An attempt to clear things up

[curse within]

I just wanted to clear some myths ... People who say if you do not enjoy crossdessing WHY DON'T YOU JUST STOP DOING IT?? I will have you know that I have stopped dressing going on my third month.. My mind has never been so clear I can focus on being more productive I am happier about myself and with myself, I am at ease and peacefull. I am not depressed!!

But to think the urges can just be turned off is only fooling myself , I am surprised the amount of people who suggested that and can easily say that! I am only here to support ,NOT Dressing for the most part that isn't a good idea to Not support dressing and don't get me wrong on that..But to support real issues that some members have on controlling the urges to share what works for me as well as friends and family members with lack of acceptance and suggest how to deal with them. I am also still here to continue to learn I know there is no cure for Crossdressing ...YET...

So mock me if you will thats fine I wish nothing but the best for all of you and you will never see me turn your post into a negative Thread ..Please offer me the same respect..


Thanks

C.W.

[LisaM]

I don't mock you Curse Within. I understand your feelings but I feel different. I hope you can find peace. I struggle every day because of the choices I have made--so I understand. I hope this forum can help you understand your inner feelings and even cure yourself if that is possible.

[curse within]

Thank you Lisa, I do appreciate that and best wishes for you and the challenges you have and are yet to over come.

[kristinacd55]

My wife said to me, "if you could be hypnotized to stop crossdressing, would you do it?" So, I said "if you could be hypnotized to accept my crossdressing, would you do it?" It got me to thinking, why don't we both just work at accepting each other's views & forget about hypnotism? I have to admit she's been great for the most part with accepting my cding & my love for her has really grown because of it.

[docrobbysherry]

I was one of those who said if u didn't enjoy dressing, to stop.

But, I didn't mean, or expect u to, stop perminantly!:brolleyes:

When u feel u must CD, u will! If u enjoy that experience, you'll continue. If u don't, u won't! I hate to see u agonizing over this! :sad:

Please know, that at one time or another, most of the rest of us do, too!:doh:

I have, and I know I will again! For me, CDing is like heroin! I get such a hi off of it, but I feel in my heart, it's wrong!:straightface:

[curse within]

I was one of those who said if u didn't enjoy dressing, to stop.

But, I didn't mean, or expect u to, stop perminantly!:brolleyes:

When u feel u must CD, u will! If u enjoy that experience, you'll continue. If u don't, u won't! I hate to see u agonizing over this! :sad:

Please know, that at one time or another, most of the rest of us do, too!:doh:

I have, and I know I will again! For me, CDing is like heroin! I get such a hi off of it, but I feel in my heart, it's wrong!:straightface:

Sherry,

No Cding is not wrong , the only thing wrong with CDING is how society accepts it.. Like so many have said if it makes you happy and you feel its wrong then it must feel so good to be wrong..

Thanks Sherry

[Nicki B]

I am at ease and peacefull. I am not depressed!!

I am really pleased for you. :)


I am only here to support ,NOT Dressing for the most part that isn't a good idea to Not support dressing and don't get me wrong on that..But to support real issues that some members have on controlling the urges to share what works for me as well as friends and family members with lack of acceptance and suggest how to deal with them. I am also still here to continue to learn I know there is no cure for Crossdressing ...YET...

Do you find coming here still helps you, or does it just make you think about it more?



That question's meant in a spirit of honest curiosity, not aggressively..

[curse within]

Nikki,

Great question I really do feel this place helps me and not in a negative way .. I hope nobody see's this as being negative.. I have gained a lot of understanding here from all levels of Crossdressing and from all levels of GG's acceptance ,to be honest.. I see where I fit in now and where I could fit in down the road ..The down the road scares me , after my wife and I seperated I indulged myself I was heading down that road..

I really had a lot of changing to do because it was a road I did not want to continue..No not because of society acceptance and no not fear of losing family and friends... But yes personal choice I really had to bring it into prospective..I spent time in dressing asking myself is this me?? No it wasn't and all it did was bring me depression and remorse.. Being here reminds me of the last times I dressed , the urges to go out and be seen escape the closet if you may..

The time I spent alone away from the real world being Alice in Wonderland with mirror mirror on the wall ( I didn't act as if I was Alice BTW just a example).. Anyways I was going nowhere fast and it wasn't as important to me as my urges suggested...Now I know I have been doing this for many years they are sure to come back But I also feel good about the amount of knowledge I have gained into getting a better understanding and control..

I hope that helps

Thanks

C.W.

[Billijo49504]

Hi, I got some suggestions for you. First, I would say that if you are not in counciling, I would get there. And second, pretend you are a duck. Let all of the negative remarks run off your back. When the lights go out, you still have to live for what is right for you. So don't let others put you down. But counciling probably would help. Loosing your family and then not being sure who you are, you need some help. And I hope you get it and it helps....BJ

[beenherelongtime]

i don't understand what you are trying to say. could you be clearer next time you post

[curse within]

Billie,

Hey thanks for the suggestions, I am great although I could see the mis understanding in thinking otherwords.. I have seen therapist and if I see another one in 40 years it would be too soon. For me anyways.

My wife and I seperated under mutal agreements and my youngest lives with me, I still have family and we didn't seperate on bad terms we talk almost daily.

But really I can't stress that enough I am great..I know who I am ..I'm a crossdresser and will be for life even if I never dress again.

[sissystephanie]

I just wanted to clear some myths ... People who say if you do not enjoy crossdessing WHY DON'T YOU JUST STOP DOING IT?? I will have you know that I have stopped dressing going on my third month.. My mind has never been so clear I can focus on being more productive I am happier about myself and with myself, I am at ease and peacefull. I am not depressed!!

But to think the urges can just be turned off is only fooling myself , I am surprised the amount of people who suggested that and can easily say that! I am only here to support ,NOT Dressing for the most part that isn't a good idea to Not support dressing and don't get me wrong on that..But to support real issues that some members have on controlling the urges to share what works for me as well as friends and family members with lack of acceptance and suggest how to deal with them. I am also still here to continue to learn I know there is no cure for Crossdressing ...YET...

CW, I am glad that you are now happy and at ease. But I do want to clear up what I believe is a misconception you have.

You stated that, "there is no cure for Crossdressing...Yet". Sorry, there is a cure!! It is called STOPPING!! As others have said, it is like an addiction! But addictions can be overcome, if the desire is there! Many smokers, alcoholics, and drug addicts have done so. Note, this only works with CD's if the CD is a true CD, and not a Transsexual hiding under the CD mantle. By true CD, I mean one who dresses merely for the pleasure of wearing feminine garments and no other reason!

As I said, you have to have the desire to stop. And that means totally walking away from any and all aspects of Crossdressing. That would include being on this Forum! I am not trying to mock, or belittle, you in any way. But if CD activities cause you such pain and discomfort as you described, then you should be as far away from any such activities as possible, including this Forum! You said yourself that being on here brings back memories of dressing, so why do it? If you truly don't want to dress, there is no reason to learn more about Crossdressing, is there?

I do hope you stay pain free and in good spirits!

[Maria2222]

Hi CW,
I hope things continue to go well for you. I don't think it's as simple as deciding whether to dress or not. In fact, I don't think any of us really has a choice at all. I think being a CD is inborn in us and will always come back no matter what we do to try to prevent it or ignore it. We can't stop it any more than we can stop breathing.
Given that, we need to accept something that's truly an intimate part of us and learn to live with it and enjoy it.
My :2c:

[curse within]

Sissy,

With all due repect no...That is not true, through all I have searched and all I have read no there is no such thing as a CDer stopping as a cure for any reason why one dresses.. Believe me I have searched and searched for answers..

I am staying here to support and continue to learn as I stated , this place has been great at giving me the support to not only continue to stop from how I see dressing to learning what happens and why .. You just don't go cold Turkey , yes you can with smokes and drinking but crossdressing is something most feel you are born with, not a stimulant or addiction.. No you are not only a Trans sexual if you have desires to dress and can't stop ,completely different subject and no I am not a Trans sexual BTW..

I appeciate your efforts in helping I am not in denial, I asked for this post and I am in no way upset over it please don't get me wrong. But it's a myth you can't just stop forever it takes control and understanding and yes will power , That is what I am after... People have stopped for months years and
decades only to return dressing, some say the only way out is death ( no I am not picking that exit)..

I am not asking for any simpthy what so ever no need for anyone to feel sorry for me ..I am doing great :D I just wanted to challenge how anyone can think that you just snap your fingers and ......poof ...you don't dress anymore..BTW yes I have stopped been done for almost three months nothing new for me tho as I gone years before without dressing or even desires..

Thanks again Sissy and as I said no dis respect intended..

C.W.

[sissystephanie]

Sissy,

With all due repect no...That is not true, through all I have searched and all I have read no there is no such thing as a CDer stopping as a cure for any reason why one dresses.. Believe me I have searched and searched for answers..

I am staying here to support and continue to learn as I stated , this place has been great at giving me the support to not only continue to stop from how I see dressing to learning what happens and why .. You just don't go cold Turkey , yes you can with smokes and drinking but crossdressing is something most feel you are born with, not a stimulant or addiction.. No you are not only a Trans sexual if you have desires to dress and can't stop ,completely different subject and no I am not a Trans sexual BTW..

I appeciate your efforts in helping I am not in denial, I asked for this post and I am in no way upset over it please don't get me wrong. But it's a myth you can't just stop forever it takes control and understanding and yes will power , That is what I am after... People have stopped for months years and
decades only to return dressing, some say the only way out is death ( no I am not picking that exit)..

I am not asking for any simpthy what so ever no need for anyone to feel sorry for me ..I am doing great :D I just wanted to challenge how anyone can think that you just snap your fingers and ......poof ...you don't dress anymore..BTW yes I have stopped been done for almost three months nothing new for me tho as I gone years before without dressing or even desires..

Thanks again Sissy and as I said no dis respect intended..

C.W.

CW, no disrespect noticed! You are very polite in your responses.

In the over 70 years that I have been alive, I have had many opportunities to talk to many people knowledgeable about Crossdressing. This includes MD's, Psychologists, and trained Therapists. Only a very few did I see on a professional level. But one thing I do remember from my many conversations with them. Virtually all of them were of the opinion that Crossdrssing is NOT something you were born with!! It is, according to them, an acquired desire!
Therefore, it can, like any other acquired desire, be stopped!

Notice, I did not say it can be stopped by snapping your fingers! You said yourself it takes control, understanding and will power! That is very true, just as it is for any addiction. The most important thing is will power! Without that you cannot achieve anything. With it there is not limit to what you can do, except maybe physical limititations. I did stop being a CD for several years, because I wanted to! I only started to dress again because my dear late wife asked me to! If my daughter, or my GGF, asked me to stop tomorrow I would. No question as to whether I can, or not. I know that I have the willpower to do it. Do you??

I understand your desire to learn more, but I think you are putting undue stress on yourself by continuing to read the Forum. If you really want to give up Crossdressing completely, then you need to get as far away from it as possible, as I said earlier.

No disrespect to you, but I think you are in denial! You think you want to stop, but you don't have the will power to do it! See my paragraph above for the reason why I think that.

It is your ball, what are you going to do with it?

[curse within]

Sissy,

Thanks again and with the same respect as before I have to disagree..Believe it or not Sissy I was in total agreement with the way you suggested and I would have stood behind your every word that was not to long ago, but at much to my dismay I was proved wrong again and again.. That was when I was in denial..

I am in total acceptance and will try anything to completely stop , This is a new approach for me due to my old beliefs and years of broken promises to myself.Through out your years of cding a lot was learned many studys and through that time with trial and error also happening.. In my opinion. Due to studys that did take place WERE considered wishy washy by that meaning the SUBJECTS that were studied. Because so much wasn't understood about crossdressing as a WHOLE the studied subjects were found to be in SOME cases Trans Sexuals .. This could have only been a opinion because most people in the beggining of these studies were OPENLY crossdresses not the average closet dresser( makes sence because they were in the closet at that time) Only within the past 15 years has crossdressing been studied into different levels and not as a whole..( closet dresser a little more accepted and willing to commit to such studies)..

I know it's hard in to understand but things have been found differently ,even to this date it is not proven that you were or were not born with the desire to crossdress.. There is no proof and doctors are only stating an opinion if they suggest that..

[cd_britney_426]

If you are the same person I remember, it seems like we've been through this before. I hate to say it but you do seem a little bit preachy and out of place but I could be wrong. It is my understanding that this forum category is to support MTF crossdressers. It is not a 12-step program to stop crossdressing. If you are trying to stop crossdressing then that is up to you but none of what you said makes any sense. The exception is the part where if you don't enjoy crossdressing, then don't do it. However, if you don't enjoy crossdressing and don't crossdress, it makes no sense to be on this forum unless of course you are truly supporting other people who crossdress which I am now a bit skeptical about.

Your username basically tells what you believe about crossdressing. Most of us don't feel it is a curse and I personally find such views a bit offensive. It is who we are. Some of us who have been born male have a feminine side which we like to express. Then some of us were born in the wrong body and wish to transition physically as well. From the majority of the posts I have read here, it is not crossdressing that we are unhappy with but it is the unaccepting attitudes of society towards us when we dress. If you prefer to not crossdress just so you can "fit in" with the narrow view of society that is your choice but some if not most of us would rather be ourselves regardless of what other people think. That is not always an easy step but most of us either have or at some point in the future will come out of the closet to people about our CDing.

I'm not going to argue further with you on this issue. Crossdressing is not an illness that needs to be cured. It is expressing our feminine side and for many of us it is who we are. It is also legal freedom of expression. If you don't CD but want to support us, try not calling CDing a curse or something that needs to be cured or otherwise controlled. Britney

[curse within]

If you are the same person I remember, it seems like we've been through this before. I hate to say it but you do seem a little bit preachy and out of place but I could be wrong. It is my understanding that this forum category is to support MTF crossdressers. It is not a 12-step program to stop crossdressing. If you are trying to stop crossdressing then that is up to you but none of what you said makes any sense. The exception is the part where if you don't enjoy crossdressing, then don't do it. However, if you don't enjoy crossdressing and don't crossdress, it makes no sense to be on this forum unless of course you are truly supporting other people who crossdress which I am now a bit skeptical about.

Your username basically tells what you believe about crossdressing. Most of us don't feel it is a curse and I personally find such views a bit offensive. It is who we are. Some of us who have been born male have a feminine side which we like to express. Then some of us were born in the wrong body and wish to transition physically as well. From the majority of the posts I have read here, it is not crossdressing that we are unhappy with but it is the unaccepting attitudes of society towards us when we dress. If you prefer to not crossdress just so you can "fit in" with the narrow view of society that is your choice but some if not most of us would rather be ourselves regardless of what other people think. That is not always an easy step but most of us either have or at some point in the future will come out of the closet to people about our CDing.

I'm not going to argue further with you on this issue. Crossdressing is not an illness that needs to be cured. It is expressing our feminine side and for many of us it is who we are. It is also legal freedom of expression. If you don't CD but want to support us, try not calling CDing a curse or something that needs to be cured or otherwise controlled. Britney

In all fairness please show me ....would you please show me where I have tried in anyway to stop or preach to any about Crossdressing I would love to see it..This Forum clearly states open discussion to all forms of crossdressing

[ColleenShivas]

I have read many of the threads that relate to your curse, and I have responded in a few of them. But I do not have the time to keep up with all of the exchanges, so please forgive me if I missed something.

Nowhere have I read exactly why you believe that this is a curse. Does it ruin your relationship with your SO and other women? Does its expression threaten your career and livelihood? Does your religion reject such behavior? Does it make you question your own sexuality?

If your reasons for externally suppressing your feminine side are stronger than those for enjoying them, then stop already. You may be able to control the urges, but if you are like most of us, they will not go away.

I prefer to think that it is not a curse, but that I am "gender enhanced." Whether or not I choose the external expression, my interactions with others can have more dimensions than male-male and male-female.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

We cannot turn off the URGE/DESIRE to crossdress. It is so deep within our body and soul that this is just not possible. A lot of us have tried to no avail. I still believe that we are born this way - a way that cannot be changed or stopped. People who tell that we just need to stop and that would be the end of it - just plain don't know or appreciate what we live with or go through - until they have walked in my high heels, don't tell me what I can or should do.
JoAnne Wheeler

[sissystephanie]

We cannot turn off the URGE/DESIRE to crossdress. It is so deep within our body and soul that this is just not possible. A lot of us have tried to no avail. I still believe that we are born this way - a way that cannot be changed or stopped. People who tell that we just need to stop and that would be the end of it - just plain don't know or appreciate what we live with or go through - until they have walked in my high heels, don't tell me what I can or should do.
JoAnne Wheeler

As I told CW in an earlier post, YES you can turn off the Urge/Desire!! If you really want to!! And JoAnne, I have walked in high heels, probably more than you have! CW has said repeatedly that he wants to stop Crossdressing. I have no idea why he wants to stop. But if he really truly wants to stop, he would not be writing posts in this Forum. Yes, CW, the Forum is open to all! But it is primarily a Forum for people who Crossdress!! You don't want to do that so why read about people who do?

I said it before and I will say it again. The ONLY way to turn off any Urge/Desire/Addiction is to get completely away from it!

There may, or may not be any concrete evidence as to whether or not we are born as a CD. But I believe most psychologists and psychiatrists who study gender problems would agree that it is an acquired thing, not something you were born with. CW, your very name and your posts on other threads indicate strong feelings concerning the supposed harm that CD'ing has done to you. As one poster did say, you do come across as a bit "preachy!" That is not meant to be insulting in any way, it is just me stating my opinion! I have no idea what your education level is, but I do wonder how much actual research you have done re: Crossdressing!

If you really want to stop, do it and quit reading this Forum!!

[Cassia-Marie]

Well, CW, I have to give you "mad props" (as the kids today say - hehe) for continuing to bring up very interesting and insightful topics. I don't think you're intentionally trying to stir the pot in a bad way and I'm enjoying the discourses. :)

I'd like to challenge the notion that crossdressing isn't something with which some people are born. If that were the case, how can it be explained that some people start to crossdress at a very early age? For myself, I remember desiring to dress like a girl as early as 4 or 5 years of age when I first started taking responsibility for dressing myself. I don't consider myself to be a transsexual; I have just always preferred women's clothing and the feelings I have when wearing them. That is to say, I don't want to be a woman, I just want to look like a woman and, hopefully, feel like a woman. I don't see how that can be considered "an acquired thing."

If CW is in the same camp, quitting as some have suggested isn't as simple as some have suggested. Perhaps if he were to move to a deserted island where there's no television or printed media so that he won't see advertisements for female-related clothing or products and where there aren't any women to fuel any desires, then he might have a fighting chance at quitting. After all, like Hannibal Lecter said:


"He covets. That is his nature. And how do we begin to covet, Clarice? Do we seek out things to covet? Make an effort to answer, now. …We begin by coveting things we see everyday…"

I will agree that CW won't find a way to quit by visiting this forum but he will gain excellent knowledge and insight here. If that helps him to come to an understanding about himself and what crossdressing means to him and that leads to a solution for him that helps him quit, then bravo! My guess is that the more knowledge and understanding he can gain, the better-equipped he is to deal with whatever issues he has with crossdressing.

[tvbeckytv]

And JoAnne, I have walked in high heels, probably more than you have!

I think that just goes to show how much you actually understand what people are saying.

[Kelli Michelle]

Doctors, therapists, etc.... for every one there is an opinion. I also suspect that we don't know if MOST think cding is an acquired thing. I would tend to believe those people more if they had excellent experience with cders. My research indicates that doctors DON'T know WHY crossdressers do it. They have an opinion, perhaps, perhaps learned, but still without enough proof, if any. It is not an addiction imho.

My own personal belief, is that eventually they will find a brain function that is different, or that there was chemical reaction while we were in the womb, etc that affected all of us.

Yes we can keep from doing it but at what cost? Would you quit and be miserable for years and years, when there is not one damn thing wrong with it? It's not illegal, it's not morally wrong (imo), it's only socially unacceptable. Because of that reasoning, it's nothing like drug addiction, alcoholism, or even smoking (which physically damages you and others). Even if we speculate it was an addiction like them, it is hard to imagine how one could stop forever, when the temptation would be there in front of us constantly (movies, tv, catalogs, internet sites, and just women walking around).

Another point, you don't hear people (well not many anymore) say to another group, "...you gays...you can overcome that...it's an addiction that can be stopped... you just have to be mentally tough...you can do it if you really want to..."

If cding is NOT an addiction then I would think that everyone should be fine with it. But, of course, they won't be for sometime

[curse within]

Well, CW, I have to give you "mad props" (as the kids today say - hehe) for continuing to bring up very interesting and insightful topics. I don't think you're intentionally trying to stir the pot in a bad way and I'm enjoying the discourses. :)

I'd like to challenge the notion that crossdressing isn't something with which some people are born. If that were the case, how can it be explained that some people start to crossdress at a very early age? For myself, I remember desiring to dress like a girl as early as 4 or 5 years of age when I first started taking responsibility for dressing myself. I don't consider myself to be a transsexual; I have just always preferred women's clothing and the feelings I have when wearing them. That is to say, I don't want to be a woman, I just want to look like a woman and, hopefully, feel like a woman. I don't see how that can be considered "an acquired thing."

If CW is in the same camp, quitting as some have suggested isn't as simple as some have suggested. Perhaps if he were to move to a deserted island where there's no television or printed media so that he won't see advertisements for female-related clothing or products and where there aren't any women to fuel any desires, then he might have a fighting chance at quitting. After all, like Hannibal Lecter said:


"He covets. That is his nature. And how do we begin to covet, Clarice? Do we seek out things to covet? Make an effort to answer, now. …We begin by coveting things we see everyday…"

I will agree that CW won't find a way to quit by visiting this forum but he will gain excellent knowledge and insight here. If that helps him to come to an understanding about himself and what crossdressing means to him and that leads to a solution for him that helps him quit, then bravo! My guess is that the more knowledge and understanding he can gain, the better-equipped he is to deal with whatever issues he has with crossdressing.

Cassia...:D Big kudos to you my friend for seeing and understanding what my goal is here...

I really can't blame or shake a stick at those who do not, I mean I am the one who has been out spoken here to stop but taken wrong.. I have been a life time dresser and seems to me Cassia you have had simular bouts , just as I did at one time enjoyed dressing.

Thank you once again for understanding..

To answer another post "why do I want to stop".. Yes you are correct I have posted the reason why several times but I really don't mind doing it again.. So here it is..

I believe most everyone has wanted to stop for one reason or another , a time or two in their lives,family, friends or quilt who knows I have been there for those reasons before. I have just found this new desire to stop I have decided that dressing is not for me because of all the grief it has brought me not only in the past , but in recent times..No it has nothing to do with friends , family or society believes and HAS everything to do with me...

I was raised to hate it, to feel ashamed of it and to never expose it to anyone or the fact that it is part of me... for over 40 years!! So in my times of self indulging I thought I was getting happiness only to recieve quilt from my selfishness . It takes me from family and friends as well as being productive to dress alone because that is the only way for me ..THE ONLY WAY..

So yes it may be a sign of weakness or it could be strength either way it is my choice.. Many of us HAVE TRIED to stop for many reasons. I havn't purged yet either and I won't for some time .. I am sorry if my post are disturbing or offend any of you and by all means if you feel that way just look under the title you will see the name of who started the post ignore mine..

I would just like to stay on topic myself not looking for a pissing match just a discussion IN ALL AREAS OF MTF CROSSDRESSING..

Thanks

C.W.

[ColleenShivas]

First let me say that I am not disturbed or offended. I have learned that each of us must deal with this aspect of our personalities in our own way, but it seems that you have not yet found your way, so I was just trying to probe a little more.

I think that you are wrong about everyone wanting to stop. I see many posts, especially by younger members, who already see that this is a part of them that will not leave and want to know how to deal with it. In my own case, although I had a rather strict protestant upbringing, I have never been willing to give up the pleasurable aspects of CDing.

So I will rephrase what I have already said - if the guilt and rejection overwhelms whatever positive feelings you may have (and apparently they are few) then get mad at society (I believe anger - controlled - is a much healthier emotion than guilt) and deny yourself as much as you are able. Who knows, you might succeed and prove a lot of us wrong about "it not going away."

[JulieK1980]

For the record I don't think it can be stopped. Its not a drug. As for the nature vs. nurture, who knows and quite frankly who cares. It is what it is, and whether you stop for 1 day or 20 years the urge and desire are still there. It has similarities with addictions, but to call it one is just simply denial.

[CrossJess]

For the record I don't think it can be stopped. Its not a drug.


I agree, but cross-dressing in my book falls into the same category as being Gay, BI ect, it’s in the system and can’t be turned off believe me I know this area well, I’ve spent a good 10 years of my life coving things up with “oh its wrong you shouldn’t do that”, I tried for many years to bury the fact that I might be gay and the fact I had a taste for girly clothing, see I was always brought up to think it was wrong etc etc, but no matter how hard you try to stop it the worse it will get in the long run, I’m afraid it will get the better of you in the end, since I’ve let my self loose I’ve been a lot happier for it, living a covered up fake life is not the way to go believe me!

The thing I can’t understand is why you would want to stop cross-dressing, do you hate doing it? If so then I could understand, or is it the fact you think it’s wrong or have been forced to believe it’s wrong?

If I’ve learnt anything about life it's all about being happy, life is short and you should make the most of it, do what ever you feel like doing and if that means cross-dressing or what ever then so be it if it makes you happy, nobody has the right to tell you what you should do, say or think, it’s your life.

[valenstein]

As I told CW in an earlier post, YES you can turn off the Urge/Desire!! If you really want to!! And JoAnne, I have walked in high heels, probably more than you have! CW has said repeatedly that he wants to stop Crossdressing. I have no idea why he wants to stop. But if he really truly wants to stop, he would not be writing posts in this Forum. Yes, CW, the Forum is open to all! But it is primarily a Forum for people who Crossdress!! You don't want to do that so why read about people who do?

I said it before and I will say it again. The ONLY way to turn off any Urge/Desire/Addiction is to get completely away from it!

There may, or may not be any concrete evidence as to whether or not we are born as a CD. But I believe most psychologists and psychiatrists who study gender problems would agree that it is an acquired thing, not something you were born with. CW, your very name and your posts on other threads indicate strong feelings concerning the supposed harm that CD'ing has done to you. As one poster did say, you do come across as a bit "preachy!" That is not meant to be insulting in any way, it is just me stating my opinion! I have no idea what your education level is, but I do wonder how much actual research you have done re: Crossdressing!

If you really want to stop, do it and quit reading this Forum!!

Well, if I decided tomorrow that I no longer wanted to crossdress, it wouldn't necessarily mean I'd quit this forum or stop being friends with people I've come to know. It would certainly make it harder, but they are also a group that can relate. Some people may not need or want that support, but who else is going to relate if not the people here?

You say that you have the will power to stop if your daughter or gf asked you to stop, you would. Why? It means a lot to me and goes far beyond clothes, it takes an ernormous amount of will power to work through the parts that cause me grief. Like you, I think crossdressing (as far as wearing the clothes is concerned) is acquired, but so are memories and interpretation of your emotions and feelings.

Running away from urges and desires may keep it at bay, but does nothing to cure the symptoms.

[Karen564]

Notice, I did not say it can be stopped by snapping your fingers! You said yourself it takes control, understanding and will power! That is very true, just as it is for any addiction. The most important thing is will power! Without that you cannot achieve anything. With it there is not limit to what you can do, except maybe physical limititations. I did stop being a CD for several years, because I wanted to! I only started to dress again because my dear late wife asked me to! If my daughter, or my GGF, asked me to stop tomorrow I would. No question as to whether I can, or not. I know that I have the willpower to do it. Do you??

I hope no one here gets too mad at me & I'm not trying to rain on anyones parade here, I truely do wish everyone only the best of luck in their lives, But....

To be totally honest Sissy, Your not making any sense here at all. :confused:

You stated that you stopped dressing because of your willpower to do so for many years.
Then you to started again ONLY because your wife ASKED you to, OK,

But here's the part I don't get,,, so if she's gone now (sorry to hear) ,OK, so now that shes gone, why have you continued CDing ????

Remember you said you ONLY did it because she Asked you to.. And you say you have the Willpower to stop at ANY time.

So WHY does your daughter or anyone for that matter HAVE to tell you to stop in order for you do so???
You say you Can stop, but have no Desire to stop.. So Why is that????

Again, Why do you NOT wish or Desire to stop!!, Wouldn't that mean it's because you Enjoy it?? So then, don't you have to ask yourself, Why do I enjoy it??
There's got to be something to this...do you see what I'm saying??, just maybe a little, Don't yeah think??

ALL this sounds very contradictory and seems like someone in denial, No??

Maybe I don't understand it because I have GID & am a TS, But it seems that most CD'ers also have an urge that cannot just go away.

They may desire that urge to go away, and some may stop for a while, But as sure as the sun rises in the east & sets in the west, That Urge DOES RETURN at some point, and usually with a vigorous vengeance!!! and before you know it, your playing catchup with the lost time. Right??

There's only one way to completely stop it, but that's also when you stop breathing too. IMO

So sure, anyone can stop, and good luck too, but it WILL return, the only question is when.:2c:

Peace,
Karen

[NicoleScott]

While pondering how I would word my response, in an effort to contribute but not offend, I came accross Britney's post. It's just what I wanted to say.
Confused and frustrated in my younger years, I didn't know how I was going to handle a lifetime of crossdressing. I knew by this time that the desire to crossdress would not go away. I have stopped dressing for long periods, but the desire was always there. So I embraced who I was and what I am, and dressed when I could as the desire compelled. If I ever perceived it as a curse that caused my confusion and frustration, accepting it turned it into something great and wonderful. I love being a man, and also feel so fortunate that I can express my feminine side as well, which I do mostly in private, and in my own way. This may not be the place to get support for stopping the crossdressing activities.

[TxKimberly]

. . . So mock me if you will . . .

Mock you? Why on Earth would we mock you? You have always been honest, thoughtful, and Respectful. Frankly I'm delighted that you are willing to stay and offer that sort of support. Up until now, this forum has been almost entirely about accepting yourself, leaving those that are seeking help quiting pretty much out in the cold. You, and others like you, can help fill that niche.
We are all supposedly adults here. Not only adults, but presumably adults that have a vested interest in trying to understand and tolerate people with differing views and opinions.
I can't think of any reason in the world why both sorts of support can't be provided and tolerated here. As long as we all treat each other with respect, why not?!

Assuming that the folks that run this joint agree, maybe they could even create an area of the forum specifically for those seeking help to stop crossdressing.

[Lisa Golightly]

Quitting dressing is like quitting alcohol or drugs... Every day is a battle. Respect for your path, it isn't mine, but I wish you every success to you on your journey and the selflessness you have in being there for others... Salute mon ami.

[Carly D.]

Not dressing for three months.. holly shhhhh... do you have the shakes.. kick the sheets.. get night sweats... I'm just joking, of course it can be done.. we don't HAVE to dress this way.. I don't have to.. but DAMN, it feels good to dress this way.. thank you.. quite lyrical. don't ya think???

[JulieK1980]

I agree, but cross-dressing in my book falls into the same category as being Gay, BI ect, it’s in the system and can’t be turned off believe me I know this area well, I’ve spent a good 10 years of my life coving things up with “oh its wrong you shouldn’t do that”, I tried for many years to bury the fact that I might be gay and the fact I had a taste for girly clothing, see I was always brought up to think it was wrong etc etc, but no matter how hard you try to stop it the worse it will get in the long run, I’m afraid it will get the better of you in the end, since I’ve let my self loose I’ve been a lot happier for it, living a covered up fake life is not the way to go believe me!

The thing I can’t understand is why you would want to stop cross-dressing, do you hate doing it? If so then I could understand, or is it the fact you think it’s wrong or have been forced to believe it’s wrong?

If I’ve learnt anything about life it's all about being happy, life is short and you should make the most of it, do what ever you feel like doing and if that means cross-dressing or what ever then so be it if it makes you happy, nobody has the right to tell you what you should do, say or think, it’s your life.

I agree 100% with you on this! One thing that being bisexual has helped me with is to be able to see the interconections between my crossdressing and my bisexuality. While the two are most definitely seperate entities. I think it has also helped me to figure out who I am myself, being forced to bring my sexuality into it, has forced me to seriously contemplate who I am, and whether I wanted to struggle through denial, or just accept myself and live happily. In the end I of course chose happiness.:) But being bi gave me a significant advantage of making me more open minded to the crossdressing. Already being against one social moral, helped me to break the other as well. I think it may be significantly more difficult for a crossdresser who is heterosexual, as they are much more inclined to want to stay within "normal" social values.

[curse within]

Thanks everyone for the replies:).... TXKIM..I do wish to stay here and help if I can as Valstein said where else am I gonna go to talk about this or to support those who look at it as I do?..

I really do feel that everyone has atleast once in thier life tried to stop dressing in one form or another...But who am I to say I am not everyone ..

I also feel that our own acceptance for Crossdressing relates to how we were raised ..In saying that , it would be fair to explain why there are so many closet dressers, I am not saying that is the case for all :).. Yes soceity tells us that what we do isn't right, but sometimes we ourselves can feel that way about our own habits..Picking a boggie out of your nose isn't socally correct either but sometimes you have to do it because it annoys and nags at you until it's gone...I can say other things we do as well being human, but I am trying to keep it clean

No its not hurting anyone right? As long as you are opened about it to those around you..I'M speaking for myself I was never opened about dressing to anyone but MY wife and had stricted bounderies applied to me. So yes I am the same as all of you when it comes to the enjoyment of dressing :),I just don't want it anymore... My chances at succeding are slim and not at all but a good percent is there if I continue to not want to do it...I need to figure out why I am feeling this way ..

So sorry for the long and sometimes offending post but I do like feeling this way (wanting to stop) better.. I wish I can cap it up and save it for when this cycle ends..

[Karen564]

C.W.,
Where do you think YOUR going? Get Back here!! I didn't even get to you yet!!!!!!


Just Kidding..of course CW,

I just want to wish you well & success on your quest.
You'll never know until you try, Right?

So good luck & all the best!!

Take Care,
Karen

[Nicki B]

As I told CW in an earlier post, YES you can turn off the Urge/Desire!! If you really want to!!

I'm quite sure one can stop doing it, if one's motivation is strong enough - but I know of no one who has stopped the need and no longer ever thinks about it?

You obviously haven't, nor has CW. :sad:

[curse within]

I'm quite sure one can stop doing it, if one's motivation is strong enough - but I know of no one who has stopped the need and no longer ever thinks about it?

You obviously haven't, nor has CW. :sad:

I guess I should correct myself and say I am looking for a lifetime break from dressing:)

[jillleanne]

Sissystephanie, may I rephrase your usage of the term " stop ", to "Suppress". The easiest way I have found in my 50 some years of being gender enhanced, is to hang with the guys doing guy things, 24/7. The problem with that is it only takes the mind off who I am while doing the guy things. At bedtime the mind heads right back into fem mode. It only take the sighting of a great looking lady to bring the gender enhancment back in full force(or a shoe store). So sure, if you want to 'stop', find a cave somewhere in Afganistan, move there, give up sleeping, just do guy things, and pray you never see a gg or shoe store again.

[RobynP]

Stopping crossdressing is easy for me... I have probably stopped hundreds of times and even purged a few times.... The problem is that even if you don't crossdress, you are still a crossdresser! Whatever your triggers are, they are out there, everywhere. Unless you are able to discover what all your triggers are and are able to deal with them, it will be very difficult not to start crossdressing again at some point. The easiest way to deal with triggers is to avoid them. Recovering alcoholics don't go into bars or liquor stores. Recovering gamblers don't go to casinos. But what can a "recovering" crossdresser do? There are triggers all around us. If you are married, there are probably thousands of triggers in your house. Watching TV, reading newspapers and magazines, going shopping are all filled with triggers. It's not impossible... just extremely difficult... Depending on your triggers, you'd probably have to put so much energy into identifying them and managing them, you'd probably have very little time and energy to do anything else...

Robyn P.

[Angie G]

That's great that you can do this I know some have a problum with dressing and wish to stop for them I wish them all the luck in the world. I've never had the problum and am very happy with me being dressed when I can witch is a lot. Good luck to you in stoping hun.:hugs:
Angie

[cd_britney_426]

I also find it a bit disturbing that CDing is compared to alcohol and drugs. Alcohol and drugs can have severe consequences on a person's health if done in excess. There really isn't even a such thing as CDing in excess because usually that means that the person is transgendered. It doesn't hurt to question why you do something and it is also important to question why you think you need to stop doing something. I don't even agree with the "recovery" approach of 12-step programs toward substance abuse so I especially don't agree with similar ideas being applied to CDing. Even drug and alcohol use has little to no negative impact on a person's health if done in moderation yet the "recovery" idea is to take someone who has been abusing chemicals in excess to suddenly quit cold turkey and never touch them again. I tend to believe that moderation is the key. CDing has no negative impact on anyone's health and the only real negative aspect is that society doesn't accept it but in and of itself there is nothing wrong with it. Nobody would be CDing if they didn't find some enjoyment out of it and this goes with anything in life. The key is moderation. If you are doing too much of it then maybe you should CD less. Chances are that if you completely stop something you enjoy and try to suppress your desires for it when it isn't even harmful in the first place then in the long term you actually will cause yourself even more emotional pain. Britney

[MarcieM]

interesting...
I see this has once again turned into an "US vs. THEM" thing.

[curse within]

I also find it a bit disturbing that CDing is compared to alcohol and drugs. Alcohol and drugs can have severe consequences on a person's health if done in excess. There really isn't even a such thing as CDing in excess because usually that means that the person is transgendered. It doesn't hurt to question why you do something and it is also important to question why you think you need to stop doing something. I don't even agree with the "recovery" approach of 12-step programs toward substance abuse so I especially don't agree with similar ideas being applied to CDing. Even drug and alcohol use has little to no negative impact on a person's health if done in moderation yet the "recovery" idea is to take someone who has been abusing chemicals in excess to suddenly quit cold turkey and never touch them again. I tend to believe that moderation is the key. CDing has no negative impact on anyone's health and the only real negative aspect is that society doesn't accept it but in and of itself there is nothing wrong with it. Nobody would be CDing if they didn't find some enjoyment out of it and this goes with anything in life. The key is moderation. If you are doing too much of it then maybe you should CD less. Chances are that if you completely stop something you enjoy and try to suppress your desires for it when it isn't even harmful in the first place then in the long term you actually will cause yourself even more emotional pain. Britney

For the record...if that was directed at me please reread the post..I agree that in noway can CDing be compared with drugs , alcohol and smoking.. But I do like the 12 step approach just me tho..

[Tamera]

Hi Curse Within,
I don't feel that 3 months is long enough to say you are "so called Cured". Many still go back even after a few years.

I am very happy with myself to finally come to terms that Tamera will always be a part of my life. How much of a part, well, who knows.

I don't beleive a "Leopard can change its spots"(figure of speech of course).

Good Luck on your Journey, You have my support, no matter what your choice is.
Hugs,
Tamera

[curse within]

I don't feel that 3 months is long enough to say you are "so called Cured".

I Agree....In fact there is no known cure.:Angry3:... Thanks for the thoughts tho and wishing me luck:)interesting...




I see this has once again turned into an "US vs. THEM" thing.

I deserve it and consider it fuel as it helps ..I have learned it's not how it is directed or said it's how well we learn from it...