How come?

[Jennifer Brooks]

If I crossdress for a bit and have the "I want to be a real woman" feelings and then go weeks and maybe months with out that feeling and go full male mode, what does that make me? Am I a guy with a fetish for women's clothes or a guy who is crossdresser who still has not connected to what is going on with be a transgender?

Also, why is that when you have a dry spell, contacts dry up and when you do talk to some contacts, they seem to be real stand-offish and make you feel like crap because your life has been moving on with "Other" things. For two years now I have dealt with these feelings and after tonight, I feel even worse than I have before. Why can't people just accept the fact that some CDs are in the closet for more reasons than just being caught but for the fact that they are more manish than girly and their man side has more need than their girl side.

I'm done. I................. I'm done.

[Karren H]

Does it matter what you call it.... if that's what you like to do... when you like to do.. then don't put a label on it or try to fit it into a predefined group...

just do it and be happy... I sure am!!!

[dedeman]

I would say (though cannot substantiate) that most CDs like being guys, but enjoy spells of being women.

From my own experience, I like being a guy about 85% of the time. I do enjoy my time as a woman, but overall, wouldn't give up being a guy. I'm sure the percentage of time spent as either is dependent upon the individual.

The bug does bite quite frequently, but at this point, I attribute my fondness for feminine things to more then a fetish (though I do have those, as well).

Perhaps you are just not as into it as your contacts. It's also common to have feelings of regret, or of a habit that you hate to love. If you think you're finished, that's fine (as I often do), but don't be surprised when the feeling comes round again.

I have plenty of reasons why I don't want to be discovered. I once had a feeling (and largely still do) that this is a secret I would take to the grave. I think some people know, but it's something I will never freely admit (except on an internet message board). You, apparently, are more brave then I, as you have an actual pic attached to your profile name. Everyone has their own levels of comfort. Feel comfortable with yours, and no one else's.

[gennee]

The dead periods can be a blessing. It's a great time to reassess where you are and where you want to go. I have had periods I didn't dress or feel like dressing.

I've had fleeting moments of wanting to be a real woman. I have had periods where I wish that I could be female 24/7. I am comfortable and content where I am. I have struck a balance between masculine and feminine, and I prefer the feminine.

Gennee


:)

[Shannen]

...they seem to be real stand-offish and make you feel like crap because your life has been moving on with "Other" things. For two years now I have dealt with these feelings and after tonight, I feel even worse than I have before.

Is the reaction of others to your "swings" causing the pain? Or is it internal pain you are causing yourself?

It would seem that most of us have the swings in activity, so I would call that normal. You certainly can't control others... if they critisize without offering "constructive" critisism... well who needs that?

hang in there! (and have some fun in a skirt! :heehee:)

:hugs:

[Beth785]

It comes and goes for me, too, so I wouldn't worry too much. I just take what comes and roll with it. I dressed at Halloween last year, then haven't touched a pump until last week. And yesterday I went out to grab some groceries and today I went to a couple of shops and even got my ears pierced for the first time while dressed. I can go almost a year without dressing, thinking about dressing, checking this site, but turn right around the next day and put on a frock. It doesn't mean anything. Don't read too much into it. Just have fun!

[ashes]

I think it comes and goes for most of us. As to what it makes you, I see it like this. People are like snowflakes. No two of us are exactly alike. I think the world is too caught up in labels. Your feelings make you who you are. Personally, I've gotten the same urge and reacted the same way. I guess what I'm saying is that you're just at your own point on the whole CD spectrum.

[vikki2020]

The urge to dress leaves me every now and then also.Just a normal cycle, I guess. Lately, I've been insanely busy at work,causing me to go into "guy" mode big time. Totally clears out any pink fog, but I know it's in the back of my mind, just waiting to appear!:daydreaming:

[vivianann]

Jennifer, I use to be that way also, there is nothing wrong with it, as you get older you may want to crossdress more, or you may not, who knows. You are a part time crossdresser. Now I dont know what happened because I am almost full time.

[Shannon]

It comes and goes for me too. I was very active in this forum when I first joined several years ago. Then I fell in love, got married, and my CD desire ebbed. Now it is back. I hope that I did not offend nor disappoint anyone here by disappearing the way I did. But you know, I just go with where I am, knowing that it may change. Be Here Now.

[Sally2005]

see... you are normal (in the context of CDing). It is what makes it really hard for me to tell anyone, I feel like a male, I want them to treat me like a male, but sometimes I take a CD 'vacation' and what you do on vacation should stay in vegas...if you get my drift, I don't want the CDing to impact the other parts of my life.

[Kate Simmons]

How often we dress and whether we do it or not or whether we are currently doing it is really our own business Jennifer. There are really no requirements one way or the other. I'm currently not but my friends are still my friends and I stay in contact. True friends appreciate you for who you are no matter what and that is the important part because it's really about people.:)

[Lisa Golightly]

Why can't people just accept the fact that some CDs are in the closet for more reasons than just being caught but for the fact that they are more manish than girly and their man side has more need than their girl side.

Well said :)

I think others tend to use you to endorse their own actions... I regularly vanish at times when I feel I need to think about things without peer pressure. My friends welcome me back without question... Those who ignore me just don't understand me.

[Sara Jessica]

Also, why is that when you have a dry spell...

Dry spell??? Sometimes I wish I knew what that was.

Like Karren said, it doesn't matter so much how you label yourself. Accepting where you are with this whole thing makes it so much easier.

[Jennifer Brooks]

Thank you for the replies ladies. Basically what my problem comes down to is that there are going to be people there for you and some times there are people that are not, no matter if you are a CD or not. Just kind of grinds my gears that you find some people who are just like you and you bond and then "POOF", they were fake all along. Just some new lessons to learn along the way being my other half (CD). And by no means am I going to stop or be "Done" crossdressing. That, I think was misinterpreted. Sorry. I just meant that I was done taking contacts so serious.

"Hey Karren? You really think those Steelers are going to win? LOL!!!"

[Lorileah]

My "urge" comes when I am stressed usually. When things are going well, I dress more for fun not out of need.

[Deborah Jane]

I sometimes go for a few months without even thinking about dressing, then when the urge to dress kicks in, i,ll dress as much as possible.
After a time, i go off it and stop dressing for a while.
I,ve no idea why, but thats just the way it goes.

[Ashley Lyn]

My desires come and go... kinda' like the seasons, but most of that is 'shaving' in the winter months.. Just makes me feel more fem..:)
Sometimes I go for a month or more without even thinking about 'dressing'.. then 'BOOM', it hits me, and off I go for days on end! :battingeyelashes:

Not to change the subject, but do most of us come here when dressed, and hardly at all while 'drab'..?? Seems to fit my habits... :doh:

ps: GO STEELERS!!!! #1

[charlie]

Hello Jen!
From the answers, it appears that it comes and goes for all of us. We are mainly men that CD and are women (to us at least) for part of the time. Don't let it beat you up. If you get a period of time that you do not want to dress, go for it. The longer the better it probably is for you. Then something will tilt the scale and the "pink fog" hits again and it is back to dressing. It would be nice if it were all or nothing, but it just isn't. As such take heart in Karen's answer, just go with it and have fun. If you try to rationalize the behavior you will feel bad. It is not what society will call normal. It is for us though!

[Hali]

I think it is advisable for every one not only CDs to view this world as beign "fluidal" things can not just be rigid or just black and white. There are male really macho and female really femmy and in-between those far ends there are pple that exits icluding the TG etc, so every one should be allowed to be what he wants to be as long as he is not hurting anyone it is the restrictions on what to wear or how to behave that causes all the TG non-acceptance problems.

There are some examples of resemblence of human community behaviour in primates some species of monkeys to be precise, this behaviour is centered towards taking care of one another through grooming and taking care of the young etc. In the same vein, from some scientific evidence, there are some species that practice homo sex, so i dont think homo sex or CDing or anything Transgender should be frowned at cos its part of the natural world there is nothing "unnatural" about CDing or beign a TG.........since animals do it through natural behaviour humans should also be allowed to be "open" or closeted CD and nothing negative should be attached to those "expresions"

[Scotty]

There are times I rarely put anything femme on, and there are times like tonight where i"m in a mini skirt doing house work.

For me it's the mood - has to be a relaxed mood...and then somtimes I have other things on my mind so I don't care to bother dressing up.

I am two spirited so I can operate in either mode but I have to have at least a CONNECTION to my femme side, shaved legs, pits, or a pair of panties...

[Anna_kissed]

For me dressing (and taking it as far as I want at any particular time) is just like any of the other pleasures of life--sex--good meal---vacation---fishing or hunting--you name it--its great to spend time at all of them but not any one of them all the time (well maybe except hunting) . I feel my CDing is not just an expression of my female side but reflects back into my male persona and has made me a much nicer man (imho). In many ways its actualy an expression of my male appreciaton of the beauty of women.

While there is great danger in putting labels, I think that is what distinguishes CDs like myself from those who see themselves as women in a male body.

[TGMarla]

I'm good with it, Jen. If that's how you roll, then that's fine. If those who embraced you turned away from you, they weren't good friends to begin with. But we're all on the same bell curve in this here forum, and it's a shame that some would put a hierarchy in place. You just be you, and the heck with everyone else.

[Angie G]

I don't know what to tell you Jennifer I've never had a dry spell hun.:hugs:
Angie

[Sara Jessica]

From the answers, it appears that it comes and goes for all of us.

Just to be clear, please allow me to repeat, then rephrase myself...


Dry spell??? Sometimes I wish I knew what that was.

I wouldn't know a dry spell if it hit me over the head. Perhaps that puts me in a different place in tg land but that doesn't matter much. All I was saying is that some of us don't experience this phenomenon, for better or worse.

[Jennifer Brooks]

From a few PMs I got I have to make this public: I am no going to stop Cding. That may have been read wrong in my post. How can I stop? I have been doing this since I was 5. No way. :heehee:

[jamie_s]

I too go through spells where my urges to dress are really strong and yet at other times the desire isnt there at all. I have often tried to isolate what might cause these swings in my interest in dressing but never could find any concrete reasons. I think alot of it has to do with where I'm at in my everyday life. If I am very busy or am focussed on something else of interest the dressing tends to get pushed to the back. Stress also seems to come into play. Who knows, maybe it has to do with the alignment of the stars on any given day :)

Like some have said its probably a good thing. Since I have no interest in going full time it acts as a good buffer to keep it from consuming every waking moment.

[Lisa Catherine]

:hugs: NO JOKE Jennifer, you sound like me! :) I was obsessed with crossdressing for years until last year, when I sought help online from Tri-Ess, who hooked me up with SCC '08, and life's been infinitely better since!!
I'll crossdress for a week straight, and then I won't have the urge for a week, and then, I'll HAVE to for a day or two, and then,....... It's at random, I'll do it to relax after a hectic few days at work, or from another source of stress. I'll go out of town to go on a CD spree in public, and then I'm fine for awhile. When I attended SCC '08, that was my FIRST ever time in public en femme, and it was VERY intoxicating!!:daydreaming: During that, I was going to bed en femme as well, and there were two nights when I was "femmed out", and I HAD to go to bed en drab!!:) I'm sure it was a need for psychological balance, and afterward, my urge to crossdress, as well as my stress and anxiety level, were next to zero. Ithink it's a normal, come-and-go cycle, like anything else in this life, and crossdressing is a thing to be enjoyed with like-minded friends, I heartily reccomend joining Tri-ess, it's been a great source of help and support for me, ENJOY LIFE while you have it, it's too short not too!!:hugs::love:

[JoAnne Wheeler]

It is CDer PMS - comes in cycles - but does not go away

JoAnne Wheeler

[rickie121x]

You are just fine - as fine as any of us who have the CD "bug". And your way of doing things, IE. selecting the times when you feel like "going out", is just fine too! If you were in my town, I would never make you feel like "crap", and neither would any other "nice" person.

Buck up, kiddo! You are wonderful, believe it and enjoy it! :daydreaming:

[Carly D.]

I think it comes from the fact that you have named yourself a girl name.. simple.. I feel the same by the way.. I might dress full as a "woman" once in a while.. I quoted the "woman" part because when I dress up this way it is generally thought of as dressing as a "woman".. when it is in fact me dressing as I feel most comfortable.. so I am "cross dressing" as a "woman" if that's how everyone perceives it.. so be it..

[ColleenShivas]

Count me among those for whom the urge comes and goes. It seems that there are many of us like this. For me, I cannot tell what will start it - stress and the need to find relaxation, a quiet time and the need to do something recreational, or another day at the office and the need to unwind. I am learning just to go with the flow.

[Jenniferpl]

I think a lot of it for me come in cycles and is also related to stress. It is what it is.