Is That All There Is?

[Phyliss]

I’m reminded of the song by, Peggy Lee
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qe9kKf7SHco
History of the song:
http://www2.hawaii.edu/~lady/snapshots/peggy-lee.html
Also see, for more information:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Is_That_All_There_Is%3F
So, where’s this going?
I pretty much have the freedom, within reason, to dress as I choose. Wig, forms, skirt /dress and full bore makeup on occasion. Mostly the trilogy of undies, ladies slacks or trousers, bland looking blouse, ( no lace or frills ) low heels and light makeup. Wear a nylon nightgown / Pjs to bed every night. Hair in a ponytail most of the time ( done up high on the back of my head ). Toes always painted, and acrylic overlays with a light pink hue.

What’s not to like? In the past 4 years I’ve come so far “out” that I find it difficult to believe. Reading some of the postings by other members who can only dream of being where I am, I realize I’m so very fortunate and believe me I understand all too well my situation as it is now. Time was, just walking through the ladies section of a dept. store on my way to some place else, would send shivers through me. Today I feel “right at home” doing any sort of shopping or browsing, considered a “good customer” at some stores.

So, here I sit in my butter yellow nylon night gown with matching undies and a pretty sea foam green soft fuzzy robe, with comfy slippers, and wonder, “Is That All There Is?”

Would I like to go farther ( meaning transition ) at first thought … YES. Then reality kicks in and I realize that will NEVER happen. Too many question to answer, loss of friends, family, job problems, and on and on. Knowing that road is closed to me, I have to travel another path. I can see the road sign that says “Full time this way” but that one looks much too bumpy for me. There’s another that says “Keep going and see what happens”
I suppose I’ll have to go that way, but the scenery is becoming a bit boring, every day is more of same. I used to dream of “vanilla ice cream” now I can swim in it. I think I’d like a different flavor, or at least some sprinkles on top.
It’s early morning and I’ve only had one cup of coffee so I’m not completely “all there” perhaps somebody can understand what I’m attempting to convey.
Maybe my S.A.D. ( seasonal affective disorder ) is showing up again and this is why I sound a bit “down” . Gonna hit the “electric beach” at the gym for a few days maybe that’ll help.

[Mollyanne]

I would LOVE to be in your position. I too have thought about fully transitioning but like you to many questions to answer, many friends, family and job to loose, etc etc. So here I am in my lingerie and robe daydreaming of what next. I kinda experience the same thoughts that you have and just let them swirl around in my head for a bit before I come back to reality,(and right now I HATE reality). I envy your attitude and maybe someday I will be there also but for now:daydreaming:

Mollyanne

[LACD]

Make room for another ladies. I don't get to dress as much as you Phyllis, but my thoughts have run along the same lines. As I mature(hate to say age), my femme side seems to have a stronger urge to be out. Dear Wife is cool with my dressing and even helps. Only fear of loss of family keeps me from being more open.That and things Phyllis mentioned are keepin me in the closet.

[deja true]

Get it completely...

*little tears of recognition and empathy*

*sigh*

[Sarah...]

... every day is more of same.... .

It depends on what you're looking for. "Every day is more of the same" is an important part of your life. To illustrate: I want to get my excitement from all the usual things I have always done - kids, mountain biking, photography, skiing. I want my every day life to be more of the same - as a full time female. Being female isn't the exciting bit, it's just me. For me, the excitement is all the glorious added extras of family life and a rich, varied set of hobbies.

If your hobby is CDing then the view is completely different, and no less valid I should say, and I hope that you soon identify what it is you need next to continue your fun-filled ride through life!

Sarah...

[JoAnne Wheeler]

A lot of us would give anything to be in your position. Yet, we think that the grass is always greener on the other side. A lot of things you take for granted because of your freedom to express yourself.

JoAnne Wheeler

[vikki2020]

Phyliss, I had the same feelings too. The more I can dress and get out, the more comfortable I get, the less thrill in the game! Natural progression, I guess! I posted a thread--"Plus and Minus" a while ago,kind of the same lament. Sorry, I don't know how to make the link.

[beenherelongtime]

Phyliss: we all hit plateaus and wonder what next. That is why people that are famous, such as Elvis and other stars of our time get onto drugs because they have everything and have no more places to go. Remember it is not reaching the top that satisfies you, it is the road you travel.

[sometimes_miss]

Well, for some of us, that's all there is. It's one of the most difficult things I've ever had to face, the end of dreams, of hopes, knowing the chances of happiness are remote at best. I've learned what the elderly who face eternally being alone feel like, and it's not fun. But I've learned to enjoy little things, a hot cup of tea, a swim in a warm sea, watching movies on my own home big screen, taking a long ride in a really nice sports car. Doesn't make up for having a girlfriend though. That's all there is.

[Alice Torn]

Sometimes Miss, Yep, I can totally relate. Haven't had an almost serious dating relationship, since 1987, at almost 55, and decades of hoping, with no family life, its just me, my cats, and apartment, and i am content with what i have, in increasingly scary times.

[Persephone]

Sorry to hear that you are down at the moment.

I too can pretty much dress and go out whenever I want. And, yes, it can become more "ordinary." Perhaps the real song is B. B. King's awesome "The Thrill is Gone (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qtm66Z3lebc)?"

While clothing, style, and fashion are big parts of many GG's lives, for them that isn't "all there is," so perhaps the way out is to take a cue from their playsheet? Women make friends and hang out with other women.

You may be able to do the same. Join the Ladies' Auxilliary at a church, volunteer at a hospital, take a knitting or sewing class, or join a women's soccer team. Start to hang with a few new women friends, women who only know Phyliss. It's great fun and you'll be excited by the new things you will learn in "girl world."

Believe it or not, there are ways to do it even if you can't pass.

And if it really is S.A.D., perhaps New Hampshire isn't the best place right now. Maybe a vacation is in order? Bet you'd look great in a bikini on a beach in the Caribbean!

[tricia_uktv]

Hi Phyliss.

I know exactly what are you are saying. Sometimes the journey may be better than the destination. What is the saying, "its better to travel hopefully than to arrive", or something like that. I think thats why we need to take time to think things over. The journey for me was certainly a rollercoaster. Good luck!

But remember - its all about having fun!

[Phyliss]

Thank you one and all for the comments.

To help myself, I indulged in a bit of "retail therapy" and feel better for it.

Only problem ( if you can call it that ) they make it too easy to buy things. No more challenge. Walked in and my favorite S.A. greets me and within 5 minutes she's got an armful of clothes and is ushering me into a dressing room. Spent almost an hour trying on different things and modeling them in front of the 3 way mirror just outside of the changing area. About 4 or 5 other customers came in and tried on something and left. Never a word said to me. I did compliment one lady on the cute skirt she picked up and she thanked me for that.

Trust me in that I'm NOT complaining about my situation, nor am I trying to do the "oh my I'm so torn, should I buy the Rolls Royce or the Bently" thing, it's just that some days I wonder.....