guidance to work through anything.

[Sheila]

FallenAngel,
I can only offer you and your parents a lot of love and support over the airwaves,and thankyou for having the love and concern for your mum & dad & your family to find out about crossdressing .. your parents have done a damn fine job in raising you their child to explore " outside the normal boxes in life" :)

If you can get your mum here to read and learn that she is not alone, that will be great and then you can both join us GG's in the FAB section ( were only genetic women are allowed access to).

I am currently engaged to a cdr I met on this site (after my previous CDing relationship ended), we are marrying in Oct :D
There are/could be problems and i understand how hurt & confused both you and your mum are at the moment, but you can both get through this, it is lovely to see that you still see your dad as the wonderful caring human being that he has always been :hugs: for both you and your mum Sweetie

Sheila

[fallenangel]

Hi everyone, thanks for all the wonderful help. It's just really hard to get my head around it. I'm don't know whether to let my dad know I know - I think he would be embarressed. I'm glad my mum told me though - now I feel I can talk to her about anything! Also, it means she doesn't have to go through this on her own.

I don't think my mum can accept it - she feels lied to, and somewhat cheated. I asked my mum about a possible divorce and she said she wouldn't want to go through that again. Which is a relief, because I don't want to see my family torn apart OR move from my house!

I can't tell anyone IRL because I could just imagine how much they would take the mick, including the rest of the family.

My dad's on the computer all the time so I would imagine he's probably researched everything.

[Louise2009]

My dad's on the computer all the time so I would imagine he's probably researched everything.

It may be that your dad is a member of this forum and so already knows that you know.

[Kerry Owens]

FallenAngel, its a rough way to find out about your dad, but honest, you are not alone, and you're not the first to get a shock like this. Please help your mum get onto the forums, and both once you've made 10 posts can go to the GG forum. There you'll be able to find the support of other GG's and realize this is not a end.
Crossdressing isn't that terrible once you realize it's only clothes, a bit of fabric, and still the same dad you loved. Don't give up on each other for such a minor thing. Good luck to you all.

[Nicki B]

Hi everyone, thanks for all the wonderful help. It's just really hard to get my head around it. I'm don't know whether to let my dad know I know - I think he would be embarressed. I'm glad my mum told me though - now I feel I can talk to her about anything! Also, it means she doesn't have to go through this on her own.

It'll take time (months, even years, as some have already said) for each one of you to come to terms with the new situation - but if you can offer an ear for both your parents, separately, they will probably both be very grateful for a non-judgemental ear.. You may find it is a way to develop a new, more complex relationship with them?

Adults can act childish, too. ;)


But the relationship between a father and a daughter is a very strong, close one - cherish it, don't lose it. You are both still the same people, whatever anyone may wear sometimes..