simpsonfan5
01-26-2009, 03:42 PM
You may want to simply ignore this post, but i just felt the need to get my whole story off my chest...
I remember feelings when i was as young as 8 or 9 when i would wish upon a star or blow out my birthday candles that i would be able to wake up the next day and live one day as a girl, just to feel what its like. When i was about 12, my family stayed over at a friends place who had 4 daughters, and one night when i went to sleep they thought it would be fun tp put make-up on me and paint my nails...i woke up and once i realized what had happened i rushed to the bathroom, embarrassed. i tried for a moment to remove it all, but partway through, i realized it was early and most everyone was either gone or asleep...i found one of the girls bras in the bathroom and enjoyed my first ever crossdressing experience.
once we returned home, i would occasionally sneak some panties or makeup from my mom and crossdress for a few minutes, and even wore panties to bed once or twice...this went on for some time, but when i was around 13 i got caught.
my parents were out for the evening, leaving me and my two younger brothers home by ourselves. they were very into the movie they were watching so i decided to venture out. i locked my parents door and headed for the closet. i found a bra, panties, high heels (that i fit in at 13) and a dress to wear about the room for at least an hour. until now i had been very careful with what i did, but in the midst of changing back, i accidentally left a few things out of place and left my socks in the closet with the evidence. the next morning i was caught...my parents took me up to their room and had a good chat with me, where i made up a story about playing truth or dare and this was my dare and on and on...i dont know if they believed me, but they let it go eventually. this experience scared me off of crossdressing for a while, but i couldnt be held back forever.
my next experience happened when i was 16. at this point, i started getting home from school at about 2:30 every afternoon, and most days my mom (and everyone else) was gone till about 3 or 330. it took some time, but i eventually ventured back to the forbidden closet...and my crossdressing started again. realizing my mom's clothes no longer fit me anymore (and her style was getting a bit old) once i had my license and a car of my own, i began to make occasional trips to places like walmart around 2 am to pick up a pair of underwear here or a skirt there. the real payday came when, after a church event, some clothes were donated to charity and were temporarily stored at my parents house. i waited for the right moment and was able to get everything a girl needed...bras, panties, skirts, blouses...everything. this went on till i was 17 and i decided to purge it all for the sake being a better person (or so i thought at the time). this was only temporary, because by the time i hit college, i was in full swing again.
once more, midnight trips to walmart became my obsession. my wardrobe grew, and thanks to the help of a girl i met at college, so did my makeup. she seemed to like me, and i told her one night in an online chat i was headed to walmart. she asked what for, and i told her for some high heels. with some convincing, she decided to meet me there, and she brought with her plenty of makeup for me to use along with my wardrobe. she taught me how to apply makeup too! after that, however, she seemed to lose interest. seeing a guy you like in a skirt and high heels while applying his make up seemed to be a turn off for her.
during this time a few trips were taken to relatives and friends, and one cousin in particular, his name is Drew, seemed to share my enjoyment for crossdressing (though i think it was more a joke to him than an enjoyment). he and i, when left alone on one or two occasions, would sneak into one of the girls' closets and dawn bras and dresses and pretend we were sisters...we even found a wig we took turns wearing. however, on another visit, in which we were playing a board game alone in one of the girls' rooms when i ventured into the closet and put on a skirt, bra, and blouse, he didnt seem to want to join me. i realized he had either given it up or was not serious about it in the first place, and i again became alone.
i found solace in the internet, coming here, and to singles websites...i even had a few "phone chats" with other CD's and TGs, none of which provided any comfort to my situation and only made me feel worse about myself because of the content of these calls. one guy, from WA DC, even offered to fly me out to see him where i could play "call girl" for him all week long...i did seriously think about the offer..the chance to dress all day was tempting, but i knew i wasnt gay, and a homosexual experience wasnt something i wanted when i really thought about it
anyway, eventually i found a good friend (we will call her M), who i met via the internet who enjoyed keeping up over the phone. talking about clothes and makeup with her was a good outlet for quite some time. eventually, however, i purged once again in preparation to go on a mission for my church. everything went out, including my desire to crossdress...at least for a while.
while on my mission, i had occasional instances where i thought back to my crossdressing days, and even occasionally bought a girls style jacket or something...but by the time i returned home, i was 21 and those days were all but gone.
i lasted pretty good, i worked a few jobs, got married...but not too long after i found out my wife was pregnant, the temptation arose again. she knows my past of crossdressing, and i have told her i have been tempted...but to my everlasting sorrow i have given in on more than one occasion. i really realized i needed to stop when i took a step back and saw that crossdressing had become an addiction for me...far more than it ever had been when i was younger. the "late studying" i did at school was actually a trip to a womens fashion store or shoe store to try on dresses, skirts and high heels...and if my wife is ever gone for any reason the first thought that comes to my mind is what i should wear while she is out. i hate living like this, and i know that she wont let me be a crossdresser, it was the deal we made when we got married. she would never cheat on me, i would never crossdress. not that i thought she would...but she is far better looking than me, and i have to constantly fight off competition for her all the time.
i dont know how long i will last. its been about a month since i last crossdressed, and before that it was about 3 months. i dont want to always have this in the back of my mind, but i know i really dont have a choice...its always going to be there....i guess this is my test...to crossdress or not to crossdress. time can only tell if i can resist the urge more often than i give in.
I remember feelings when i was as young as 8 or 9 when i would wish upon a star or blow out my birthday candles that i would be able to wake up the next day and live one day as a girl, just to feel what its like. When i was about 12, my family stayed over at a friends place who had 4 daughters, and one night when i went to sleep they thought it would be fun tp put make-up on me and paint my nails...i woke up and once i realized what had happened i rushed to the bathroom, embarrassed. i tried for a moment to remove it all, but partway through, i realized it was early and most everyone was either gone or asleep...i found one of the girls bras in the bathroom and enjoyed my first ever crossdressing experience.
once we returned home, i would occasionally sneak some panties or makeup from my mom and crossdress for a few minutes, and even wore panties to bed once or twice...this went on for some time, but when i was around 13 i got caught.
my parents were out for the evening, leaving me and my two younger brothers home by ourselves. they were very into the movie they were watching so i decided to venture out. i locked my parents door and headed for the closet. i found a bra, panties, high heels (that i fit in at 13) and a dress to wear about the room for at least an hour. until now i had been very careful with what i did, but in the midst of changing back, i accidentally left a few things out of place and left my socks in the closet with the evidence. the next morning i was caught...my parents took me up to their room and had a good chat with me, where i made up a story about playing truth or dare and this was my dare and on and on...i dont know if they believed me, but they let it go eventually. this experience scared me off of crossdressing for a while, but i couldnt be held back forever.
my next experience happened when i was 16. at this point, i started getting home from school at about 2:30 every afternoon, and most days my mom (and everyone else) was gone till about 3 or 330. it took some time, but i eventually ventured back to the forbidden closet...and my crossdressing started again. realizing my mom's clothes no longer fit me anymore (and her style was getting a bit old) once i had my license and a car of my own, i began to make occasional trips to places like walmart around 2 am to pick up a pair of underwear here or a skirt there. the real payday came when, after a church event, some clothes were donated to charity and were temporarily stored at my parents house. i waited for the right moment and was able to get everything a girl needed...bras, panties, skirts, blouses...everything. this went on till i was 17 and i decided to purge it all for the sake being a better person (or so i thought at the time). this was only temporary, because by the time i hit college, i was in full swing again.
once more, midnight trips to walmart became my obsession. my wardrobe grew, and thanks to the help of a girl i met at college, so did my makeup. she seemed to like me, and i told her one night in an online chat i was headed to walmart. she asked what for, and i told her for some high heels. with some convincing, she decided to meet me there, and she brought with her plenty of makeup for me to use along with my wardrobe. she taught me how to apply makeup too! after that, however, she seemed to lose interest. seeing a guy you like in a skirt and high heels while applying his make up seemed to be a turn off for her.
during this time a few trips were taken to relatives and friends, and one cousin in particular, his name is Drew, seemed to share my enjoyment for crossdressing (though i think it was more a joke to him than an enjoyment). he and i, when left alone on one or two occasions, would sneak into one of the girls' closets and dawn bras and dresses and pretend we were sisters...we even found a wig we took turns wearing. however, on another visit, in which we were playing a board game alone in one of the girls' rooms when i ventured into the closet and put on a skirt, bra, and blouse, he didnt seem to want to join me. i realized he had either given it up or was not serious about it in the first place, and i again became alone.
i found solace in the internet, coming here, and to singles websites...i even had a few "phone chats" with other CD's and TGs, none of which provided any comfort to my situation and only made me feel worse about myself because of the content of these calls. one guy, from WA DC, even offered to fly me out to see him where i could play "call girl" for him all week long...i did seriously think about the offer..the chance to dress all day was tempting, but i knew i wasnt gay, and a homosexual experience wasnt something i wanted when i really thought about it
anyway, eventually i found a good friend (we will call her M), who i met via the internet who enjoyed keeping up over the phone. talking about clothes and makeup with her was a good outlet for quite some time. eventually, however, i purged once again in preparation to go on a mission for my church. everything went out, including my desire to crossdress...at least for a while.
while on my mission, i had occasional instances where i thought back to my crossdressing days, and even occasionally bought a girls style jacket or something...but by the time i returned home, i was 21 and those days were all but gone.
i lasted pretty good, i worked a few jobs, got married...but not too long after i found out my wife was pregnant, the temptation arose again. she knows my past of crossdressing, and i have told her i have been tempted...but to my everlasting sorrow i have given in on more than one occasion. i really realized i needed to stop when i took a step back and saw that crossdressing had become an addiction for me...far more than it ever had been when i was younger. the "late studying" i did at school was actually a trip to a womens fashion store or shoe store to try on dresses, skirts and high heels...and if my wife is ever gone for any reason the first thought that comes to my mind is what i should wear while she is out. i hate living like this, and i know that she wont let me be a crossdresser, it was the deal we made when we got married. she would never cheat on me, i would never crossdress. not that i thought she would...but she is far better looking than me, and i have to constantly fight off competition for her all the time.
i dont know how long i will last. its been about a month since i last crossdressed, and before that it was about 3 months. i dont want to always have this in the back of my mind, but i know i really dont have a choice...its always going to be there....i guess this is my test...to crossdress or not to crossdress. time can only tell if i can resist the urge more often than i give in.