feeling kind of sick...

[bimini1]

...had to endure 2 hours at work of anti-gay anti-TG stuff from co-workers. They don't know about me. I don't know what set them off and why they were so relentless.
I felt like a freak afterwards and contemplated ending it all. Why do I have to listen to this kind of crap especially at work.
A lil sad now but I seem to be recovering from this kind of stuff quicker as I get older but it still hurts.:sad:

[battybattybats]

Whats your workplace policies like?

You might be able to make an anonymous complaint about this kind of behaviour?

[Joanne f]

You will quite often find that the ones who make the most noise about something have something to hide .
I know it can be difficult but just take no notice of ignorant people.

[Sandra]

Whats your workplace policies like?

You might be able to make an anonymous complaint about this kind of behaviour?


Where I work they is a whistle blowing policy, and I would use that to report the matter to the mangement.


In the past, when that sort of discussion has begun, I've slapped it down immediately with a comment like: "This discussion is disciminatory and I refuse to take part in it." If that doesn't stop them, I leave. I once brought a town council discussion to a halt with that.

And it doesn't out you either

This sounds a good way and like you said it doesn't out you, you are just passing on your personal views.

[Kelsy]

You will quite often find that the ones who make the most noise about something have something to hide .
I know it can be difficult but just take no notice of ignorant people.

I agree Joanne! It is hard to understand the contempt these people exhibit. I think lot of it is driven by fear. Fear of things,views, and beliefs that are different from theirs and fear off exposure. Chances are there is some one in that group that has some repressed transgender feelings and is trying to cover.

Kelsy

[Jess_cd32]

You will quite often find that the ones who make the most noise about something have something to hide ............

So very true.

[Shari]

Maybe you should try to find a way to thicken your skin.
It's tough, but it's the cross we all must bear. You'll have to find a way to live with it. These prejudices aren't going away anytime soon.
Running to the boss and crying the blues will only get you ostrasized. They'll know who did it because I expect you weren't adding anything to the "conversation".
Forget that nonsense.
Try changing the subject should it happen again or simply walk away. Go to the men's room or the break room. Divorce yourself from it as as best you can and consider the source the next time it starts.

[Teri Jean]

I agree with Batty and Shari, first check out the company policies on work place tolerance of tgs and gays but you will have to grow some thicker skin until this is investigated. Even if there is a move to educate but the human resource staff there is going to be those who will not comply at work or off work. Be careful and hope things work out. Keli

[JulieK1980]

I agree with Batty, and Katie. You shouldn't have to put up with that! Hang in there!:hugs:

[JoAnne Wheeler]

Doesn't that just make you sick, to hear that kind of talk - but at least you know where they stand

JoAnne Wheeler

[sandra-leigh]

Why do I have to listen to this kind of crap especially at work.


Looking around at a few of your other postings, I gather that you are in the USA. If the organization you work for is part of any level of US government or receives government grants or government funding or has government contracts, then chances are that a condition of that money is that your company has to abide by the Civil Rights Act and government non-discrimination regulations even if the company is a "private company".

If so, then you have grounds for going to Human Resources and say that you feel uncomfortable about such discriminatory discussions, that they make it an "uncomfortable workplace environment", and that you want such discussions to stop. Do not be put off if human resources says something like "We can't control what people say when there are no supervisors around": the company can take steps that include sending out policy emails, written policy memos, hold mandatory anti-discrimination training, and to make specific statements about consequences for violating the policy.

If any of the people present at the discussions were official supervisors, or even if any of the people present at the discussions had the authority to routinely tell other people what work to do or how to perform the work, then when you take the matter to human resources, say clearly that you feel that by the failure of that real or de-facto supervisor to stop the discussions, that the company is condoning or promoting the discrimination. Such points get serious company attention, because of an official or de-facto supervisor was involved, the company itself risks being sued for Civil Rights violations for having failed to stop the discussions while they were in progress: if none of the people present were supervisors (official or not) then the company is safe as long as it takes "meaningful actions" to prevent re-occurrences once it has been informed that such things were going on.

You do not need to be a member of the group discriminated against in order to complain about discrimination, and you do not need to tell HR a single thing about your outside activities. You can simply say that you found the discrimination offensive; you can say that you have friends and relatives who are homosexual and that you are gravely disappointed that your workplace is a place where they would be made to feel unwelcome; you can say that you are concerned that if your workplace permits this kind of discrimination, that it leads you to wonder what other kind of discrimination it permits.


If your workplace is a "private company" that does not receive any government money (e.g., no tax reductions were accepted to attract or keep the business in the area, no Katrina rebuilding loans, the business will refuse to accept funds from the "Economic Stimulus Package" on point of principle) then unfortunately you would only have the Civil Rights Act to work with (and possibly additional civil rights provided by your state law), and your position would be legally notably weaker than if the company does accept government money.

Completely private companies that receive no government funding are, in the USA, permitted a wide latitude of outright discrimination; and I gather that historically in such companies even when the company discriminates contrary to the US Civil Rights Act, lawsuits are effectively only remedial to the benefit of the person who places the suit, compensating them for specific discrimination directed against them, and that often the company involved is not ordered to make any changes to their policies. (When government funding is a factor, then the companies are required to make proactive anti-discrimination policies.) But you should not trust to my summary in this situation, because A) it is only a summary; B) rules in such situations vary considerably by state; C) I am not trained in labour law; and D) I am Canadian, not from US and so my accuracy with respect to foreign law should be assumed to be less than my accuracy with respect to law of my native country.


One thing that I would advise is that you should not quit before raising the matter with HR. If you quit without having informed the company that there is a problem, then you have not given the company a chance to fix the problem, and the most compensation you could expect would be a little for some hurt feelings. If you inform the company that there is a problem and they refuse to deal with it, or you inform the company and they decide that the easiest way to deal with the situation is to fire you rather than to stop the discrimination, then you are in a much better position to get meaningful compensation from the company. (On the other hand, if there was even one official supervisor present at the discriminatory discussions, then if the supervisor failed to try to stop the discussions, you have grounds for "presuming" that your company has a policy of permitting such discussions. In such a situation you would still be in a stronger position if you report the problem to HR, but in such a situation the company would have lost the presumption in law that "It didn't know about the problem".)

[Di]

Everyone gave you good ideas and hope you can get help at work ect. But I wanted to add...it is them...NOT YOU.....
They are ignorant jerks hold your head up high.:hugs:

[julie w]

I had to listen to the same thing last week one colleague telling everyone
at lunch that at his old job he had a Tg customer and he thought Tgs
were disgusting . I hate to say it but most people dont approve I makes
the head game in going out in public all the more harder

[Kelsy]

Everyone gave you good ideas and hope you can get help at work ect. But I wanted to add...it is them...NOT YOU.....
They are ignorant jerks hold your head up high.:hugs:

:iagree: We have nothing to be ashamed of, they do!!!

Kelsy:)

[bimini1]

As always thanks for the support. I need to toughen up, it is not going to stop. I don't feel as though they are bad people at all. Just normal people talking about what they normally talk about. Hell, I am the deviant one not them. I do hate when there is down time though because I know where the conversation is going to end up.

People are so cruel. At first I got mad, then extremely sad because it seemed like the reality of my life was slapping me in the face. I could not believe I actually live like this. My mom did not bring me here 43 years ago for this.

I feel like I've taken 2 steps forward with self-acceptance and then 5 back. Why should I even care what they say? Why do I allow it to get at me? That is really the key here, this kind of talk is not going to stop. It is just not worth it to me to challenge it.
I've got to find a way to let it go in one ear and out the other, to just roll off of my back.

[Linda Laman]

These "normal" people feel threatened by anything that is not normal. They are the ones who have the problem, not you, believing that their pathetic little worlds will somehow crumble if they allow people in who are somehow different to them. I rejoice when I meet people who dare to be different and are prepared to explore their own sexuality (taking care not to included those who would harm others in the process). It is a pity that we have to rely on anti-discrimination laws to enforce tolerance of minority groups. A much better approach would be through education, so that the "normal" people can revise their attitudes. Don't punish them, re-educate them.

[Celeste]

Try to remember if it rents space in your head, than you've given credence to it.I'd like to think you can rise above them and not give them that.The next time your with them and they start the derogatory talk try to interject with something else positive,they probably won't even know that you've effectively changed the subject.If the subject returned to bashing again,well then you'll know you've got some bored and miserable people to limit your time around.

[DawnRodgers]

You think that you're the "deviant" one. By whose definition. Yours or those brainless idiots you work with? I have never had any hesitancy to argue on the other side of an argument that I believe is wrong. i feel it is the correct thing to do if that is what you believe. Just because a group of people hold one idea that doesn't mean that they are right. I don't say this as cause to declare your life style, it is just my belief that everyone has a right to do what they please as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else, and even sometimes if it does (no murder or theft or anything). I always stand up for same sex couples, marriages of different nationalities or race, or other things that people find "unnatural". I feel that everybody should treat others as himan beings with the right to live as equals.
Dawn