CD friendly GG's dating [Archive] - Crossdressers.com - #1 Community & Forum for Crossdressers, Family and Friends

krisinpink

02-01-2009, 01:27 PM

Yours is the million-dollar question.

Here's the deal as I see it:

One could ask the question, How / Where do I go to find a GG who likes a short guy that enjoys fishing? Or, How / Where do I go to find a GG who enjoys theater and gardening, or from the GG perspective, How / Where do I go to find a GM who likes family activities and camping?

I kinda think that every single-person out there seeking a partner asks these questions, and there just isn't a single answer. For what it's worth, my recommendation is to put yourself 'out there' (online dating sites, church groups, rec-league sports, community volunteerism, whatever) and just meet people. Always be yourself, and always try to genuinely listen to possible romantic interests when they cross your path. Don't be shy to invite someone for coffee or a beer, or to grab a slice of pie after the movie.

Now, having said that, all of us in this forum know that CD/TG issues and enjoyments are not widely accepted in our society---certainly not as openly as camping, gardening, fishing etc. For this reason, ours is a road a little more difficult to find. Honesty, openness, and perseverance are our best tools in our search.

Hang in there, know that dispointments will happen, but also that they will pass, and that finding that *someone* can happen if you stay with it, and be open to flexibilty.

:2c: Krissy

sophieuk

02-01-2009, 01:52 PM

wow, reading your post. it was like some thing i would have put on about eight months ago. i too am a father of one. single for years. i even wrote to a uk newspaper problem page with the same sort of question. i spent ages, looking for hat perfect person, one who would love me for who i really am. now, the answer to your question ! here it is, ready. DONT go looking for that perfect gg. she will find you. good tip. BE YOUR SELF AND, this is important, BE THRUTHFUL to her. go out, have fun, go to clubs etc have drinks and meet people. from the start, you will see if a friend ship is possible. then, after a VERY short time, tell her, that, you enjoy wearing clothes like her. i did just this. i met some one. after a couple of dates, i told her all about my self. i wanted for that moment where she would run, but she didnt. she said, because i was truthful from the start, she was ok. Only then could i be my self. now, we are planning to get married in 2010. she has said that if we started seeing each other, then after seven months i told her, she would have not trusted me.
If you tell some one, and they run, then they are not a true friend or possible partner. To say im lucky tohave met tracy is a understatment. i never push any thing. we just have fun with it.
thats the best thing i could say. time will come when you meet some onme, you click, and you can fall in love. it WILL happen, might take time

sophieuk

Tracii G

02-01-2009, 02:24 PM

Just being open about what your hobby is helps a great deal.
I have met several ladies lately and been up front about CDing and they don't have a problem at all.It really shocked me the level of acceptance they have.
We have shopped gone to the movies as two girls out on the town.
The trick is let them make the choice of who they wish to go out with.
I would say it been 50/50 girl/guy mode so far.
The 23 year old GG I went out with last night(in drab)explained to me she was very interested in me over the younger guys because I was a gentelman and treated her as a lady and listened to everything she had to say.
She liked the fact that I could understand the female side of things too.
Just get out and meet folks at the places you like to go.
I have met lots of GG's at the places I buy femme stuff and they always want to talk and see pics.
I have found if you go LOOKING it never happens if you find someone that intrests you comment on her outfit or shoes on how nice she looks in them that breaks the ice so good luck I hope you find someone PE.
Good to see you back on here.

rickie121x

02-01-2009, 02:26 PM

....time will come when you meet some onme, you click, and you can fall in love. it WILL happen, might take time
sophieuk I am happy for you, and hope that all will work as you would hope it will. As I read what you wrote, I was thinking you live in wonderland but I was wrong, it is the UK. (Hehe...)

Actually I know that you are right in what you say - but some of us, well at least me, are not quite so outgoing, having found that through decades of working on doing what you suggest, that the pain of doing that was greater than the pain of being alone.

And I am not only old, a CD, having a BDSM fetish, financially conservative, and only enjoy slim girls age 45 to 58, who do not smoke or drink, and who might enjoy or simply put up with a partner who crossdresses. That's not quite as simple as "Kissinpink" equivocates to the "short guy who likes fishing." Although what she says is all correct, so as with "Sophie."

So far in this short span of 53 years, since I was 21 years old, successful femme contacts have been very far between and very few to begin with.

I do go out, but have given up on ordinary places, the statistical odds are astronomical. I go to kind of kinky gatherings and feel that my chances are significantly better there. That's true with the exception of the age question. In those groupings the females are pretty young - Occasionally I have a "happening". :battingeyelashes: But a finding relationship seems precluded. :straightface:

I thought things would be a lot better after I retired, but it doesn't seem to be that way in "partner hunting."

deja true

02-01-2009, 02:42 PM

It's not likely that on a dating site you're gonna find a woman who is actually looking for a CD. That, hunny, is probably the very furthest thing from their minds.

Women are looking for what we are looking for, a copacetic, polite, smile-inducing, stable person. You gotta meet the ladies first, see if there might be a little chemistry, get a little bonded, so that she knows you're a reasonable, reliable, trustworthy guy...

Then, very early on, if a more serious relationship looks possible, when you're at the stage of trading info about backgrounds and likes and dislikes, it's time to fess up...

Sure, we can easily make lots of GG friends while dressed, especially if we present well and are friendly (rather than lascivicious and look like a stalker), but rarely, I think will any of those accepting ladies ever consider us their Prince Charming, just a new, and slightly exotic friend.

(For most we may fall into the same kind of category as a GG's trusted gay male friends, fun to be with, but not threatening, and probably not husband and father material, straight or not. But that's okay, too,'cos a good way to meet more women is through that woman's circle of friends.)

There was also some discussion a while back about what kind of woman might even consider hooking up with a CD. And a little consensus showed that women in certain fields, who might be more comfortable with the idea might be found in the worlds of the theatre, the arts, music, all fields where a more liberal and open mindset prevails.

Good luck, Candy. It'll be some work, but there are women out there for us. They are the golden needles hidden in the haystack of society.

:)

MissConstrued

02-01-2009, 03:58 PM

But that's okay, too,'cos a good way to meet more women is through that woman's circle of friends.)

Bingo. The more women you meet, the more you'll meet.

sophieuk

02-01-2009, 05:08 PM

silly question, but what is BDSM ???

TxKimberly

02-01-2009, 05:21 PM

Can't add a single thing to what Deja wrote. If my wife unassed me today, that would be exactly what I'd do. Get to know each other first, then share the deep dark secret. lol

Maid Barbara

02-01-2009, 05:48 PM

Hi Sophie,
take a look at this for more info

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BDSM

Barbara

kay2

02-01-2009, 06:05 PM

I have met and dated accepting women without having any difficulty. First off, I am not a full-on CD - no forms nor wig, and only the occasional dab of makeup; just a guy that likes girly things. I normally have my nails very long and polished pink or red, and I wear jewelry. Sometimes I am wearing a skirt when they meet me. The point is, I am me.

Because of my presentation, they ask questions pretty quickly - usually on the first date - sometimes second. Gay? Transitioning? (No. No.) I talk about myself completely openly - it was a bit uncomfortable the first time or two, but pushing through that discomfort, it now makes for an interesting and engaging conversation.

The women I have dated certainly go through a process as we get to know each other - "Is this something I can be comfortable with?" "Has he told me everything?" If we like each other and continue dating it becomes necessary to discuss boundaries such as how I will appear if I meet their family.

So, advice? Be yourself and completely open. If you are wearing something feminine that you like, the topic will come up naturally. More than one woman has said they did not feel one way or the other about how I dress, but that they were strongly attracted to my openness, honesty, and confidence to be me.

After this comes the hard part - finding a woman that I feel I can spend the rest of my life with.:daydreaming:

MsJanessa

02-02-2009, 07:46 AM

depending exactly on what you are look for you might try two web site--urnotalone.com and alt.com

pinkeverything

02-02-2009, 02:35 PM

I was just thinking about women that enjoy a CD'n spouse. Woweee, would that be a lucky score.:daydreaming:

sometimes_miss

02-02-2009, 04:01 PM

Less than one percent of women are truly interested in us. That said, there are still millions of them out there, but there's just no particular way to find them. Best way I came up with would be to place an ad with some of your pics normal and some 'en femme', on one of the huge dating sites, and start writing to every single woman you find attractive. But that only works if you are willing to be 'out', and are able to stand a >99% 'read and deleted' rate of your letters, with no response at all. Outside of that, chances are very slim indeed of ever finding anyone who's really alright with the crossdressing, that you also find attractive. I guess you could befriend a gay woman and ask her to take her with you to her gay bar, and hope to meet a bisexual woman who might be interested in you, but usually those are interested in masculine men and feminine women too, so that's a limited resource as well. The big stumbling block is whether to be 'out' or not. Let's face it, women are generally attracted to masculine guys. Wearing what we do simply destroys that image for them, pretty much permanently. So far, it seems our choices usually involve staying in the closet and dating without telling about the Cd'ing, or remain alone. Unless of course you want to date guys; there are plenty of them interested in CD'ers out there. But that isn't an option for most of us. If by any chance anyone locates a club where there are women who like crossdressers, let me know. So far, I don't think they exist.

MissConstrued

02-02-2009, 10:34 PM

Less than one percent of women are truly interested in us.

What a great big heap of steaming optimism you are!

Speak for yourself. Of the girls I've dated, about half are okay with crossdressing, and the other half enthusiastic.

In the last several months, what started as making just a few new friends has resulted in making a lot more -- and meeting literally dozens of women. Among those, I've run across ONE who's turned off. But that one is a too young for my taste, and a little on the promiscuous side anyway. Some of them I've met "en femme," and some in guy mode. Doesn't matter.

Saturday night, I was out at the bar, doing karaoke & such. Complete guy mode, but I did opt for a little eyeliner. I had three females flirting like mad, two of them I showed pictures of me dressed (to some ooh-la-las), and one tried to drag me home. That one might have been fun, but as her boyfriend was there, and I had ridden with someone else myself, it was unavoidably out of the question. Ah well. Maybe I'll call her.

Another night, I told a girl I liked her shoes, wanted them, and wanted to know where she got them. It led to a date. Not just with her, but with her rather fetching friend, too. I'm not sure what kind of friends they are... :heehee: ...but maybe I'll let you know later this week....

I don't think I'm the fluke here. You are.

Let's face it, women are generally attracted to masculine guys.

Now that's true. But where your thinking strays is in what you think "masculine" means. Masculine isn't what you wear, or how hirsute you are. Masculine is your attitude. It's your confidence, your skills, your carriage, your strength, your courage, your protective nature.

Whether or not you dress in women's clothing is not at issue here. Rather, it's what kind of man are you -- inside? It's not like you can just put on a man suit. You need a spine. For attracting females, a man suit is optional. A spine is not.

I don't know you. I don't know what you're like, how old you are, what you look like. But, at the risk of sounding like a jerk, I have to say this. Your problem isn't in your wardrobe. It's in your head.

mykhelee

02-02-2009, 10:47 PM

I went four years without finding a GG that was able to handle my proclivity for feminine finery, then my roomate invited a gf of her's over for movie night, we hit it off. I came clean about everything on our first date to give her the chance to run away. We have spent the last three wekkends together and things are going great. It can be a long hard lonely road, keep socailizing and don't be afraid to let some of your gfs in on the secret so as to be able to help you out with your seeking. If you are entirely in the closet then you may end up trapping yourself within it.
Peace,
Khelli

docrobbysherry

02-03-2009, 12:50 AM

How do I attempt to date after many years of not dating? How do I find a GG that is interested in a cross dressing father of one?

Even the pay sites don't seem to have much in the way of GG's that are interested in cross dressers in my area.
Candy

I think others have written here about thinking u won't find a GG becoming a sort of selfullfilling prophecy! NOT coming out rite away, and just meeting as many GGs as u can in your everyday life, sounds like good advice on the surface!

However, there is a downside to spending your all your CD time in a closet! Specially if U CD a lot. U mite end up with your female alter ego, as your most attractive fem partner option!:eek:

JoAnne Wheeler

02-03-2009, 09:18 AM

If you advertise that you are a CDer that is looking for a GG for marriage, it is doubtful that you will ever find one

JoAnne Wheeler

pinkeverything

02-03-2009, 12:32 PM

However, there is a downside to spending your all your CD time in a closet! Specially if U CD a lot. U mite end up with your female alter ego, as your most attractive fem partner option!:eek:

I've been thinking about this. At least I wouldn't be lonely.:D

Lorileah

02-03-2009, 01:27 PM

What a great big heap of steaming optimism you are!

Speak for yourself. Of the girls I've dated, about half are okay with crossdressing, and the other half enthusiastic.

In the last several months, what started as making just a few new friends has resulted in making a lot more -- and meeting literally dozens of women. Among those, I've run across ONE who's turned off. But that one is a too young for my taste, and a little on the promiscuous side anyway. Some of them I've met "en femme," and some in guy mode. Doesn't matter.

Saturday night, I was out at the bar, doing karaoke & such. Complete guy mode, but I did opt for a little eyeliner. I had three females flirting like mad, two of them I showed pictures of me dressed (to some ooh-la-las), and one tried to drag me home. That one might have been fun, but as her boyfriend was there, and I had ridden with someone else myself, it was unavoidably out of the question. Ah well. Maybe I'll call her.

Another night, I told a girl I liked her shoes, wanted them, and wanted to know where she got them. It led to a date. Not just with her, but with her rather fetching friend, too. I'm not sure what kind of friends they are... :heehee: ...but maybe I'll let you know later this week....

I don't think I'm the fluke here. You are.

Now that's true. But where your thinking strays is in what you think "masculine" means. Masculine isn't what you wear, or how hirsute you are. Masculine is your attitude. It's your confidence, your skills, your carriage, your strength, your courage, your protective nature.

Whether or not you dress in women's clothing is not at issue here. Rather, it's what kind of man are you -- inside? It's not like you can just put on a man suit. You need a spine. For attracting females, a man suit is optional. A spine is not.

I don't know you. I don't know what you're like, how old you are, what you look like. But, at the risk of sounding like a jerk, I have to say this. Your problem isn't in your wardrobe. It's in your head.
Yeah but hon you are in wonderful Denver CO :)

I have met girls online and in real life. Before I get too serious I always show them Lori in pictures. I have not met any yey who made that a deal breaker. However two at once? Miss I gotta hang with you :) But I would be the ugly GF who would just drag you down

hskrchic

02-03-2009, 10:29 PM

My advice is just be patient the girl of your dreams will come along. I would have never dreamed that I would enjoy a crossdressing bf but I met a great guy. We met almost 2 years ago on myspace. He told me about his dressing very early in our relationship and it didn't bother me because I'm very non-judgemental. But the longer we have been together the more I find myself enjoying every minute of it....I love to do his makeup, pick out and/or buy clothes & shoes. We have gone out several times and each time is better and better. Just go for it....just be take things slow with anyone you meet, you never know what might happen.

melissacd

02-03-2009, 10:45 PM

The key is to get out there and socialize a lot, use every way that you can find to meet others and be up front about your cross dressing as early as possible. There are many women out there who will accept this, far more than I ever imagined.

It is relatively easy to find GGs who are okay with this so long as they like you as a person. The next step is to find someone whom you are compatible with in other ways too. Having someone who accepts your cross dressing is not enough.

In the end though the most important thing is to know yourself, be true to who you are and share that truth with others so that they can relate to you from a position of knowledge.

pinkeverything

02-13-2009, 11:23 AM

Michelia

02-13-2009, 12:03 PM

I'm not sure how to get out there. I'm not really a bar guy. At 37 years old, I'm basically clueless about meeting women my age, and terrified about meeting a good one and trying to bring her into my little world.

The keyboard player that I play with is in love with me. She knows everything. Musically, we get along perfectly. Actually, we have a darn good time together. Sometimes, when it's just the 2 of us playing music, I wear girls jeans and shirts and she is totally cool with it. I just don't find her sexually attractive.

I gotta get out there.

I said the same thing about my current SO and my arrogant plan was to be friends because I did not even want to be seen with her.

Now she is the best thing that ever happened to me. She is the sexiest thing on the planet, and her looks have nothing to do with it. And you can read anything you want into this statement and more, and chances are it will be true! The bottom line is this: I have had some gorgeous sexy women in my life - yeah it was never easy for me, do not get me wrong - I am very persistent. None come close to my SO in the loving department compatibility scale. Cding or not. Just add Cding to the mix.

Jeezum! Us men! If we can only change our mindset a little here. Women select men through many different criteria and are willling to put looks aside. Some don't and often pay the price. The same applies to us. Be more like a woman. Do not focus so much on looks and you just might find that perfect mate. She will be sexy if you let her love you.

I say you are in left field my friend, if you want me to be honest. No offense meant. Just trying to wake you up.

And I am now editing the post to add this:

I wish I could make music together with my SO like you could!

And on top of this, this woman is in love with you! You should not even have posted this thread! Move before it is too late. You may regret it the rest of your life.

Prissy Linda

02-13-2009, 12:15 PM

What a great big heap of steaming optimism you are!

Speak for yourself. Of the girls I've dated, about half are okay with crossdressing, and the other half enthusiastic.

In the last several months, what started as making just a few new friends has resulted in making a lot more -- and meeting literally dozens of women. Among those, I've run across ONE who's turned off. But that one is a too young for my taste, and a little on the promiscuous side anyway. Some of them I've met "en femme," and some in guy mode. Doesn't matter.

Saturday night, I was out at the bar, doing karaoke & such. Complete guy mode, but I did opt for a little eyeliner. I had three females flirting like mad, two of them I showed pictures of me dressed (to some ooh-la-las), and one tried to drag me home. That one might have been fun, but as her boyfriend was there, and I had ridden with someone else myself, it was unavoidably out of the question. Ah well. Maybe I'll call her.

Another night, I told a girl I liked her shoes, wanted them, and wanted to know where she got them. It led to a date. Not just with her, but with her rather fetching friend, too. I'm not sure what kind of friends they are... :heehee: ...but maybe I'll let you know later this week....

I don't think I'm the fluke here. You are.

Now that's true. But where your thinking strays is in what you think "masculine" means. Masculine isn't what you wear, or how hirsute you are. Masculine is your attitude. It's your confidence, your skills, your carriage, your strength, your courage, your protective nature.

Whether or not you dress in women's clothing is not at issue here. Rather, it's what kind of man are you -- inside? It's not like you can just put on a man suit. You need a spine. For attracting females, a man suit is optional. A spine is not.

I don't know you. I don't know what you're like, how old you are, what you look like. But, at the risk of sounding like a jerk, I have to say this. Your problem isn't in your wardrobe. It's in your head.

I have to agree completely, I am married to a very accepting and supportive woman so some of you will ask what do I know about finding accepting GG's. I know a few women who know about my feminine side and don't have a problem with it, sure some of them might think of me as just one of the girls or not a threat because i'm married or they think I might be gay but some have said they wish they could find a guy like me because I know who I am. Please don't take this statement as meaning that I think I have all the answers cause I don't by any means. So I've asked them if it would bother them if a guy who dresses like a woman would be a turnoff, Ok, all of them said that it would not be high on their list of priorities they look for (yes they giggled) but if the guy is a decent, well mannered, HONEST man who is strong in his values they might consider it.

Like MissConstrued said, "it's in your head" You have to have confidence in who you are, don't hide the fact that you have a feminine side but don't everwhelm them with it either.

MissConstrued

02-13-2009, 12:20 PM

The keyboard player that I play with is in love with me. She knows everything. Musically, we get along perfectly. Actually, we have a darn good time together. Sometimes, when it's just the 2 of us playing music, I wear girls jeans and shirts and she is totally cool with it. I just don't find her sexually attractive.

How do you define sexual attraction? Popping wood on first sight? Because that sort of instant attraction won't last long with anyone. Finding a hot chick to boink is easy, but finding a soulmate, partner, friend... that's the hard part.

It sounds like you have plenty of mental attraction with this girl. Perhaps you might read up on how much of sex is in your head. If she's that ugly, just turn the lights off. :eek: But seriously, I don't think I'm the only one here who will tell you some of the best sex of their lives was with someone they didn't find visually appealing.

And you already make music together.... :battingeyelashes: :hugs:

pinkeverything

02-13-2009, 03:09 PM

I guess I should have gone a bit further. While I do have a great musical partner, and she is brilliant and attractive, she has been extremely dishonest with me in the past in attempts to get me into bed with her.

That is what causes me the difficulty in entering a sexual relationship with her. So, I just accept what has happened and continue to make music with her, which is very rewarding. Much more-so than sex. And while she is attractive, it is not at all a sexual attraction for me.

I value music at this point in my life, and I have that with her, so.....in regards to dating, It'll have to be someone else, I think.

Aaron Zwidling

02-13-2009, 03:57 PM

I have to agree with what seems to be the general consensus. Find a GG who you like, not specifically one who likes CDers. Once you find someone you like and the relationship starts to get more serious tell her about your 'hobby'.

That is exactly what I did with my wife, and it has certainly worked for me. I made it clear when I first told her that while it was something I liked doing, that didn't mean she was forced to participate. She certainly wasn't looking for a CDer when we met, so I let her get used to the idea at her own speed.. Now many years later she regularly puts a bra on me before or during sex. It is not because she wants me wearing a bra, but because she knows I like it. She figures it is only clothes and it doesn't hurt anyone, so being able to do something that makes me happy then makes her happy.

sometimes_miss

02-13-2009, 09:35 PM

Some of this stuff is hilarious.

DONT go looking for that perfect gg. she will find you.
Right. I've been asked out by a woman once, exactly once, in my entire life. Waiting for a woman to find me, I'll be dead and buried first.

It's not likely that on a dating site you're gonna find a woman who is actually looking for a CD
O.K., I'll bite. Where do they look? I mean, this is the age of google. A quick search would turn up this and other crossdresser sites for her in an instant. All other things being equal, the same percentage of single women who are interested in guys who CD in the general population would be represented among the millions on, say, match or POF. Or are we to assume that for a woman, being interested in crossdressers means she lives as a hermit in a cave somewhere and has no access to modern communicative tools?

Speak for yourself. Of the girls I've dated, about half are okay with crossdressing, and the other half enthusiastic. So, you have found women to be 100% accepting of crossdressing. Sorry, but that doesn't wash. I don't think anyone here at all would believe that all women are just fine with crossdressing. Yes, if you go out with some obvious female things about you, such as make up, female clothing articles, or heels, you might locate the few women out there who find it interesting. But not everyone wants to be 'out'. Whether you want to acknowledge it or not, there are plenty of people who don't want us around.

If you advertise that you are a CDer that is looking for a GG for marriage, it is doubtful that you will ever find one
Now that is as close to reality as you're gonna get.

I have not met any who made that a deal breaker.
Again, none? They all love it? Really? Amazing. They must have a private club somewhere, and never come out into the real world.

I have to agree completely, I am married to a very accepting and supportive woman so some of you will ask what do I know about finding accepting GG's. I know a few women who know about my feminine side and don't have a problem with it, sure some of them might think of me as just one of the girls or not a threat because i'm married or they think I might be gay but some have said they wish they could find a guy like me because I know who I am. So I've asked them if it would bother them if a guy who dresses like a woman would be a turnoff, Ok, all of them said that it would not be high on their list of priorities they look for (yes they giggled) but if the guy is a decent, well mannered, HONEST man who is strong in his values they might consider it.
Yes, and there are plenty of women who have no problem with gay men either, and some love to have them as friends. Doesn't mean those women want to date those men. And, that's where the division lies. Sure, they'd 'consider it'. But I think they were just telling you what they thought you wanted to hear. Women tend to do that with people.

It sounds like you have plenty of mental attraction with this girl. Perhaps you might read up on how much of sex is in your head. If she's that ugly, just turn the lights off. But seriously, I don't think I'm the only one here who will tell you some of the best sex of their lives was with someone they didn't find visually appealing.
I've never been able to get it up with a woman who I found physically repulsive, no matter how nice they were, and I've made several attempts at this. Sure, you can always close your eyes and think about someone else or put a bag over her head, but I don't think that's something I would like to do. And how do you answer honestly when they want to know how they look? Lie all the time???

While I congratulate those of you who have found a female SO, you are a very small minority. There are millions of us out here, and most of us are single. And as above, if there were all those women who don't find it to be a deal breaker, we'd all be in a relationship with someone by now. I've run identical ads on personal sites, one that mentions the crossdressing, one that does not. The one that mentions the crossdressing usually gets zero hits other than prostitutes and guys. The other ad gets numerous responses. I'm not an unattractive guy; I make good money, looks, well, I'm a six or a seven (and that's from other people, not my own evaluation), basically I'm pretty much an average person other than being tall (which is something that works in my favor, usually). I do go out on dates, but in carefully asking about how the woman feels about guys who crossdress, I haven't met anyone who would date us. The response I usually get is along the lines of the Seinfeld show's 'not that there's anything wrong with that' as their eyes roll towards the ceiling when I bring up any transgender discussion, usually in reference to someone else at work or one of our sales reps or customers. In fact, one of the most common responses is 'Eeeewwwww, I don't think so', when I ask if they ever dated someone like that. And that, my friends, pretty much says it all.

Sedona

02-13-2009, 10:29 PM

silly question, but what is BDSM ???

Sophie,

Bondage and Sado-Masochism. Basically, the kinky stuff with leather and stuff.

About the question: I agree with the girls who advocate looking for a compatible female first. Meet, fall in love, then (don't wait too long), let her know about your CDing activities in a respectful manner. You'll be fine.

SometimesMiss---Just read your post. I sympathize completely. With past girlfriends, I've always mentioned the CDing thing, just as a feeler. The response is ALWAYS (well, except once), some sort of Ewwww! My wife, who I married after four years of dating, is probably as conservative as I'd ever been with. But, we were in love when I told her after six months. It took a while, but she accepts my CDing (it's not full blown, just occasional). Make the connection first, then bring up the CDing.

Magickman

02-14-2009, 12:32 AM

Time and again, reading in this forum, the stories recur of romance or marriage dashed upon the rocky shores of Crossdressylvania.

He finally fesses up, or she catches him, or he gets ratted out, and she gets mad, leaves, wants a divorce, or something similar.

The discovery, by women, of their partner's dressing up is such an unpleasant event. Tough for everyone involved. So, as an against the current swimmer, my strategy is different.

I dress according to my mood and inclination, when I feel like it. Sometimes jeans. Sometimes a skirt. Tennies or heels. Always polished nails. Usually hoop earrings.

For some odd and unknown reason, women are more attracted to me, when I am dressed up. They seem to love it and approach me all the time, especially compared to when I am in ordinary clothes.

Unwilling to fight success, I regularly dress up socially.

Thus, I have no secret, and no fear of exposure. I like it that way.

Marissa

02-14-2009, 12:44 AM

I'm not sure how to get out there. I'm not really a bar guy. At 37 years old, I'm basically clueless about meeting women my age, and terrified about meeting a good one and trying to bring her into my little world.

The keyboard player that I play with is in love with me. She knows everything. Musically, we get along perfectly. Actually, we have a darn good time together. Sometimes, when it's just the 2 of us playing music, I wear girls jeans and shirts and she is totally cool with it. I just don't find her sexually attractive.

I gotta get out there.

I can agree with your feelings as some of us are unsure about venturing out to tackle the world in our own revelations.. what are we looking for? who do we want? a man ? a woman? or???

anyway, i do want a woman who is understandable to my needs..and yes i'll be understandable to hers.. as a man or as a woman giving as both woman and man.. not sure if that makes sense..anyway..

maybe your friend is who you should see as more..and explore.. maybe you will find out that she is just a friend..maybe that is what she will see in you.. and then help you explore the rest..like finding THE woman for you..

she cares about you and understands you.. maybe you should give her a chance to be that person you need..and in time..maybe you both agree, its just friends..then she will help you the rest of the way..

your very lucky to have someone who sees you for you..

good luck..

Ms Cassey..

MissConstrued

02-14-2009, 01:18 PM

So, you have found women to be 100% accepting of crossdressing. Sorry, but that doesn't wash. I don't think anyone here at all would believe that all women are just fine with crossdressing. Yes, if you go out with some obvious female things about you, such as make up, female clothing articles, or heels, you might locate the few women out there who find it interesting. But not everyone wants to be 'out'. Whether you want to acknowledge it or not, there are plenty of people who don't want us around.

Can't you read? I said, 100% of the women I've dated.

As I've described in earlier posts, I don't usually tell them right away. The first clue is that I have no body hair... and by then, it's too late... haha!

Now, I've adopted a slightly different strategy, just for fun. I wear makeup going out in guy mode. Women come chase me. That being the case, it's a safe bet they're cool with it.

I could throw in a few entertaining stories, but you'd think I was making it all up, because you're so firmly convinced in your own head that no one wants anything to do with you. And that's exactly why they don't. I'm gonna tell you again -- you need to adjust your attitude. As long as you think you're a loser, so will everyone else. Why would they disagree? You know you better than they do!

Either that, or you give off some kind of perv/molester vibe, and I can't help with that.

Bev06 GG

02-14-2009, 01:46 PM

Sophie,

About the question: I agree with the girls who advocate looking for a compatible female first. Meet, fall in love, then (don't wait too long), let her know about your CDing activities in a respectful manner. You'll be fine.

.
Mmm good advice. My fella told me after a couple of months of us getting together. I had really fallen for him by then cause we'd known each other some time before hand and I thought he was just wonderful.

I really dont know what I'd have done if he'd have blurted it out before we fell in love. I think my already knowing him and getting to trust that he was a decent human being made me realise that if he had a hobby like CDing then it couldn't be that wierd. (although Ive been tested in this area from time to time)

The first few weeks, months of any relationship is about getting to know and trust your mate so too much information too soon could put the mockers on things. I am assured that there are women out there who do actively seek CDs and I have met a few who say that it really turns them on. I however am turned on by the man I fell in love with and accept his CDing as another facet of his personality. Something that we have learnt together to get the best out of and enjoy as a partnership. I couldn't really admit hand on heart that it turns me on, but he does so thats good enough for me.

That said I have to admit the CDing has caused us a few uphill struggles. Like a lot of you there is more to his personality than just dressing and I used to get tired and frightened at the amount of other CDs and Doms who have in the past tried their best to encourage him to experiment with his sexuality. However, thats another story and for the sake of our relationship he has closed the door to that side of it.
Take care
Bev

Marjory

02-14-2009, 02:03 PM

Bev06 GG

02-14-2009, 04:15 PM

I regularly go to the gym. I'm happily married but, I see women there who would date you no matter what... I think. Many women above say 45 would be happy to date anyone crossdresser or not. I think they might draw the line at axe murderer.

Awww Marjory,
What are you saying. Are you inferring that women over 45 are desperate.
Hope not honey cause honestly I dont think your right there
Bev

Cary

02-14-2009, 05:37 PM

I have alot of things that deal breakers for GGs.

1. I'm disabled.
2. I'm a closet CDer with a fitish for pantyhose.
3. I think I'm alittle OCD.
4. Been hurt so many times, I have trust issues.
5. Needy family.
6. Only seem to attract the undesireable(crazy, druggie, alocoholic, etc.)
7. Just told by a very attractive co-worker via email that eventhough we have great chemistry, she's not that in to me.(avoided telling me to my face eventhough we spend most of our work day in deep face to face conversations and she asked me out)! Go figure!
8. ETC.....

Even with all this, I still feel that GG is out there for me. I just need to live my life and stop looking.

Marjory

02-14-2009, 06:07 PM

Awww Marjory,
What are you saying. Are you inferring that women over 45 are desperate.
Hope not honey cause honestly I dont think your right there
Bev

I didn't say all women, I said at my gym. Many are not there for the exercise and the appear to above the age of 45. Some of them are quite open about being available. This is southern CA, specifically Orange County, anything goes.

PaulaSF

02-14-2009, 07:08 PM

My :2c:

I've been married twice, both times they knew right out of the gate: i.e. I was fully shaven, and only wore thongs, so first round of intimacy got it right out there, in the open...

First wife, it turned, took me on "as a project" amongst other aspects of our connection, and tried to fix/cure me of my femme side, and we all know where that ends up!

Second wife is older then I am, and do think there's a correlation between older women being more accepting of percieved "defects" given you're otherwise a "good catch" and provider (and these days, "cougars" are kind of a fad/trend!). She spent most of her career in high-end retail fashion, so a bit like having one's own personal shopper, image consultant! Tho she does prefer I not spend too much, and tough to "pull the wool" over her eyes, due to her fashion savvy!

As to "mechanics" of meeting gals to date: Do something you already enjoy doing! Met wife #1 at a Learning Annex Class, wife #2 thru the SF Ski CLub (a singles ski club). A music school/society might be an option, given your stated interests. Most universities/colleges have various extension classes, so those might be of interest. On-line groups like Linked Up, or meetup (think I've got those names right), and here in the Bay Area, there was a group "Meeting for Good" where singles did volunteer work, and then mingeled afterwards.

Back when I was in the service, the "scam" for finding young gals to date, was thru going to church, but think that's a bit hypocritical if you weren't otherwise interested in that church's services!

lynette135

02-14-2009, 07:17 PM

How do I attempt to date after many years of not dating? How do I find a GG that is interested in a cross dressing father of one?

Even the pay sites don't seem to have much in the way of GG's that are interested in cross dressers in my area.

Candy
Ok Here you go for some reason No One has ever said they play on a site that is Called
Tagged.com
Im one of there best taggers you may find me there even though Im not into males But more tg cd and others in there are Bi females and I have so many gal pals on there makes me wanna sorta
Go blind with so many ladies tagging this Tg Lynette !
Have Ball or what ever makes you smile !
Love to all my sisters here on cd.com
Tag Your it !

Nicole Erin

02-14-2009, 08:47 PM

In sometimes miss's defense, I will say that yes, a lot of CD/TS do tend to think everyone will hate them. Some in society still act like we're some disease or big joke, what are we suppose to expect?

On occasion I have met women who seemed somehow attracted to my femme side. Some sexually I guess. Thing is, when I find that happening, my first thought is always - "Can't this woman get a "real" man instead of having to chase someone like me?" The words "fag hag" come to mind. Maybe they got beaten up too many times by their "Bad boy" lovers before?

I regularly go to the gym. I'm happily married but, I see women there who would date you no matter what... I think. Many women above say 45 would be happy to date anyone crossdresser or not. I think they might draw the line at axe murderer.
One good thing about older women is it is way less likely they will have school-age brats living at home, or if they do live at home, they are usually at least old enough to not need constant attention like younger children.

Men are not attracted to "maturity" or women who have bratty-ass kids.
Women are not attracted to poor men or gender variant men.

How fair the world is

sarahNZ

02-15-2009, 06:05 AM

And I am not only old, a CD, having a BDSM fetish, financially conservative, and only enjoy slim girls ."

when you find such a girl can you ask if she has a younger sister?:love:

this is sertainly a question that I have been asking for a while now, so thank you for getting it out here. now that I have learned what it is all about (thank you Deja and all that have had a say) I can get back on that horse myself.:hugs:

Chrissy be good

02-15-2009, 09:53 AM

As a single person and a CD ,,,,,I find you just got to get out there and meet some People . Shop ,,,,,,talk to the shop assistants and become friends .
Get makeup and become friends . Lots of times the first step is in becoming friends first

Jean Ann
After a bad break up with a longtime girlfriend I started dressing more. I would go to the same places and evebtually became friendly with a few SA, and when one found out I wasn't gay, she asked me out and we dated for a few months. I agre that if you go looking for it, its much harder than just going about your daily routines and being friendly.

pinkeverything

02-15-2009, 10:20 AM

I'd really just like to be with the mother of my child. It's been very difficult, though. I'm thinking of just being the very best guy I can be and see if it will work. She has been extremely insensitive and cruel over the years, but since she's been armed with the cross dressing, it has been unbearable. Last night she said she was sorry and actually enjoyed it as long as it wasn't too often. I think I'm gonna run with that one for a bit.

Alice Torn

02-16-2009, 02:13 AM

54, only had a few semi- serious relationships, hundreds of painful rejections, losing to other guys. I went to a number of weddings of ggs i dated and lost. I go to a singles dance, for 10 yrs, and only a few dates, in thjat time. GGs over 45, and I see none who want to go out. They will dance, yes, and talk some there, but the ones i know, seem to want no part of dating most of the men. The competition thing, has been a hassle all mt adult life. There always comes another guy, to compete, and win the gg over! It has never ceased to amaze me, that there are so many men competing for too few single ggs!!! Some of us come from very destructive, dysfunctional parents, and families, were given very negative examples, and no clue about relationships! Major deficits, and loner ways, make it a whole lot more painful, and challenging, to start positive communicating with a gg, who doesn't understand the difficulty such men struggle with, and confidence is extremely hard to have for, some of us. I have had personals- both as a guy seeking gal, and have had myself as CD. There are many guys answering my ad as CD, wanting to meet! Very few ggs answer my guy seeking gal ads! Why should i be surprised!? I will keep going to the dance, still hoping against hope. Someone told me, that I, and others, were never meant to have mates, or marriage! That may well be true, but it hurts bigtime, like an anvil dropped on your chest!

Sarah_GG

02-16-2009, 02:46 AM

MlleErin said:

One good thing about older women is it is way less likely they will have school-age brats living at home, or if they do live at home, they are usually at least old enough to not need constant attention like younger children.

One would like to think it worked both ways. Having spent the whole weekend (and this week coming since it's half-term) picking up after and cooking for his school-age (18 year old) brats I'm beginning to have second thoughts. As an "older" woman I've got my offspring safely and fully equipped off to university. My SOs guilt has meant he can't say "no" to his kids and as a result they're lazy and over-indulged.

JoannaCaroline

02-16-2009, 09:37 AM

Most of what I would say has been said. I've been married for 5 years to a very accepting GG. She knew I was TG on our first meeting and saw pictures on our first date. I was dressed as a boi in both cases. I've told everyone I've dated since my early 20's (early 90's). Only one rejected me for it and she was very nice about it. We were even good friends afterward.

That all being said, I would say I've always met accepting women, because that was what I was looking for and the only type of woman I would date. If you go looking for a girlfriend or a wife at your local church, your odds are probably a lot slimmer than if you go looking at the BDSM meeting. Also if you're living in the suburbs in the bible belt, you may want to look outside your normal circle of friends for people to date. Where would you expect open-minded women to be? Church? gay club? Aids benefit? Opera? The last two are the best bets, although I did meet one girl I dated briefly at a gay club.

Look for open-minded people to befriend and socialize with. If your prospective dates or friends, are homophobic, bigoted, racist, overtly religious, or generally close-minded then they are probably not the good candidate for an accepting girlfriend or wife or friend.

If they were open minded and liked me, they either really liked my TG side or at least accepted it.

sometimes_miss

02-16-2009, 12:45 PM

MissConstrued wrote:
Can't you read? I said, 100% of the women I've dated.
Whoops. Sorry. My misinterpretation. I get like that sometimes when I'm way tired.

I could throw in a few entertaining stories, but you'd think I was making it all up

No, everyone has different experiences. I think if you're willing to out yourself, yes, you will come across some women who are curious (not all of them hate us, even the statistics reveal there are about a million of them in the U.S. alone who might be interested in a crossdresser), and perhaps some who are truly open to a relationship after knowing us. But I spent my whole childhood being an outcast, teased by almost everyone, and it's had the effect of making me avoid anything that could precipitate that experience again. So, I'm perhaps more careful than most to avoid being outed. And in the past ten years, the lack of any interest by GG's out there really makes a statement to me. After all, I'm not asking any to share the Cd'ing; just accept that I do it, and that it's not ever going to go away, and there will be sometimes I need to do it. Also, we have to be realistic about how we look. Picture a pro football lineman in drag. That's how I look. Never gonna be even remotely anything other than a great big guy in a dress. There's no way I could appear cute, pretty or feminine, and I kind of get the feeling that if a woman was into it, she'd probably want us to be somewhat pretty when dressed up, and that's something I don't think I can manage. Bad attitude? Hmmm, maybe. But I think I have to stay realistic with my expectations. After all, no matter how good I might like to believe I am, I'll never play in a pro all star game either. Not even close.

Either that, or you give off some kind of perv/molester vibe
I kind of doubt it. I can get dates, but no one that's 'CD friendly' so far, so I just don't pursue it.

MissConstrued

02-16-2009, 02:56 PM

But I spent my whole childhood being an outcast, teased by almost everyone, and it's had the effect of making me avoid anything that could precipitate that experience again. So, I'm perhaps more careful than most to avoid being outed.

Join the club! I was always the class nerd. I got skipped a grade in elementary, so I got class runt added on. Then along comes puberty, and I get some nice man-boobs to go with the whole nerdy, scrawny package. You think you're the only one who's had it rough? I too dealt with years of studiously avoiding embarrassment.

Now here's where we differ, you and I. I got sick of my social phobias. I decided I wasn't going to let them rule my life. Singing karaoke turned out to be a good way to conquer that fear. The first time, I almost freaked out or fainted -- don't know which. But I got up there again. And again. Now I still can't sing worth a crap, but I no longer fear making an ass of myself in front of a crowd.

Sit down and think about this -- you are an adult. You say you're built like a jock. What do you really care about being made fun of? Does it affect your life in any way?

I say no.

But what does affect your life is fear. The fact that you might get in a car wreck won't keep you from going to the store. But fear of a wreck might. Fear is the most powerful human emotion. It can cause everything from paralysis to the most vile crimes you can imagine. How many Russians did Stalin kill, and why? Fear of losing his power.

Try this: think of something you've always been afraid to do. I don't care if it's roller coasters, skydiving, driving in the rain, or spiders. Pick one and conquer it. Then tell us about it. In fact, don't reply again in this thread until you do. Every post is about how bad your life sucks, and it's not going to change as long as you're negative about it. It's time you get out of your own way.