Accepting vs. non-Accepting SO?

[SexxxyDJ]

I was just wondering, for those of you who have told or been discovered by your SO that you crossdress, If your SO is now accepting of you CDing, did they enjoy the art of being a Woman when they found out and for those that do not have an accepting SO did they not enjoy the art of being a Woman? I think that the mind set of our SO regarding their own self-image when confronted by us a we try show our feminine side may have quite some bearing on whether or not the outcome of sharing that part of ourselves with our SO's is successful. :thinking:

[DawnRodgers]

She is not accepting and likely will never be. I have dressed in her presence a number of times. I guess the good and the bad of it is stated when she said "I don't want to be with another woman". The good that I must have looked pretty passable to her, the bad in that there was no female to female connection or friendship possible.

[Danielle]

Diffrent strokes for diffrent folks,my SO hates me doing it without her so Im still learnin and choosing the right time to enjoy Danielle:thumbsup::hugs::2c:

[Dressing up]

Knows all about it but does not want to be involved. I rarely dress completely in front of her as I can see an attitude from her. I told her about it the first week we started dating and now we have been married over ten years.

I wish she could accept it more, but it is my thing and my thing only. I never dress for her, but at least I don't have to keep it completely hidden. If I am dressed and I know she is coming home, I just take the dress off, I usually leave the cosmetics on. Often have my heels laying near the bed where I took them off. I keep all my clothes in my closet, don't have to hide them.

Du

[Jacquilynne]

Defining how one looks at onseself is a complex matter indeed. :)

My SO is accepting of my wanting to express my femine side . . . which to me is much more than dressing it is an attitude as well. Being more feminine is a part of me that is just now staring to be explored in more depth. :)

As to whether being confronted with my feminine side has any bearing on how she views herself, I cannot say for sure. I am not totally sure why she is accepting of my femme self. I think she just loves me for me unconditionally . . . she genuinely wants to see me at peace within myself and understands being feminine helps my self-image.

Seeing this, she accepts femme me for me. All this being said, she still has ground rules of what she feels is for our families' best interest. We have 4 young children that would find the my femme self a bit confusing so I try to tone my femme self down in their presence. I feel this is different than acceptance IMO. It is a dual role since she is accepting of me, I too must be accepting of her wishes as well.

Our marriage was "til death due us part. . ." NOT "til his life as a crossdresser comes out due us part."

I am blessed to have a wonderful SO who like me has her own self-image problems but togather we can overcome anything. . .and we have!

Jacie

[Bev06 GG]

Aw jacie thats really nice and very refreshing to hear. I think women accept or not for various reasons but self image may well have something to do with it.
I was completely accepting for 5 years. I dressed her, did her hair makeup etc. had social get togethers at our house, ran a dressing service. Until I found out she was taking opportunities to post lude pictures to other CDs on the net and was meeting them behind my back.

Now I hate it because my self image has gone rock bottom and I feel unattractive and very disrespected. I love her to bits and would never leave her because as you say till death do us part. But as for the acceptance, well that went out of the window the second time she cheated on me.

I told her I loved her every day, we had a good sex life and I adored her, still do, but I cannot support something that actually leads to unfaithfulness and actually damages my pride. So yes I guess Self Image does have something to do with it
Take care
Bev

[Rachel Morley]

I'm not really sure what you mean by "art of being a Woman" ?? There's an art to it? For cders maybe but not for my wife as she was, and always will be, a woman no matter how she lives her life. However, if you mean the "art" part being about presentation in that how much she is or isn't "traditionally feminine" .... meaning, how she dresses and what she does, then it's true that she is way more girly nowadays than she ever used to be before she met me.

She will tell you herself that being married to a cder has influenced her "girly-ness". She always used to dress nice and look pretty but nowadays she wears way more skirts and dresses, has her hair styled at a salon every couple of months, has a full set of French nails all the time and spends a lot more on clothes and makeup than she has ever done before in her life. Partly it's because since marrying me she has more money to spend on herself, but mostly it's because she likes being with a cder and could never be with a regular guy ever again (her words not mine). Was it my doing? .... no, but being married to a cder and being as active in our local community as she/we are has definably influenced her. She's told me that she now likes trying new things with clothes, makeup and feeling cute more now than she ever did before :)

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

My wife loves that I'm in to crossdressing. She doesn't exactly love it as much as I do, but she really enjoys my feminine side.

In my case, my wife had a previous curiosity or fascination with the art of a man transforming into a woman (appearance, not body alteration). Long before I ever came out to her, she had occasionally asked me to dress up in women's clothes for her. What she didn't know is how much I really loved the experience. :heehee:

Even so, I still had big reservations of telling her that I'm a crossdresser, period. After coming out though, it has really improved our marriage (which was already doing very well).

She buys me pretty things, does my makeup, and is very much a part of my cding.

My wife is NOT in any way attracted to woman or even curious about being with a woman. I've spoken to her about this many times over the years (long before coming out). She's as grossed out about the thought of being with another woman as I am about the thought of being with a man. I wouldn't mind if she was attracted to woman, just pointing out that she is not. And in saying that, she is VERY much in to me when dressed up as a woman. She loves how I'm a man, but can dress up like and appear as a woman. She's into me as a guy as well (which is how I spend most of my time - in guy-mode).

So my wife is very accepting and even encouraging of my crossdressing. Sometimes I bring it up in conversation with her too much (probably due to lack of being able to dress as often as I'd like) and that wears on her some, but she's very accepting.

I seriously wish more wives/SO's were more accepting. It breaks my heart every time I read an account of a non-accepting SO.

[tiffany1974]

when i first told m wife and let her see she said it was cool she liked it and even bought me clothes did my makeup and everything. Three months later she gets rid of my clothes and says its her or dressing up, she bought me more clothes and now says she never wants to see me dresed up again, she doesnt want me to do it at all, now she hates it. she always complains i look better as a woman than she does, and hates that i'm a size 7. i just dont understand

[julie w]

my SO knows jokes about it but wont see me dressed , I would advise anyone
who is thinking of telling their SO to be very careful if you have a good life and
love her telling has a very good chance of going badly
I told mine at the beginning of our relationship before I had much to lose
I guess she thought It was worth putting up with , She says to me are
you going out with you people tonight I dont lie

[Jenniferpl]

What can I say? I have an accepting and supportive wife. She is the one that after many failed attempts, finally got me to admit that I am a cross dresser. We joke about it a lot. We have some ground rules that I have no intentions of breaking. Until recently she never was much into lipstick. Now we both are wearing it out in public, especially her. It has brought us much closer together. All lines of communication seem to be better. I am not allowed to shave my chest but yet in bed my chest hairs tickle her. The solution has been to find variety of female sleepwear for me to use. A solution that works for both of us.

I do think she self-conscious about some of her features. She has no problem if I wear bras under loose fitting tops. However, she does not want to see me running around the house with bigger boobs than hers.

[kymmieLorain]

Well my wife is neather accepting nor not accepting. I have worn skirts and lingerie infront of her. I get no negitive from her so she is more on the accepting side.

Kymmie

[debbeelee1]

Mine is both accepting and encouraging. We have a great time with my CD'ing.

[Katrina red nails]

Initially wasn't happy but tolerated it provided i didn't involve her.
Went shopping with me and even gave me stuff of hers.
As it stands now she is leaving me.
Yep i think changeable covers it!

[gennee]

My wife is accepting that this is a part of me. We have been shopping together several times. She bought a red women's sweater for a Christmas gift. She will buy something (usually panties) for me on occasion.

She won't go out with me when I'm dressed (I can only dream when she will :daydreaming:), but she says my wardrobe is better than hers. I let her wear my stuff. I can't complain.

Gennee

:)

[starbreeze]

My S.O. is almost to accepting. She brags about my shopping skills , my ability to pick her out the best clothes etc. She challenged me to exmine how deep the well was in reguards to my Gender identity. About the only thing she does not do is buy me clothes, probably because I am the shop-a-holic in the family.

I dont think I made her more girly, but I think I made it o.k. for her to be a girl. When we frist met she was a a auto trans design major at CCS in Detroit. She dressed to blend in with all the boys, and most of her highschool friends were grungey dresser who did not want to get noticed. But she got a look at my wardrobe and stole half of it..er all of it... really..now no one can even picture her from the ccs days. s

[SexxxyDJ]

Thanks for the replies. What I am really wondering is that if your SO really takes pride in keeping up her appearance, would it be easier to come out and vice versa if she does not like the upkeep would it be harder to come out?

[Sedona]

Interesting question. I'd say that my wife is about an 8/10 on the girly scale. Always makeup if leaving the house, typically skirts or dresses, likes rom coms and musicals. I told her six months into our four year relationship (got married last year), and it took her probably a year and a half before I considered her accepting. Now, she's cool with my level of CDing (once in a while, around the house, occasional sex while dressed).

[Karren H]

Mine hates my hobby... sigh........

[FlygrlChristy]

Mines not really accepting, more tolerant than anything, and doesn't want any part of seeing me dressed. However since she has become more tolerant, she has taken advantage of the fact that she has a partner that can really, really help her out when it comes to picking out, and helping her put together an outfit. I did that for her a couple of weeks ago, for her nephews wedding, and she was so happy with what I picked for her she told the girls at work about what I did for her, she said the looks on their faces was priceless. So maybe she's starting to see tha advantage of having someone who likes feminine attire, after all it is to her benefit, even if I was looking at stuff for me while she was in the dressing room.:heehee:

Christy

[Davinnia]

My wife goes to work very feminine, often in a skirt but likes trackpants & tshirt at weekends. She's very accepting that CDing is a part of who I am & has bought me nightwear & given me stuff she doesn't wear any more. I've also done the same for her & given her lipsticks I didn't really like the colour of.
We shopped for shoes for me in the sales on the weekend, I needed some sandals & found a pair in my size. I had to go out of the store while she paid for them, so she's wary of anyone guessing they were for me. How the SA would know is anyone's guess, I didn't try them on. It gave me a thrill to shop together. We have the same taste in clothes or rather, I've adopted her taste.
As for the "art of being a woman" ,That would include looking after sick kids & caring for elderly parents whether she feels OK herself or not. Cooking after a hard day at work, lots of housework etc. The art isn't about looking pretty all the time, that's a male myth.

[Satrana]

My wife used to be very girly as a teenager but then she got into a bad marriage and her self-image plummeted. She looked very bland and tomboyish when I first met her but ever since we have been together her interest in femininity has regrown year by year so that she now wears skirts and dresses almost every day and is always asking me about makeup and hair styles. We have a lot of fun together and she is always raiding my wardrobe!

I would say that if your SO was never into the girly scene it would make it much harder for her to empathize with our need to crossdress in order to feel good about ourselves.

[Mollyanne]

when i first told m wife and let her see she said it was cool she liked it and even bought me clothes did my makeup and everything. Three months later she gets rid of my clothes and says its her or dressing up, she bought me more clothes and now says she never wants to see me dresed up again, she doesnt want me to do it at all, now she hates it. she always complains i look better as a woman than she does, and hates that i'm a size 7. i just dont understand

Did you say that you are a size 7???:doh: I hate you too!!!!:Angry3: Not really!!!!

Mollyanne

[crunchysoda]

Ok ok you did not ask for a GG's opinion but youre gunna get it anyway, yea.
I talk more about my bf's CDing than he does, that's his personality, I am trying to deal w/it cuz I have no other choice ha!

First of all my standing on my bf's CDing it's hard to measure because he is afraid to share that side w/me. Sometimes we make lil inside jokes that only *we* know the meaning of but that's about it. It's the elephant in the room that no one talks about. Shhhhh you might wake it!! :eek::heehee:

At first I was in shock, sad, and confused. Im getting better, it doesnt bother me as much, Id say Im basically accepting. If it wasnt my bf Id be totally accepting lol. Just when it's *your man* well thats a whole other ballgame and I hate sports haha.
Let's just say I am trying, and its hard to know exactly what Im dealing w/when he's too afraid to share. Hey I didnt run away screaming right? :heehee:

Ok onto your question, as a woman there is not an "art to being a woman", I am a woman (admittedly though I feel more like a girl than a woman lol, even though I have a child of my own eeppp, Im still growing up).
A woman is not her lipstick, eyeshadow, mascara, heels, skirt, jeans, tshirt, blouse, dress, hair...well you get the picture.
So excuse me for in theory being offended lol, as basically you are saying what makes a woman a woman is how she appears. Again someone missing the whole point really.

You are asking if my acceptance or lack there of had anything to do w/me being "girly" or "womanly" (bleh to both terms)!?!
Meh I seriously doubt it, Id say I am more accepting now since Ive had time to stew in my thoughts and learn and I am no more or no less girly than when I orginally found out.
Am I girly? I cant be at times, but I basically live in bluejeans, I rarely wear skirts or dresses. To wear a skirt around the house or go to the store just seems odd to me and not comfortable.
Maybe if we went clubbing I would but the bf hates to go clubbing, that seems to be a place to meet single people more than anything lol.
I wear makeup but not always, it depends.
So I guess you could say I am somewhere between Sandra D and Rizzo (total Grease reference).

Also, this theory of yours (it's a pretty transparent one) could go both ways if a woman was very into her appearance and making sure to look "feminine" or at least someone's image of feminity, she could easily think you are on her turf and such things are meant only for women.

oh and the worst thing you can do is say you think you look better than your SO or let your SO get away w/saying you look better. Seriously that's just not a smart thing to do. And that's putting it mildly! I could go on but Im so biting my tongue, ouch that hurts <bites it again>.

[RachelDenise]

My SO knows, doesn't want to be part of it nor talk about it. I would say she is a 5/10 on the femme scale. Not tomboyish but not frilly either. She is working hard on her body image so I wonder if that is an issue for Rachel as well. Interesting question.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

Her acceptance goes back and forth - never know where she is on it - frustrates me a lot - she tolerates me some, but deep down, she hates it because she sees it as follows:

1) spend too much time doing it,
2) spend too much money on it,
3) spend way too much time THINKING about it,
4) don't have enough time for her,
5) is jealous of JoAnne,
6) married a man, not a woman
7) etc

JoAnne Wheeler

[Jess_cd32]

My SO says, 'Is this a bad dream, is this really happening'?:sad:
More and more though she (seems) somewhat tolerant but then I realize otherwise when she goes off on a rant:doh:
I've only been out to her though a short time so this can be expected.

Last night she did apologize for some nasty words said the night before, she knows, or at least I let her know there's a line that she can only go so far with hurling insults about me cd-ing, its called respect. I think we'll work thru this however, its just going to take time.

Last time she saw me dressed she said 'wow you look so MASCULINE in a mini and frilly socks' then she :brolleyes: That's my girl:heehee:

[Raya]

I dunno. I'm starting to question how useful words like "accepting" are. I really don't think it's that simple anymore. I think it's more about what works for both of you. I mean, think of all these women:


Once a month, she'll take the kids to grandma's for the weekend so that Daddy can have his "alone time".
She's willing to let "the other woman" have a social life, one that even includes dates with men, so long as she never hears about it.
She's gladly go with her to the bedroom, but she'll never be seen with her at the mall.
She'll happily go on a "girls night out" with her, but she'll refuse to sleep in the same bed with him when they get home.
She'll allow him to shave his armpits, but everything else is out of the question.


They could all be rightfully called accepting--supportive even! They could equally be called intolerant. The difference is in what your crossdressing means to you and what kind of involvement you need from your SO.

For my own part, mine has gone out with me on shopping trips and even picked out clothing and makeup for me. I haven't gone completely en femme yet, so I don't really know how she'll react to seeing that. She knows my goals include going out in public, but we haven't yet talked about how much of that she wants to be a part of. So far, I'd call her "accepting and supportive" of my crossdressing.

[Tasha McIntyre]

Knows all about it but does not want to be involved. I rarely dress completely in front of her as I can see an attitude from her.

I wish she could accept it more, but it is my thing and my thing only. I never dress for her, but at least I don't have to keep it completely hidden.

I keep all my clothes in my closet, don't have to hide them.

That's my wife pretty much to a tee. Things could be better, but also could be a whole lot worse!

Cheers

Tash :)

[Marie O]

My wife is very supportive and accepts it! When she sees my painted nails she comments I'm more girly then she is! She will tell me to cook her dinner, she says if you want to be female that's what they do!

[tricia_uktv]

My SO accepted initially and took me out for my first time and helped buy me my first wig. She then went anti - though that may have been my fault for pushing it too far. So be very, very careful.

[Tamara Croft]

She will tell me to cook her dinner, she says if you want to be female that's what they do!No sweetie, that's you being gullable and falling for that.... :doh: You will find the GG's on this forum would find that rather sexist... so if your wife has said that, she's telling porkies...