Strange dilemma(s)

[dedeman]

I have an idea that there are several dilemmas on this board, so I have a few to air out, and would love some input on.

My first dilemma is although I like to dress, I absolutely hate seeing other men dressed, when it's obvious. This is a problem because I come here to ask other's opinions, and I feel rather bad because this is something I, myself, indulge in. I truly apologize, and do not mean to offend anyone, as we all have this desire in common.

My second dilemma is the decision between being more masculine, or maintaining any femininity, aka quitting or continuing. I've come to a point in my life where I'm not a kid anymore (33), have put on a little weight (about 20 lbs, from about 150-170), and so am lacking what I believed to be youthful and (relatively) petite qualities. I don't think I want to be an old cross dresser. I also think that I want to start bulking up as I really need to start attracting someone (I'm single), and build up my physique, which has never really been overly masculine.

On the other side, I think that I would like to start hanging out with someone who is a guy. This is by far my most difficult dilemma. I am building up my bravery for going out, but I think it would be best if I were with someone who could act as a male counterpart. I am straight as an arrow, and only know guys as friends, but I love the idea of taking a long walk around the city in 5" heels, with no particular destination. That may be hard if I'm by myself.

Anyway, I appreciate anyone's input. Again, my purpose is not to offend anyone, I just thought if I had these ideas, odds are that someone else here has, as well.

[jillleanne]

Dede, you have reached a stage I call, " seeking perfection ". You do not like seeing others dressed and obvious, because they do not project the image of a perfect beautiful woman. I too find it distasteful to see obvious, in particular, hairy arms, legs, face, etc.
Your decision to quit or or continue is your based on, " I want to be a perfect woman and if I can't, I don't want to do it anymore". Been there many times myself. So I continue to master my feminine self, not excluding laser hair removal, etc. It's just part of the progression of me.
Walking around the city in 5" heels with the assistance of a man indicates your desire to be a perfect woman in others eyes, to be totally accepted by others as a woman. Trust me, strutting around all day and night in 5" heels, unless platforms, will rip your feet to levels of pain reserved only for movie scenes before the night is over. Ask any perfect woman. Best to settle for the sexiest pair of 3 1/2" stillettos you can find. They stilll llook great and save the feet for tomorrow.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

I have been in the SEEKING PERFECTION stage for a long time - I really do not like to see an imperfect looking CDer - but I realize that beauty is in the eye of the beholder - we all start out trying to transform ourselves with a lot of imperfection - hopefully we grow and try to improve our transformation and our skills.

It is hard for me to see a really bad transformation out in public because it subjects all of us to ridicule, but I also feel for that Sister who is trying - she is probably in her own PINK FOG -

I would not venture out UNTIL I was completely satisfied with my transformation and my skills in doing it - we can use this website and forum to see Sisters in all stages of transformations - we can judge ourselves by comparing ourselves to them - sometimes this is painful - because we have some absolutely stunning transformations among our Sisters - I know that I can never look like them, but I can work and work with what I have to make my transformation/appearance better

JoAnne Wheeler

[docrobbysherry]

My first dilemma is although I like to dress, I absolutely hate seeing other men dressed, when it's obvious. This is a problem because I come here to ask other's opinions, and I feel rather bad because this is something I, myself, indulge in. I truly apologize, and do not mean to offend anyone, as we all have this desire in common.

My second dilemma is the decision between being more masculine, or maintaining any femininity, aka quitting or continuing.


10 years ago, I almost stopped CDing, before I had hardly started!
I disliked my man-in-a-dress looks, so much!:sad:

Then, I came up with my special faces, and other tricks. To fool myself into seeing, what appears to be, an attractive female in my mirror! Over the years I've gotten better at hiding my male persona, and enphasizing my female one! U can, too!

When I discovered this site over a year ago, I found many of the posted pics too repellent to look at!:doh: Too much, man-in-a-dress look, for me!
Since then, I've become more and more accustomed to those looks! I try to concentrate on what they're wearing, and how!:)

On your physic:
I don't work out with weights any more. I'm too muscle-y for a female, as it is! :o I try to concentrate on keeping my weight down instead! :)

On women:
Building your body to attract sincere women, is like buying a new car! Eventually, they must be attracted to u! Unless a better body gives u more confidence, I don't think it will help much!
I wasn't married until age 45. You've got LOTS of time yet! :D

On going out dressed:
I haven't a clue about that!:eek:

[gennee]

It took me a while to get the look I wanted but I did eventually. I pass pretty well. I hated men wearing women's clothing a decade before I discovered that was a crossdresser. Now I love to dress.

What surprised me was how natural heels felt on me when I first wore them. I try to look presentable. It's important to me that CDs are presented in a positive light.

Gennee


:):love:

[beenherelongtime]

i too, am sometimes turned off, not repulsed, by seeing pictures of men dressed up, there are some that will never look like a woman, me included, so i can feel how these people feel. this feeling can pass, with an open mind.

you probably can't ever reach perfection, whatever that is to you, but you can acheive acceptance of yourself.

keep an open mind, and heart and you will succeed in accepting yourself

[Rachel Morley]

Hi Dedeman,

Welcome to the forum.

I understand some of your thought processes because I used to once think some of the things you are going through now.

When I first started to explore this whole "crossdressing thing" and I went to a couple of transformation makeover places I really really didn't want to see or talk to another cders while I was there. All I wanted to so was be around GGs. I think this was partly due to me thinking that accepting GGs who were "turning me into a girl" was a fantasy of mine plus, I really think that I hadn't accepted myself or the fact that my crossdressing was a good thing for me. In other words, I saw other guys as cders doing something, or rather being somebody, I didn't want to be like ..... yet I was.

Once you get to the point that you realize that CDing is not an "undesirable thing that you'd rather not do, but can't help it" and you see it as the best thing that can happen to a person who likes to feel girly, then you will find as I did, that your thoughts about it all will change to positive thoughts and being around other cders is something you want in your life as you can learn lots of cool stuff from them about how to improve and progress .... GGs are great for helping us with "girl things" but IMHO if you are new to all of this, then you can't get better advice about how to be a better cder than from an experienced and passable cder herself. You don't have to necessarily look perfect, only feel perfect. :)

As far as bulking up to get a girlfriend is concerned .... well let me tell you, I tried that and for me it was a total disaster! I thought that women wanted a man to "be a man" and that by becoming a bodybuilder with muscles I would have women lining up to be with me. Err... no! .... Over 2 years I increased my muscle tone and size and my weight went up over 20 pounds in lean muscle (without steroids ... I kid you not). I looked great and really ripped. Sure, I got an increase in women who wanted to go out on dates with me but when they met me I believe that I wasn't "manly enough" for them in my personality (that's my assumption) as I never got more than a few dates before they we no longer interested. I think it was because I was trying to be something I'm not. It wasn't until I gave in to my feminine nature, stopped working out with weights, and embraced my desires to be more girly that I "got the girl"! I met the woman of my dreams on a crossdressing forum (of all places) and now we are happily married and living in total harmony. :)

My point is, you can't "make things happen" you just have to accept yourself for what you are, trust in your luck, and know that one day you will find her ... if it's meant to be it will surely happen (one day). It took me 12 years of being alone but when it happened, it happened in the way I least expected it too, but it was totally worth the wait!

Good luck, and just enjoy being you and let Mother Nature take her course. :)

[sterling12]

[QUOTE=jillleanne;1583116]Dede, you have reached a stage I call, " seeking perfection ".


I think you have also reached a stage that I would call, "needing to grow up." I think in time you will realize that it's not about just YOUR sense of what looks good. If you wish to go out to public places, you will no doubt be exposed to other crossdressers. You will need to learn how to not be judgemental about other people. You will need friends; and I think you will need to learn how to appreciate others in your peer group. Remember, your not perfect either! If you eventually want to join a support group, it will become doubly important that you learn this important reality.

Nobody gives a hoot if your straight, bi, or whatever! If you go to a "mixed-bag" establishment, whether your escorted by a male or not, I wouldn't be making a big deal out of your "straightness." No one will be impressed, and it's not a good way to make new friends.

Otherwise, have fun! It's a whole new world out there, just waiting for you to explore it. Keep an open mind, you will do just fine.

By the way, which one of your "straight" friends are you going to ask to be your escort? That ought to be very interesting!

Peace and Love, Joanie