Hi, I'm new here. Need some advice figuring out what I am.

[Leslie]

Hello to all the lovely ladies out there. I'm still trying to figure out if I'm a crossdresser or transvestite or transgender? There seems to be different levels of it I guess. Maybe someone can educate me on this? :confused: I started putting on my mother's bras, panties, pantyhose, slips, etc. when I was about 10 or 11 (I'm 31 now). The curiosity and taboo of it turned me on right away. When my sister came of age, I started "borrowing" her lingerie too. Her bras and panties were tight on me, very arousing. I have, on a few occasions, gone so far as to put on all the lingerie, and a dress, but never make-up. I don't really have a desire to go out in public dressed as a woman, but I still enjoy wearing at least a bra and panties when I pleasure myself. I have a nice collection of bras, panties, pantyhose, slips, camisoles, etc. I love women and am attracted to them sexually. Sometimes, when I'm in the home of a woman I'm seeing, I like to raid her lingerie drawer and dirty laundry, even if just for a quick fix when she's either not around, or not looking. I would welcome any comments, advice, etc.

Leslie

[starlitsky]

Hello to all the lovely ladies out there. I'm still trying to figure out if I'm a crossdresser or transvestite or transgender? There seems to be different levels of it I guess. Maybe someone can educate me on this? :confused:


do correct me if i'm wrong :)

crossdresser: a person who wears the clothing of another gender.

transvestite: a person who wears the clothing of another gender for sexual or emotional gratification.

transgender: a person who believes that their gender identity does not match their biological sex (organs)

transsexual: a person who is considering, or has had medical procedures to change from one gender to another.

[Madilyn]

do correct me if i'm wrong :)

crossdresser: a person who wears the clothing of another gender.

transvestite: a person who wears the clothing of another gender for sexual or emotional gratification.

transgender: a person who believes that their gender identity does not match their biological sex (organs)

transsexual: a person who is considering, or has had medical procedures to change from one gender to another.

I think you hit the preverbial nail-on-the-head...

[Julie]

This definition was just given to me by a clinical psychologist who specialized in transgender issues and was a guest speaker at the Be-All Convention:

Crossdresser - an individual who enjoys wearing the clothing of the opposite sex. This usually surfaces around the onset of puberty.

Fetishistic Transvestite - an individual who gets sexual pleasure from articles of clothing of the opposite sex. This also usually surfaces around puberty.

Transgender - an individual who has one foot in both camps. They like some things about their born gender but long to experience what it's like being in the other gender. These memories usually go back to early childhood, long before puberty.

Transsexual - an individual who feels they are in the wrong body. Like the transgender this memory goes back to early childhood.

Julie

[pattysue]

That's interesting to hear Julie,

Ok, so what is it when the first three all seem to coincide? The second not quite as much as one and three do. :)

[Julie]

That's interesting to hear Julie,

Ok, so what is it when the first three all seem to coincide? The second not quite as much as one and three do. :)
From what I understand you have to look at what age you first started thinking about cross gender situations. When you were five years old did you ever want to play dress up? If you did what was the reason? Look at a comfort level here. Did it make you feel like you belonged when dressed? That's where the transgendered individual relates.

On the other hand, did your first interest in crossdressing begin at puberty or around that time? This indicates a crossdresser or fetishistic transvestite. The difference is the crossdresser is happy just wearing women's clothes but the fetichistic transvestite focuses on specific items of clothing to gain sexual pleasure.

Basically the transgender/transsexual individual can go back to the earliest memories in remembering cross gender tendencies. The crossdresser/transvestite usually has his/her first cross experience about the time puberty sets in and the sex hormones take hold.

This is pretty simplistic but that's what I gathered from our conversation.

Dr. :p Julie

[softandsmooth]

If you are into definitions, I think Madilyn's may be the most complete, as they take into consideration the emotional aspect of dressing.

I certainly fall under the definition, as presented, of a transvestite as there is an emotional componenet to my cross dressing, as well as a sexual one.

When I told my fiancee that I cross-dressed, one of her questions was "Why?". Like so many of us, I was unable to completely answer that question. I didn't know then and don't really know now why I cross-dress.

I find it astonishing that after all these years, there is something that plays such a major part in my life that I don't understand.

Sorry for leading this thread off down the garden path. Me bad.

Cheers to all,

Charlotte

[starlitsky]

Ok, so what is it when the first three all seem to coincide? The second not quite as much as one and three do. :)

if there's one thing i've learnt, it's that labels never quite fit anyone ... it's sort of convenient to generalize people under a particular category, but we're all different, unique human beings raised and conditioned in different ways ...

so don't feel that you may be stuck in a category or have to do things according to a certain rule ... remember the experiement they did with the basic and advanced classes? they stuck advanced student in "basic" classes and told them they were in the basic class .... and the basic students, they put in "advanced" classes and told them they were in the advanced class ... in the end, both groups of students did according to their class (ie. basic students did things at advanced level, advanced students did things at basic level), rather than their pre-labelled ablility ...

so don't worry too much about it! you are who you are, and if you can come to terms with yourself about it, that's all that really matters. that's what i think, anyways :o

[starlitsky]

From what I understand you have to look at what age you first started thinking about cross gender situations. When you were five years old did you ever want to play dress up? If you did what was the reason? Look at a comfort level here. Did it make you feel like you belonged when dressed? That's where the transgendered individual relates.

On the other hand, did your first interest in crossdressing begin at puberty or around that time? This indicates a crossdresser or fetishistic transvestite. The difference is the crossdresser is happy just wearing women's clothes but the fetichistic transvestite focuses on specific items of clothing to gain sexual pleasure.

Basically the transgender/transsexual individual can go back to the earliest memories in remembering cross gender tendencies. The crossdresser/transvestite usually has his/her first cross experience about the time puberty sets in and the sex hormones take hold.


hmm ... that's interesting! i think i'm stretched out all over the place ... :o

i remember when i was around 5 or 6, i use to sneak into my mothers room and hold (not wear) my mother's pantyhose to my bum for a look. back then, pantyhose weren't just "black" and "nude", there were purple, yellow and green .... i guess i didn't really know how women's clothing worked back then, so i was definitely curious.

when i was in school, my classmates called me "womanly formed" (in another language ... so it may not translate well ...) ... it was also interesting that this memory was surpressed until i really thought about it in therapy a couple of years ago ...

i didn't really start dressing or thinking about dressing until around puberty hit. and even then, i didn't really associate sexual ideas with it until later on. it was an on and off thing; maybe, one day out of every three months? maybe less?

it wasn't until i started university that i realized that i didn't really fit in with the "boys". their attitude towards women ("omg, look at the tits on her, she looks so hot"), their close contact and competitive sport ("haha, you suck, i'm the best, i'm better than you are"), suppression of feelings ("shut up and take it like a man") ... amongst other things alienated me from them. i didn't feel like i belong with the "boys" at all ...

there were times i felt like i needed to hug someone or something it hurt ... i bugged my friend until she taught me how to knit ... (no, it didn't go that well ... my 'scarf' turned into a 'loincloth' .... it just got bigger and bigger and bigger until it was a large triangle) ... i refused to go to "frosh week", i was depressed a lot of times, not wanting to go anywhere or do anything ... until eventually i went to counselling ...

i may not know who i am exactly, or why i am doing this ... but i have a good idea ... either way, perhaps i've convinced myself that it's not really important why or why not, but how i deal with the situation. it wasn't until i took some courses with this amazing sociology professor that i learnt a lot about who i may be, and what's going on ... and since then, with the help of some wonderful people, i grew to figure out what i am and accept what i am, which was the most important thing. i eventually saved up money to buy my own clothes, and now, hopefully, breastforms ... i'll take it one step at a time and see where it leads me ... and have fun while i'm doing it!

[foxyblair]

Sign me up for the fetishistic transvestite with a side of transgender,served on a plate of degradation. blair.

[Shy Charlotte]

I'm curious if maybe the reason alot of us feel like we fall under many different labels is because we're all travelling down a road to God knows what?

When I started I think I would have fallen under the label "fetishist". It was mainly nylons and stockings that intriqued me. To me at the time they represented all that was female and feminine.

As I got used to the feel of nylons (although heaven help me if I don't keep falling for the wrong woman with a nice set of legs), I moved on to falling under the "crossdresser" label, with more emphasis on the whole package rather than just a set of nylons. Then on to TG, thoughts of TS, back to TG, back to TS? I'm so indecisive. :p

Just feel like there is a progression, at least from a fetishistic phase, which I view as somewhat pre-CD, on to CD, TG and TS (although many psychologists don't include TS under the CD umbrella).

These psychologists see trans-sexuals as true gender dysphorics, who are entirely are unhappy about their sex. In perspective, I think it's not so much like imagining waking up to find you're a woman (which many CD's dream about) but rather waking up finding you're a dog. Dogs aren't bad, but you're definitely not one.

And I think another faux-CD would be the drag queen (although that is the first impression anyone thinks of when talking about crossdressers). Drag queens are completely homosexual (from my understanding), and are either gay males dressing just as a fashion expression, or some are a variation of TS's? I have no idea about female to male CD's, and if there is a sub-class of lesbian CD's.

I think TG and CD are easily interchangeable, just the extent of being one or the other varies (some of us would not consider sex with a man at all, others would, but only en-fem, and some have no preference).

Going waaaaayy back to Leslie's question, it sounds like you may be in a fetishistic transvestite stage, possibly headed into the CD range? I don't know, I personally think the term Transvestite is ugly and leaves a bad taste in my mouth. In general terms you would fall under the crossdresser category (any type except true TS and Drag Queen). Whatever you decide you are Leslie, you're always welcome here.

[Leslie]

I have always thought I was just a mild crossdresser. But whatever I am, I'm glad to have found someone (many someones) to talk to about it. I have been keeping this secret for more than 20 years. I have only shared it with 2 women whom I've been intimate with, one of which let me wear her lingerie when I wanted to, and once let me wear her panties while we had sex (very arousing), but she wouldn't let me wear a bra or anything else during sex. Anyway, all I know is that I love to wear lingerie when I J.O., and I love women with large breasts. I will never stop dressing up in women's lingerie, I enjoy it too much. I would like to find a woman who can accept this and maybe even enjoy it with me.

[starlitsky]

And I think another faux-CD would be the drag queen (although that is the first impression anyone thinks of when talking about crossdressers). Drag queens are completely homosexual (from my understanding), and are either gay males dressing just as a fashion expression, or some are a variation of TS's? I have no idea about female to male CD's, and if there is a sub-class of lesbian CD's.


i was thinking about them when i was reading through the psychologist's definitions ... they don't seem to fit either one, really. i'm not sure if all drag queens are completely homosexual ... i think there are female impressionists that do what they do because they can make a living out of it.



I think TG and CD are easily interchangeable, just the extent of being one or the other varies (some of us would not consider sex with a man at all, others would, but only en-fem, and some have no preference).


actually, i would have thought that these labels (CD/TS/TG) were not related to sexual orientation at all ... the fetishist transvestite may dress for sexual release, but it never specified about sexual orientation ... i feel that biological sex (organs), gender identity (what gender we believe we are) and sexual orientation (what gender we are attracted to) are all different and independent things :)



Whatever you decide you are Leslie, you're always welcome here.

i agree! the main thing is that you feel comfortable with who you are ... nevermind the labels and expectations society demands of us.

[Lisa UK]

Hi Leslie
Ive been sat here looking at a blank screen trying to figure out what to say,
I dont know why we feel the need to label ourselves as one thing or another but we do,i suppose we want to know where we fit into society.But as you can see but the other posts we all have slightly different views on what makes what.Its a personal thing,but theres no right or wrong answers,its only a word.
Looking at the definitions above i would fall into the fetishistic/travsvestite category,so if i go off and sew that tag onto the neck of all my clothes maybe all the confusion and doubts and guilt will go away!I only wish that were true.
The first time i put my mums hose on when i was about 10/11 i dont know what made me do it,i can read all there is about the subject,but I still dont really understand it,but i do know that now its part of what I am.It used to be very sexually driven,just the thought of putting on some stockings and pantys would get me aroused,then that porogressed to skirts and dresses.Then i found a pair of heels that fitted,and wow that was something else,even to this day thats something that really makes me feel sexy.
Its only been of recent years that ive started to experiment with make up and wigs and all the other little finishing touches that complete my transformation.
I set my foot on a curved and winding road many years ago,the sign posts are lousy and i havent got a map,ive tried to leave the path but i always seem to come back to it,so i just keep going onwards.What am I? Im ME and I always will be,and if your travelling down that path as well,then id be real glad of the company.
By the look of this community someone better lay on a bus!

Im Sorry Leslie that i cant answer your question for you,i guess only you can do that,but be sure your not alone.

Lisa.

[Abraxas]

Well, I consider myself to be a transvestite; that's what I call myself. Basically:
Iwas born a female and started wanting to wear mens' clothes at a young age, about 6 or 7. I started making the transformation into wearing only mens' clothing when I was about 9 or 10.
It was nothing sexual for me, especially at first. As a kid, I had no real latency period but the dressing had no link with sexuality for me at the time.
I felt like a boy and wanted to be one, but didn't really think about it as a sexual thing.
Anyway, now that I'm 18 and realising more about the whole thing... There is a certain amount of a turn- on, but nothing huge (because I dress 100% of the time). I think this is mainly due to the fact that I am completely straight and turned on by penises. Having a "prosthetic" of my own, it turns me on a bit.
But I don't consider this to be a fetish. It's just who I am, and I choose to call it transvestism.

I don't know why crossdresser and transvestite have two different meanings; crossdresser is a literal translation of the latin transvestite. I always thought that CD meant that it was done more as a sexual turn- on or for attention, kind of; and that being TV was just that you preferred dressing a certain way and felt like you actually wanted to be a member of the opposite sex (but had no real desire to have sex reassignment).

[PaulaJeanette]

I crossdress, therefore, I am a transvestite! or a crossdresser! or...oh I don't know which.

I only know that dressing in women's lingerie turns me on and I enjoy the thought of "being a woman". I certainly enjoy having beautiful breasts...even though they are breast forms...a narrow waist, sensuous hips, and smooth, flowing legs. For me, I just enjoy having all of these feminine feelings...the experience are purely erotic.

Paula J.

[sarah b]

I figured out who I was years ago, trouble was I lacked the confidence to be that peson. It took a lot of time and a not inconsiderable amount of courage to announce to the world I like wearing frilly, silky, soft or girly clothes.

Indeed I say the world I really mean a few clothes shop owners, one or two e-mail correspondents and my wife, and she prefers to act like an ostrich and never sees my shoes or the occasional pantie left out after a dressing session.

Anyway the up side is I can now shop for dresses, blouses, skirts, lingeie, wigs any just about anyting else I want close to home with discreet, friendly women looking after me. Some even open late just for me. It's a lovely life really.

[Wen4cd]

Well then I would say that I'm...... ummm.

DSM-IV-TR 302.3.69: "Mega-cool, with sporadic awesome tendencies disorder"

I suffer from uncontrollable bouts of awesomeness, in relief against a background of general coolness.

Oh, and I also enjoy crossdressing.

Wen

[Alicia Soprano]

Abraxas, what do you mean by a prosthetic??