This was to be the day

[RWillow]

This was the day I was going out myself to my wife. After a sleepless night of trying to think of every question she would ask and every possible reaction she would have when I told her I was a crossdresser, I didn't do it. When she heard that her dog got sick this morning her mood changed and I chickened out. This is a terrible thing when I am afraid to talk to my wife of 47 years. I found out this morning what I am, 'A COWARD. plain and simple.

Renyta:sad:

[dianarg]

Don't be so tough on yourself. I went through the same when I told my mother years ago, and honestly, the more you plan and lose sleep over it, the more nervous you'll be when you tell her.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

Don't give up - married 47 years ???? - I think that you are going to be okay

JoAnne Wheeler

[Karren H]

I agree!! Don't get down on yourself!! 47 years is a long time and the unknown scares the hell out of me!! I'd have never had the guts to tell her but she foumnd some of my things.. Just calm down and think it through again... If its really what you want I know you can do it!!

[kristinacd55]

Renyta, tomorrow's another day! I'm only together 34 yrs with mine & she found out 1.5 years ago. :)

[Sam-antha]

Not to worry..... yet. there is plenty of time for her to find out by herself.
~Samm

[Di]

Don't beat yourself up...the key is to talk when you have no distractions...her dog being sick made it not a good time.
Tomorrows another day. If I can help let me know.

[RWillow]

Having trouble talking to my wife is 99% my fault, 40 years ago she found out that I was running around, she let me stay but since that time she thinks that she is my mother. If I left any of my things out for her to find it would most likely end up a disaster. I have stayed on a straight path for the past 40 years but I am still paying for my mistake. I think my only hope now is that we are both too old to throw in the towel. I am so tired of hiding my stuff and sneaking around to dress, I just want to get it out in the open. But then again she may make my life a living hell when she finds out.

Renyta

[Alice B]

My wife had an inkling as I bet your wife does, because they know far more than we give them credit for. I first researched the net and found every article that I felt dealt with cross dressing in general and those specific to to who and where I was. Then I told my wife and we had long discussions. I gave her time to read and digest the written materials and then we had more discussions. As a result we arrived at an aggreable solution that for the most part has worked very well. Our marriage has remained strong and Alice get time to come out. Hang in there and be strong.:hugs:

[Kelsy]

Panhead,

Please be careful. Trust is a major issue in any relationship and you have said that trust has been broken before. This news will certainly bring up trust issues and perhaps even open old wounds. Do you have any reason to believe your wife will have a positive reaction to the news?? 47 years is one long marriage and it would be a shame to mess it up. please use caution and get all the advise and support you can.

Kelsy

[Nigella]

I'm with a few others on this one. I have always advocated to tell a SO, I still stand by that principal, having said that, this situation needs lots of caution. I assume (and apologise if I'm wrong) that you have CD'd for all your married life.

She has had lots of years living with "him" not knowing that there has been "another woman" in your life. You will have had your ups and downs and obviously come through them a little wiser.

Don't beat yourself up about not being able to tell her, it will take lots of courage to do so, but dont try to rehearse it, play it by ear and tell her when you feel the time is right.

Don't give her stock answers, answer from your heart, be hones but dont rush into an all encompassing confession. Let her digest the news first.

Good luck

[CharlotteW]

Coward! Heck no! You reacted to a situation, that's all. Don't be so hard on yourself. You can use this to your advantage... when you eventually tell her, you can say "I was going to tell you this on Friday but when the dog got sick I decided you had enough to deal with so I left it until now, ...........[insert confession here]"

[DonnaT]

You did right, not telling her when she's in a low emotional state.

If you do tell her, from your short background, I imagine she won't take it well. And will possibly give you an ultimatum and tell you to toss your belongings.

[Jess_cd32]

Your not a coward any more than I was, I postponed numerous times myself till I finally just told her. Telling your SO is I've found, a VERY difficult thing to do. Maybe because we know what the consequences can be in a worst case scenario.

Preparation does help to a degree but every situation will be different. Just don't make any promises you won't be able to keep, that's one thing I made sure to make clear to my SO. This isn't a choice thing I told mine so lets try and deal with it like adults. So far its been a roller coaster ride daily, she's leaving, then she's staying:doh: I hope we can just find a happy median. Good luck when you do tell her.

Mine felt the most hurt telling me she felt she was lied to for all these years, I explained that was never intended but cd's are complicated people and have our own acceptance issues as well to deal with. We have no intention to cause our SO's hurt but unfortunatly that is a reality when years go by not telling them.

edit: Yesterday my SO was talking about our one dog, how he was caged for 1 1/2 years before we got him. Once with us, no more cage and total freedom to run outside anytime he wanted and that made her happy he will never experience that caged feeling again. I almost told her, you just described me as well with my cd-ing and finally being out of my closet, I don't want to be shoved back into it either.

[Maria2222]

My wife found out by accident, Panhead. Fortunately she kept an open mind, did some research on the internet, and basically became tolerant. Time keeps improving things, but I never expect that she will become supportive. I'm grateful for what I have.
The only advice I can give you, is to be honest. Secondly, I'd stress that this is not something you chose to be. It is an inborn part of you. It has always been there and always will be no matter what you do and you aren't ashamed of it because it is a natural part of you. Thirdly, you need to assure her that this is not a threat to her marriage.
Good luck. I wish I had the magic words for you.
:hugs:

[Lisa Golightly]

Awwwwwwww *hugs* Your time will come :)

[Kelly DeWinter]

Hon, not a coward, it's a very tender subject, Work on setting another day to talk to her.

[MJ]

Your not a coward at all. just find a better time

[TerriM]

You will find the right time to tell her. Your married a long time like me (37yrs). You will find that time. I told my wife over 25yrs ago. We worked things out over the years. She wants no part of my femme side. I have accepted that. Balance is my key word. Good luck.

Terri

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

This was the day I was going out myself to my wife. After a sleepless night of trying to think of every question she would ask and every possible reaction she would have when I told her I was a crossdresser, I didn't do it. When she heard that her dog got sick this morning her mood changed and I chickened out. This is a terrible thing when I am afraid to talk to my wife of 47 years. I found out this morning what I am, 'A COWARD. plain and simple.

Renyta:sad:

Best to deal with one thing at a time, Renyta. You're not a coward for putting it off. It seems a wise move so that the necessary focus can be put on you and your wife without other issues clouding her mind. Coming out is a VERY important discussion and should not be in competition with any other problems if at all possible.

Good luck, Renyta, and try not to worry so much about the big talk. I know - easy for me to say having already done it myself and things going well for me. I'm sure they'll go well for you, too. Part of it going well is in your self-confidence about who and what you are. Remember - crossdressing is a gift to share, not a disease to disclose. Try to make sure she understands that it is a beautiful thing and something to be enjoyed rather than something to "cope" with.

You've got all our positive thoughts and prayers with you. :)

[RWillow]

Thanks so much for all the kind words and advise, I am going to take my time and when the moment arrives I will see if I have the courage. I am not going to just pick a day and say this is it, I will wait for that time to come to me. You all have been so much help, THANK YOU.

[Jenniferpl]

I agree with what Alice B stated. We have all been there. I was scared to death on how my wife would react. Now she buys my makeup for me. Go slow and give it time. Coming to terms with who I am and talking and sharing it with my wife has only straightened our relationship.

Remember timing is everything.

[TGMarla]

Don't sweat it. Certain fears make cowards of us all. I'd told myself that I'd talk to my wife about this while on vacation last summer, but I chickened out, too. When the time is right, it will present itself. Hopefully that won't be one day when she comes home unexpectedly and you're in your full glory. :D

[Huntress]

Well at least it's a Panhead, and NOT a fur-reakin' Knucklehead.

AND... IMHO you're not a Cowherd:cowdance:for avoiding possibly giving your sweetie pain, when she's already down. Timing is everything.
Huntress

[Samantha Kelsey]

Not a coward just wise. When you finally do tell your wifeit's far better if she is relaxed and in a good frame of mind at the time. If she is upset to start with then telling her your secret will make matters worse you won't stand chance of any acceptance or undrtanding. Simply postpone it for a short while, it won't hurt I'm sure.

[JamieDP]

You are not being a coward...a coward would be someone who watches someone they love be taken adavantage of or hurt and stand by and watch and do nothing.

seeing the emotional change of your wife and her needs for comfort shows the kindness and sensitive side of yourself to place her emotions and needs before your own....the exact opposite.

but just my opinion.

[Nicole Erin]

You did right, not telling her when she's in a low emotional state.

If you do tell her, from your short background, I imagine she won't take it well. And will possibly give you an ultimatum and tell you to toss your belongings.


Yeah good to wait another day or 2.
However, after people have been married for 47 years, I doubt they are gonna split, I mean it is a bit late in life to start anew, trying to find another spouse.